My Faith Journey

For most of my young life, church played a role. I went to Sunday School as a kid, and joined the youth group as I got older. But I my faith didn't play a large role in my life. Junior high was a very hard time for me. As most people know, everyone in junior high wants to be exactly the same as the most popular people, but that's never possible. I was the traditional smart, nerdy, quiet type that you find in teen movies. I never felt comfortable with the popular crowd, and I was always shocked when they remembered my name. They saw me as the "smart girl" and whenever possible, they used me to copy their homework from or to give them the answers on tests, and I let them. This lead me to feel worthless, and by the start of 8th grade, I was bordering on depression and considering suicide. The only hope that I could see was that my parents were considering removing me from public school and sending me to a Catholic high school. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't seriously consider suicide until after I got to my new school and all of my options seemed exhausted.
   I started at Kellenberg Memorial High School in September of 1998, and almost immediately, life began to get better. I found a group of friends that liked me for who I was, and I became happier with myself. But the turning point of my faith was my sophomore year. At Kellenberg, each homeroom has a retreat each year. Now, the sophmore retreat was legendary for having people return to school at the end of the day as a crying, weeping mess, but no one knew what was causing all of this until they had their own retreat. On the day of my retreat, I and the rest of my homeroom wondered what was in store for us, and we were disappointed to find that the retreat leader saved the best for last. After a day of prayer, self-examination and fun, we were lead into the school chapel where the retreat leader lead us through a guided meditation. During the meditation, we saw ourselves walking through a town, meeting a family member who introduces us to Jesus, and then walking up a mountain with Him. Toward the end of the meditation, I was alone with Jesus on the mountaintop, and we exchanged gifts. I gave Him my heart and He gave me the promise that He would never leave me. Leaving the retreat that day, I was one of many in my homeroom who returned to school with tears in their eyes, but for me, these were tears of joy.
   I continued to grow in my faith that year, but I was still a spiritual infant. I took on a leadership role in my church youth group and got involved with Long Island Youth for Christ (LIYFC) and their teen hotline Tel-A-Teen. While answering phones, I was able to serve others, and while not answering phones, I was able to talk with my youth leader, Ms. Martin, about my growing faith. Although I was growing in my faith, I found it difficult to show my faith at school. None of my friends were strong Christians, and I often felt like I was on this journey alone, with just me and God.
   That following summer, another major point of growth occurred. I, along with 20 other people from LIYFC went to an evangelism conference called DCLA 2000. There were youth groups from across the country totalling about 20,000 people. It was amazing fun; there were concerts by Christian bands like Jars of Clay, Supertones, Steven Curtis Chapman, Out of Eden, and Jennifer Knapp, as well as great speakers and evangelists. This conference really gave me the feeling that I wasn't alone in my faith, and the confidence to share the Gospel with others.
   Junior year of high school was a high point in my faith. I really began to study the Word and prayer, and I continued to grow. But toward the end of my junior year, a series of events occurred that caused me to stop in my tracks. I was inflicted with Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome, a disease which causes non-stop vomiting and nausea. I was hospitalized twice that summer and had a feeding tube inserted in my nose. Some people draw closer to God during their times of trouble, but I ran away. I wondered why He had done this to me, and I became angry with Him. After regaining my health and starting my senior year of high school, I kept my back turned on God. I attempted to appear as if I still had a strong relationship with Him, but on the inside, it was crumbling.
   I pretty much floundered through most of my senior year of high school without God. I figured that when I got to college that I would find a campus group, some strong Christian friends, and that everything would be well again. During the college application process, I had my heart set on the University of Virginia. I became obsessed with everything about UVa and Charlottesville, VA in general, but God had other plans. In February, I received an acceptance note from the University of Delaware informing me that they had not only accepted me, but that they wanted to invite me to compete for a full scholarship. I went down to the school in March for the competition, and I had a really great time, but left thinking that there was no way that I would get it. Well, less than a week later, I got a letter in the mail from UD. I knew that it was about the scholarship competition, but I assumed it was telling me that I didn't get it. I didn't open the letter right away, and instead went to do something else. When I finally got around to opening the letter, I realized that it had cost 42 cents to send, and so there must have been something important in there. I opened the letter, read the first line that read "We would like to congratulate you..." and I fell backwards on my couch. Although this had effectively closed the door on my dream of UVa, I was excited enough about not having loans for college.
   All summer, as I prepared myself to start life at UD, I became nervous. The school is known as a party school, and I am definitely not a partier. I wondered if I would be able to find other people like me. Well, when I moved on September 1, I noticed that my RA's board had a Bible verse, Romans 12:18 written on it. I guessed that she was a Christian and made a point to talk to her about it. After a few days of meeting people, I realized that several people on my floor were Christians. I joined three on campus ministry groups, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, which is the largest Christian group on campus, Wesley Foundation, which was run by Newark United Methodist Church, and Word of Life, which my RA Janeen attended. Janeen had invited several of the people on my floor to come with her to Word of Life, and two of us, Debbie and myself, actually did. I have to admit that I did not like the first meeting very much. Coming from a black Presbyterian church, this was very different from what I had experienced at home, but I went back a second time and have been going ever since. I've also started attending the Word of Life Christian Center on Sundays.
   I feel that God has truly blessed me since I've begun to attend UD. It's truly made me realize that God really does know what's best for us and that He's leading us every step of the way. I've really made a commitment to follow God this year, and I know that God brought me here for a reason. He's given me a church, a campus ministry group that helps my faith and awesome Christian friends. Although I did go through a rough time of adjustment to college my freshman year, I have come out of it stronger in my faith and with a clearer picture of God's will for me. If He's done this much for little old me, imagine what He could do for you if you only trust Him. If you are a Christian, maybe you should consider trusting the Lord with everything, if you aren't, click here to learn more about Jesus Christ and how to become a Christian. I hope my story inspires you; if it does, sign my guestbook and let me know.

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