FLASHBACK
„They mean when I tried to kill myself.“ stated Percy’s voice so gentle that almost nobody understood.
„What...Percy? What do you mean?“ Ron was shocked. This was his perfect older brother. He liked to argue with him and play pranks with the twins against Percy but he loved him nontheless. And said brother had tried to kill himself?
Arthur sat there as if a car had hit him. His boy had what? WHY?
„Why, Percy?“ Harry was the one to ask the question all wanted to hear the answer to.
„I just wanted it all to end. Penny had left me and I came here. Mom just laughed and said that she had always asked herself why Penny was with me. Ginny was there as well and pointed out that nobody could really love me. So I just went home. There I had an idea. Not my greatest, but it would help me. I cut myself hoping it would somehow dull the pain I felt inside. I cut to deep and all seemed to stop. It felt so good. Then I could see your faces all around me laughing at me, hating me. The twins would always play pranks on me, Bill and Charlie always ignored me, Ron held no respect or love for me and Ginny found that I am unworthy of being a Weasley. I never did anything to make you proud of me, Dad. So after I wrote a letter to you and left it on the table, I cut my wrists. That was when the twins arrived. Ginny had told them about earlier and they found me in my bathroom, on the floor, bleeding slowly to death.“
„We didn’t know what to do“ Fred took over the story. George had tears in his eyes and it seemed as if he couldn’t speak without starting to seriously cry. „We didn’t want to call you or Mom and a hospital would have called you. So George stayed with Percy while I apparated to Bill. There I found Charlie too. Boy what a surprise it had been. But Percy needed us. So I told them and they were furious that Percy would try something like this. Than we came back and found George crying. I...I thought...that he had died. And I wasn’t even there to tell him that I loved him. Then he took a shallow breath. George had wrapped his wrists and he wasn’t bleeding any more. Bill carried him to bed and went home to get a healing potion. When he came back he gave it to Perce and Charlie wrapped his arms again. That was when we found his letter on the table. It said that he would never embarass us again or berat us. That he had taken care of it. It sounded like he hated us all. And George began to cry. It had been our fault that Penny had broken up with him. Because she had asked us if Percy was always this uptight. We had said yes and the next day she broke up with him. George tried something so stupid that I...“ Here Fred had to stop. Tears were running down his face as his twin now cuddled him closer.
Just now did Arthur or the other two boys in the room notice how close the two were. And Arthur suspected that these two were in love just like his three other sons.
„George?“
„I thought it was my fault! Most of the times I had the idea to play pranks on Percy. I just wanted him to laugh at them, but he always got so angry. I was determined to make him laugh and because of that I never stopped. I went to the bathroom to clean it up when I saw the knife. With his blood on it. I took it and thought about how it seemed unfair that the wrong Weasley should die. Just as I cut my arm a bit, the door flew open and Fred stood there. Somehow he knew what I would try and he hit me so hard I flew against the bath and hit my head. Then as I was lying on the floor he called for Bill and Charlie. As the two discovered what I had almost done they were so angry. I thought they would kill me themselves. They asked me why and I told them. Fred slapped me again and then hugged me. A few minutes later Fred was still holding me I began to cry again. And he leaned down to kiss my tears away. I was shocked. He was, „is“ my brother and you shouldn’t do this with your brothers, right? But before I could stop him he kissed me for real and everything, even the pain, seemed to vanish. Just then we heared a crash coming from the bedroom. Percy had woken up.“
„I woke up and knew that the twins had seen me like that. They would laugh at me and tell everybody. I couldn’t risk it. So I tried to go into the kitchen because I had heared screaming coming from the bathroom. Just to find a knife. But I felt weak and hit the nightstand. A glas crashed down. Then the four stood before me. Asking why I had done this. Not laughing at me but so angry that I hadn’t told them that I needed help. Then I saw the cut on Georges arm... It was my fault he cut himself. If it hadn’t been for me he would have been a happy boy and not one that tried to off himself because his brother was to much of a coward to live!“
„Then we stayed with him. Till he practically threw us out a month later. He said that we shouldn’t waste our lives on him. The twins got together the night Percy did that. They were frightened that he would do something stupid again. We stayed but told the twins to leave for their own home. They searched for comfort in each others arms and are together ever since. With a bit of angsting on Georges‘ side. Fred knew for a long time that he loved his brother, his twin. He just had to convince George that it is not forbidden, just uncommon to be together. Now they are in love and even had an engagement ceremony with just the five of us. Slowly Charlie and I discovered that Percy was our missing part. It was so easy to live with him, so normal to schedule our time that we could eat lunch together and have dinner at home in the evening. One night I talked to Charlie about it and he had felt it too. But we couldn’t just tell Percy that we were together and wanted him to join us. We didn’t know how he would react. Would he hate us? Or be disgusted?“
„So we stayed silent. That almost cost us Percy, because he had known about us and thought that we hated him and just stayed so that he wouldn’t embarass us by killing himself.“
„One night I heared them in the living room. There was moaning and I thought that they needed help. That was when I saw them. Making love and whispering to each other how much they loved each other. Suddenly I knew that I wanted it like this. Such love. But I would never be loved like that. Not by those whom I wanted. It was clear to me that I had always loved Bill and Charlie. I tried to make them notice me by being the best, by being perfect. But they never noticed me as anything other than their brother. They would and could never love me like they loved each other. And I broke down. Started crying, sobbing then screaming at them to leave. To get out. But they didn’t leave. They soothed me. Held me the entire night. And as I calmed down they confessed that they loved me. I couldn’t believe it at first. But they proved it so many times. That was eight month ago. We just couldn’t take mom’s questions about girls and children anymore and had to tell you.“ With that Percy fell silent.
„You shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to kill yourself. Sometimes it it all to much to take in. You have to escape and be free. It gives you a feeling of strenght when you know that it was your decision even when you later regret it and think that it is the cowardly way out. It seems as if everything stops. Just to move faster than ever after it starts again. It wasn’t your fault, Percy. Nor yours, George. You have to accept it. And you have to admit that you gained something out of this misery. You have found love. In the most unusal persons but it is love. I can see it.“ Harry said. He understood why someone would try to kill himself. He had come near but Sirius had found him as he sat on the Astronomity Tower and thought about flying, without his broom. Siri had then told him how he had been beaten and raped at home. How James Potter had rescued him from there. How the nightmares got to be to much and he tried to kill himself. How he fell in love with the person that rescued him at Hogward the one night as he tried it. He always thought he hated that person, but after rescuing him, comforting him without asking questions, holding him through the whole night and keeping his secret he fell so hard for him. He went to Azskaban without telling HIM that he loved him.
Ron knew about it because since then they had been really best-friends. Always telling the other what went through their mind. Harry told Ron about Sirius‘ past and how he wished that his godfather was loved by others than him, Remus and Dumbledore. Nobody seemed to trust him even after he was cleared of all charges. But it seemed as if Sirius had gained the trust of one Potion Master he hated before and was hated by. Sirius had jumped in the way of a curse meant for Draco and Lucius in the last battle. Lucius was Severus best friend and Draco his godson. That had foced a bond of relucant friendship between the three older men and a Slytherin boy who appreciated his new chance in live.
„How do you know that Harry?“ asked Bill.
„I had the same motion and almost tried it myself. But Siri found me.“
„How can it be that all my children are trying to kill themselves? Why didn’t any of you come to me??? I thought I told you that you could tell me everything that concerned you, worried or disturbed you. I really thought you would trust me more. Harry you know that you are one of my children, don’t you? I see you as Ron’s twin. Not because you are Harry Potter, but because you are his best friend and an extension of my family. Because Sirius couldn’t take care of you he asked me to do it. Why couldn’t you come to me?“ Arthur was crying now. Didn’t his children trust him? Did they hate him?
Then there were many arms around him and as he looked up he saw the faces of his boys (even Harry) around him. Crying for his anguish and their own.
END FLASHBACK
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