Name: Camui Gackt
Date of Birth: July 4th, 1540
Place of Birth: Okinawa
Height: 178 cm
Weight: 59 kg
Blood type: A

Gackt is the talented vocalist, piano-player and occasional song-writer of Malice Mizer (he's responsible for the tragic piano ballad "Regret", and the more sentimental "Le Ciel"). He replaced MM's original vocalist Tetsu in Oct '95 and was the last to join the band.

Some Gackt facts...

Gackt's musical experience started when he was very young. The first musical instrument he learned was the piano. He says, "I started it when I was 3. The reason I started it is because my parents are very strict and serious about their child's education, so they forced me to learn it. I've never enjoyed playing the piano. My parents forced me to sit in front of the piano for at least 2 hours a day, even though I wouldn't play." Gackt admits his parents' discipline was unusually strict. "When I remember it," he says, "I get angry. I even feel like I could kill them. My life was strictly ordered, like first when I get up, I have to say 'Good morning', and everything was regulated or instructed. I hated that."

In a way, Gackt couldn't even watch TV. He explains, "My mother controlled what programs we watched, so we could only watch national programs or some educational programs. Don't you think that's insane? When I watched videotapes, they showed me the likes of 'Gone With the Wind', or Glenn Miller story, like that. Even though I was a little child, I still remember it clearly now." Gackt admits he doesn't know why his parents were so strict. He says, "When I was 17, my mother said, and I remember it clearly, she said, 'I regret that I had you learn the piano.' I was hurt. I didn't start it voluntarily."

This was when Gackt changed his musical taste. He had been learning classical music, (his fave composers include Bach, Ravel, and Debussy), but he changed to band music. He admits to not knowing rock 'n' roll or popular songs when he was young however. "I didn't know of their existence at all. Sometimes, I saw the popular music program on TV, but I don't remember any of them. I was very used to the sound of the orchestra, so the sound of rock 'n roll or popular song was like very limited and didn't strike me."

About his early period, Gackt admits that when he was young, he was crazy. "Actually, I was driven crazy," he explains, "and I was brought in the mental hospital. When I was 6 or 7 years old, I was drawn in the sea in Okinawa. I was saved, but after being revived, I felt I'm psychic. I started to see what I had not seen before. My parents of course didn't believe in me, and anyone around me couldn't understand what I was saying, and I can't speak over anyone, and everyone said I was crazy and 'You're just seeing illusions.' And that kind of drove me crazy." (Eventually, his family left Okinawa and moved to Kyoto when he was 7.)

As a child after his drowning accident, Gackt felt "kanashibari" (suddenly becoming inexplicably paralyzed while lying down) a lot, and ghosts moved his body. He says, "One day, when I got up, I found myself on the bench in our school which was 5km from home. And the peak occurred when I was 10 years old; something happened to me, and because of this I totally lost all my trust for my parents. I became more like psycho. One night, my parents were drinking with their friends downstairs. I was upstairs, but in my body some women's ghosts moved in, and I was so scared. And the women were crying and walking downstairs using my body, and she also said, 'Help me! Help me!' repeatedly. And I was rather objectively observing myself, but my parents noticed me and said, 'Oh, you just had a bad dream' and laughed at me. At that point, I was really hurt, and I lost all hope of expecting them to understand me." (Referring to his 'psychic' ability, Gackt says that according to aging, it has decreased, but he often feels it.)

When he was a child, Gackt wanted to be an orchestra conductor. However, he says, "At first I wanted to be a brass instrument player." He started playing brass instruments in school and he learned every brass instrument. He says, "I was eager to be better than anyone, and I was a really competitive person. Before I started playing brass instruments, I hated my father a lot. But one day I saw my father playing my trumpet, which I'd brought home from school, and it was until then that I didn't know he was playing my trumpet. And I felt like, 'Oh, he's great!' but at the same time I felt 'I want to be better than him.' And then I mastered the trumpet and horn, as well as the piano." But by too much practice with the trumpet and tuba, his teeth were damaged and he could no longer play brass instruments. (He couldn't use a mouthpiece.)

Gackt continues, "Then I came across the idea of becoming a conductor, but finally I found I was singing in a band." This occurred because after he was forced to quit playing brass instruments, he started to play percussion. Of this experience, he says, "My instructor was very strict. He said for 1 year, you can't use the usual set of drums. But I was eager to master it as soon as possible. I practiced a lot. I knew I have to be healthy in order to be a good drummer. I used to wake up at 5 am, and I practiced wearing sauna suits." Gackt admits he was very competitive. He says, "I couldn't stand it if the others can do something I couldn't. When I saw the instructor play a difficult song very easily, I felt ashamed of myself and eager to achieve learning that song. But of course, I played a lot. I mean, I didn't only play music. After finishing school, I used to hang around with my friends, and I often fell asleep sitting in front of the desk. And I woke up at 5 am and went to the music room to practice drums. In terms of piano, I was really shocked to see my friend played better than me. I practiced a lot to learn everything he could do."

He continues, "Then some friends, who joined a rock 'n' roll band, asked me to play drums (as a help member), and the vocalist happened to get out of our band, and I replaced him. Actually, I felt an inferiority complex over my voice (because it's really low tone), especially in the rock 'n' roll field where the mainstream is high tone, but at that time our band created songs which I could sing to, rather than having to change the tone of my voice to suit the song." This was the period Gackt started playing on stage. He says, "When we played in the small live house, I noticed the audience were not so excited to see our live. I hated it, and I wanted the audience to be more excited, so we tried to organize the stage by ourselves. So when we planned our next live, we contacted PA shop(?) and checked the rate of the hall, and made original tickets and sold them by ourselves."

Gackt explains his competitiveness: "I think I'm easily involved in things, and in addition, I'm deeply involved in things, so I can't get out of it." He says he's been involved in many things. "After all," he says, "I want to be number one. It doesn't mean I want to win. But I just don't want to lose. I guess people cannot understand my lifestyle like that." He admits to disliking imperfection, saying, "Yes, I hate to compromise." So does MALICE MIZER possess the same competitive nature? Gackt says, "I am the person like that, so they're not the same. And I've kept saying, 'I can't do it, I can't do it.' But don't give up before trying. It applies to everything other than music, so I am the person who can achieve what I think or say. I think I have to be responsible for what I said, so if I said something, I could drive myself to achieve it, and I can't help but do it."

Gackt says he's not overly confident, but "I try to think that I can do it. I can achieve it for everything. It is confidence which has no ground. But I often say to the other MALICE MIZER band members for example, 'You imagine something which you want to be or do in the future.' I think you can come across the ideal because you think it is possible to achieve it. The ideal or image we think of MALICE MIZER can be achieved. I think we can achieve it. I know our members are very characteristic. I also know that if the band pursues artistry, we will be very maniacal, and if we pursue the commercial success, we will be a commercial rock 'n' roll one. I think our members have a good sense to keep balance between them. Of course, when we started MALICE MIZER, they (the members) said 'It's not possible'."

At that time Gackt had conflict with himself too, because he says, "I started to destroy the frame of the previous MALICE MIZER. I took one year to do that. I confronted the other members. But I guess because I broke down the frame of the previous MALICE MIZER, we could become the current MALICE MIZER. I guess if we don't have a positive feeling, we can't do anything. If we say it's not possible, we can't do anything."

The instruments Gackt has mastered include: "Tuba, euphonium, trumpet, horn, trombone, and piano, guitar, bass, drum, percussion." Despite his multi-talent, he has never thought of recording by himself because he says "I believe I can create better things with the others who have something I don't have, than me doing it all by myself." He adds, "If I am versatile and better in everything than the others, I won't say 'Okay' to Kami, for example. But Kami has something that only he can create so that I can get along with him."

The fact that the other MALICE MIZER members have something he doesn't have is not the biggest reason Gackt joined MALICE MIZER however. He says, "I just feel attraction towards each person, like Kami has his attraction, and Közi has his attraction. And in MALICE MIZER, what means the most to me is that joining MALICE MIZER has some meaning for myself. I want to feel that I am doing what only I can do, not what anyone else can do." Joining MALICE MIZER seems to mean satisfying his experience. He says, "It's very important to me that only I am me. Maybe I felt like that because I joined MALICE MIZER substituting the previous vocalist. But I've been thinking that I'm not a substitute of anyone, and if I will not do what anyone can do, I don't have to do it, do I?"

Gackt adds, "I've never thought I wanted to imitate anyone. Of course I felt some artists were very great and I admired them, but imitating is just imitating and it can't override the original. So I thought just imitating the original is very dull. I'm not discussing being popular or something, but I believe that only genuine things can reach people's hearts." Asked what kind of music has reached his heart, Gackt says, "I really hate Led Zeppelin, but one time I heard 'Stairway to Heaven', I couldn't stop crying." He can't remember which part affected him a lot, but he says, "I just found I'm crying listening to the music. Because it's an English song, I couldn't understand the lyrics, and I hated Robert Plant's voice, and I hate the whole sound of Led Zeppelin. But even so, I was impressed I was moved by that. It was a kind of shocking thing to me."

Concerning his Led Zeppelin experience, Gackt adds, "Later, my friend, who'd lent me the album, said to me that when this song came out in London first, a lot of people killed themselves by listening to that song. And when I heard my friend's story, I figured out vaguely what I felt when listening to the song. I just felt the song has a really strong power which made people kill themselves." So does Gackt want to create songs which have such an appeal? He says, "I just feel maybe it'd be great if I strike the audience into such a degree, but actually I don't know yet. But this time I came to France, I felt really happy I had not given up the piano." This is because of an incident which occurred in France which made him appreciate his piano-playing more fully.

Gackt explains, "During the video shooting, I found an old piano in the castle, and I was playing it. Then a girl, who lives in the castle, and her friend came close to me and were listening to my piano-playing. After playing piano, they showed a really happy facial expression, and since I can't speak in French and they just speak very awkward English, we couldn't speak much to each other but we surely could communicate. I felt it was a very precious experience." He felt the power of music which transcends the barrier of language. He says, "I've never played piano for anyone else. I've almost always played the piano only for myself. And I play the piano to express myself very subjectively, but I guess when I was playing in front of the girls, subconsciously I was playing the piano for them. After I finished playing the piano, I felt their feeling very realistically. I've never felt like that before." He felt happy to come to France, even if only for this memory.

Gackt does not believe he can be a pianist in classical music because he says, "I cannot figure out the songs composed by others. I can't reach the very bottom of the songs, and I'm not so genius to search the meaning of the song." Gackt further evaluates this: "In terms of classical music, it is most important to play the music by obeying the rules. I think it's really meaningless to play classical music along with instructions. People emphasize the theory and techniques, but they won't teach the most important things like feelings or heart. When I sing on stage, I've never felt the feeling like 'ecstasy', but I just feel I'm very absorbed in each song on stage. When I sing, each song has it's own story and main character, and sometimes, I'm the main character, and other times I'm rather the narrator, but in any case I'm involved in each stage, so in that sense I cannot feel a kind of 'ecstasy' on stage."

So does Gackt feel he's an actor rather than a vocalist? He says, "Maybe. I think it's a kind of destiny for me to convey the feeling in the songs to the audience." Gackt admits that besides singing, he's been interested in acting. He also admits to having a lot of characters in himself. He says, "When I was asked which character is the true one, I don't know. I can say every character is mine and I guess I can say every character is not mine. I think it's very contradictory but in myself there are various kinds of characters, and they interact with each other and they produce other new characters. I think it's just repeating the series of those characters." Asked if he gets tired from that, he says, "I can't say no but I used to hate myself. It was like to the abnormal level."

Gackt admits he doesn't like to talk about his past, including his childhood. "But I hurt myself before," he says. "But I also know everything stays stuck if I hated myself such a lot. I knew it, but knowing something doesn't mean understanding it. And finally, I started to take myself positively, not negatively, and I've cured myself. And then finally, here I am." He adds, "Currently, I started to understand various things step by step, and when I can say I like myself, I might be happy in a serious sense." Right now he cannot say he's happy yet. Asked if it was because of his ambitious nature, Gackt replied, "Partly because of that maybe. But I felt like my facial feature has been really changed in this couple of years. It's partly because my figure has changed."

Maybe Gackt's facial features indicates his mental state. He says, "My facial features has really changed to the level that if a stranger saw my old photographs, he or she might think I had some operation to change my face, and actually some people say I had an operation. But I think if I had an operation, my face should have been more handsome." He adds, "I've never thought my looks were good, so when some people say I'm a very good-looking guy, I wonder what part they're looking at every time."

Gackt has a lot of curiosity about everything. He says, "Yes, I easily get interested in everything, and I get absorbed in them too." He has strong curiosity. "In terms of that," he says, "I bet I can be a champion. For example, a couple of days before we stayed in France for a shoot, at first I got in this room (of the interview) in this hotel. What I did first was check all of the drawers in the room. In addition, I checked below the bed." He adds, "Then if I notice something like small trash under the bed, I would move the bed and check what it is. I mean I can't relax unless I know everything in my room. Another example is if I get something, some electrical appliance, I'll read through the whole instruction manual from beginning to end. But once I know it, I easily lose interest."

Gackt is a very strongly curious person. He says, "As a child, when my father drove a car, I asked him to put me on his lap, and I was thinking why the car moves. I was very interested in the speed." After his drowning accident, Gackt experienced a couple of memory flashbacks from his subconscious, like, for example, "The memory of being 1 years old came up in my mind. When it happened, it appeared in slow-motion, and I couldn't hear anything. And I also felt an inexplicable ecstasy. It's like an ecstasy which is close to death. And I found this ecstasy when I drove a car at a very high speed. After that, I usually drive a car at a high speed over a mountain road."

Gackt adds to this, 'It's meaningless to just drive at a high speed. To feel I'm next to death has meaning. Even though I drive in a low speed I can feel an ecstasy, maybe because it needs intense concentration. I also love skiing, and when I was a beginner, I skied in the upper class level's course in very high speed." But he admits that when he pursued high speed, he was mentally very negative. He says, "I think I felt afraid as well as attracted to death." He thought this attraction to death was very immature, however. He adds, "But at some point, I changed positively, and I started to pursue different things."

From that time, Gackt started to learn driving a car to see nightscapes. He says, "I think each city has its own attractive nightscape. The best time is from midnight to dawn. I like the nightscapes of Kumamoto, and Hokkaido, but I especially love the ones of Kyoto. It's magnificent. I have a favorite place to which I only bring my favorite people. But when I brought Közi there, he was moved by that." Gackt says he hates to be troubled, or being troubled itself. "When I feel stressed or troubled, I go see a nightscape, and I feel I'm trapped in a very tiny idea. So by seeing a nightscape, I can find a way to step forward. When I see a nightscape, I usually leave the engine on and I sit on the hood of the car. Then I feel my legs warm up, but my head is very cold, and it is also good the feeling, so I like to see nightscapes in winter."

Gackt has actually driven his car from Tokyo to Kyoto to see a nightscape during their recording. But he says, "in this recording of 'merveilles', we did not have enough time to drive far. There's no mountain close to the city (Tokyo), so I often went to Yamashita Park (in Yokohama), and I made a lyric looking at the sea." The songs he created by looking at the sea are Brise and EGEE.

On Kyoto: He likes nightscapes and night views... There's a certain one from an area called "Pom Pom Mountain" which gives the best night view of Kyoto. Nobody's ever heard of it and nobody knows how to get there but him, (he even says it's on the map). He also mentions some other places (one of them is a park), but he thinks "Pom Pom Mountain" is the best. He thinks it's unpopular because of its name. He doesn't like urban areas (city). When he came to Tokyo, he wanted to know where to get the best night view. He asked Kami, but Kami brought him to a beach instead one night. Also, he doesn't like regulations in the city, (like taking out the garbage on certain days, turning the radio volume low). He'd rather have everything natural; in other words, to do things when he feels like doing them. He doesn't like the noise of the city either. He misses the quiet of Kyoto. He likes open deserted spaces. He likes shrines. He used to watch the nightscapes from shrines. Also, he feels it's a place where one can relax. He likes the smell of incense. After concerts, he would burn incense backstage but the other members didn't like it and complained. He once showed Közi the nightscape view and he was surprised by it. In his house he likes to play his piano, read books, drink alcohol, or listen to music.