Yellow and Stripe - two little fuzzy caterpillars who never felt satisfaction with every encounter on the way, who, amid trials and adversities, kept walking along what seemed never-ending trails, made tough decisions when faced with crossroads, had finally found the right path to becoming four-winged, eye-catching and useful creatures soaring high with real contentment within their hearts.

These caterpillars transformed into butterflies are nonetheless scattered around the society. Their struggles, memorable experiences are but familiar to each one of us. We find similarities. We can relate to their feelings, course of action, need for a lifetime partner and most especially, discontentment because we, human beings are in some ways, caterpillars. We need someone other than ourselves. We feel excitement but not satisfaction with what we really have. We tend to want for more, something to quench the restlessness and in the process, as members of the society, we often trample over other people's backs just so we could get to the top. We long to rise and get rich at the expense of other people not minding their own feelings, control their fates and push them out of the way uncaringly. Here, we also find the popular notion that whichever is being desired and flocked by the majority, we must follow the lead, familiarize ourselves, join in, otherwise we will be left out and become the laughing-stock.



I am a human, and being one, I am no exclusion. I wanted. From simple, ordinary to complex, extraordinary, I craved. I still am. Am I happy? Yes! Satisfied? Yes… I mean no…. owww…. I don't know!

I can still explicitly remember how I reacted to things perceived by my senses. I got fascinated, just as Stripe had been with the "grass, dirt, holes and tiny bugs". I was amused with some of my cousin's LEGO building blocks, toyguns, remote-controlled miniature cars. Fortunately, he let me enjoy each piece for as long as I wanted. After sometime, my sister and I were both given Barbie dolls. Impressed with my new doll, my cousin's toys were already forgotten. I was now with my doll's fancy suits and playthings.

My interests seemed to change over time. Under my mama's wishes, we took up piano lessons, which later became the root and foundation of my deep passion for music. At first, I was so eager to have my butt on the piano bench and my fingers on those black and white keys. I really wanted to learn the fundamentals quickly so I could play a commendable piece A.S.A.P.. However, mere knowledge wasn't enough. It must be coupled with good practice, determination and patience. Yellow's the proof. She got through a lot of trouble weaving her cocoon. She was tolerant enough to wait for the right time for her to finally come out and explore the world with her new wings. Nevertheless, the laziness in me surfaced. Practices were seldom held and I got myself into basketball - my newfound fascination. I've learned to play a fine tune, though.

When I was in high school, I've seen teachers, visitors, schoolmates perform on occasions with various instruments on their hands. Such soul-lifting melodies they had created! Again, my eyes on music were awakened. I yearned for more of the piano stuffs and have a taste of the flute, guitar, violin and sax. Thankfully, my wishes for the first two pieces of equipment were granted.

During my last year in the secondary level, I came face-to-face with the first real crossroad of my life - what course would I take up in college? Dent? Music? Nursing? I wasn't yet sure at the time. With my mama's guidance, I wrote Dent on my UPCAT application form. Yellow had been aided too by a fellow-caterpillar wrapped in a cocoon for a choice she had to make.

Having been a pre-dent stud in the country's premier state university seemed fulfilling. I was one of those 11,000-plus 1999 applicants who made it to the premises of the university. It wasn't sufficient, though. I had to be a dent, a real doctor of dental med but after a year, my interest and willpower were thinning. I was feeling a little bored which grew a lot more. BOREDOM - my worst enemy, got into me. I was sick of my very intellectual, snobbish professors, assignments, classes in four-walled classrooms, projects, etc. I became tired of daily routines - school-home, home-school, school-home. I rarely went out with friends. Well, the truth is, I had only one real friend in Manila. I'm very picky when it comes to choosing friends, that's why. She's a fellow-"probinsyana" and the only one I could relate to. She didn't seem to me as the "maarte" type unlike some of those city girls, particularly those richie rich ones, the socialites who, at all times overact and show off. All these contributed to the dullness. I desired to be completely free from the rope which tied me to those dreary lectures, exams, etc. I craved for something new.

One afternoon, A Pahinungód (volunteer) friend introduced me to a cybercafe. I had no idea that would alter the path I was taking and be the cause of my "falling off the pillar". With computer centers spread out around schools, I got addicted to the internet. I was hooked on webbie sites and chatrooms. I even met an IMS graduate, a UST cum laude who sparked my attraction to web programming and designing. At that time, I was already confused. I was bored of studying but before me was a new prospect. Perhaps Computer Science or Internet Tech or IMS was what's really for me. Thoughts such as - what if I would shift to either one of them, but what if I would not make good in that field, came about.

Ironic as it may seem, neither one of them materialized. Instead, I realized I'm back into the line of health care provision. Perhaps, I'm neither Yellow nor Stripe at all. They already know what they wanted while I'm still here probing for the right trail, not sure what my identity would be. But then, I know and I'm pretty sure, someday I'll be transformed and be able to fly and soar high not only like a butterfly but a contented eagle with my wings widely-spread, into the sun, to places yet unseen, beyond my wildest dreams….

Someday….

It just takes time…