“This chair is the answer”

Yellow quotes by Homer Simpson

 

 

"Your lives are in the hands of men no smarter than you or I, many of them incompetent boobs. I know this because I worked alongside them, gone bowling with them, watched them pass me over for promotions time and again. And I say... This stinks!"

 

"Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one... You wanna drink another woman!"

 

"Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?"

 

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

 

"D'oh!!!"

 

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

 

“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.”

 

"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day."

 

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

 

"I think Mr. Smithers picked me for my motivational skills. Everyone always says they have to work twice as hard when I'm around!"

 

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

 

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

 

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

 

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it... Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"

 

"Relax. What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind!"

 

“Good drink... good meat... good God, let's eat!”

                  

"What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts."

 

"I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb."

 

“Beer. Now there's a temporary solution.”

 

"No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

 

"Trying is the first step towards failure."

 

"Ignore the boy, Lord."

 

"Dear Lord, thank You for this microwave bounty, even though we don't deserve it. I mean... our kids are uncontrollable hellions! Pardon my French... but they act like savages! Did You see them at the picnic? Oh, of course You did... You're everywhere, You're omnivorous. Oh Lord! Why

did You spite me with this family?"

 

"You know Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She said, ‘Homer, you're a big disappointment’, and God bless her soul, she was really onto something."

 

"When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!"

 

"What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?"

 

"I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming."

 

"I think the saddest day of my life was when I realised I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four."

 

"America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain,... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!"

 

"The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do."

 

"Being popular is the most important thing in the world!"

 

"Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use."

 

“Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will.”

 

"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba... uh, goodnight."

 

"It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."

 

"No! No no no no no no! Well, yes."

 

“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!”

 

"Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!"

 

"When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces... I just know they're about to jab me with something."

 

"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"

 

“I have feelings too... like “My stomach hurts” or “I'm going crazy!”

 

"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"

 

"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"

 

“Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.”

 

"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

 

"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."

 

"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."

 

 “If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing.”

 

"Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!"

 

"Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die."

 

“Alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems.”

 

"Quiet you kids. If I hear one more word, Bart doesn't get to watch cartoons, and Lisa doesn't get to go to college."

 

"Don't you ever, EVER talk that way about television."

 

"No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you."

 

“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.

Number 1: Cover for me.

Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss!

Number 3: It was like that when I got here.”

 

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

 

“When it comes to compliments, women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more... more... MORE! And if you give it to them, you'll get plenty back in return.”

 

"If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English."

 

"Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation."

 

“Ah, TV respects me. It laughs with me, not at me!”

 

"Marge, I agree with you... in theory... In theory, communism works... In theory."

 

"Television! Teacher... mother... secret lover..."

 

“I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls... I want to live!”

 

"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on."

 

"English... Who needs that? I'm never going to England!"

 

"Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer."

 

Homer Simpson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bonus quotes:

(yellow wisdom from the children)

 

 

“War is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy.”

                                                      - Bart Simpson

 

“Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

                                                      - Lisa Simpson

 

“What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?”

                                                      - Bart Simpson

 

“It's naive to think you can change a person... except maybe that boy who works in the library.”

                                                      - Lisa Simpson

 

“There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.”

                                                      - Bart Simpson

 

“I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!”

                                                      - Bart Simpson

 

 

HOMER SIMPSON IS NOT EXACTLY A GENTLEMAN, ARE YOU ?

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