mORe DisTuRbINg tHOugHtS...
I also do other weird things... I stare at people with my eyes REALLY wide and it freaks them out soo much (well some people seem to be immune, but most people freak out especially if I'm talking about Kurt (Cobain, one of the people I talk to) and about possesion... like one minute I'll be talking and the next I'll be staring through them with really wide eyes, kinda catatonic lol
Something I used to do was to collect moths... I'd wait till they came into our house and then put them all in my bedroom. Of course they all died after a few days... and this is the really morbid bit... I used to collect all their bodies on the window cill... well until my mum came and threw them all out... I burried a few of them in the graden, only the biggest ones, and made little graves. I guess I've always had a morbid fascination...
I sometimes wonder if the world would be a better place if we could only cut the nerves that give us pain... like I know it's been done (and very cruelly I might add) but if we had no pain then life would be sooo much easier!!! It'd be like... "I just got run over, I'd better walk to hospital," or "oh, cut myself again, I'd better sticth that up right away." Also I think we should kill all dentists and people who inject me with stuff... well they killed me!!! This is true!!! At the dentist I had to have a general anesthetic and they gave me too much and my heart stopped... ya' know, death, been there, done that, looking for the T-shirt... lol... anyway they had to use a heart resuscitation machine on me... I was a bit ill after...
  It seems every time I have an injection bad stuff happens to me:
Meningitis: I felt ok afterwards and went back to lesson. Then I started to get quite dizzy and couldn't think straight. A minute later the teacher asked the girl next to me, Lucy, to take me out to get some air. We started to go down the stairs (we were on the 1st floor) and I felt really dizzy like I wass gonna collapse, so I decided to lie down, on my back, on the stairs. After a minute I felt ok again and we decided it was best to go to the medical room, but cos I was overheated I wanted to go into the girls toilets (on the way) and run cold water over my wrists. So off we went, along the corridor and into the toilets. There was another girl in there too. AT that point I felt like I was gonna collapse again and lay down on the floor... then Lucy went to get the nurse who helped me to get to the hall, where every one else was having their injections. I had to lie on a PE mat in front of everyone, covered by a blanket, and drink orange juice and eat biscuits!!!
BCG: I warned the nurse that I had collapsed after my meningitis vaccination. Then I had the injection and again felt ok. I sat down and waited to make sure I was really ok. After a few minutes I started to feel hot as dizzy again, and like I couldn't breath. I don't remember this, but I collapsed for several minutes before the nurse woke me up. I couldn't see or feel anything for about 20 seconds, and my hearing was weird. After a while of laying down in the medical room I was ok again.
Tetanus, dipheria and polio: I felt ok after but then 10 mins later started to feel a little over heated and had to drink water to cool me down. I felt better but then a while later I started to feel hot again and like I was gonna be sick. Then I got up and felt really dizzy- little dots on my eyes etc- so I went to lie down and was ok. I've got a bruise now though!!!
Death: death is cool. I don't know WHY I think it's cool but... in a dark, beautiful way... as I say, I'm morbid... but I don't think we have the right to kill stuff... so I guess I contradict myself!!! Oh, how straight forward and simple these emotions are... oh, how easy they make my life... not messed up at all am I?!? lol
People who are high: well I don't really mind but I kind like freaking them out... my fiance' told me loadsa ways to freak out people who are high... they work... you can put your hands in front of their face and move one of them over the other so the fingers make weird patterns and confuse and disturb them... also make a weird noise echoing after everything you say... or tell them something over and over, but different (my idea) to confuse them...
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