Its been some time that I dont feel writing my blog about myself and whats new to me , due to some reasons that was happening in my life.I had mixed feelings, I was very happy but it didnt last because of some circumstances that was beyond my control. I just got home from the court hearing the initial hearing of my Judicial Declaration of Presumptive Death of Absentee Spouse for the purpose of Remarraige. Its kind of awkward to be there in that room with judge, lawyer, fiscal, clerk and stenographer with some people but I need to face it because i seek freedom from the bondage of unhappy marraige.
I started this thing almost 2 yrs now but there are unavoidable circumstances that ahold and it took years to have finally heared it. It cost me so much before, that even my financial status got affected. Worst of all, its very hard to for me as single mother to get into this problem since I raise my kids all alone by myself. The emotional and financial neglect of children are appaling but i able to control them and i work hard for it so that they cant feel unloved, unwanted and neglected because i filled them with love more than they can imagine. I try hard enough to be the best mother as I can be. For almost 7 years of being alone..I devoted all my time for them. To struggle, to win the battle of life and to face the obstacles that always hinder my way.
It took a lot of courage for a woman like me that I even sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of my children, sometimes i thought having someone to love will help me make the world go round. Partly, being closer to someone or having the feelings of being love help me smile or laugh at times. But it cause pain too when it ended up with no reasons at all. However, when theres love lost, theres always room for new challenge. I always tell myself to be cautious to whom i give my heart but it doesnt really make sense because Love will always finds way.
The court initial hearing made me real upset not because of whats going on with the special proceedings but because prior to that , I met the lawyer of the other case i filed for the road right of way. When the clerk of court mention my name , it caught the attention of the lawyer when he knew that i was also there. He started telling me things and telling the whole people in the room that I feel great!! he was trying to imply that I am a woman who thinks I am great in every fight that ive been through and he tried to tell that i am conceited. He was telling the Fiscal about our case on access but my friend Fe who was the stenographer that time was the one who answered him back. They exchange words till the judge arrived.
It really hurt me bad. I felt shame, how can a lawyer like that trying to crushed me. It was quiet irrelevant because it didnt concern with my special proceedings with the civil case i filed for the access. I recalled, I was at his office when i talked to him and trying to settle things with his client and myself. We agreed about withdrawing the case but he asked me P30,000.00 for his fee. When I called my lawyer, he opposed the idea of the money involved so I didnt came back to him. Then when me and my buyer agreed upon something that we will settle it soon as possible, I thought i made clear myself to them that I will still sign the contract that I will buy the access from the defendants since the money they are going to pay for that was from the money for the beach property sold. That means its my money.
When I went to his office with the representative of my buyer who had the Special Power of Attorney. I was so embarassed, He asked me why I was there? I answered that i was there because i am the owner of the money and It should be my name declared as buyer of the access since the property was not all sold. I have some part of the property left so i need to protect my right as one of the owner.Besides, me and my buyer had deed that Road right of way should be provided by the seller. He was mad at me and yelling at me.. he told me to get out from his office. I went outside crying for the embarassment i got. I warned the representative who had the money for the transaction that day and he did what i said and that makes the lawyer more upset.
From that on, everytime we met at the court room, he always told me bad things.He tried to made me upset and telling me worst things that was not acceptable. I am trying to keep my coolness even if he goes beyond my dignity. i endure the pain because if im going to sue him for my morality it would make my life more harder. I am sure he has connections because he is a lawyer and a Fiscal before. I have no one to turn to, In every battle that i face, its me alone who fight for it. With my courage, perseverance and strong determination it makes me do things upright.
I seem to appear so tough outside but deep inside me I have the fear. I feel so alone fighting it on my own. No one has the right to judge me, no one has the right to put me down because no one knows what are the things i had been through to survive every initiation in life. I am glad I am strong person although at times i want to give up because it is too much. Maybe there are some factors that made my senstivity yet i try to be tough, unmoved and restraint no matter what. Morever, Theres pain in my heart if i thought about how life is unfair.Should I be bad to scare them? Should I be heartless so that I cant feel pain?
Somehow, Someday and Come what may... Time will tell and somewhere along the way I can see the colors of rainbow in my life. i dont know where, when and how but in just believing myself I will find the peace, happiness and love i always wanted. A real and everlasting love , and may this special proceedings is the beginning of a new life to me, although i know it will cost me lot of money, time and effort I will be optimistic for the result that i am sure will take time waiting.
To my detractors, I will prove you wrong and i know Nature take its curse. To those who mistrust me.. i thank you because it helps me decide to whom i will trust to. To my friends who believe in me specially Fe from the core of my heart I thank you so much for defending me. i will treasure you till the last breath taken out of me. You are one of the kindest person i have in my life aside frm my ANGEL whom God sent to protect me. To all friends who keep on reading my blog..Thank you for such an overwhelming comment . I appreciate it !!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!
