remembering a time when innocence existed-
a long dream waiting to resurge, yet it is kept asleep.
i long to see their faces again, feel their arms wrap tightly around me, lips embracing in fevered lust, and then the complete admiration of those who found me worthy of their existence.
reality? nay....fantasy? perhaps...
something keeps me here, what..........?
to find the peace i long to obtain, so i can move on.
the one thing i seem to hate the most,
is having my lust constantly summoned,
a part of me i hate, yet can not live without.
touching these souls in a way that leaves them craving more.
more of a void actually, they have no clue how hellish it is.
give them what they desire? yes...........
leave them wasting once i'm finished with them? yes.........
curiousity truly kills that which finds itself stuck.
tsk, tsk...should be more careful about one wishes for,
unless one enjoys living in complete misery for eternity.
for once, just once, it would be nice to be seen as i really am.
a ressurection, a death, a soul.....
bound to live within the confines of mundane perfection, always finding flaw with the very strands of what humanity lets me be.
dec 2004
growing up was so strange,
but then when i was with you
everything seemed to vanish
in the world;
created by your love;
the smells and sounds
coming from the kitchen and living room
were so comforting.
the jokes and laughs shared
made me feel special.
the name given to me,
said by your voices,
always made me feel alive.
such memories shared
and created during the short time,
now burned into my soul
forever.
i cried the day you had the voice removed;
but spirit was still great.
even to the end,
when you no longer recognized me,
i still knew you loved me;
i held your hand,
i cried.
i wanted so badly to return
to the time
when i was young,
happy and playing
in your home or yard.
asking question after question,
with such amazement and smile
you answered each one.
i cried when he passed;
for the loss of your love.
the memories shared between the two,
a union lost in flesh, but not heart.
i watched you in your last moments;
i held your hand,
crying, knowing he was returning
to take his love "home".
with a breath, i said it was time
and said goodbye.
i cried when you passed;
your favorite flower has now become mine.
the passion for life through a child's eyes,
is now mine as well.
the silly things that seemed so trivial,
now mean everything to me.
thanks for sharing your life with me
and showing me love of a grandparent.
forever and always will you remain,
in my heart, soul, and being.
this day i give honor
to Jack and Verda Mae.
for creating in me to have hope
and dreams to move ahead,
no matter what comes into the road.
missed are you always,
loved are you always.
from your "tooterbill"
~ donna
December 15, 2003
inhaling and exhaling nothing but void..
i'm sick of this lie..the way i feel..
i hate you more, for pretending you're happy..
don't tell me you love me, like me, or find me adorable..
that makes me want to puke on the fact that you exist..
see i really don't need anything from you,
except the one thing you refuse to give up to me..
so instead, i have to act like a brat, rant, rave, and make a bother out of myself..
then i remember why i blow you off..
you're a fucking waste..
a blister on this planet..
festing, spreading more disease to the others around you..
fucker!
you don't need a friend, or a lover for that fact,
why should you? you're so fucking perfect in your life.
i despise the fact that you breate..
yes, the staleness of death is too good for you.
~ feb 2007
yes, i am finally broken..
finding out just how much you mean to someone else..
a priceless value on a relationship...
when the world opens up and swallows you whole because it just doesn't care anymore..
you're the one given up on because they just can't seem to find it anymore that you matter.
everything you said that was positive is void now...
nothing there but a painful reminder of what used to be..
i've always been just one or two strings from the final snap..
the one that would finally send me spiraling down, shattering everything about the "me"..
when did we all become so callous that we harm the ones we claim to love?
when did it become so urgent to tell a loved one, they're not in themood to deal with them..
that the very things they used to find funny or amusing, are now just annoying..
why not just say "you need to fuck off and die!"
it doesn't have to be said, i'm not so naive i can't see the reality..
how much longer do i have to endure the shelved life before i truly expire?
why are my feelings so invalid, that they mean nothing to anyone except me?
when did your life become so god damned important that you were the only thing that mattered?
thanks for showing me exactly how much value this has had for you since i no longer are a concern..
and as for a family..well it's down to one last person left on this forsaken planet..
just one left that still believes in me..
one that still loves me and never shows betrayal..
i loved you all..and yet you just couldn't seem to show the same return to me..
this is not just some female crying to you saying you're not forgiven..
this is another voice from within saying you've given up on everything that ever supported the belief in the "you"...
- Fyr
August 10, 2007