Author: Fyre Rating: PG-13 -- use of curse words Warning: Cursing, sexuality, angst Feedback: EMail [email protected] or comment on fictionpress.net Disclaimer: This is my original work, so do not steal/plagerize or I shall be forced to attack you. Notes: This was originally an assignment for English class, but I fell in love with the characters so I decided to share it with the WORLD! A lean, no, skinny boy of seventeen looked in the mirror, shaggy black hair drooping into brown eyes. The boy was wearing just boxers, slouching on his unmade bed and loosely holding a green portable phone to his ear. The phone made a funny noise and the boy looked at it confusedly. He pushed the 'off' button and laid it on his bed. Squinting his eyes at his reflection, Maxin Grozowsky (Max to his friends, which basically meant he was Maxin to everyone) wondered what went wrong. Ever since his mother died last year, it seemed nothing was going right. Lately, he had found himself staring into space at the most inopportune times, thinking abstract thoughts that started "Do you ever wonder ..." and went downhill from there. Standing up, his hand brushed the green phone, which reminded him of the conversation he just had with his cousin, Derek. A month ago, Derek offhandedly mentioned the idea of Maxin going on a blind date, an idea that he had abruptly forgot about until two days ago when Derek reminded his cousin of it. Now, suddenly, he had a date tonight with a girl he had never met and only knew the name and address of--Ariann and 26013 157th Ave SE. Maxin sighed, wishing he had never even acknowledged Derek?s suggestion. Glancing at the clock on his wall, Maxin realized he had a scant two hours to get ready for the date so he started to prepare. Halfway through getting dressed, his gaze connected with a picture of his mom on the wall. He had drawn it two years ago and was still pleased with how it had come out. His mom was smiling, her eyes sparkling. Golden hair blowing slightly in the wind. God, he loved her. The drawing was from before the brain tumor had started to set in. Maxin's brown eyes almost started to tear up before he managed to remind himself forcefully that he couldn?t think about Mom...at least not right now. He was determined to be ready for the date preferably with time to spare. However, all thoughts of tonight fled his mind when, while leaning on his cluttered desk as he pulled on a sock, his hand brushed a battered, black sketchbook. Maxin's head jerked as if the book had burned him. Hurriedly putting his sock on, he grabbed the book and opened it to a blank page. The whiteness of the page called to him, the faint lines begging to be blessed with his writing, drawing or both. Sighing dramatically, he succumbed to the call and sat down in his desk chair. Absentmindedly, Maxin acknowledged he shouldn't be doing this now, but he brushed away the thought. The sketchbook-journal hybrid was a place of absolute relief for him, somewhere he could write anything, let out any feelings he might be hiding deep inside, somewhere safe. The sketchbook, along with the numerous pictures of his mom he carried with him and had plastered about his room, was the most important item he owned. It was the one companion that had always been there for him and the one companion he felt he would always have. Maxin was incredibly protective of the book; as far as he knew, no one else had ever even touched it. He planned to keep it that way. Quickly and easily, Maxin lost track of the time and himself as he poured his soul into the book. ------ Ariann Miller blew a strand of auburn hair out of her face as she waited. Her blind date was ten minutes late--which, her older sister said, wasn't late in boy-time--and she was getting irritated. Derek Grozowsky, her date's cousin, had ranted to her about how cool and nice Maxin was, but girls that went to his school didn't seem so enthusiastic. They reassured Ariann he was cute, but they also described him as "dorky", "sort of weird in a creepy way" and "a loser". Not the best prospects for her first date. On the up side, he was supposed to be smart. Ariann wasn't sure she would be able to deal with a dumb date. Even if he had an IQ of 839, that didn't make up for him being late. He had better have a good reason. Like buying her flowers or candy or something sweet like that. Ariann only hoped Maxin hadn't forgotten or died or something. Ariann had gone all out for this date; she bought a whole new outfit with her latest paycheck and had even curled her hair. And Maxin had the nerve to be late. Just as she started to complain loudly, someone knocked on the door. Immediately she shut up and stared at the door, not sure what to do. Ariann's sister laughed and gracefully answered the door while Ariann was sorting herself out. Peeking over her sister's shoulder to see her date, Ariann was pleasantly surprised. Maxin had fairly long black hair but she could easily see his deep brown eyes that moved around anxiously and nervously. He was wearing black slacks and a white button up shirt, both of which displayed his lean figure. But he wasn't holding any flowers. Ariann's eyes narrowed and she was content to glare, until she realized Maxin couldn't see her and obviously thought that her sister was his date; he looked petrified. Stepping out from behind, Ariann smiled at Maxin and smoothly said, "Hi, I'm Ariann!" Maxin looked obviously relieved and he smiled gratefully. "Hi Ariann. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find your house." "Ah, no big deal. I wasn't really ready anyway," Ariann lied coolly. After a few more required niceties, Maxin led Ariann out to his car. ------ Maxin kept on glancing at Ariann, hoping she didn't notice. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act. At least he remembered to open her door to his car and pull out her seat at the restaurant. Derek would be proud of him. Maxin just hoped that the waiter would come soon with their food--the silence was getting awkward. Wait: getting awkward? It had been that way for a while now. He opened his mouth a few times to say something, but at the last minute kept on forgetting what it was he was going to say. The two teenagers tried to both catch each other's gaze and avoid it completely. Focusing more on the latter, Maxin found himself people watching, looking at all the other couples in the restaurant. There were two twenty-somethings sitting at the next table, holding hands and whispering to each other. Across the room, an older couple was smiling lovingly at each other. At a table kitty-corner from Maxin and Ariann's, two pairs of teenagers were kissing lightly, ignoring everyone but their date. Now, Maxin regretted looking at all the happy couples around them. Maxin had never been good around new people. He liked to think that around people he knew, he wasn't shy, but he knew that around people he didn't know he clammed up. Licking his lips for the fourth time in the last ten seconds, Maxin almost jerked out of his chair when Ariann suddenly spoke. "We're both awful quiet. This is horrible," she said dryly. Grinning up at her, Maxin nodded. Ariann's eyes widened humorously as she continued, "See! You're still not talking! What are we to do? Sign to each other all night? Come on, talk." "Okay, okay. What do you want me to say?" Maxin said. Ariann laughed, "Right, give me the tough part. Thinking up conversational topics. How about this...plain, dry and simple, sure, but maybe it'll lead into meatier stuff. What's your favorite class?" Maxin bit his lip and leaned his elbows on the table as he replied, "Right now? Or could it be last semester?" Ariann shrugged, so Maxin continued. "I'll take that as a either-or. As of right now, my favorite class would have to be trigonometry, simply because everyone is so confused or deep into the math that no one talks. Last semester, though? It'd be a tie between my creative writing course and my sculpture-painting class." Ariann smiled, and it was a very pretty smile, Maxin noted offhandedly. "Oh, into math and art, are you? I'm proud of you--you utilize both sides of your brain! In an effort to continue this conversation, I'm deciding whether or not to ask you why you like it when no one talks. But since I'm smart, I figure that should wait until we know each other better. So I'm going to take the diplomatic route and tell you my favorite class, which is currently honors English. I love it...we're reading The Invisible Man right now." "Oh! I love that book! It's so meaningful," Maxin exclaimed. Ariann grimaced and said, "I guess so. I'm finding it hard to get into." Maxin nodded while he said, "It is at first...I'm sure you'll love it later. You'll have to keep me updated." Right at that moment, the waiter arrived with their food. Grinning at each other, much more at ease now, the two teenagers dug into their meals. Maxin had ordered a large chicken Cesar salad, which was basically more than he could handle. Ariann, on the other hand, got beef vegetable kabobs and rice in just a portion she could eat. The food went surprisingly quick and soon after that, the boy and girl were out of the restaurant. When they were back in the car, Ariann inquired, "What are we doing now?" Turning and blinking at her, Maxin stuttered, "Uh, I don't know. I thought we were just going to have dinner. I, er, don't have any money left or anything." Ariann smiled and said, "That's okay. Why don't we just drive around for a bit or just park here and get to know each other?" "Sure, that sounds like fun. I guess it is a little early to be heading back anyway," Maxin agreed. Leaning back, Ariann looked over at Maxin and gently asked, "Who was that woman you had a picture of in your wallet?" Maxin swallowed and answered very carefully, "That was my mom. She died last year of an inoperable brain tumor." "Oh, wow, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it. I'm just too curious for my own good. I'm really sorry for saying that, I shouldn't have asked...," Ariann stammered. Maxin turned to look at Ariann and said, "Don't worry about it. I'm sort of over it and it doesn't bug me when people ask. I've gotten used to it." Weakly smiling, Ariann said, "I suppose you'd have too, huh?" Maxin nodded, but remained silent. "Well, since that was such a dreary answer, I'll need to ask you a more upbeat question now. What's your favorite color ... and why?" "Why? No one ever asks why your favorite color is your favorite color," Maxin said. "Which I guess is why you asked it, huh? My favorite color really depends on my mood." He thought for a second and then continued, "To make it simple, I'll say the rainbow. All the different colors, so I can pick and choose. How about you?" Ariann looked contemplative as she gazed at Maxin. Her look was thoughtful as if she was seriously thinking about something important. After a couple minutes, she started talking again. "My favorite color is green. Earlier you said you like art classes and stuff. Are you an artiste?" She still seemed distracted. Noticing her odd change of mood, Maxin tried hard to keep the tone light. "Yeah, I draw and write a lot. I guess it's all I do. I have this one sketchbook that I use obsessively. It's like a journal and I tell it everything about myself, stuff that I've never been able to tell anyone else. Does that make sense?" "Yea, I can understand that. Sort of like a diary, like a true personal friend. Sounds like an interesting read," Ariann responded, her blue eyes focused on Maxin. Maxin blushed and looked away, "Well, I've never really let anyone else read it at all and I'm not sure if I'd be really comfortable with that, you know? It'd take a lot of thinking about I'm not so sure and well, I don't know, would you really want to... It's basically just my raw emotions put on paper with no editing and it's sort of weird, I don't know if you'd understand it because it's just so scattered.." Ariann grinned and put on some chapstick, replying, "Ah, no problem. Maybe later, when we've become bestest buddies you'll let me, eh?" Waving her away kiddingly, Maxin agreed, "Sure, sure, whatever." "I'm going to hold you to that," Ariann informed him. "But, I'd have you know, I bet there's nothing in there that could really shock me. I've seen a lot in my time." "Nice to know." "Okaay, let's skip to a different topic, sulky-boy. Well, actually, it's getting pretty late," Ariann said as she pointed to the clock. It read 11:23 PM. Maxin raised his eyebrows and replied, "Wow, I didn't realize what time it was. I'll drive you home." The ride home was uneventful, filled with simple conversations as the two continued to get to know each other. A bond was forming, a friendship that was surprisingly strong. They had almost nothing in common, yet it seemed they could talk to each other about anything. Almost anything, that is. Ariann got the distinct impression that Maxin wasn't telling her something--something important, something, which she was sure, could be found in the sketchbook. Ariann was dreadfully curious to read it and see what the dark-haired boy was hiding, but she knew better than to press the topic right now. Soon, they pulled up to Ariann's house. Originally, Ariann had planned to dive in for a goodnight kiss: she was getting fed up with the fact that she had never kissed anyone. Now that the moment was here, though, she suddenly realized that kissing Maxin would be a very stupid decision. It seemed that they could be really good friends, a friend like she hadn't had for a long time, but kissing would ruin everything. Instead, she smiled at him and simply got out of the car. He seemed relieved, as if he, too, had been pondering the kiss issue. Bending over after she stepped out of the car, Ariann said, "Are you going to call me or is this a one-night stand?" "I'll definitely call you. Hey, do you have AIM?" Maxin looked hopeful. Ariann grinned and responded, "I do, but you don't get my screenname. Friendships that start out on the computer seem to always be limited to just that--the computer. Call me next weekend and we can hang out." Nodding, Maxin waved and drove off. ------ Over the next few weeks and months, Maxin and Ariann spent more and more time together. They went to museums, movies, art shows and nice restaurants, talking about what they saw and how they interpreted everything. The two got along as if they had always known each other and whenever anything happened in their life, the first thing both Maxin and Ariann did was call each other. The friendship blossomed incredibly fast, to a point of closeness that usually isn't reached by teenagers. Maxin wasn't writing in his sketchbook anymore. He didn't even notice it until three months after he met Ariann. Before, he had been alone with no one to talk to and no one that understood. After he met Ariann, though, he could tell her everything, things that he used to write about in the book. Now that he had her, though, the book was useless and became covered under piles of papers and books on his desk. He still drew, but they weren't the soul-searching, angst-filled, tear-splattered works in his sketchbook. Maxin's new pictures were full of life and love. He had taken to drawing his mother again, in a way he hadn't been able to since she died. He even started on a daunting project: a life-size self-portrait. Before, any pictures he drew of himself were black and evil looking. This new one, though, showed his newly found hope for life. He appreciated Ariann so much it sometimes amazed him. He had really never been close to any one person, but that had definitely changed recently. Maxin still wasn?t too sure how to deal with it. They talked so much, but he still was never sure if he could really tell her everything. Sometimes he felt bad for holding back from her. He realized that even as close as the two were, he simply didn?t feel ready to completely bare his soul to Ariann. Maxin worried that Ariann knew he was holding out on her but just knew that she understood just all the time. Maxin was happy in a way he couldn't remember being in a long time. Ariann was definitely a good influence on him. In the time they spent together, she subtly forced him to deal with his mother's passing and his family. She pulled topics out of him that he severely didn't want to touch, topics like his depression. Maxin smiled faintly, thinking of that particular conversation. They had been sitting outside a modern art museum, one that had just started up and had barely any patrons. The two had spent the better part of the day exploring the place. Now, though, they were sitting and people watching?one of their favorite quiet activities. Ariann had suddenly turned to Maxin and stated, "You're sad." "What? No, I'm not! I had a great day today!" Maxin automatically responded. Smiling slightly, she said, "I don't mean today specifically. I mean in general. I think you're depressed." Maxin was confused and said so. Looking back at the sidewalk filled with people, Ariann explained, "You always seem distant and a little sad, even when we're having the times of our lives. And when we're not, when we're being solemn and quiet, you seriously seem depressed. You zone out all the time, and I know you're not just fantasying about my sexy body." Maxin smiled weakly. "I just worry about you. You've gone through some tough stuff, I know you have. I'm just not sure that you even realize you're depressed. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think so. Maxin, I'm seriously worried for you." Maxin had looked at the ground for a long time and hadn't even noticed when tears started to form in his eyes until they fell onto the concrete beneath him. He had been engulfed by a hug from Ariann, who seemed to be holding back tears of her own. Maxin had said something, he couldn't remember what, something about how much he appreciated Ariann and how he really hadn't even realized that he was depressed, but he supposed he was. After this revelation, the black haired boy and redheaded girl had talked for hours on the steps outside the museum. Maxin had told her everything, almost everything, that had been bugging him, including things he hadn't even known about until he voiced them. They hugged and cried a lot, ignoring the strange looks from people walking by. Thinking back on this memory, Maxin rubbed his teary eyes with the back of his hand. Blinking, he tried hard to concentrate on his task at hand--cleaning his room. Ariann was coming over soon and his dad said that his room had to be at least partially clean. Maxin wasn't too worried. He knew that Ariann would help him finish up the job when she arrived and that his dad would probably never bother to check the cleanliness of Maxin's room. He was just bending over his bed, attempting to straighten it up without actually making it, when Ariann ran in and automatically jumped on Maxin's bed, ruining his efforts. He glared at her, the glare easily turning into a smile. "Hey!" Maxin said, suddenly really happy to see her. "Did you get past my brothers safe?" His two brothers, one younger and one older, were known to catcall and harass Ariann anytime she got close to them. Ariann grimaced as she toed off her shoes, "Sort of safe. They didn't try to grab me today. Assholes." "That hits the nail on its head," Maxin laughed. "You're to help me clean my room." Ariann sighed, "Yeah, yeah, sure. Like this has never happened before." She acted aggravated, but even as she spoke the girl bent down and started cleaning. Maxin focused on the dirty clothes strewn across the room, since there was bound to be some dirty boxers somewhere. Ariann had discovered a pair the first time she had helped him clean and still hadn't forgotten it. Because of this, she started on his desk. It was horribly cluttered. Piles of papers and stacks of books populated the desk, overflowing onto the floor. She started picking up the items and trying to sort them. She set some of the books on the bookcases and the papers in binders and folders. Just as Ariann was about to pick up a battered, black sketchbook, Maxin turned to say something. "Ari .. oh," Maxin stuttered. "Can y-you give me that?" Ariann picked up the book and looked at Maxin. "What did you say? You look flushed," she told him. Dashing toward Ariann, Maxin grabbed the sketchbook out of her hands. "I'm fine." He breathed deeply and glanced at Ariann. She eyed him, her blue eyes focusing in a way he had never seen before. "Is that the sketchbook? It is, isn't it? That's why you're so protective of it. You're clutching it to your bosom like it was your child!" Ariann lightly said, smiling feebly. "Hey, didn't you say I could read it when we became best buds?" "What? Oh, Ariann, you don't need to read this, no, I'll just put it over here and...," Maxin trailed off, looking at Ariann and hoping she wouldn't insist on reading it. He wanted nothing more than for her not to read it. She did. "Maxin, seriously. Why can't I read it?" "Why do you need to? I've told you everything! It's like ... it's like, you're my sketchbook now! I haven't even written in it since I met you. You don't need to read it!" Maxin insisted. Ariann looked at the ground and visibly tried to calm down. "Maxin, if I know everything in the book, why can't I read it? I think it'd just give me a deeper insight into you and it'd really mean a lot to me to read it?" Maxin cut her off and exclaimed, "Don't you get it? I don't want you to read it! It's mine! You know me better than anyone, so can't you just understand that I don't want you to read this? I don't pry into your life!" "Pry ... I ... I didn't mean to pry or anything. I'm just hurt that you, you wouldn't let me read this. If I know you better than anyone, I don't see what you have to hide and I'm hurt and confused," Ariann quietly said. Maxin turned away and looked at the wall. "I'm sorry that you're hurt, but ... well, you don't know everything about me. I have my secrets and maybe those secrets are in here and maybe I don't want you to know and maybe I'm scared for you to know and maybe I wish ..." He suddenly remembered his earlier thoughts, about how he didn?t feel ready to tell her everything. Why was this happening now? "Wish what?" "I don't know what I wish. I wish we weren't talking about this," Maxin said. Ariann sighed, "Please let me read it. I just don't understand why I can't read it." Maxin twisted around quickly to face Ariann, staring her right in her face. Ariann had never seen Maxin like this. His eyes were wet from unshed tears and his face scrunched up from anger and pain. He looked ready to burst or cry or scream. He did all three. "I'm gay, Ariann! I'm fucking gay and I didn't want you to know because no one fucking knows and now you do and I know you'll be horribly mad, but fuck it! I'm gay! That's my secret! My big fucking secret! I can't stand it anymore! I'm a faggot!" He was weeping madly now, unable to stop. His mouth kept on moving, words kept on spitting out. He was telling Ariann to leave, leave now because he wanted to be alone and never see her again. Ariann wasn't listening. She was still stuck on the first three words of his rant. Her brain seemed frozen and she couldn't seem to grasp what he meant. Her mouth was open and she was still standing there, at least she thought she was, when Maxin was shoving her out of his door and screaming at her. The next thing she knew, she was outside Maxin?s house, still in a daze. Maxin was gay? How could he be gay? She had never ... He had never ... Suddenly she was incredibly angry at Maxin for not telling her, for lying to her. Ariann started to cry as she walked away from his house, maybe for the last time, crying because she had thought that she and Maxin were best friends and that they could tell each other anything, but obviously he felt different. She didn't know what to do or think. Except she knew that she never wanted to see him again. ------ Maxin was crying. His dad had just been upstairs, in his room. That was never good, especially since Maxin's family discovered he was gay. It was pretty hard for them not to know, since he had stupidly yelled it at Ariann a month before. Ariann ... the thought of her didn't help stop the tears. Ever since his argument with Ariann, Maxin's life had slowly sloped to an extremely low point. His dad was definitely not happy with the news of his son's homosexuality and tried repeatedly to beat it out of him. Maxin's brothers responded by insulting him and telling everyone they knew. There was no one to talk to and no one to understand. Maxin hadn't even been able to write in his journal again. The book was tainted: it was the cause of his argument with Ariann. Maxin had been considering suicide lately. When his mother died, he had promised himself he would never commit suicide because he knew what it felt like to lose someone. Now, though, he could literally see no one that would miss him. Everyone's lives would be simpler. Maxin knew he didn't really want to die, though, because every time the opportunity presented itself he shied away from it. He missed Ariann. They had only known each other for a short time, but Maxin missed her more than he missed his mom. He had almost called her a couple times, but always hung up before finishing dialing her number. Maxin wiped his eyes and stared at the green phone on his floor. Maybe he should call her. She was the nicest person he knew ... surely Ariann would forgive him for being such an idiotic asshole. Maybe. Or maybe when he started to yell at her Ariann had finally realized what a, well, what an asshole he really was. Maybe Ariann truly never wanted to see him again. Maybe. Or maybe not. The possibility of "maybe not" had never occurred to Maxin until now. He stared at the phone with more intensity. Trying not to think, the boy grabbed the phone and dialed the number. All his tries in the past days had never gotten him this far--maybe Maxin would actually go through with it this time. The phone rung three times and an answering machine came on. Maxin started to panic and suddenly didn't know what to say. Maxin's throat constricted as he listened Ariann's voice say, "Hey! This is Ariann and her private line--nice, huh? Well, please just leave a message at the bleep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible! Thanks for calling!" BLEEP. He forced himself to talk and not care at how forced it sounded. "Uh, hey Ariann. This is Maxin. I know we haven't talked for a long time but I ..." He started to cry again and swallowed a sob. "Sorry. I just really miss you and really want to talk to you, maybe about what happened a month ago. Could you please meet me tomorrow by the fountain in Newsbury Park? I'll be waiting there around 3:00. Please come. If you don't, well, I'll assume that you don't want to talk to me and I won't bug you anymore. But I really want to see you?" The machine cut him off. His brown eyes wide, Maxin hung up the phone and sat there for a long time. He hadn't planned on asking her to meet him, but now they were. If she wanted to. Shit, he hoped Ariann wanted to. If she didn't show up, he didn't know what he would do, but Maxin bet it wouldn't be pretty. Maxin bit his lip and lay down. It was late and tomorrow would be a big day, so he went to sleep. ------ It was 2:55 pm the next day and Maxin was waiting at the fountain in Newsbury Park. He had been waiting since noon, just in case Ariann decided to skip school (like Maxin) or some other incident. He wasn't sure why he had come so early--it had mostly been just to calm his nerves. Maxin waited fretfully and glanced at his watch every five seconds. He couldn't get his heart rate to calm down, his thoughts to straighten. Maxin closed his eyes and tried to breathe deeply. When he opened them, it was 2:59. Almost time. He looked up and scanned the crowd. It was void of Ariann and Maxin was suddenly filled with a horrible doubt that she was coming. He wondered why he expected her to. He looked at his feet, unsure if he should just leave now, before he started to cry. A hand was on his shoulder. Maxin's head jerked up and there was Ariann, smiling slightly. She looked sad but extremely happy at the same time. Maxin grinned at her and bit his lip. "Hey." Ariann opened her mouth and tried to say something, but only a strangled noise made it out. Instead she merely hugged Maxin tightly. The lengthy hug communicated volumes of love and true forgiveness between the two friends. No words were needed. |