Title: Thoughts During Intercourse Author: Fyre Rating: R Warning: Slash, Angst Pairing: Riku/Tidus, Riku/Sora Feedback: Loved. I even like flames. o0; Disclaimer: I own not Kingdom Hearts. Or the characters affiliated with it. Notes: This has been stewing in my head for a bit, then reading my friend's KH fic sparked it. Blame Jessie. Also, ages have been upped. I ... I don't go for the pedophilia thing, so Riku is 17 and Tidus and Sora are 16. Riku's thoughts wandered. It was easy to not think about what he was doing, not when he didn't really care for the boy. He knew that if he actually thought, he'd feel repulsed at himself. He shouldn't be doing this, since he knew he didn't love, or even lust anymore, after him. But, then again, the other boy knew Riku felt this way and they had an arrangement, so it wasn't all bad, right? No, it wasn't right and Riku knew it. He thrust and moaned, both instinctual motions. That's all it was nowadays, motions. Riku went through the motions about once a week and didn't even think a thing of it. He could go through his days and not worry about the arrangement. He could look at the other boy and not feel awkward or horny or ashamed at all. That wasn't right. Riku knew he should feel something. But he didn't. That wasn't true. If Riku was absolutely honest with himself, he did feel slightly ashamed. But not because of what he was doing with the boy. Not because of the arrangement. He was ashamed because of his reasons. He was with this boy because he was too ashamed, too cowardly, to mention it to another boy. The boy he was with, the boy he was in, knew this. Riku knew that the boy felt the same way--not about the same boy, but they understood each other. That's why the arrangement worked. Both boys wanted what they couldn't have; both had been ready to die because of the frustration, the sexual tension. Late one night, both boys have confessed to each other their feelings--their feelings not for each other, but for others--and then, promptly, fell into each other's arms. That night had been a milestone, but Riku couldn't decide whether or not it was in the right direction. As he finished, Riku withdrew and went through the motions of holding the other boy. Riku never mentioned his wandering thoughts to Tidus, for he wasn't sure if he would understand him. Riku was both afraid Tidus would understand him--which would make Riku jealous, for some stupid reason--and afraid Tidus wouldn't understand, which would simply mark Riku as yet more of an outcast. Riku muttered into Tidus's sweat dampened hair, muttering both nonsense and one word over and over again. Recently, ever since Tidus had yelled the name of whom he really wanted, Riku had allowed himself to indulge in this small practice. He closed his eyes, nuzzled the other boy's ear and wished it really were Sora he held in his arms. |
