HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at
passing cars to see if they slow down.
2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3) Insist that your e mail address be [email protected]
or [email protected].
4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten
over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy".
12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights
up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13) Don't use any punctuation
14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
15) Ask people what sex they are.
16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
17) Sing along at the opera.
18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if
your boss is the opposite gender.)
20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're
doing. For example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.
21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party
because you're not in the mood.
23) Drum on every available surface.
24) Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
25) Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook.
Mutter something about "psychological profiles".
26) Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
27) Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
28) Make appointments for the 31st of February.
29) Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
30) Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
31) Play with the Light switches as if they were a thunderstorm.
32) Repeat this conversation millions of times;
"Did you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind."
33) Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
34) Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
35) Change your name to John AaaaaSmith for the great glory of being first in the phone
book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A.
36) On a long road trip, rename the colours of cars yip, skip and flip etc.
And every time a car passes, yell out your new name for the colour of that car.