Blonde Jokes

One day a blonde got so sick of peolpe making fun of other blondes
(including herself) so she was going to paint the her whole inside of
her house and prove to everyone everywhere that blondes weren't as
dumb as they think. So when her husband walked in the front door he
smelled paint coming from the other room and when he got into the
other room he saw the blonde laying there sweating with a fur coat and
a heavy winter coat and a half painted room. He asked the blonde
what happened she said that she was going to paint the whole house
but she only got half of this room painted then I passed out. He asked
her why she had on her two of her heaviest coats and she replied "I
read the directions and it said two apply with two heavy coats".

There was a blonde who wanted to make some money, so she
decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went
to the park and grabbed a boy and pulled him behind a tree. She
wrote a note that said, "I've kidnapped your son! Leave a bag of
10000 dollars next to this tree tomorrow at 3 pm. Signed, a
Blonde." Then she pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show
his mom. She went back to the tree the next day at 3:00 and sure
enough, there was a bag. She looked in and found 10 000 dollars along with
a note that said, "Here's your money, but how could you do this to a
fellow Blonde?"

What do you call a blonde with 1/2 a brain?
GIFTED!

One day Santa Claus, a blonde with an I.Q. of 153, and the
Easter bunny were walking down the street. A $100 bill dropped down
in front of them, and they all raced to get it. Who got the $100 bill?
NONE OF THEM! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ANY OF THE 3!

One day a boy was teasing a blond and calling her dumb. The blond
was sick and tired of being called dumb, so she told the boy that she
was going to prove that she was not dumb. The blond went home and
studied all of the States' Capitals. She studied all evening. The next
day, the boy called her dumb. She reminded him of her
challenge. He told her that if she could prove that she was NOT dumb she
would stop teasing her. The Blond told him that she knew Every Capital
of every state. He didn't believe her, so he asked what the Capital of
Washington was. Her reply: 'W'.

There once was a blonde who was at a bar with her friend. They were
watching the 6:oo news. There was a story on a guy
threatening to jump off a building and kill himself. The blonde's friend
said, "I bet you $20 he will jump". The blonde said,"OK, you're on!" Sure
enough, the man jumped off and killed himself. The friend said "I can't
take your money, I have to admit I already saw this on the 5:00 News."
And the blonde replied, "Take it, you won. I saw it on the 5:00 News
too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

There was a blond who came into the hospital one day with her finger
shot off. The doctor asked her what happened. She said..."I
wanted to commit suicide. So I was going to shoot myself in the
heart..but I remembered I spent over $10 000 on my boob job, so then I was
going to put the gun in my mouth, but then I decided not to
because I spent $20 000 on my teeth, so I stuck the gun in my ear and shot."

A blonde was going to Hawaii,first class.An emergency arose and the
stewardess needed her seat.She asked if she would move back
to economy class.The blonde flatly refused.She said"I paid for
first class and I am staying in first class"But the stewardess pleaded
with the blonde,but to know avail she would not give in.The flusterd
stewardess finally went to the captain with her problem.He thought he
could help her out.He went back to first class and confronted the
blonde.He bent over and whispered in her ear.She never said a word,she got
up and walked back to the back of the plane with a smile on her
face.The stewardess was simply amased!She said to the captain"how did
you do that,what ever did you say to her to make her leave like
that"?The captain simply said"I told her this part of the plane wasn't
going to Hawaii.

What is the advantage of marrying a dumb blonde?
You can park in dissabled!

One day, a blonde dyed her hair black and went to a farm. Apon
arriving, she said to the farmer, "If I guess how many sheep are out in
your field can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agreed and the
blonde made her guess:"350 sheep." The farmer said to the blonde,
"Well, that's close enough. You may take any sheep you like." The
blonde left to select a sheep. As she was leaving with her prize, the
farmer ran up to her and said, "If I guess what color your
hair really is, can I please have my dog back?"

A blonde goes into a store and sees a shiny object on the shelf. She
asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk
replies, "That is a
thermos." The blonde then asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things
cold." The blonde says, "Oh! I could use something like that!! I'll
take it!" The next day, as she walks into work with her new thermos she
spots her boss and shows off her shiny new thermos, "I just got this
yesterday, isn't it wonderful! It's a thermos and it keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold!" The boss asks, "And what do you have in it?"
The blonde replies, "Some coffee and a popsicle."

A blonde had a near death experience the other day when she went
horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started
bouncing out of control. She tried with all her might to hang
on, but was thrown off. With her caught in the stirrup, she fell
headfirst to the ground. Her head continued to bounce on the ground
as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as she was giving
up hope and losing consciousness, the Kmart manager came out and
unplugged it. Thank goodness for heroes.

John gets a call from his blonde girlfriend, Buffy.
"I've got aproblem," says Buffy.
What's the matter?" asks John.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the
pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks John
"It's of a big Rooster," replies Buffy.
"All right," says John, "I'll come over and have a look."
So he goes over to Buffy's house.
Buffy greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Buffy leads John into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
John looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Buffy and says.....
"For Pete's sake - put the Cornflakes back in the Box!"


THE MAGIC FROG
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal
in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for
dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said "Because you are
the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes... Bear,
you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I
wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on.
The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his
wish like that. It was the bear's second turn for a wish.? "Well, I wish that all the
bears in the next forest were female as well." Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish the bear
was GAY..."

As a man was dining at a restuarant he was puzzled to find that his
glass and plate were shaking, as was the entire diner. Puzzled the man
looked behind him to see several dozen blondes marching around
holding up signs that said "81 days" and chanting "81 days, 81 days!".\
The man immediatly asked one of the blondes what the sign meant. In
response the blonde withdrew a puzzle. "We finished this puzzle in 81
days," the blonde said, beaming with pride,"and it says 1-3 years on the box!"


Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an
additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left."
A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

One day a blonde received a gift certificate to a spa for a massage.
She happily got in her car and drove to the spa to use her certificate.
When she arrived the hostess asked her to remove the
headphones she was wearing and to have a seat. The blonde replied that
if she took her headphones off she would die. The woman laughed and asked
her one more time, and still the blonde refused. While the blonde was
getting her massage she fell asleep because she was so relaxed.
The woman took that as her chance to remove the headphones.
A couple minutes later the blonde died. Feeling awful the woman placed
the headphones on her head and listened. A calm voice was saying,
"Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale....."

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