there's travel in your future when your tounge freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill in that void in your pathetic life by playing whack-a-mole 17 hours a day
try to avoid any virgos or leos with the Ebola virus You are the true lord of the dance, no matter what those idiots at work say
the look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40-pound water melon in you colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to meryl streep
you will never find true happiness-what you gonna do cry about it? The stars predict that tomorrow you will wake up do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep
your birthday party will be ruined by your explosive flatulance Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your drivers test
Now is not a good time to photo copy your butt and staple it to your boss's face,oh no Eat a bucket of tuna flavored pudding, thn wash it down with a gallon of strawberry quik
all virgos are extremely friendly and intellegent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick
Now you may find it inconcevieable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a specil deep signifigance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forecasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true.
Where was i?
a big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented than you Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your colon bursts next week
get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window Work a little bit harder on improving you low self-esteem, you stupid freak
All your friends are laughing behind your back.... KILL THEM thake down al those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine You've got hanging in your den
The stars say you are and exciting and wonderful person...but you know they're lying If i were you id lock my doors and windows and never never never never neverleave my house again
