(A3b3) leaving homosexuality

As of this date, 07-02-25, this folder contains 9 items. ******* item 1 EUROPEAN EX-GAYS ******* item 2 FORMER TRANSGENDER TELLS HIS STORY ******* item 3 INTERVIEW WITH A PARENTS' RIGHTS ACTIVIST: BRIAN CAMENKER ******* item 4 REPARATIVE MINISTRIES REACH OUT TO HOMOSEXUALS ******* item 5 GREAT NEWS: ILLINOIS STUDENT TRANSFORMED BY THE CHRIST OF CHRISTMAS ******* item 6 SAVED IN THE METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH ******* item 7 JEWISH TESTIMONY ******* item 8 HELP -- MY TEENAGER IS GAY! ******* item 9 WHAT HAPPENS TO SPERM BANK CHILDREN WHEN THEY GROW UP? ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 1 EUROPEAN EX-GAYS ******* from: "PFOX" ******* Date: Thu, 22 Jul 2004 ******* The only online support group for European men and women undergoing Reparative Therapy, and their supporters: www.ChangeIsPossible.org.uk is a support group for same sex strugglers and their family/friends in Europe. We are men and women who, for various reasons, were dissatisfied with homosexuality. We decided to broaden our horizons and use psychotherapy to discover our heterosexual feelings, while decreasing our homosexual ones. Change is not easy, it doesn't happen quickly, and it's not for everyone. However, change is possible. We know. We have experienced actual changes in sexual desires. ******* What does European and International law say? ******* Article 11 of the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union: �Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers.� ******* Article 19 of the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights: �Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.� ******* The ChangeIsPossible.org.uk online support group is where European men and women who are reducing their same-sex attractions can gain support, affirmation, and assistance from others. We desire it to be a safe place, where no member needs to fear the critics who are against the idea of successful change. ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060, 703-360-2225 ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: [email protected] ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 2 FORMER TRANSGENDER TELLS HIS STORY ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Wed, 27 Jul 2005 ******* In his own words, this is the story of Darrell, an African-American former transgender. PFOX raised funds for his reversal surgery: ******* As a boy, I began to feel same sex attractions at age 13. I acted out with older kids and then became involved with older homosexuals and bisexual men. When I moved away from home, I encountered a man who I thought was a woman. He introduced me to other �men� like him, who befriended me. We spent lots of time together. I asked them how they got that way. So one of them introduced me to a downtown doctor, who evaluated me and gave me my first shot of estrogen so I could start looking like a woman too. At that point I became afraid. But my friends were there to help me. The doctor left me with my own estrogen and steroid pills and refills. I was on my way to becoming a woman just like my transgender friends. ******* As a result of the estrogen, I became physically developed as a woman, even though I was not one. The hair on my body and face started to shed. A month passed by. I became scared at what I saw in the mirror. Nonetheless, I was happy with what I was seeing. ******* Along with the physical changes, my personality changed. I became very arrogant. Even though my breasts had enlarged, I wanted more. So my transgender friends introduced me to an attractive man who owned an extremely large and beautiful house on a hill. He took me into his basement and told me to lie down on a table. ******* He massaged my breasts. Then he injected my breast with silicone gel and began to pump up the breast. I saw my breasts increase in size right before my eyes. He asked me to let him know when to stop. I was breathing very fast with fear. But in less than two hours it was over. I began to realize that this is commonly how transgendered men get their breasts � through unauthorized silicone injections. Sometimes they get together for what is called a �pumping party� and inject each other. ******* But I was pleased with my new breasts. I thought I looked attractive and was reinforced by the compliments of my transgendered circle of friends. ******* However, as the years went by, I became depressed. I was never able to be happy or find true love. I was in love with a guy that I thought was the best thing that had ever happened to me. But he was abusive. Despite the abuse, there was almost nothing I would not have done for him. But it was all for nothing because he left me for someone younger. ******* In the homosexual and transgender life, youth is very important. As a result, I was obsessed with my body and personal appearance. Acceptance by others in this lifestyle requires a good body and good looks. ******* In order to be part of the transgender crowd, men must meet certain criteria. We have to have more dominate female features; in other words, look more like a woman than she actually does. So we had to have bigger breasts, more shapely hips, flawless complexion, etc. In order to keep up, I had to buy the most expensive creams, take a regiment of hormone pills, do my makeup in the mirror for hours, etc. ******* It took me a long time to fix myself up and keep up with the beauty regiment, especially since I was not a woman. So although I looked better than most of the women out there, it was all a charade because I was not even a woman to begin with and it took so long for me to look like one. Going to a bar or party as a woman was hard work. The performance was an everyday lie. ******* But the praise from the others in my crowd of transgender friends kept me going. I was the center of attention and felt important. When younger transgenders joined us, I took more hormone estrogen pills to look more physically female, even though the increased dosage made me physically ill. ******* One time I saw myself from a side mirror and was frightened because I thought it was someone else. At one point, I was so depressed and lonely that I went to the public rail system wanting to be rescued, even if it meant going to jail. I carried half a gallon of whiskey and was sobbing on the public bench. It was raining that night and I urinated on myself over and over again. I was drunk. I felt sorry for myself because no one else was. After many letdowns like this, I wanted to change my life. ******* No one reached out to me, so I turned to Christ and stopped taking hormones. Slowly I began to look like the gender of my birth. I went back to calling myself by my male name, the one my parents gave me and that I had abandoned all those years when I was trying to make believe I was a female. I began to see that I was a new creature in Christ. I began to like myself and associate with people who were Christians. They loved me unconditionally and I didn�t have to always look �beautiful� to be with them. ******* Eventually, no one could tell I had been a female for all those years �******* except for one thing. I still had my breasts. So now I was a man with female breasts. What had once given me so much pride was now a source of agony for me. I did not have the money to pay a surgeon and hospital operating room to remove the silicone from my breasts. Of course, the procedure was not covered by insurance. I didn�t know where to turn for financial assistance, because I felt no one would understand how I got into this mess and instead tell me I deserved it. But I knew God did not want me to live like this. He had made me complete in His love and He would complete me now. ******* I heard about PFOX, Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, a non-profit organization that had raised funds for the reversal surgery of another former transgender. PFOX agreed to raise funds for my surgery, anesthesia, and operating room. They found a Catholic plastic surgeon to perform the operation at a reduced rate. A Christian woman financed the operation. Who would believe that people could be so kind to make such contributions for someone like me? ******* There was a lot of anticipation and anxiety waiting for the day of my reversal surgery. I thought that day would never arrive, and when it did, I was scared. At one point I began to think I did not deserve it. ******* After the surgery was over, I looked down to see the final results and I never looked down again. Now I could do the things I had always wanted: go to the gym, meet people, try on clothes without fearing that someone would walk in on me, and become more physically active. I began to experience a confidence I had never had before. ******* Today I am ready for the Lord to move me to another level so that He will continue to work in my life. Jesus changed both my body and soul. I have been changed to be unchangeable. Not in a million years did I ever think I would be giving this testimony. Take it from me, regardless of what you have done or who you did it with, when God is in you, your life will never be the same. Jesus Christ is the best thing that happened to me. He is more beautiful than any woman I could ever try to be. ### Copyright PFOX 2005 ******* A copy of this article and Darrell�s before and after photo is available online at: http://www.pfox.org/asp/newsman/templates/newstemplate.asp?articleid=226&zoneid=2 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: [email protected] ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 3 INTERVIEW WITH A PARENTS' RIGHTS ACTIVIST: BRIAN CAMENKER ******* by Joseph Nicolosi, Ph.D. ******* Updated: 20 September 2004 ******* This article can be found on line at http://www.narth.com/docs/camenker.html ******* In cooperation with gay groups such as GLSEN and GLAAD, the state of Massachusetts has recently instituted a broad range of gay-affirming Health and Human Sexuality programs. Some of these programs have caught the attention of parents, who are disturbed at the programs' one-sided approach, and also their tendency to override the values of many parents. Here, NARTH interviews Massachusetts parent-activist Brian Camenker. ******* JN: Tell us, Brian, what is the Parents' Rights Coalition? And what motivated you to get started? ******* BC: It's an organization focusing mainly on the gay-affirming and sex-education programs in the state of Massachusetts. ******* JN: You're a computer programmer with two children in the public school system in that state. What problems did you see in those programs? ******* BC: In my hometown of Newton in 1992, a group of parents became very concerned about the homosexual agenda and the general approach to sexuality being introduced into the community schools by those programs. ******* When we first went to the local school committee to discuss our concerns, we were rebuffed. They called us some very unflattering names, and said that the community should avoid people like me because I was a Christian fundamentalist. Even though I'm Jewish! We basically got nowhere. Then the newspapers contacted me. ******* Later that year the Catholic Archbishop of Boston called a meeting of intellectuals, academics, and others from different ethnic backgrounds and religious faiths to talk about the issues troubling them in our culture. One of those issues of concern was Massachusetts' new sex-education programs. This group became The Interfaith Coalition of Massachusetts, and I was elected chairman. ******* JN: And then what happened? ******* BC: The first thing we wanted to do was create the "Parents' Rights Bill," which we wrote and presented to the State Legislature. Essentially, it said that parents have to be told when their children are being put into these courses. They should have the option to remove their kids if they wished; schools could not take retribution on the kids that had opted out; and parents had the right to see the course material. ******* Over a period of time, The Interfaith Coalition became the Parents' Rights Coalition. In short order our work began to generate a lot of controversy, and then a lot of the clergy involved didn't want to take the heat, and they stepped back. ******* What was left of our group then solidified, and it became less of a group of academics and community leaders, and more of a group of thousands of parents. ******* JN: It seems that many religious leaders tend to avoid conflict, doesn't it? ******* BC: Oh, yes, there was a great reticence about controversy. Eventually we had to forget about the religious leaders and rely on the parents instead. They were the ones who carried us through. ******* What happened next, was that we presented this bill in the State Legislature. It got tremendous hostility from the Teachers' Unions and the homosexual groups. Tremendous, tremendous hostility. However, we battled on, we got thousands of parents involved, and it took a couple of years--but we got it passed by both Houses, and then signed into law by Governor Bill Weld. ******* Now during that process, unfortunately it got watered down a lot, but still, it was a great victory for us and a great defeat for them because they put a tremendous amount of effort into killing it. ******* One of the interesting things was when it came down to the very last afternoon of the legislative session, we were outside the chambers of the House of Representatives, and the activists had a dozen of their key lobbyists there. They were polling every single member of the legislature as they came in and went out, as to how they were going to vote. In that same room, we had 120 parents! These activists were very upset because for the first time, they were being challenged. ******* These little mothers, some had come in 100 miles from Worcester, saying to the legislators, "Why won't you let us have these rights, why are you doing this to our children?" And the legislators had no answers. ******* JN: They weren't expecting such resistance. ******* BC: They're used to being the intimidators. They're used to holding the moral high ground against people they had been painting as bad guys, and they were in shock at who they actually had to answer to. They had to answer to a group of dedicated mothers. ******* JN: So much of the success of the gay agenda has always been because the victims take the moral high ground. The fact they tend to blur, is that while gay-bashing is morally objectionable to everyone, people are entitled to voice legitimate, principled objection. There are some reasonable distinctions to be made between homosexuality and heterosexuality, and that of course is not "hatred" of a group of people. ******* BC: Indeed it is not. But the Legislature did not want to pass this bill, so we essentially had to show them that we had the support to get it through, and now it is state law. ******* Since then, we've had some other minor victories too. In my own situation with my then 11-year-old daughter in the sixth grade, she was put in a Health course whose goal, among other things, was to help each child understand his race, class, ethnicity, and sexual orientation. This was a course they had in place for an 11-year-old. ******* The principal would not let me take her out. He said the Massachusetts court curriculum guidelines required Health, and so I presented all of this to the State Board of Education. ******* A few months later, the state Board of Education removed Health from the curriculum guidelines. ******* But that victory stirred up a new controversy. Making my experience as an example of what's wrong in Massachusetts, The Boston Globe was livid, and they published a story that was very unflattering about me. But the controversy settled down again because parents and a lot of other people got involved. What I've found is that's what it takes--parents getting involved. ******* JN: Why is it so hard to mobilize parents? ******* BC: The other side is tremendously well organized. But mostly, parents have their own lives to live and don't have the time to get involved in activism to defend the issues that are important to them. On the other hand, our opposition on this issue can invest a great deal of time, energy and passion in what they believe in. ******* Also, many people are simply unaware of what is happening. When we show them these school curriculums, they don't believe us. ******* I have a close friend, an older guy who was in interned in Nazi concentration camps in Word War II. He was a Holocaust survivor, and he "gets it"...he understands the problem of denial and how it can paralyze a whole society. When people don't believe something is actually going on, they go about their lives as if nothing is happening. ******* So because people can't imagine it is that extreme, we've very carefully documented all of what we talk about. ******* In fact, we had an article about us in the National Review, in September 1995, that documented a lot of this. We still get calls from that article. ******* JN: Where can people reach you? ******* BC: Our address is The Parents Rights Coalition, P.O. Box 175, Newton, MA 02466. We have a voice mail at (781) 433-7106. We finally were able to get an office with an Executive Director--we've been able to raise enough money from concerned citizens to establish ourselves. ******* Our tape has been heard by thousands of people by now. In fact when the Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives heard it, he called me into his office while the House was in session to talk about his concerns about the school system. But that time, the lawmakers didn't have the guts to follow through and actually do something. ******* JN: They were intimidated. ******* BC: They didn't want to offend anyone. So our job in this next year is to make them more afraid of the voters than they are of the gay agenda. What I think is their Achilles' heel, is the recovery movement. ******* JN: Absolutely. ******* BC: That is their Achilles' heel, and that's what we have to nurture in Massachusetts. ******* JN: Where do you plan to go from here? ******* BC: What our latest objective is to de-fund the million and half dollars that Republican Governor Celucci gives every year to the Gay/Straight Alliance out of the state budget. We think that should be a private enterprise, like our group--not a cause promoted by tax dollars. As our audiotape reveals, this group has been incredibly destructive in the public schools. ******* Another thing we've done is to documented the educational abuses we talk about. I can cite the location of every one I've mentioned--"chapter and verse." ******* Another thing we did here in Newton is to support candidates for the school committee. Recently we almost won several seats, so the school committee is worried about us. ******* JN: What do they say about your tape? ******* BC: One of the committee members called me up and we went to lunch this past Friday. I pulled out documentation of all of these things that are going on in the public schools. She didn't believe what I'd said--until I showed her the papers and handouts. ******* JN: What is your strategy in approaching the schools? ******* BC: We used to just say to the school committees, "We hope that this is something you won't do, because of this-and-that reason." But we've changed. You need to confront these people directly. ******* Our stand now is, "You do not have the right or the authority to do this to our children." That is a different perspective that takes them a little off-guard, and it is much more effective. Because in these programs, nobody is standing up and admitting to the kids, "This is a self-destructive lifestyle that could kill you." ******* Someone who believes in what we're doing once came here and spoke to a Parents' Rights gathering. At first he was arguing whether or not these programs that support kids in getting into a gay lifestyle are a civil right or not. I believe that when you argue on that level, you've lost. I believe you have to get right to the heart of it, right to the behavior, right to what a gay lifestyle really is...the whole way it tears apart your soul. ******* One of the reasons that I feel more comfortable than others in discussing this is that in my own life I've had many close friends who are homosexual. I've seen close-up what this does to them...the inner turmoil they're going through. ******* I may not be a psychologist, but I can see very clearly--I'd say, intuitively--that homosexuality has got to be a symptom of something deeper going on in the individual. ******* JN: I agree. It's about a deep desire to be acceptable within the company of members of one's own sex, and to experience their affirmation, attention and affection. Homosexuality is not, fundamentally, about sex. It's a search for identity and a sense of belonging. ******* BC: Yes, that's exactly how I see it. They take these fragile, confused kids and say to them: "Well, you may feel unsure of who you are, but from what you've told us, we've decided that what you really are is homosexual, so come on downtown and meet these other guys." ******* The superintendent of the schools at Newton actually had a public meeting, where he introduced a 16-year-old who talked about his love for men. The superintendent was proud of this! This is how the schools' Gay/Straight Alliances are helping kids. ******* George Orwell once said that "There's no idea so bizarre that it will not be accepted by an intellectual." It seems that the smarter people are, the more willing they are to accept nonsense that simply contradicts common sense. ******* I live in Newton, which has several Nobel Prize winners, and... ******* JN: ...And I bet they're all paralyzed when it comes to thinking clearly and decisively about these issues. ******* BC: You're right. ******* JN: Because the intellectual says, "Well, I don't know...maybe it's true, who can say, who can judge? Maybe that's his truth, even if it's not my truth." When you talk about something that you passionately believe to be true, and offer reasonable arguments, their eyes just glaze over. ******* In fact--I still laugh when I remember this--The New York Times ran an article in 1998 called "Analysts Get Together for a Synthesis." It was a report on a psychoanalytic conference at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. ******* Analysts now tend to avoid the attempt to get to the truth in their patients' histories--"abandoning certainty in favor of a reasonable myth the patient can believe in." ******* "The discussion of true versus false is a false issue," one analyst said. Another conceded, "We're all anxious to show what we don't know." ******* "During the meeting," said The Times, "only a few analysts claimed to know anything." ******* BC: Yet they all believe that homosexuality is normal and healthy, and a gay lifestyle is good. That, they seem to have no doubt about. ******* The root of this problem--and so many other people around me find to be true also--is that when you give up believing in a transcendent moral order reflected in human nature, with laws that mankind cannot change by popular vote, then anything's possible. Anything at all is possible when you say there is no objective truth. That's a big problem, particularly among intellectuals, who are much smarter than God. ******* One of the things for which I've looked to NARTH, is help in getting the scientific facts together. I really enjoyed a book by one of your Scientific Advisory Board members, Jeffrey Satinover. His Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth has been very important to us. I also liked both of Scott Lively's books...very good. That's what I find is very powerful--when you confront people with the truth. ******* JN: People who in their gut feel there's something not quite right about homosexuality. That's what I call "natural homophobia." I'm not talking about the kind of homophobia that leads to gay-bashing or scapegoating...we all know, without question, that's wrong. I'm talking about the gut feeling people have that there is something not really quite normal about two men or two women falling in love. ******* The average person just knows there is something missing there. There is--as a very prominent member of the American Psychiatric Association, Dr. Robert Spitzer, recently admitted--something that is just "not working" when a person has no capacity for heterosexual arousal. ******* But when the layman thinks this way, he is hit with so-called scientific information that disproves his intuition about homosexuality, and then he feels guilty and embarrassed about having had that intuition. The gay movement says that his idea is the same as racial hatred--a feeling all of us know is reprehensible. So at that point, the average person just throws up his hands. After all, if science is against him, then his feelings must represent nothing more than ignorance and prejudice. ******* But the fact is, science supports his gut reaction. ******* BC: And NARTH is clarifying that for us--that there's scientific information on the other side of this issue. ******* JN: I'm glad we've been able to get the information out there. ******* BC: By the way, I've discovered that when I deal with the media, it's actually better to say it exactly as it is; don't sugar-coat it. ******* I had an interesting situation on WGBH-TV,, the public television center in Boston. They had me there on a talk show last year. I was on on Emily Rooney's show--she's Andy Rooney's daughter--along with a woman who's the head of The New England Gay and Lesbian Advocacy. ******* Emily Rooney's first question was, "Well Mr. Camenker, what is it about homosexuality that seems to bother you so much?" ******* And I said, "Well Emily, for one thing it's a public-health problem. A lifetime of anal sex does not do great things for the body." ******* Nobody had ever said that on public television. ******* JN: So you got right to it. ******* BC: The place erupted. They started screaming at me. ******* JN: Because as troubling as that statement sounds, there is no logical argument against it. ******* BC: So then she said, "Well, what about lesbians?" And I mentioned something about the lesbian sexual practices that happened to be described in detail to kids in my daughter's "Living and Learning" health class--a particular practice which happens to be especially gross. ******* She said, "What do you know about what I do with my sexuality--what do you know?" ******* I said, "Emily, that's the whole point, we don't want to know. Nobody wants to know." And neither do our children need to be taught these things in junior high school. ******* She apparently is heterosexual, but she just lost it. ******* I must have gotten letters and phone calls from people for two months saying, "Boy, you were wonderful!" ******* JN: Sometimes you have to get right down to the bottom line and just say it. Because the paradox is that many people who support the full affirmation of homosexuality in our society do not even want to consider what the actual behavior is. ******* BC: No, they don't. ******* JN: They like to think, as someone once commented, "that gay men just hug." ******* BC: In fact, I've found that the truth is a very powerful thing. I think it was Pope Paul who was quoted in the Wall Street Journal, of all places saying essentially, "The main thing that brought about freedom in Eastern Europe and destabilized the totalitarian movement was people's refusal to lie." That is what we have to learn. ******* JN: And your audiotape has been pretty clear in delivering the facts about what's been happening in the schools. ******* BC: We've gotten out that one-hour tape to thousands of people by now. In fact, when the Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives heard it, he called me into his office while the House was in session to talk about his concerns about the school system. Of course, he didn't have the guts to do anything. But our job in this next year is to make them more afraid of the voters than they are of the gay agenda. ******* What I think is their Achilles' heel, is the recovery movement. ******* JN: Absolutely. And that's where NARTH comes in. ******* BC: Right. That is their Achilles' heel, and that's what we have to nurture here in Massachusetts. ******* JN: This is really where the solution lies--reparative therapy, the healing of homosexuality. When we show a person who was once gay and now is no longer gay, that pulls the rug out from under the entire notion that there are two distinct groups of people, different from birth--gay people and straight people. ******* BC: I don't think we're really going to get anywhere until we can get the recovery movement off the ground. ******* JN: That's what NARTH is trying to do. ******* BC: It must be extremely difficult. I can imagine that it is one of the most difficult things for a person to get free from--harder, I would think, than alcoholism. ******* JN: Yes it is, because there's not just an addictive behavior involved, but it's more than that--the basic issue goes back to identity. The only solution for many men seems to be an annihilation of the self, and an identification with an idealized male who it seems must be "out there" somewhere, if only he can find him. The issue is about a struggle with self-hatred, and about the search for identity. ******* BC: You know, I personally have known dozens of such men. I've had many as close friends who I deeply cared about, and I've seen this torment and watched it in their lives. And I hope to persuade the Massachusetts schools that they aren't helping our kids by opening up the door into a destructive lifestyle. ******* JN: NARTH's position is that the teenage years are not the time to make a decision about sexual identity. This is a decision to be made by a mature person in adulthood, when all the facts are available, and when the options can be carefully considered, and he has the benefit of a few more years of life experience. ******* Thanks very much, Brian, for a most interesting description of what's happening in Massachusetts. ******* In our next issue, we'll publish a transcript of your audiotape describing those Massachusetts school programs in detail. **************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 4 REPARATIVE MINISTRIES REACH OUT TO HOMOSEXUALS - Groups believe orientation can be changed - by Joe Woodard, Calgary Herald, Sunday, June 12, 2005, Page: B6 ******* From: Robert A Jason ******* When Paul's son was born last year, the delivery room experience was "scary, terrifying, confusing -- it was exhilarating," he says. "I felt like I was witnessing a miracle. I didn't know I could love another person like I do." What's more, says the Calgary businessman, "I didn't know I had the capacity to love another male this way." ******* Paul is astonished, because from his late teens until his mid-30s, he lived the gay lifestyle. Paul was often thrilled but never happy in the life, he says. It never added up to anything. He tried celibacy, but in the 1980s, few therapists thought someone's orientation could change. "Paul" is not his real name. He runs a small firm in north Calgary, his wife is a teacher, he attends a conservative church, and he has a brand new son. "You can stand up in church and say, I'm alcoholic; it's cool. But ex-gay is not cool," he says. "I'm not so worried about my church; in my church alone there are two guys who left the life, have families, and it's no big deal for them. ******* I worry about gay activists. I knew lots of wonderful guys, but activists hate anyone saying all this." Paul's son is the result of a mainly faith-based movement that grew in the 1990s: reparative ministry to homosexuals. Exodus Ministries (www.exodus-international.org) and its Living Waters program are celebrating their 30th birthday, with 130 ministries continent-wide and 50 more in training. There are Catholic Courage, Jewish Jonah, Mormon Evergreen, the new Anglican Zacchias networks, and scores of independent ministries. Their efforts are backed by secular therapists with the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (www.narth.com). NARTH has 1,000 chartered psychologists, including 50 in Canada, says its president Joseph Nicolosi. ******* In 2001, psychologist Robert Spitzer, who spearheaded the American Psychological Association's 1973 normalization of homosexuality, published a landmark study affirming sexual orientation changeability. Last summer, the APA finally accepted reparative therapy as ethical, when offered to people who freely want to change. And last fall, former APA president Robert Perloff publicly called NARTH "a voice crying in the wilderness." "There were positive steps in 2004 to show our culture is becoming pro-change," says Exodus president Alan Chambers, a former homosexual. "The U.S. media still won't let us speak, but hundreds of thousands of men and women like me have now found freedom. There's way more of us than radicals for gay marriage." ******* Psychologist Jane Oxenbury of Calgary's Edan Counselling Associates thinks sexual orientation therapy is "not very useful" for people. "It buys into a homophobic, heterosexist world that doesn't allow people to be who they are," says Oxenbury. "There are stories of people who seem to change their orientation, and stories of people treated with disrespect, as if there was something wrong with them," she says. "In my experience, a person's sexual orientation is what it is. People who've attempted to be other than what they are, after a few years, find they've dishonoured a part of themselves." Asked if people desiring to change have a right to try, Oxenbury says, "Certainly they do." But she warns they should be watchful of the harm others may inflict on them in trying. "I'd counsel them to go into it with an informed decision," Oxenbury says. ******* Gay-friendly psychologist Donna Gould says she gets worried hearing about sexual orientation therapy. "I heard a supposedly ex-gay speaker at a youth rally, talking about his struggle and that sort of thing. I'd really want to know the motivation. Are they doing something that's good for the individual? Or are they doing something to please the people around them?" Gould asks. "It's a huge challenge for gay or lesbian people to come out, and the role of psychology is helping people be comfortable with who they really are." Gould says the APA ruled gay and lesbian "normal, healthy sexual identities" 20 years ago. So she believes the motive behind any homosexual seeking change is internalization of pervasive societal homophobia. ******* Paul first tried gay sex while a student at Viscount Bennett High in the late 1970s. "I had a busy, emotionally distant father, and I just didn't feel masculine," he says. "So I longed to be one of the guys. Then I discovered gay pornography. It taught me how guys have sex with guys, so I figured, maybe what I want is sex . . . At first, it was exciting." In Grade 11, Paul discovered "cruising for sex." While still in high school, he tried it only a few times. Then he went to the States for college and discovered the bar scene. Paul had a couple or more new friends a week. He tried monogamy, but it was "never satisfying," quickly got boring. ******* Returning to Calgary in the 1980s, Paul realized he wanted to change. But therapists "never thought change was possible." A few told him to "just stop the behaviour," but the more he tried, the more he desired. "My self-esteem was low," he says; "I didn't feel I had a masculine identity." Finally in the 1990s, Paul went to an Exodus conference. He joined a Living Waters group and read two important books: Nicolosi's Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality, and Yale psychologist Jeffrey Satinover's Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth. (The best book on this subject, in my humble opinion - RJ) ******* He was celibate for two years and thought he had it beat. But, over-confident, he crashed -- "it was awful" -- and returned to cruising for a year. "Then I picked myself up and dusted myself off," he says: He went back to church, deliberately cultivated straight male friends, and found an older man for accountability. "I asked him if I could call him every night for a month, just to say I hadn't been cruising that night," he says. "After a month, I asked for another month, then three more months. When I finally didn't need to call him anymore, he missed the calls." ******* By now in his late 30s, Paul was resigned to a single life. But in 2001, after being celibate for years, he met Sandra, five years younger. After they dated six months, he spilled the beans. "That was terrifying," he says. "She's a professional, and she'd never heard of anyone changing. But we were in love." Paul and Sandra married in 2003. Their first son (Paul says Sandra wants more) was born in 2004. "How have I changed? I can still look at a guy and think to myself, he has a nice butt. But it doesn't interest me anymore. I'm in love with my wife." ******* Reparative ministries have a hard time with gay radicals, says Exodus's Chambers. They react loudly to any hint homosexuality is abnormal. Since such ministries reach out to gays seeking change, they speak quietly and and avoid controversy. "The gay lobby thinks we're mean, hateful people, when we're really just trying to tell our stories," Chambers says. "The church lost in the last 20 years, being too passive and too aggressive. Too passive, when it loved without saying anything. Too aggressive, when it condemned the behaviour without helping. We want to get Christians to treat this with love and truth, not just love or truth." ******* Chambers says success rates of orientation therapies vary with definitions. APA's Spitzer found that 11 per cent of men and 37 per cent of women had a "complete change," including eliminating fantasies. But that bar is set too high, Chambers believes: "In a pornographic age, monogamous heterosexual males struggle with fantasies." More realistically, Chambers says, the success rate is like Alcoholics Anonymous. "About a third have a complete change, getting married and having a family or living as productive singles. A third end up struggling, and it remains a struggle. And about a third try it, decide change isn't for them and go back to the life." ******* Larry, 54, with Living Waters Calgary, says the program is "strictly confidential," because of both angry straights and gays. "I know what it's like at the other end, singled out to live with guilt and shame," he says. Larry, molested as a boy by a family doctor, was gay until 1996. "I tried to get out for years and years, but it took getting infected with HIV before I took it seriously." Living Waters Calgary does not advertise. It can be reached only by voice mail, 920-0298, or by visiting www.livingwaterscanada.org. Applicants, struggling with all sorts of "sexual brokenness" from porn to promiscuity, must be vetted before admission to the 30-week program. Yet the 20-plus yearly slots fill quickly. "I can't say they're all sad in the gay lifestyle," Larry says. "Some say they're genuinely happy with their choice. Some are militant the life is totally normal, and anyone trying to leave is crazy. But some live the life as medication for their pain, sex as a way of numbing grief. Faith is key, Larry says. "We can only do so much ourselves; faith carries us beyond," he says. "And I've experienced miracles. For me to forgive people who've hurt me is not natural. To step out of an addict's life is not natural. They're miracles. I was a sex addict, and now I'm straight." Living Waters won't admit anyone without faith: "We do fairly in-depth healing prayer." Exodus's Chambers says no-one can force change on anyone; change depends entirely on motivation. It's like alcoholism, he says: "People have a right to drink," and "Alcoholism happens to good people." ******* Laurie Arron of the gay advocacy group EGALE is adamant: "Studies show reparative therapy doesn't work in the long run. It doesn't create sexual desire for the opposite-sex. Eventually, people's natural orientation asserts itself." Arron cites Michael Bussee, one of Exodus's five founders, who ran an ex-gay ministry in Anaheim with Gary Cooper. Both married, but in 1979, they left their wives and kids and moved in together. Cooper died of AIDS in 1988. "That story comes up over and over," says Chambers. "Michael's part of our history, and we celebrate his life, as much as we do the lives of the other four gay founders, who changed for good 30 years ago." Chambers says Bussee's ex-wife is still involved, speaking at Exodus conferences; they attract a thousand ex-gays yearly. ******* Paul says he's awed by how he and his wife are united by difference. "She's a professional, so we don't have traditional roles. But there's a complementarity, something in the difference binding us together. No same-sex relationship has that bond." Ironically, on their wedding day, Paul and Sandra went to a park for pictures, and a lesbian couple was there, having their pictures taken. "My heart hurt for them," he says. "They were trying to do the same thing, but it was a counterfeit reality." ******* [email protected] ******* Joe Woodard, Calgary Herald, voice 403-235-7560, fax 403-235-7379 ********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 5 GREAT NEWS: ILLINOIS STUDENT TRANSFORMED BY THE CHRIST OF CHRISTMAS ******* From: Americans For Truth via Robert A. Jason ******* Friday, December 22, 2006 ******* The stakes of the cultural battle over homosexuality are never made clearer than when God reaches down from heaven to bring radical change in a person�s life � in the case below, a gender-confused suburban Chicago high school student who has recovered his masculine identity through Christian rebirth (2 Corinthians 5:17). ******* Only a sophomore in high school, �John� last year went by the name �Joanna� and was known in school for his feminine behaviors, like putting on women�s make-up. (We will not use his real name or identify his school to protect his identity as a minor.) He was headed towards living a life as a female-imitating, �transgendered� she � when God intervened and John was �born again� through faith in Jesus Christ, he told his student newspaper. ******* Now �transgender� Joanna is no more and John is reestablishing his true, God-given male nature at his high school. His newfound reality is precisely the sort of story that homosexual/transsexual activist groups like GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network) do not want other teenagers to hear. Because GLSEN knows that such stories undermine the �gay� myth that people are born GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered), and that such aberrant identities are mere natural and innocuous �orientations.� ******* In GLSEN�s �gay� activist world, �Joanna� deserved to be recognized and celebrated based on his/her �transgendered� lifestyle. GLSEN encourages teachers and school counselors to confirm highly impressionable youth in gender-confused identities: in fact, it�s quite common now to hear teachers of young students identify gender non-conforming children as future �transgendered� adults. ******* GLSEN�s warped ideology has become official policy at many schools across the country. ******* But, of course, change is possible, because God is in the business of changing repentant sinners. If the Christ of Christmas can turn around the lives of drug addicts, murderers, and drunks, He certainly can save men and women � and adolescent children � trapped in gender confusion and homosexuality. ******* As you read this story, say a prayer of praise and thanks to God for working in the life of this young man. Merry CHRIST-mas, John! � Peter LaBarbera ******* The following is excerpted from an article that appeared in John�s high school newspaper in the fall of 2006; we have changed his name and omitted source identification to protect his identity as a minor for now. ******* High school newspaper story begins here: ******* Comments left on the Myspace website of [John] displayed messages such as �Why are you moving?� and �Please don�t move away!� ******* Despite concerns that [John] might not begin his sophomore year at [unnamed Illinois high school], he is back, armed with a new wardrobe. ******* �All my friends were afraid that I was moving away. I�m not moving. Joanna [his female persona�s name] is moving,� said [John]. ******* At the end of last year, [John] was concerned with properly applying eyeliner and picking a lip gloss that matched his belt. ******* [John] sold his old clothes and is now clad in [male] outfits from his new favorite stores�. ******* The decision to change his appearance wasn�t a quick transition. Losing his feminine appearance took [John] the entire summer. ******* He became inspired after becoming more involved with religion and his church. [John] calls himself a �born-again Christian.� ******* �I started reading passages from the Bible this summer and I finally understood messages that didn�t make sense to me when I was younger,� [John] said. �Now I realize I can be who I want to be. Everybody can be who they want to be.� ******* �He also will remain active in his church because he feels that religion helped him decide what kind of changes to make in his life. ******* According to [John], although the start of the school year was �exciting� for him, he is disappointed that he received negative feedback about his changes from some of his friends. ******* �Mostly they say things like �Whoa, what happened?� I understand that they might be shocked by my new look or that they don�t necessarily like it, but it doesn�t matter what they think,� [John] said. ******* According to [John], he spent �too much time� allowing his [Joanna � female] persona to be teased and mistreated last year. ******* �People couldn�t decide if they were going to accept me then, so I�m cautious of people who are eager to meet the new me,� [John] said. ******* Despite mixed reactions during the first days of school, [John] feels that his family and �true friends� have been accepting and encouraging of the changes he decided to make. ******* �I feel that the blessings have been pouring down on me recently,� [John] said. �Now I can finally be who I�m meant to be.� ******* And to that we at Americans for Truth say, Amen! ******************************************************************************************************** ******* item 6 SAVED IN THE METROPOLITAN COMMUNITY CHURCH ******* From: "PFOX" ******* date: 4 Mar 2003 ******* In 1983, things seemed to be going well for myself and my lover of nearly 7 years. Oh, we had our arguments but made up and continued on. She and I had a business which was difficult to run because it had problems even before we bought it. She had a daughter of around 13. We had a home and two cars. We both worked full time jobs and made very good money. There was a checking account between the two of us. ******* We were lesbians, though that was kept secret as much as possible. We opened our place of business once a month as an outreach to other women in our lifestyle. Being in business in a very rural part of our state, we knew we had to be careful. So this became for us a nice way to meet other lesbians. ******* My lesbian lover and I went to church on Sunday. You see, she was a born again Christian when I met her. We attended MCC, the Metropolitan Community Church. This church ministers mainly to transgendered, bisexual, and homosexual men and women. Questionably dividing the word of God. ******* Metropolitan Community Church also had a church in a larger City in our state. I began studying the scriptures and really liked what was there. ******* One Sunday, the pastor, who was a woman, gave the invitation to receive Christ as Savior. Her sermon was touched me and brought tears. When the invitation was given, I raised my hand. My lover was happy for me as I went to the altar. There were about five of us. The minister had us repeat after her our renouncement of sin. Each one of us did what she told us to do. As we left the church, I remember getting the hand of fellowship and congratulations from other men and women there at the MCC church. ******* My lover and I spoke little as we drove home. This was alright with me because there were millions of questions in my head. Questions that I hesitated to bring up because I knew they would not be met with reasonable answers. "What am I doing going home with my lesbian lover after just receiving Christ? Can I live this way and for Him as well??" I kept quiet about my newfound relationship with Him but it was very painful. She too was very quiet. We went home in small talk only. ******* No way did life go on as usual after I got saved at the Metropolitan Community Church. Work continued, but on the way home I often yelled at God, "You can't just leave me like this, you have to tell me the truth." I asked others and they answered me with the idea that if God was so opposed to my lesbian lifestyle, then why did He create me this way? And what about them?? Was God cruel? Did He laugh at our predicament? ******* For many weeks I poured over the Bible searching for an answer and came up with all the verses that spoke out against my lifestyle. Taking my bible to the friends we had in the MCC church always got me the same such answers, " Look at David and Jonathan, who were lovers." But deep inside me I knew that their love was not the same as the love I had for my lover. She and I stayed together but lovemaking was out because I couldn't bring myself to do this anymore and found all sorts of excuses not to. Kissing was ok but nothing else. ******* One day, while sitting quietly watching TV, I remembered that once when we had been fighting she had said to me, "What you need is a mother." That had hit me at the time as an insult but now, as I thought about it, there was some truth in what she had said. As I watched the TV, Dr. Charles Stanley appeared on the screen speaking about the crucifixion. He was telling how Jesus took upon Himself the sin of the whole world -- Past, Present and Future sin. I thought of the horror of having mine laid on Him. ******** The next day my lover and I had a very ugly quarrel while she was getting ready for work. I had been crying out to God for Him to tell me clearly if our behavior was acceptable to Him. The Bible seemed clear enough but telling someone you love that it is over is not an easy thing no matter what you believe. There had to be definite clarity. As she got into her car she said, "You are ruining my life". Suddenly I had the answer I needed. ******* After she drove off to work, I called a good friend of mine and told him what had happened. I was in tears. He told me to get over to his house right away; don't call anyone else, don't go anywhere else, just get over there. ******* He and his wife got me into their living room and prayed for me to receive Christ again and be free from sin. When I left I knew what I had to do. ******* The next morning I told her that I wanted to serve Christ so we could no longer be lovers. We agreed to not sleep together and that she would seek other living arrangements with her daughter. It took about a month or more. Since I had started going to a non-MCC church, I told my pastor who said this was acceptable and added me to his prayer list for protection and wisdom. All did work out very well. I have been saved and set free from lesbianism since 1984. My God can do all that. ******* Homosexuality is not immutable or innate. They who tell you otherwise are full of pride and selfishness. ******* Are there other former gays who were saved in the Metropolitan Church? Email me and let�s share stories. Jan ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 7 JEWISH TESTIMONY ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Thu, 22 Sep 2005 ******* The letter shown below, and the response by Rachel (a columnist for the Jewish Press), is a tribute to JONAH (Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality), reparative therapy, and the many resources and books recommended by our comprehensive approach to growing out of same-sex attraction (SSA). FYI, the Jewish Press is the largest Orthodox Anglo-Jewish weekly in the world. ******* Dear Rachel, ******* Every Friday I look forward to picking up a copy of The Jewish Press to see what you and others have written about SSA. I am a 24-year-old frum (Orthodox) single male who has had somewhat of a different experience in regard to my struggle, and I hope that sharing it with your readers will help other strugglers in the larger Jewish community. ******* Having been raised in a frum kosher home, I attended mainstream yeshivas and graduated at the top of my class in both elementary and high school. I was known for having incredible middos and great hasmada. Everyone referred to me as the "great guy". I still remember when a friend approached me to discuss a problem he was facing and ended the conversation with, "I wish I could have your life." I thought to myself, "Be careful of what you wish for. Having my life would be more of a curse than a blessing." This friend was just one of many who did not know of my inner suffering. ******* Throughout my teens, I was attracted to males rather than females and theorized that I was driven in this direction due to excessive frumkeit. I finally built up the courage to confide in my rebbe and told him of my theory. He agreed with it and advised me not to worry, that I would eventually marry and things would be fine. ******* His response did not sit well with me and I took the matter up with a different rebbe who, to his credit, admitted to not knowing much about SSA. I was assured, though, that he would be supportive in any way he could. He did some research and familiarized me with JONAH, Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality, an organization that I found to be extremely helpful. They recommended some books for reading, gave me contact information for therapists who deal with this issue and served as a support that I had thus far not had. For the first time in my life, I did not feel alone. ******* I started seeing a therapist to guide me through the reparative therapy process long and difficult but well worth it. I learned that my attractions stemmed from insecurities that I was attracted to other men who had the qualities I longed for, which I believed I was lacking. I worked on becoming more comfortable in my masculinity, and the more self-assured I became, the less attraction I had to other men and the more I was attracted to women. ******* An experiential weekend I participated in, called "JIM" Journey Into Manhood (geared for men with SSA), was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I learned about the causes of SSA and did some powerful work around the specific issues that lead to it. It was certainly not a typical Shabbos, but it was for me a life-changing experience. I had spoken to my rebbe beforehand about whether to go, and he had said that my condition was like pikuach nefesh (saving a life) and to do whatever was necessary. He offered me guidelines in how to deal with some Shabbos issues, and off I went. I am most grateful to have a rebbe who is so supportive and encouraging. ******* Through therapy I learned how to make the attraction my ally as opposed to my enemy. When I feel attracted to another man, I am aware that there is something going on inside of me. Is it based on a physiological or psychological need? Am I hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? Do I consider him to be more of a man than I am? Once I determine the cause, I address it directly and the attraction dissipates. My SSA is indicative of a physiological or emotional need unmet. ******* Books that I found helpful include: Reparative Therapy: A New Clinical Approach, by Joseph Nicolosi (among my favorites); and Coming Out Straight, by Richard Cohen (extremely informative.) Websites like www.jonahweb.org and www.peoplecanchange.com are filled with information and resources to help one along the journey. ******* I have come a long way, have learned much about myself and am stronger than I have ever been. I am still in therapy and have recently started dating women. I know this is challenging for me and that I need a very special girl, but she is definitely out there somewhere. I still have some attraction to men, but it is less frequent, less severe, and I know how to deal with it in a healthy way. ******* Given the choice, I certainly would not have opted for this challenge. There are days when I wish I could be like my friends who are married, have children and are learning in kollel. Hashem, though, had a different plan for me. The process was and is lengthy and demanding, but the undertaking is a positive life-affirming one, and positive growth is gained along the way. For all those out there who struggle in silence, there is hope. ******* Growing and hopeful ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ******* Dear Growing, ******* If your letter helps alleviate the burden of but one struggling individual, the space your words have taken up in this column will be worth their weight in gold. ******* Your message is enlightening and logical, with a twist in perspective that should lead others who suffer in silence to reconsider their fatalistic thinking. Your approach is well worth exploring. ******* The larger picture that has emerged in this column in the last several weeks speaks of encouragement, hope, and light at the end of the tunnel - one that is well within reach for the sincerely motivated. Thank you for your part in lighting the way. I wish you a future bright with the light of a complete yeshua. ******* Another book that comes highly recommended by readers is Dr. Chaim Rapoport`s Judaism and Homosexuality. And www.kedusho.com is an intriguing and informative website geared for the Jewish adult. ******* May we all aspire to attain the level of kedusha (holiness) that is proper and fitting for our people as G-d`s children. ******* ### - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: [email protected] ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 8 HELP -- MY TEENAGER IS GAY! by Mark Hartzell ******* from "PFOX" ******* Date: 19 Oct 2004 ******* You've stumbled upon disturbing news. Perhaps your 16 year old daughter has been attending the local "gay-straight" alliance in her school and has come home with the bombshell that she is a lesbian. Or you have discovered your 15 year old son's correspondence on the Internet with another male -- and it's obvious they have very intimate knowledge of each other. Or maybe your son has just expressed some questions to you that make you wonder `whether he is gay'. Or you've found homosexual pornography in his room. Or your daughter has been reading some pro-gay literature and passing it on to you. ******* The grief cycle has hit you -- like an express train broadsiding you. But it is not from your 25 year old son or daughter, living with a lover in a faraway city -- but right in your own home, under your nose night and day. You feel repulsed, betrayed, helpless, isolated, resentful, and perhaps devastated by waves of shame and self-pity. How should you respond as a Christian parent? And is there hope? ******* 1. Carefully Discern -- "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes." (Proverbs 26:4-5) ******* Learn to discern. Is he just trying to be outrageous and shocking by appearing to embrace the outlandish--or something more? Homosexuality is touted as something exotic and chic--like that wide haircut or those unusual body piercings. Is she simply trying on the latest fashion, to see how it fits--or enmeshed in something deeper? The exotic can easily become the erotic, and every act of rebellion also has elements of unbelief woven in, so take matters seriously--but avoid making mountains out of molehills by overreacting. ******* It is appropriate to grieve the effects of the Fall, and you can expect to feel all the stages of the grief cycle (shock, denial, anger, fear, numbness...). But hysteria on your part is not going to build the bridges you need to build. Ask Christ to make you more `shockproof' as a parent of a teenager. But also more sensitive to the desperate cries and throbbing aches of the heart of your teen for intimacy, belonging, and adventure. Adolescence is a tough time for most teens, and as they come to terms with who they are as a man or woman they need the wisdom of those who have gone before them. ******* 2. Personally Repent -- "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away...then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord -- and you forgave the guilt of my sin." (Psalm 32:3,5) ******* Being honest with yourself means you must be willing to admit your own daily need of the Gospel. Where are the areas of pride, fear, and unbelief that you need to honestly repent of as a parent? ******* Lead your daughter or son in repentance. Ask Christ for the grace to admit your shortcomings, yes, your failures as a parent. Fact is, none of us had perfect parents--and none of us will be perfect parents. Life in a fallen world means that there is indeed something wrong with everything--so that even our most intimate relationships don't work out like they should. ******* Patterns of emotional distancing between a child and the same-sex parent happen early in life, long before anyone is aware of what is really going on. And patterns of manipulation and overcontrol by the opposite-sex parent are likewise subtle and not immediately apparent to anyone involved. Your teen may not be aware of what has happened and probably won't be able to verbalize `what went wrong,' but don't be daunted by this. In fact, if she has already bought completely into the `just born this way' myth, then your attempts to talk about your family dynamics may well be met with hostility and/or denial. ******* She has a lot invested in such `no fault' thinking that wants to make sure you feel OK as a parent. She may not allow you to `be a sinner' in front of her-- or others. ******* "I'm OK, you're OK," is a common element of gay ideology-- and indeed all pop culture today. But you must continue to invite her to the truth, and the doorway to her realizing her sin often will be your own humility and open repenting before her. ******* 3. Gently Instruct -- "Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will." (2 Timothy 2:25) ******* Most often, there is an earnest plea for attention going on. And usually this isn't the first time that your teen has `cried out' for attention. But whenever the emotional and relational needs for same- sex affection, affirmation and identification are not met early on in life, then it is common for those emotional desires to become sexualized during adolescence. When the cup of life is jostled by the buffets of adolescent hormones, it is the substance of what has been filling that cup for many years that spills out. And decisions that are then made on the basis of those heart-level needs can either lead to redemptive deliverance or further enslavement and bondage to sin. ******* Even if the past seems a total disaster, there is hope through the power of the risen Christ for relationships to be different now and in the future. Your teen needs parents willing to take the risks of bold love and uncompromising instruction in the path of life. He needs a father, a male figure who is strong and courageous in speaking the truth in love--a dad who is willing to shatter the silence even on admittedly uncomfortable subjects. He needs a mother who is open-handed before the Lord, not demanding of perfection or overprotective and manipulative but willing to love with the truth. ******* Truth-telling in the home must become the standard--for everyone. No `white lies' are allowed; all deception, even that which seems innocent, must be ruthlessly weeded out. Your teen needs to be pursued with the truth and not allowed to wander in the wasteland of post-modern ethics where `it can't be wrong when it feels so right.' ******* 4. Set Reasonable Boundaries -- "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15) ******* If your young person is under age 18 and/or still living under your roof and authority, there need to be reasonable guidelines agreed upon by all. Life with any number of sinners under one roof means that sparks will fly. ******* Conflict will happen, so expect it. And sexual sin -- of any type -- should not be winked at. Certainly pornography of any kind should not be tolerated, for all sexual sin begins with impurity in the mind and lust in the heart. All inappropriate, destructive intimacy (with the same or opposite sex) must be `put off' ever as healthy, genuine intimacy is `put on.' ******* Watch for emotional dependencies just as much as sexual activity, for the one can quickly lead to the other. You cannot allow manipulation - - or threats -- from your teen. The consequences must be made clear to all concerned. While every annoyance cannot be the cause for discipline, redemptive parental discipline must be brought to bear for transgressions involving disobedience, dishonesty, or disrespect. When boundaries are willfully crossed, such rebellion must not be minimized or avoided but rather dealt with straightforwardly. ******* Healthy discipline involves natural consequences that are meaningful and respectful to your teen and that are carried out in a timely way. Above all, you want to ask Christ not to let you exasperate your teen (Ephesians 6:4) even as you must give him or her significant, life-giving boundaries. ******* 5. Go for the Heart -- "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life." (Proverbs 4:23) ******* Don't be fooled -- homosexuality is not just about sex. "Being gay" is a gospel issue, a heart issue reflecting the core of our being. Such heart cravings cannot be dealt with by behavior modification techniques. Avoid `just say no' moralism. More rules is not the answer -- changing your relationship with your teen is closer to the target. You will want to `just fix this', but it is not your job to fix your teen -- and you can't fix the heart of another person even if you wanted to. ******* God alone is Lord of the heart, and He alone can change a sinner -- any sinner -- from the inside out. The root issues that give rise to homosexual longings -- such as pride, fear, unbelief, anger, rebellion, rejection, envy -- are the core issues that require ongoing repentance from us all. But change doesn't usually happen overnight, and never in a vacuum. The idols of our hearts are not easily or willingly replaced without a battle. ******* Set the pace in pursuing change yourself, at the heart level, and then you will be able to invite your teen to pursue deep change ALONG WITH you. Your teen needs to know Christ better, and so do you. ******* 6. Enlist Support - "Bear one another's burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) ******* Because change doesn't happen in a vacuum -- for you OR your teen -- you need other spiritual support in this battle. You need a friend or two with whom you can be completely frank and honest about your own heart aches and issues, your own griefs and disappointments -- someone who will love you enough to walk beside you along this often painful path of change. ******* You cannot handle this alone -- and Jesus designed life that way. It is not an admission of weakness to own your need of the prayers of other believers, but an admission that the Body of Christ really is what God intends for it to be. You must risk opening up your heart because you need the specific prayers of other Christians to not only survive but to thrive. ******* Find a pastor, an elder, a counselor, a friend, or a support group such as those at Harvest USA (see "Find a Ministry" on this website). ******* Conclusion ******* Facing the wreckage of life as a parent in a fallen world can be tiring, frustrating, overwhelming. But you don't need to face it alone. Christ knows all about your pain-- and that of your teenager. He tasted and drank the cup of agony and wrath -- He has been there and done that. And because homosexuality or using the label `gay' is an `identity' issue, it is just the sort of problem that Jesus specializes in. He continually offers us a new identity, so that we are no longer defined by our pain, our sin, or our failures. ******* The Cross shows us a Savior who, though sinless, became sin for us -- that we might be clothed in His righteousness in the great exchange (2 Corinthians 5:21). And His resurrection proves that all He promised is true. Christ's victory over death means that there is hope for you -- and your son or daughter. He longs that we might have life, and have it to the full (John 10:10). Not an easy, pain-free life, but a life of surprising beauty, of ravishing intimacy, and abundant adventure nonetheless. For He is with us, and He is Life itself. ******* Originally published under the title: Facing the Wreckage: Hope for Parents of Gay Teens. Copyright 1999, 2000 HARVEST USA. All rights reserved. For other excellent articles, go to www.harvestusa.org ******* To subscribe to this list of ex-gay news and views, send a blank email to: [email protected] ******************************************************************************************************** ******* item 9 WHAT HAPPENS TO SPERM BANK CHILDREN WHEN THEY GROW UP? ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: 24 Oct 2004 ******* I am a woman. I was Raised by my mom and her "wife", Pat, from birth until Pat died of cancer when I was 12. My mom has been straight since Pat�s death. Pat and my mom were married by Rev. Troy Perry before I was born. Perry also baptized me as a baby. Rev. Perry founded the famous gay Metropolitan Community Church. ******* My mom was artificially inseminated at home with the sperm of two gay men. Neither of them were ever really a part of my life. One of them passed away several years ago from AIDS and the other one, still gay, does not keep in contact with me. The last time I saw him was ten years ago and I recently tried to reconnect with him, but he hasn't made an effort to reciprocate. ******* I always struggled as a child that to accept my parents' lifestyle was to deny God and to accept God was to deny my parents. I still struggle with that today because Pat died before I had a chance to know and understand her as an adult. My mom doesn't want to talk about the past with me, so I still don't fully understand. I do know that my mom had a very painful and abusive childhood and that she just "fell in love" with Pat, who was the first person to show her compassion. My mom has told me that several times she wanted to get out of the lesbian lifestyle but just couldn't leave Pat. ******* Then after Pat�s death, my mom cut off all contact with the gay community. I used to wish that Pat wasn�t around so my mom and I could have a normal life. Then when she died I felt responsible and guilty for having wished her away. ******* I'm now 28, have been married for ten years and have two children, 4 and 8. I had an emotional breakdown a couple of months ago when my daughter started asking me where my father was. Until now, I've had everything buried. I avoided the subject for a long time and still don't know what to tell her. I started looking for other people like me and that's when I came across a man who had done studies of the research on children of gay parents and he had found that all the research was flawed for a positive outcome. I e-mailed him and let him know that I wanted a way to be counted for. I think I'm a lone voice because children who have parents who are currently in the lifestyle would not speak out. I know I wouldn't have. It was okay for me to question my parents, but if anyone else said anything negative about them I would get defensive. ******* I've read points of view from children of gay parents who went through the same struggles as I have, but they have come to a different conclusion - that it's society that needs to change; the very laws of nature need to change ******* Although I was brought up in a home where we believed in God and Christ, I didn't become a Christian until a couple of years ago. My baptism as an adult gave some healing because I felt I needed to undo the one done by Rev. Perry, who is an openly gay activist. ******* So I'm here to get help and to give it if possible because no child should ever have to question their existence. ******* In fact, I didn't find out the details of my conception until after Pat died. I had been trying to reach one of my dads and my mom wound up telling me he might not even be my father. When I was younger, I used to try to piece together how I was conceived because my parents didn't go into detail. If my mom was in love with Pat and "my two dads" were in love with each other, was it gross for them to make me? So I felt that I was unnatural. ******* When I was older and actually learned the details, it didn't help either. My mom told me that she was inseminated at home by the two men's sperm mixed together in a turkey baster - no intimacy involved. Then she followed that I was a "miracle" because they thought that would never work. I didn't think of myself as a miracle and wasn't able to own a turkey baster until about a year ago. ******* The main issue that I dealt with was that God couldn't have put me here. ******* My main point in trying to reach other children of gay parents was to let them know that they are meant to be here - that God puts everyone here on purpose. No child should ever have to question their existence or debate their parents sexuality. ******* My mom was in a same-sex "marriage" for about 16 years. What I want to point out is that it's so much harder for someone to overcome the gay lifestyle when they are in love. I think they still might be together today if Pat hadn't died. My mom has told me that at times she had felt she needed to get away from it, but that it was so hard because Pat would cry and they were so dependent on each other. That's why I think it is very important that we fight same-sex marriage being legalized. ******* It will encourage people to stay in those relationships even if they come to a point where they feel they want and/or need to change. ******* -- Bronagh Cassidy ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060, 703-360-2225, [email protected], www.pfox.org ********************************************************************************************************

Links to other sites on the Web

(A3b3b) Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays
(A3b3c) Change Is Possible (UK ex-gay organization)
(A3b3f) (A) home page

The following warning is a prophetic message given to me, Frank Wagner, in November of 1974. ******* LISTEN TO THE CRY OF THE ABORTED CHILDREN. THEIR CRY IS NO. THEIR CRY IS A CRY OF TERROR. HEED THEIR CRY. ******* This prophecy is now being fulfilled. ******* For details about the source, meaning and fulfillment of this prophetic message go to ******* http://ca.geocities.com/fwagner4/index.html ******* email me at *** [email protected] ***