Title: Her Ornament
Author: RJunkie
Category(ies): Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Yuki X Tohru ?
WARNINGS : Spoilers for chapter 86

Disclaimer: I do not own Yummy Yuki or any other Fruits Basket character.

'Her Ornament' is property of The Verve Pipe.

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Yuki was never one to think highly of himself or anything he did. He only did what he was supposed to do, what was expected of him, what he believed normal people did. But those people around him that always praised and thanked him for things that he did.

He found it odd, and very scary.

They thought so highly of him that he found himself afraid to look down and see what a terrible fall it would be to lose that admiration.

Yet, he honestly didn't think he deserved praise for things that he did out of a sense of duty and responsibility.

Deep down, he never really wanted to do any of those things.

He simply wanted to be left alone.

He simply wanted to be loved.

What was it that he wanted?

Yuki detested this feeling. However, he was intelligent enough to realize that if he didn't do those hateful tasks, if he didn't excel, that if he wasn't polite and hardworking�

No one would ever notice him.

He would be alone and abandoned.

What was worse for Yuki? A life of false duty or a life of false attention?

A difficult choice, indeed.

Very few people realized how hard it was for Yuki. How wearisome this life was for him.

How he did not care for this 'Prince' his schoolmates worshiped.

He only participated in this game because he knew that it was his only chance at real life. At finding those who would see beyond all of this and realize that he was just a teenage boy scared of rejection.

Terrified of rejection.

Terrified.

Yet, the fear was slowly fading, day-by-day, minute-by-minute. He was slowly coming out of his cursed cocoon and facing life.

With real people.

Yuki too, wanted to be a real person in every single way.

He wanted to eliminate this façade he had to put up with. He wanted to simply be Sohma Yuki, teenager.

And soon,

Soon, he would be a stronger person.

Soon, he would be a real person.

Soon the coldness that enveloped his heart and soul would melt away. Soon, he would be warm enough to feel his heart beating, hurting, loving�

Warmth.

Wonderful warmth, like her.

Wonderful, beautiful warmth like her.

It was only thanks to her that he was finding the strength to face himself. That he was finally finding himself through the haze of confusion and gloom that he had long since drowned in,

and maybe even liking it.

Yuki felt indebted to her, so very much.

As much as he loved it, feeling this unconditional love bestowed upon him, this overwhelming sense of humanity, of realism that he felt,

Yuki could not just be a recipient.

He had to give her something back.

He wanted to repay this kindness in anyway he could, because he could see that she had her own troubles.

He wasn't blind. He knew that what she truly desired was more than just velvet ribbons from him.

Even if he was afraid of the world and being subjected to stares and obligation�he would do anything for her.

He would give her something she truly deserved.

I never really meant to volunteer
I felt the urge to stretch after a yawn
and incidentally raised my hand

It didn't matter what the outcome was for him in a romantic sense, in any sense, because he wanted her to be happy.

He knew she held him in a special regard, and that would have to be enough.

He would do anything for her.

Anything.

I just want to be her special

Yuki knew that the curse limited what he could achieve in life. That Akito still largely controlled much of what he would do.

While he would strive to accomplish all that he could, he knew that there would always be restrictions.

But, that was fine, because his soul would find freedom even if he were restrained.

Someone who will never pioneer

Yet she, she wasn't limited by anything. There was nothing to hold her back from finding herself and future, except herself and the Sohmas.

It wouldn't be fair for them to hold her back from achieving her dreams and wishes for their own selfishness.

Yuki realized that his love for her might weigh her down. May entangle her further within this cursed web he called life.

It would not come to pass.

Yuki would only be too happy to watch her walk away from him, even if it was with someone else, even if that person was Kyo�

Even if it wasn't him.

I prefer to watch the mud break off her heels and turn into cement

In a way, she was just like him. Needy of encouragement and love, the very things she unconditionally gave to him, to all of his relatives, to her friends and family.

She needed those things to nourish her generous soul, to help her grow into someone who would undoubtedly become even more�

Even more her.

Yuki would have never been able to gain any footing on his own without them.

He wanted to help pave the way for her to leave this cursed family behind and to realize her future.

He wanted to help guide her down that path. But, knew that she would easily accomplish this task without his help. After all, he was just helpless, pathetic Yuki.

Still, he wanted to�

I just want to be her ornament

Recently, it seemed like she was carrying a heavy burden; she was quieter than usual, her smiles were less dimpled. Yuki would wonder what it was that preoccupied her thinking.

She seemed a little distant, not that he hadn't been either.

It was wrong of him, even if it was for a good reason, even if it was for her own good.

He didn't want her to think he was ungrateful and indifferent.

Her shadow seems much cooler

It wouldn't do, because he wanted to help her. At the same time, Yuki couldn't help but wonder if she was preoccupied with a secret burden of love.

One that didn't involve him.

It hurt, so much. His heart, so soon after it had begun beating a new with the promise of life and acceptance and love,

His fragile, newly born heart nearly shattered, then.

As difficult as it was for him to admit then, to admit now. It didn't matter, because he wanted her to be free.

And that meant not being tied down to someone that would only drag her down, such as himself.

He was much too incomplete for her, much too damaged, much too dreary.

She deserved someone who had the confidence he didn't have, the strength and will to protect her and stand by her.

He wanted to give her something he knew she deserved of him. The only thing he would ever be able to present to her, the only acceptable gift he could present to her.

So, he planned his future and planned to dedicate it to her.

Camouflage myself and plan a splendid entrance

Maybe it was presumptuous of him to think that it could be a good enough gift to her, however, it was the only way he could tell her, prove to her that he was all right, even without her by his side.

That she needn't feel obligated to care for him, that she was free to leave him and find herself away from him.

That she could finally think of her own happiness and future.

That the only expectations he had were that she would finally look to herself. Only herself.

I just want to be her situation pending expectation...
I just want to be her ornament

She had, unknowingly, long since reeled him in and captured him under her spell.

Oh, how he did love her. She was the world and the sun and the moon and the stars and the stunning flowers that bestowed their fragrant presence upon him and the gentle breeze that caressed him like his mother never did�

And it was only because he loved her this much, that he wanted her to be happy.

Only because he loved her this much did he realize that letting her go was the best gift he could ever give her.

Even more precious than his own heart, since it would never be good enough while it was still incomplete.

He would be whole one day, not yet, but someday.

Until then�

I never really meant to volunteer
I fought the urge to stretch after a yawn
and accidentally lost my head

Maybe she would realize what he was doing, maybe not. Maybe she would find her happiness far, far away from him and he be denied her beautiful affection and endless empathy.

Maybe she would grow apart from him and forget him.

It would be fine.

Because, he knew that within this doubtful life and existence, the only thing he was certain of was his existence.

She helped realize that he was real.

He was a real person; he wasn't a cursed, magical presence.

The curse was nothing. He could walk away from it as much as he could, he would only be tied to it by a thin wisp of reality.

She too, had to find the path towards her own freedom; he wanted to decorate that path with all that he could of his love and admiration.

With all he could of himself.

It might be a poorly lit and unstable path, but it was all he could offer.

He hoped it would be enough for her to effortlessly walk towards her wish.

He could only hope to be an ornament to the love and life she would soon find.

And, even if he was left alone in the end, it would be ok.

Because, everything she was to him left him feeling more important than he had ever felt, prouder, braver, better�

She made him whole.

I just want to be her exploitation and abbreviation...

After years of purposeless existence and pathetic cowardice, after all the self-loathing and uncertainty�

After he finally put the pieces of his soul back together and held them with her splendid example�

He was finally able to love himself with her love, and that was a gem she had bestowed upon him.

Even though his affection was simple, insignificant when compared to her bountiful affection, he wished to garnish her world with it, with all that he could give, and light up the path to Tohru.

It would be enough, because someday soon he would be whole. He would find his own path and his own half, and her light would never burn out in his heart.

Soon.

Soon, she would be free.

And so would he.

I just want to be her ornament