Title: Stinkfist
Author: RJunkie
Category(ies): Angst
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Shigure X Akito
WARNINGS : Spoilers for chapter 97 but pre chapter 108.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yummy Yuki or any other Fruits Basket character.
'Stinkfist' is property of Tool.
Likeness to Chapter 23 of 'A Warm Place' is quite possible, after all, I wrote that one too
Many Thanks to Adria for the beta.
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Loyal, honest, protective, noble: all the characteristics that described Shigure's Jyuunishi form. The Dog; man's best friend and companion.
How ironic that Shigure was the manifestation of everything his Jyuunishi form was not.
He was only loyal to himself, not to anyone else. His honesty and nobility was questionable. He protected only when it served his own interests.
Shigure knew only to be self-sufficient. He knew only to be conniving and selfish.
Maybe he had had those dignified characteristics at one point in his life but as the years passed, one by one, Shigure found that they would not serve his cause and discarded them like trash.
He would not be an archetypal Jyuunishi Dog. He wanted to escape the tandem that threatened to dictate his life.
He would not live his life as commanded by his God. If the others were weak and pathetic enough to accept this,
He would not.
He would be different.
Soon, soon his plans would bear fruits. He would wait for everything to fall into place. Patience wasn't a virtue of his original self; rather, it had taken him years of planning, self-discipline and dreams.
His grand scheme could not fail, because then this tedious life would be all for naught.
Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.
There was nothing Shigure wouldn't do for his ultimate goal. Sometimes, he worried when the players acted out of their designated roles. He worried when outsiders involved themselves in the Jyuunishi affairs. Undesignated players involving themselves were difficult to predict and control.
Yet, lately so many of his Jyuunishi comrades seemed to be waking to the reality of their existence. It excited him, seeing the threat to Akito's supremacy, seeing the shift in the scale, the possible threat to his plans.
In the end, he always adjusted to threats. It came naturally to him now.
Constant over stimulation numbs me
and I wouldn't have it any other way.
He was aware that the constant scheming would eventually take its toll on him.
It didn't matter, though, because the ultimate goal was so much more precious than the things he lost.
If it were up to him, he would give up everything so he could have everything in the end.
And, as the scheme slowly played itself out, spread and widened to engulf more and more unknowing participants, Shigure would smile.
It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.
Slowly, he would penetrate through the resistant Jyuunishi defenses. Slowly, he would surpass them all.
It didn't matter what was to be done, or the outcome for the others. It was much too late for him to stop. He was in too deep.
He would never stop.
Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.
There was a great deal of tradition within the Sohma house. Shigure hated it, he hated how it tried to cage him and limit his ambitions.
The other Jyuunishi relations were realizing it as well, but it was difficult. Merely thinking about defying tradition was painful. Shigure knew how excruciating it was, first hand.
I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
But, it wasn't impossible. It could be achieved.
All they had to do was to find their motivation.
Shigure had found his a long time ago; in fact, it defined everything he did.
Everything Shigure did was motivated by a word: Love.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.
It had been laughably easy for some people. Like Ayame, who lived his life free of the traditional Jyuunishi bonds and restrictions. It wasn't difficult for him because he was selfish, much more than Shigure could ever claim to be. He found the Sohma house rules much too strict and demanding for his carefree persona, so he simply walked out on hundreds of years of cursed ancestry and tradition.
Now, Ayame had alienated himself from his younger brother and was constantly plagued by a great sense of guilt.
Ayame was not one to judge Shigure on his methods; since in many ways they were the same.
They had both sold their consciences for freedom.
Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not have me any other way.
Yet, Shigure did not want freedom without a purpose. He wanted to be significant and invaluable to the Jyuunishi.
To Akito.
There was not much else he could do. But, it still wasn't enough.
It's not enough.
I need more.
Nothing seems to satisfy.
I don't want it.
I just need it.
To feel, to breathe, to know I'm alive.
There was Hatori, who was God's designated protector, dignified and admired by all. Hatori was invaluable to Akito. However, this importance came at a price.
Tragedy, love lost forever, haunting dreams and physical scars, hands stained with the memories of victims, willing or unwilling.
Now, Hatori was only about absolute obedience.
Shigure was too, just like Hatori.
Their guilt would soon drown them in oblivion
Knuckle deep inside the borderline.
This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to.
Relax.
Slip away.
And Kureno.
Shigure hated Kureno so very much, because he was Akito's chosen companion.
Even if he was the concealed companion, out of sight and out of mind, imprisoned and powerless, Shigure detested him.
Kureno had the opportunity to be free, but chose imprisonment instead. He ended his life with his own bare hands.
He was the one Akito would never share with the rest, he was the one Akito trusted, he was the one Akito loved even in façade; because Akito was far too ignorant to know of real love.
Of the Love Shigure held for her.
Shigure schemed to seize it all
Yet, he was just like Kureno. After all, they had both long since abandoned their dignity for love.
Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How long has it been since Shigure had given up his humanity? How long since he'd given up on those useless emotions?
He had lost count of how much he had discarded, because his soul felt ancient. He was nothing but a shell devoid of all that was real.
But Shigure didn't care.
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don't feel anything at all?
And so, Shigure will continue on, rejecting all parts of himself irrelevant to his grand scheme.
Those futile, feeble and wretched parts.
I'll keep digging till
I feel something.
After all of this, he was still not important enough to her--Akito
Not significant enough to completely ignore, to carry out her wrath nor to hold her at night.
He would prove to her that he was much more than just the Dog. That he was more than just sex.
Soon, she would realize. In fact, he suspected that she already knew.
Elbow deep inside the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Sometimes, when they were together, engrossed in those primal passionate moments, Akito would no longer be his God and Master.
Something in her eyes, spoke to him. Begged him, worshiped him, loved him.
And even though the haze of desire, Shigure would see that she would relent.
Did indeed relent.
It was merely a fleeting glance of surrender, but he memorized it and lived by it.
Nothing he would give up could ever be worth that glance.
Shoulder deep within the borderline.
Relax. Turn around and take my hand.
Victory was coming, soon. And hopefully, Shigure would still be human enough to recognize it when it came.