| How do you get a drummer out of your house? Pay him for the pizza! ************************************************************************************** What�s the difference between a pizza and a guitarist? A pizza can feed a family of 4! ************************************************************************************** A young son says to his daddy, "Dad, when I grow up I want to be a musician." Dad says "Son, you can't have both." ************************************************************************************** What did the drummer get on his IQ test?.........................Drool. ************************************************************************************** Why don�t bass players play hide and seek? Because no one will look for them. ************************************************************************************** What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?...................Homeless. ************************************************************************************** General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums." From over in the hills you hear a voice yell, "It's not our regular drummer." ************************************************************************************** Two men were at a bar and one said, " Hey, I had my IQ checked and it was 175, The other responded "That's a coincidence so is mine, what do you do for a living?" " I'm a physicist." was the reply. Again came "that's a coincidence so am I." This was overheard at a nearby table and these two compared IQ's at 160 and were surprised that they were both brain surgeons. At another nearby table one man despondently said to the other "Did you hear that? I had my IQ checked and it was only 52." The other said, rather enthusiastically, " That's a coincidence. So is mine. What instrument do you play????" ************************************************************************************** How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? 20. One to hold the light bulb and 19 to stand around drinkin' till the room starts spinnin'!!!!! ************************************************************************************** What do you call a building full of Guitar Players?....................Jail. ************************************************************************************** Did you hear about the bass player who was so bad that even the lead singer noticed? ************************************************************************************** Why don't bass players ever catch a cold? Even a virus has some pride. ************************************************************************************** What do you call a beautiful Woman on a Bass Player's arm? A tattoo. ************************************************************************************** What is the difference between a pig and a drummer? A pig wouldn't stay up all night trying to f**k a drummer. ************************************************************************************** What do you do if you see a drummer running around in your back yard, bleeding and screaming? Stop laughing, reload, and shoot again. ************************************************************************************** How many Vocalists does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just hold on, and the world revolves around them. ************************************************************************************** Why did they invent keyboards? So musicians would have someplace to put their beers. ************************************************************************************** What's the range of a tuba? Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! ************************************************************************************** What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? With a drum machine you only have to punch the information in once. ************************************************************************************** What's the least-used sentence in the English language? "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?" ************************************************************************************** St. Peter's checking ID's. He asks a man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man says, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "Ok, go right through those pearly gates. Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher." "Go right through those pearly gates. Next! And what did you do on Earth?" "I was a musician." "Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen..." ************************************************************************************** What do you throw a drowning guitar player?.......................His amp. ************************************************************************************** How do you get two guitar players to play in counterpoint? Have them read off the same chart. ************************************************************************************** Did you hear about the drummer who walked passed the bar? ...Well it could happen! ************************************************************************************** How do you know your washroom has a straight floor? A drummer has peed on both sides of the toiletseat. HOME |