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Yep ,  you guessed it.  A page full of gripes, bitches, complaints, and grumbles.  I  have bottled so much up for so long.  Sometimes you just need a place for venting.  I have always had my friends to vent to.  But sometimes, you feel as though you have bothered them enough, and you want to bother the rest of the world.  Which brings me to this new page.  As you read, the newest, freshest gripes are here, at the top.  It all follows in descending order from there, ending with the first gripe I posted here.  So, Enjoy.  And remember, I find my misery funny, you should too.

There is so much in my head, I feel I need to rant about something...  It is a little overwhelming...all that has happened to me.
And yes, i am bitter.  I could understand a little more if there were rewards for my pain, but there are none.  I strove, and suffered and remained stoic for so so long.  And for what?  Just another shit sandwich.  Verily, I did not expect a story-book ending.  I mean, with me in the equation?  Nah.  But, i did expect some kind of consideration.  some acknowledgement.  Anything.  Well, guess what?  life sucks.

I have a direction for this rant:  Breezy.  Or Maxsonia, or whatever you are going by nowadays.  Sure, it was a long, long time ago.  And we weren't together for all that long.  But it felt real.  Was it?  Or was it a lie.  An act?  I know you are adept at acting.  And now, when the yoke of my incarceration was finally cast off,  you turn your back on me.  Thanks, thanks alot.  I did not ask to have you back.  I can't even speak to you.  All i want are answers.  At least some contact.  Many promises were made.  I was forced into the hell of your absence.  You now belong to another.  I don't care.  So what?  Apparently you do not care what i went through.  On some level, iknew that would happen.  I probably should care more.  Maybe i do, and maybe i don't.  But it does not matter to you, does it.  Perhaps, some day it will matter.  But not today, eh?

What the fuck?  I didn't ask for this.  I didn't ask for the  pain.  If someone, some higher power had come up and said, "Hey, want the perfect love?  It will cost though.  You get bliss for 2 months, and hell for five years."  Now, if i did not know her i would've ansverd HELL NO.   All i wanted was fairness.  I paid my dues, and got shit on.  Well, life sux, get a helmet right?  I have always let life happen.  Everything happens for a reason, take the good with the bad.  Maybe, just maybe this time, i shouldn't?  What if I tried to fight this.  I might lose her forever.  Been there, done that.  She might hate me.  She probably already does.  She might call the cops.  Yeah, like I even give a shit.  See, me and the Great State of North Carolina aren't exactly getting along all that great.  Do i really need to try, though?  Isn't she happy with her life now?  Yes, and isn't that what i always said i wanted?  Well, yes it is.  Do i think i could make her happier?  Yes, Yes i do.  For the first time in my life, fuck the other guy.  I am the man.

  I mean really.  I hate reality TV shows.  They all suck.  I just read that Victoria's Secret
Is halting it's televised fashion show.  Why?  Partly because of Janet Jackson's shrivelled old nipple.  Thanks slut.  I look forward to the show.  If for nothing else than Adriana Lima.  Really, what is wrong

withthis?

Here I sit.  I am now 10 days and a wakeup from my goal.  I am so short that my feet are dangling.   I am venting because after five years, i am changed.  In the beginning, I had a clarity of purpose.  I knew what was to be done.  I knew what awaited, and I had a support element.  Now, I am blind.  I am stumbling.  I need my beacon.  Without it, I am sure to do something monumentally stupid.  Can this be helped?  Perhaps.  Unfortunately (not for me) I am an unstoppable juggernaut.  There is a high probability for collateral damage in the target area.  Then again, I am just as likely to implode, and do absolutly nothing.  There is a clarity, though.  One diamond-hard thought, idea, concept in my mind.  I should probably let it rest there.  Tapping it would be a bad idea.  But, I am the poster child for bad ideas.

Been a long time gone.  Now I am back.  And Pissed.  As I write this out, I am 31 days and a wake-up from my goal.  Now, when I reach that, there should be retribution.  There should be rights for my wrongs.  I should stand triuphant, streets paved red with the blood of my enemies, the ones smart enough not to fight driven before me.  My beloved in my arms......
Oh, wait, that is all a fairy tale.  There will be no payback, retribution, rights, vengeance, of any of the like.  There will be only me and a my darkness.  That is all that will be left.  Oh, and the anger.  Yes, the festering anger welling inside of me.  Sure, I am angry and have intense loathing for many who did nothing that they thought was wrong.  However, they have slighted me.  And what would happen if i pursued justice?  I am sure they, not I really want an answer.  Suffice it to say, were I to implode, and let slip the darkness, it would be, ah, well...pretty dark.  And you don't want that do you?  HUH??  DO YOU?!?!  No, didn't think so.

Jan First, 2004:
Happy New Year, fuckers.  Yes, yes, another year another step closer to the end.  End of what you may ask?  End of everything.  Life is a finite clock.  But, it does hav it's strong points.  Such as, this year.  Freedom.  Yes, five long, agonizing slow-ass years will come to an end.  Long story.  you will hear it soon.  My bottled rants for the opening year:

Sometimes, I just cruise around the net, and search for my favorite stuff.  Inevitably, this pisses me off.  This one site: CCAJN.   Man, did that shit piss me off.  JET NOISE IS THE SOUND OF FREEDOM.  Plain and simple.  Propwash used to be, and now it is jets.  I love it.  Could listen to it all day.  When i go to an airshow, and stroll on base.  Sometimes, I will just close my eyes, and breathe in the smell of JP-5, and listen to the whine of APUs and roar of the engines.  And I LOVE it!!  Do you like being free?  Funny, I do to.  Don't get me wrong, jet noise ain't the only sound of freedom.  You can also get it from the ping of active sonar, the rumble of tank tracks, and the staccato burst of an M-4 Carbine.  All of these make me free.  Free to say this:  All you whiney commie piss-ant peace-mongering painty-waisted nauseating little bastards can KISS MY ASS.  And while you're at it, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!  Stop bitching about the noise.  MOst people that built a home there and complain KNEW that a base was there, and got the land cheap.  Eat me.  Lay off the planes, and the men and women that are responsible for them.  And get your frigging facts straight:

I was content to just sit around, listen to Robert Picardo sing a little opera as Voyagers doctor, and Wait for Keen Eddie to come on TV.  But no.  I had to go and read some shit in the net.  People, wake the fuck up.  Alot of you say that war is wrong.  Peace is the answer.  Hey, already turned the other cheek.  People say that if we are benevolent and good, and traipse around the world helping others, noone could possible want to hurt us.  Ahem, what then, have we been doing since WWII?  There is no nation that does more than America.  So much so that our own problems are worsening.  And does anyone want to hurt us?  Damn Skippy.  They burn our flag, chant "death to America", call us satan, and say that they want our children to die in the street.  Well, at least that plan worked, huh?  You fucking people, always flapping your gums.  Talking shit out your ass constantly and consistently.  Here's the skinny, dicks.  Evil is real.  Evil people are real.  The world is not, will not and cannot be a better place just because you will it so.  This is real life.  And It sucks.  No body gets what they want.  And those that do are frowned upon by the rest of us.  Speaking of evil, and how everybody says that staying out of affairs or being nice will get other countries and organizations to leave us alone, perhaps even not hate us.  Lets get a touch historical, shall we:  Did any country in Europe do a damn thing to Adolf Hitler?  What did we do to Japan?  Did the indian tribes of the American West start anything with the settlers?  I mean the list goes on and on.  Evil people don't like some others, and there are plenty out there that do not like us.
 
 

How are you all today? Wait, don't answer cause I don't care.  Don't carea bout to terribly much lately.  Life is funny that way.  I am usually stressed about all kindsa shit.  Work, bills, dying alone.  Lately though, not so much.  Is this a rant??  Bet your ass it is.  See, my happiness, or at least, my melancholic bliss is not the natural order of things.  I am getting more sleep, and rest, i have nearly kicked my cold, and generally feel pretty good about about myself.  This means that an out of control bus filled with ravenous pit bulls is barreling toward me.  Nay, i say careening toward me.  If i am happy now, misery is just biding her time till she can be with me again, and we shall dance.  Held close in an embrace i yearn to escape, but am unsure how.  Evena brief respite from the smothering attentions of Miss Misery, and I am lost.  Happiness?  Complacence?  How can these be?  My balance is gone, and once it has left you, you are on your own.  Good night, and as Kaylee says: "Don't let the spacebugs bite!"
 

Happy fuckin New Year.  You know what I am getting tired of?  Reality shows.  Reality show?  Bullshit.  I want reality, i get up, i go to work.  You want a reality show?  Gimme a budget and a camera.  No immunity challenges.  Joe millionaire?  Joe Dirt?  Joe Mama?  Joe piss off.  None of that either.  Fear factor?  Fear this:  me and a camera.  Pissing people off.  Getting in their faces.  Reality shows.  I usually turn TV on to ESCAPE this wretched reality.  I loved Firefly.  The best new show to come along in a while.  On par with Dark Angel.  Wait a tick...FOX is out to get me.  That is 2 of MY shows in a row that they canceled.  Fuckers.  If I want "reality TV", i go to CNN, or my local news.
AND you fucking politicians.  Who isn't going to run for president in 2004?  YOu guys really wanna piece of George "MY DAWG" Dubya "TWO TERM" Bush?  I hate partisan politics, really really hatem.  It detracts from the nation's best interest.  Last time i checked, the Japanese didn't bomb the Democrats, and Saddam didn't say he wanted to see Republicans dead in the street.  Everybody has got a hard on for killinf/hurtin/maiming AMERICANS!!!! Our enemies don't give a rats ass about your politics.  I wonder just how patriotic most politicians are.  Hell, we even had a president that ran from the country when he was called to action.  How the fuck was he even allowed to run for, much less GET ELECTED to the highest office of the land?  I am running for president in 2012.  No shit. For Real.  My ticket is "America for Americans"

Know what really pisses me off?  People that sing the National Anthem, and fuck it up.  Adding verses, grabbing themselves, spitting, singing off key on purpose.  What is wrong with those people?  Have some respect.  People, good people, died for the things represented in that song.  And for godsake, salute the flag during the anthem, okay?  If you are in uniform, I am not talking to you.  You know the hows and whens for proper salutation.  It is the "citizen" I am targeting.  We live in a nation where the status of citizen is handed out freely.  I almost want it like is was in Starship Troopers.  Where not everyone was a citizen, and not everyone could breed.  Cause you know that humans did not, do not, and will not evolve.  To evolve would require a culling of the herd.  A system of natural checks and balances.  A system where the strong survive and the weak perish.  Such as it is in every species on the planet.  Undesirable genetic traits are not passed on.  Disease and congenital defects are reduced.  The population improves, and over time, so too does the species.  NOT WITH HUMANS!!!  One word: horny.  Get a human horny enough, and they will shag whatever they can.  At least that means that people like me will get some.  In humanity, everybody gets a chance.  The ugly, smelly, fat and stupid.  How can we evolve?
    Speaking of evolution:  Raelians.  Hey, Rael, if you are listening/reading this, I got something to say.  I so much as get the inkling that you are trying to subvert humanity or my culture in the least.  I am declaring war.  War, you psycho.  You savvy?  I am talking the pain of immortal hemorrhoids, raining down on your head.  But if you wanna call me off, lemme get a shot at Brigitte Boisselier.  I'd giv'er a real go of it.  I would introduce her to my "Special Breeding Program."  I am just morethana little wary of these cult people.  Not just because they don't agree with me.  Because I just don't like it.  Its like when you look at the date on the milk.  Sure, it is a couple of days away, and the fridge is running like a champ.  So you make the test sniff.  Smells OK.  Your logical brain says its OK, no worries.  So you pour yourself a big honkin glass.  One big ol tug , and you know damn fuckin well it just ain't right.  And you know that if you finish the aforementioned big honkin glass, you will be callin Ralph on the big white phone.  See, that is what I intend to avoid.  You gavey, you kizlode sumanabitch?  Wow check out the stream of consciousness i just spewed.  Damn, I ROCK!!!!!!!

Hey hey!! Its election time in the old country now!!  Fuck it.  You know, I HATE, loathe, revile, and detest partisan politics.  I heard some damn-ass politician talking the other day.  "Oh, yes, we are still very strong, and unified"  You know what the sad part was/is?  He was not talking about America!!  What the hell are these fuckos doing?  Does anyone really give a rat's ass about the parties.  My new political party is KEG!!  Yeah, nominate that, toughguy.  I can see no reason to keep politcal parties.  And if anyone can give me a solid, non-bullshit reason, I will humbly admit to the planet I am wrong.

It seems to me that I have as yet not weighed in on the sniper issue.  I know you are all sitting around scratching your collective heads, wondering how I could possibly feel.  Here it is in two words.  Fry Them.  Thats right.  Killem.  I am all for capital punishment.  Fry'em.  These two pus-sucking cowards ran around for almost a month, committing acts of terrorism.  I would go so far as to say treason for that excuse of a human Muhammed.  Served in the greatest military in the world, and kills civilians?  Tear his balls off, and kill him.  And the Malvo-Misfit?  "He's only 17"  Fuck that.  He took lives, and no victim or family member gives a shit whether he is 17 or 71.  Fry'em.  I say we hang them, in public.  But only after 3 days in the stocks, and lashings every 8 hours.  In public.  And the hangings will not be the gallows type, oh no.  For these retards, you get the "push the barstool out from under" so we have a nice asphyxiation.  No neck snap for you.  And we make them stand on the stools for hours.  So they never know when it is coming.  Then, when they least expect it, a small push.  So that their legs can flail a little, just beyond reaching the stool legs.  So that their last breaths, they can use in the desperate struggle for more life.  The one thing they acted as though they had the final say in for others.  Hang'em.  It should also be televised, on EVERY channel.  So that others would see that, and know the punishment that awaits similar crimes.  Enough said.

Let's see... It's Friday Nite, I have had a sick week, with two different infections;  missed work TWO days (no pay), had a day-and-a-half searing headache.  Now I sit here in nothing but my bright red boxers and combat boots.  You know damn well i got something to rant, rave and carry on about!!  I shall start with treason.  I was under the impression that treason against the sovereign nation of the USA was still punishable by death.  Instead, we now have trials and deals and plea bargains.  Like this latest bitch who has openly admitted that she was a spy for Cuba.  Why did she get 25 years?  She should have been hanged, as an example to everyone.  Spies know damn well that they are risking their life.  Ask the KGB what thet'd do to a spy in Moscow?  Yeah, they'd have a trial.  It would last as long as it took a Makarov pistol slide to chamber a round.  But the sentence would be really short.  One trigger pull.  Unless the spy had a dossier, or they thought s/he had information, or value.  The ahem, persuasion and question methods of some of our global neighbors are  less than humane.  But not us, not the good guys.  That is why we are constantly getting fucked over.  We are nice, and civil.  We are also the only ones playing by the rules.  Then there is the whole Iraq/North Korea issue.  The Iraq issue is simple.  That little camel humper wants nukes, and he wants dead Americans.  I don't know about my panty-waiste countrymen, but that was a threat to ME!!!  And i do not like it.  As a tax paying American, I want my elected officials to do something about this threat.  And there are those that say, "He's not a threat right right now."  Hypothetically, you read in the paper, and hear about a man who has killed members of his own family.  But the police do NOTHING.  Not your problem, right?  So, this guy, we'll just call him "SH" sees you and your family in the supermarket.  You have done nothing more than buy the last falafel, and he says to you: "I would kill you, and your entire family for that.  All I need is the means."  Ok, so now you're threatened.  So you call the cops.  They say they'll look into it, and let you know.  But you are not to take matters into your own hands.  So you see "SH" coming out of the gun store.  Scared yet?  Mad, ready to act?  You do not have to have a degree in relativistic physics to see the analogy.
    But North Korea is a different problem.  They have not outright threatened the US, they just want to drop a little instant sunshine on South Korea.  But they are poor.  Somebody had to help them.  And they kept it a secret.  For years.  Yes, some of our allies, who propose to want to help, have aided the enemy.  FUCKEM!!

Hello, hello.  Lotsa stuff on the mind lately.  Lets start with Iraq.  Saddam Hussein. Don't like him.  NOt a damn bit.  People say this is taking attention away from the war on terrorism.   Bullshit.  This is part of the war.  Saddam has publicly said that that he hates Americans, and wants to see all of us die.  Sound familiar, Osama?!  This is America.  We do not like to be threatened.  Saddam should be removed.  He is so much like Hitler that it is a valid case for reincarnation.  Another thing I hate.  Partisan Politics.  The last time I checked, We were the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.  Partisan politics, by its very name and nature, breeds discord.  The partisans seek to split the population, and play the people against one another.  The representatives and senators are so preoccupied with personal wealth and prestige, that they forget thay are SERVANTS OF THE PEOPLE!!!  Damn the "replublican agenda" and "democratic goals!"  Fuckem.  how about you lazy bastards work for the people.  Even if we abolish the parties, people still have the same opinions, so why contine with the parties?  Without the parties, the Congressmen can concentrate on the issues facing America.  Look at the recent resolution, (the "Knock Saddam's dick in the dirt resoltion) where the two parties turned an issue about the safety of our nation into a political issue.  The nerve of those assholes.

This world is starting to suck so bad, I hardly know where to start.  How about kidnapping?  What the fuck is wrong with some of the people in this place?  They have to abduct children and do horrible things to them?  There is a special place in Hell for them.  I hope all of them rot, and have their eyes picked out by worms.  Also, why are so many people upset about going BACK TO IRAQ??  I say we rock and roll.  Saddam Hussein is an evil man.  He is a worthless sack of sub-human shit.  He gassed his own people for cryin out loud.  Let us not forget the downed coalition pilots from Desert Storm.  And not just American ones.  His regime beat them.  Tortured them.  In direct violation of the accords all nations abide by.  But then, he thinks he is above the law, that he may do whatever he wishes.  And the UN sits on it's collective thumb, and lets him.  Yeah, did that with Adolf Hitler too.  Bottom line is, we will have to go back over there, and finish what the UN wouldn't let us ten years ago.  So I say fuckem.  The iraqi people are so jacked up right now, and pumped full of propaganda, they want to fight in the streets.  Ever tried a street fight with an M1 Abrams?  Iraq will form an alliance with Iran.  We will be forced to attack.  Israel will jump in.  At the same time, Saudi Arabia will add to the fray by supporting Iraq.  The UN will mos likely turn it's back on us, and try to slap a trade embargo or some other bullshit.  Britain will most likely assist.  After all, remember one of the worst beaten pilots was a RAF Tornado driver.

Hello hello hello!!  Welcome to the one, the only, FurryBitchSession!
First off, I understand that there are some in this nation who would like to see the Driver's License standardized at a national level.  And of course there are the opponents.  PRO:Standardized licenses and even testing would lead to a better Interstate traffic system, and understanding of each state's laws.  CON:They say it is too much like a national identification system.  Fuck it, we already have that.  Everybody's got a Social Security Number, right?  And so far, no number has been duplicated, right?  And the number is assigned to you as soon as you are born a US Citizen.  Even immigrants and Naturalized citizens hav a similar number assigned.  I know what you are saying.  "Our government has said that the SSN is not a form of ID."  Ok...so why is when anyone, gov't or otherwise, want's a positive ID, or any ID, one of the first things they want is your Social Security Number?  Why is it someone can steal your identity with little more than that precious 9 digit number, HMMM???  Because that little 9 digit sequence IS a positive ID for America.  And what is wrong with that?  Nothin.  Let it be.  Right now, i want every method of separating US citizens from rif-raff we have in place.  Am I scared?  No.  Concerned?  Yes.  I love America.  And will defend her, from ALL enemies, foreign and domestic.  We should all feel that way.  But we don't.  We just had an entire generation that had 2 mottos:  (1) It's not my problem, and (2) It won't happen to me.  Guess what, fuckbags...IT DID HAPPEN TO YOU, AND NOW IT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!!!  America belongs to all of us.  And I even hate the political parties squabbling back and forth, bithing and whining.  Who gives a shit?  Do your damned job and serve the people and the nation.  Politicians are more interested in personal wealt, image and power than service to the United States of America.  I will concede the fact that there are some who genuinely care about us as a nation,  but they are outnumbered.
Enough for tonight.  I gotta catch a train to Clarksville, and some oddly dressed guys told me to take the last one.  PEACE OUTSIDE!!

Now I am for freedom of speech as much as the next guy, but this aethiest fucker is taking it to far.  You are now fucking with one of the things I have held der since childhood.  The Pledge of Allegiance.  I know that most people just blindly recited those words, just so they could sit back down.  I did not.  From an early age I knew what it was to be a patriot.  I am a patriot.  And a Christian.  But I am in no way perfect.  I have a foul mouth, am lewd, and hold hate as thouhgt it were a comforting blankie.  But I love my God, and I love my country.  NOw we have little grabastic pieces  of shrimp dung bitching about "i don't want that word God in my pledge.'  Well, asshole, you don't mind that word, or even the phrase, IN GOD WE TRUST on every single piece of currency minted or printed in the United States of America, do y now?  Of course you don't.  It is convenient.  Fuck convenience.  That is what 7-11s are for, and even thay acknowledge The Almighty!!  OH, THANK HEAVEN FOR SEVEN ELEVEN!!!!    I would almost be so bold as to say we start killing aethiests, so that they can see if there is a God, or not.  And so far as the Pledge goes, The American Fighting Man has so generously provided you with the freedoms you abuse, and take for granted.  Your legal time to protest the words "under God" in an American institution were bought and paid for with the blood, sweat, and tears of american soldiers.  They fought and died, to protect our freedoms.  Many were volunteers.  Doing what they did because IT HAD TO BE DONE.  How can some of you look yourselves in the mirror?  We live in a great nation.  Like me, not perfect, but great.  And i have always said of America, LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT.  Noone asked you to be here.  I wish all people could be patriotic, all the time.  It hurts me that we nitpick, and so many of the minority want to stain the beautiful fabric of our counrty.  I say fuckem.  Any one who would detract from us, is as good as a collaborator.  I would not piss in their mouth if their teeth were on fire.  I am a partiot, and I am free.  You can have that when you are big enough to come take it.  God bless America, and may he have mercy upon our souls.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Life  sux.  At times, it feels as though my soul is collapsing, and that I can take no more.  The only problem is...what am I going to do?  Quit?  Hardly.  Suicide is not answer for me.  So, more misery for me.  Yay!  I seem to not be able to get enough, you know?  Well, the Elaborate and Astounding Injustice System of the Great State of North Carolina has managed to bend me over, and ass-rape me once more.  To them, I am just a number.  To me, I am alot more.  I don't know what I am to anyone else.  I hardly ever ask.  Why?  Because it would not matter.  All that matters is that I got screwed.  And I am getting screwed.  And I will get screwed later.  So... what to do?  Interesting question.  One question, many answers.  None of which are really great.  All may pose a significant risk to either my sanity, freedom, health, or social standing.  Some pose risks to more than one of the aforementioned attributes.  Do I care?  Have I ever? ;)  There are times when you just have to rely on your instincts, and say to hell with the consequences.  Further research will show if this is one of those.....

Here we are again.  me infront of my computer, and you infront of yours.  How very convenient, wouldn't you say?  I would.  I did.  I had one of those spells today...the bad kind.  I was in a room full of people.  I mean full:  perhaps 50 to 70 people.  And suddenly, over all of the oppressive noise of everyone talking at once; I was alone.  I felt completely isolated.  It was as if the thought suddenly registered in my mind.   The thought "You do not belong" was in my head.  I don't know if that was right or not.  But I felt it.  It is not the first time I have ever been an island in a sea of humans.
Tomorrow I will have another bout with the justice system.  Wish me luck.  Right.

And so, another day, another slice of steaming misery.  I suppose I could always look at the "bright side" of things....but why?  You know, after a day of work, you realize what really bothers you.  Many people label these things as pet peeves.   I deign to call them that.  These are the things that just piss me off.  One is having to write out a check for a customer.  Many of you in retail are probably not familiar with this practice, while a proportional number of you are.  A great deal of stores have either a company stamp, or a machine that will imprint the pertinent data (Pay to the Order of, Amount, Date...) on a customer's check.  We do not.  That does not stop our patrons.  Many do not even ask.  Most just hand you a blank check, or drop it on the counter.  Am I supposed to be thrilled to have the opportunity to write out a check for them?  Many a day have I had trouble holding my water over the excitement.  Fuck that.  I say you should not be allowed to have a checking account if you are too incompetent or to fucking lazy to write out your own damn checks!!!  I don't mind for the old people, physically unable to write, or left their reading glasses at home, or cant write, or....why are these people out and about anyway?  I know..."One day, you're gonna be old...."  Bite me.  Sod off.  I realize I will.  But the least of my worries will be check writing.  I'll be too busy just trying not to piss myself.  I also cannot fucking stand the people that have no clue what vehicle they drive.  I am a kind, generous, and patient person (not to mention smart, handsome and modest) who does not mind helping others.  If you can at least tell me one thing out of the following: year, make, model, engine size;  we are getting somewhere.  See, the more you can tell me, the faster, and more effeciently I can assist you.  So that makes me happy.  The less I am told, the harder my job.  I then have to coax, beg, research, guess, make phone calls, break out a ouija board, cast bones, and generally prestadigitize the information from countless sources.  Even interrogation.  I HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU TALK!!!!!!  Sorry, Parts Nazi in effect.  A little disclaimer...  i do not mind the cute girls that don't know a damn thing about their car.  That lets me look cool and knowledgable; verily, even chivalrous when I boldy assume command, and pull a parts rabbit out of my as.....hat.  I gotta have something to land the tramps...fat and balding just ain't cutting it.  Enough of the Parts Worker Rant.  Get some sleep, people....it is a long road ahead.

Welly Well well, then...  Imagine this:  ME, with not a damn thing to bitch about.  Kinda takes the fun out of living.  I find that I am generally miserable.  Alot of this has to do with my almost constant physical ailments.  Want to hear them?  Sure you do.  Let's see, there are the steady headaches, which vary only in intensity and type.  The incessant heartburn.  Chronic insomnia never helps.  I got a bad knee.  I am overweight.  There is this little heart murmur from time to time.  Did I mention a mild case of Sleep Apnea?  And coupled with that, Narcolepsy.  And to top it all off, TMJ (Tempero-Mandibular Joint Dysfunction).  Just big words for a painfully misaligned jaw.  So, my gripe is ME.  I am a living, breathing gripe.  Oh, joy...yeah right.

Well....some GOOD news today!!  AIRSTRIKES!!!  Nothing says loving like a 2000 pound unitary warhead screaming down from on high, seeking out that one little bright spot from a Yittrium-Aluminum Garnet laser designator.  BOOM!!!  So, Saddam wants to keep taking potshots at the US (and allied) planes?  Not no more.  New president, new policy.  See, Clinton was too busy stealing the couch he was too busy getting head on.  I hate that bastard.  So, Saddam is all complacent.  He apparently watched too much CNN, and mistook our inability to count votes and examine hanging chads as an inability to kick the shit out of his rag-head ass!  See, now i got you.  There is a rant hidden in here!  Other countries.  What the fuck is their problem?  So we mad a mistake in the USS Greenville drill.  That was a one in a million shot.  If we really wanted to sink that piss-anty little barge, we coulda lit it up with a brace of Mk50 Torpedos.  That would've been fun to hear.  The Japs wanna keep right on fucking with us.  Excuse me, but aren't you people the only ones to have ever had an atomic weapon used against you?  And who did it?  Oh, yeah...US!!  So don't think we won't do it again.  And if you think that all  the walking sharkbait on that boat was surprised, how do you think the people in Pearl Harbor felt Dec 7, 1941?  In an UNPROVOKED attack?  Shit happens.   They came over, and kicked a hornets nest.  We made an honest mistake.  I still say, if we whip your ass in a war, we plant the flag.  We call you a state, province, or something.  Then you get Interstate highways, and State Taxes.  Next comes the Provincial IRS office.  Yay for beaurocracy!!!
During Desert Storm, we should've gotten to point when the UN said "We should quit.  We did what we came to do", we should have replied: "Go fuck yourself.  Iraq is ours!!"  We should have had the SEAL teams in Baghdad extract that little falafel eating, matza ball fearing piece of shit out to one of our forward bases.  Then, we could politely ask him a few questions, have noon tea with him, then lock him in a hyperbaric chamber, with an open vial of Anthrax.  After that, a quick parade through the streets with his head on a pike atop an M-1A1 Abrams.

Sometimes, all you really need to do to get away is turn out the lights, slap on the headphones, and let the music play.  I prefer techno.  The digital beats seem to drown out the noise i constantly have in my head.  I also prefer it for another reason, other than to dance to.  I once told my shrink, "If  you ever ask me, 'What are you thinking about?', and I say nothing, I am lying. I am always thinking of something."  Which is true.  There is always something on my mind.  Which is why i like my techno.  it can have opposite effects.  Sometimes, it helps me to calm the noise of brain activity, and go blank for at least a little while.  At other times, it amps my neurons up, and i am thinking fast, and with more clarity.  i don't know which has given me more insight, techno or booze!!!  Between the deafness from the music, and the killing brain cells and liver damage, revelation comes with a pretty high price tag.  Just remember, nothing is ever free.  Especially not happiness.  I am afraid that the last two years of bullshit have made me a little bitter.  But, as i have said, accept reality as it is, not as you want it to be.

Peace out?  Am i fucking high?  What is that shit?  I had two really good days.  I think my gripe is that i have not much to gripe about.  I actually got to sweep out the Jet Hanger at the airport.  Believe me, that was the highlight of my Thursday.  I do have a gripe, though.  Or else, why would I be here?!?!?  My purpose.  For a very long time, i have believed that God had a higher purpose for me.  Perhaps to serve in the upcoming war. i feel a BIG war (good vs evil) is brewing.  But, that is the subject for another time.  But i thought recently..."Aren't you too insignificant to serve such a high and important purpose?"  Perhaps i am.  Perhaps i have delusions of grandeur.  Ok, I KNOW i have delusions of grandeur.  I also have a persecution complex, and a very tiny messiah complex.  Fuckin-A, i gotsa lotta baggage.  Why on earth would anyone want me?  Oh, yeah...NOBODY does, hence, I am alone, and bitter!!!

You know, there are times you just want to throw your hands up, and say Fuck it!!  This usually happens when you force yourself out of bed on the 9875th day of your wretched existence on this backwater rock we call Earth.  Yeah, I gotta Visual Basic Script that keeps track of my time on Earth in days.  It helps keep my ass in perspective.  We all have different reasons for getting up in the morning.  Some are serious, some are not.  Some matter, some do not.  Some are important to others, and you guessed it, some are not.  Well, every once in a while, you do a little self diagnostic.  You say to yourself: "Self, why am I getting up and facing this unfair, twisted world, that at every turn seems to be out to Fuck me, but not in that fun spanky way?"  So, your subconscious goes into diagnostic, and spews a quick list back at you.  This list determines the speed with which you get up, and your general demeanor thru the day.  Yes, it can be overridden, as I usually do.   Anyway...  comparing my old RTGOOB (Reasons To Get Out Of Bed) directives to my more recent RTGOOB directives, the list is shorter now.  Well, that just sucks.  We all know I am unhappy.  But I am also guilty of self indulgence.  Not too many people ARE happy.  How can they be.  I mean just stop.  NO, really STOP, and look around.  There is a lot of beauty in the world.  While this is true, there is alot of ugly out there too.  And the ugly is more readily evident.  You have to really look to see the beauty.  Like when you catch a fleeting glimpse of light or motion in your peripheral vision, or squint through the light to see what's on the other side, or stare at a cloud long enough to see the pony ( or the Pterodactyl swooping in to eat  two cows, that also happen to be British, and flopping about with the MadCow Disease...umm, where was I? oh yeah...I was pissed!!)  But the ugly is in your face.  It is easy to see.  There are times you get tired of straining for the beauty.  There are times you get tired of the fight.  you don't even want to wake up anymore.  But you do.  That's me.  I am on automatic.  I get up, go about my day, and finish.  Ii keep fighting. Why?  Because i don't know how to stop, I guess.  I just keep telling myself:  "Self, just another damn day, and you can have your breakdown later."  So thats my gripe 4 now.  I love rambling.  peace out.

Well, surprise.  I have something to bitch about.  Happiness.  Denis Leary was right.  Happiness only comes in very small amounts.  I was happy.  Happiness has levels.  I am now bordering around content.  Once, I was what you would call "Truly Happy"  A state of euphoria.  All was right with the world.  I had family, friends, and the love of a phenomenal woman.  True happiness.  But, since I am me, that cannot be allowed for long.  Yes, devoted readers, it was snatched away from me.  Stolen, and not a damn fucking thing I could (or can do now for that matter) about it.  I could throw my fists up, and rage at the heavens until I pass out.  It does no good.  So here I gripe, so that at least I can vent.  That's why this page is here.  So what can I do.  Be patient.  I have this little time constraint, then I can take some serious action.  I will endeavor to reclaim my lost love.  Because you have to have goals.

I guess I am just fed up with this planet, or maybe just this existence.  You know, I look around every day on this miserable rock, and wonder...why?  There is rampant injustice.  People work hard and fair, busting their ass.  They get nowhere.  Others lie and cheat, and advance swiftly up the corporate ladder.  They then feed on the ass-busters levels down from them.  Wow, can you all feel the angst rising forth from me?  There is just so much bullshit that offends me, some little and some not.  Like tonight.  I was at a truck pull (sporting event) and as the national anthem played, I stood, as did everyone else.  I also placed my right hand over my heart.  As I looked around, hardly anyone else was doing that.  What the fuck has happened to America?  Do we not teach our children the virtues of patriotism?  The schools sure as hell don't.  If shit like this keeps up, we may be in for an ass-whipping.

I suppose the first thing I want, nay MUST bitch about is the present election.  I was not allowed to vote in the debacle and embarrassment because of another previous obligation to the State of North Carolina (more on that later).  So here it is.  I am a Bush supporter.  It seems to me that he genuinely wants to get in there and work as a President should.  namely, bust his ass for this great nation.  Now Gore just seems to want the money, prestige and power associated with being the President of the United States of America.  What BULLSHIT!!!  I despise that insipid little urchin!!  And his barrage of attorneys and legal mumbo-jumbo.  I lost most of my faith in the judicial system 2 years ago, and the rest 2 weeks ago.  All this says to people is that if you have enough money you can even change the laws to suit you.  Gore has cried and whined and thrown legal fits to get what he wanted:  the hand re-counts and extended deadlines.  He gott'em.  But those results didn't turn out the way he wanted, so his little Yes-Man Bois (i don't give a fuck if i spelled his name wrong or not) hops up and squeals that they're gonna contest the election.   E-fuckin'-nuff.  Drop it Gore.  Please drop it while we as a nation has at least a shred of dignity.  We will be lucky not to get laughed out of the UN, or have every 2 bit nuke toting weasel with a little land and an army try to take us on.  Gore has got our weaknesses on public display.  We are a strong nation...we need to look the part.
Yeah, to hell with the politicians!!  Anyway...the criminal justice system pisses me off in America.  There is no justice in the system.  I will elaborate on this later, but there it is for now...

Welly Well Well then....  Another sequence of days blurs past, all blending into one.  A bright note.... Star Wars in a few days!!!!  I have come to realize that we, The United States of America, are the last superpower on the planet.   So, we bear the burden.  Everybody wants us to help them, or protect them, or pay them.  But noone really likes us.  It is all a mixture of fear and envy.  Hell, there are some who downright hate us.  Yes, even some in this very nation.  To them I say:  FUCK THE HELL OFF!!!!!  This is a great place to live.  Yes, we have our problems, but we are still a wonderfully diverse nation.  And strong.  Now, if all citizens would just start acting like AMERICANS.  I am also sick of that little pipe-bomber.  Luke whatever his name is.  He is a grease-spot in my book.  What he did was terrorism, plain and simple.  I say 50 lashes in the town square, and feed him to the ants.  I cannot stomach little shits like him.  Enough for now.....

I am really tired of the way things are going.  NOt just in my life, but in the world in general.  I love America.  With every fiber of my being, I love being an American.  But some of you fuckers out there are pissing me off.  There are jackassed pieces of shit that pass messages to and fro for the fucking terrorists, just because they are defense attorneys.  "I was representing my client." You dumb sonofabitch!!  You were aiding the fucking enemy.  People should be summarily executed for crimes like that.  Here is a man, who despises all that we are, and stand for.  Willing to die just to hurt us.  And you got some stupid bitch here that's going to assist him.  I would give an internal organ to be allowed to strangle a terrorist to death.  I'd give two if I thought I could get my grubby lil hands on a traitorous lawyer as well.
    And another thing.  Israel.  Look, they and the arabs have been at each other's throats for thousands of years.  Why does the whole fucking world expect us to just jump right the hell into the fray?  Hello?  Anyone notice?  We are a little involved in a WAR OF OUR OWN!!!  So piss off.   I know, there are a lot of terrorists in Palestine.  And that hemorrhoid Saddam Hussein is backing them.  I still say we should have nuked him when given the chance.  Iraq should be a state of the USA, not a problem.  Nuke their ass and take their gas!!

And another thing...Sulemain Al-Faris. Yeah, that little weasel that USED to go by the name John Walker Lindh.  Kill him too.  He is a little piece of shit, that turned his back on the greatest nation on Earth.  And then took up arms against it.  That, in my book, is treason.  The little pus-bag took an AK-47, and shot at American troops.  We should have killed him on the spot.  And his parents are all "He's a little misguided"  I understand parents unconditional love and support for their child.  But really....  This is an open and shut case.  Kill the fucker.

As for the detainees at Camp X-Ray?  Who really cares?  But the rest of the fence-sitting world should get off our back, sit down, shut the fuck up, and take notes.  American was kicked right suare in the balls.  Our entire world was rent asunder.  And the sooner the rest of the planet realizes it, and gets with the team and comes in for the big win.... what the hell am I saying?  Oh, right.  It is a whole new ballgame.  NOTHING is the same as it ever was.  In every military engagement since World War II, we are the only involved country abiding by the Geneva Conventions.  The Koreans, North Vietmanese, Iraqi, and whoever the hell else we have had to cross sabers with, has tossed the rules of war right out the damned window.  I say FUCKEM!!  The rules are only worth a shit when both sides abide by them.  This is life, boys and girls, and life is not fair.

Hey, who likes to be led on?  OOOOOOHH!!!!  ME ME ME!!!  Right...fuck that.  But i must have a big-ass sign on my face that says to do just that.   Not in everything mind you.  Instance:  I was once promised a raise at my former place of employment.  They kept saying  "You're doing a great job.  You deserve a raise."  Well, that shit went on for like a year or two.  I did not gripe too much, I mean i did like the job at the time.  And I was making enough money then, as well.  So, when it became apparent that my raise was NOT coming through...I stopped bustin my ass.  Yeah, I showed up at work, and did my job, but no more.  My heart was no longer in it.  So, at one point,  I mentioned to my boss in one of our little meetings  "What about that raise I was promised?"  He, of course, replied with "Do you think you desrve one with the way you have been working?"  Oh, that was just wrong.!!!!!  So I said, well i guess not.  So no raise.  So i started really hating work.  I kinda used that as a reason to peel back the layers and see what was right and wrong for me there.  So I get this other job offer.  I wait, and wait...  But eventually take it.  More money, more benefits, more fun.  Same line of work.  Because "enough" is never enough!!!  So I have been there for 2 years now.  It is not perfect.  Nothing ever is.  But it gets better...about 6 weeks ago,  I was promised a raise!  Yeah...we'll see how THAT goes.

Well, I am back to my gripes page.  My live journal is getting a little squirrely.  What the fuck do you expect?  It is free,  And free shit really rox when it works, but really sux when it doesn't.
Anyway, my fucking point:  HAPPINESS.  What good is happiness when it is so frequently short lived?  I recently had a philosphical slap in the face via my subconscious.  I thought:  pain and misery are what prove to us we are alive, and happiness and joy make us want to live.  Strange, that.  When i am miserable, I want others to be miserable.  And I am usually a very nice guy.  Ask any female that has ripped my heart out.  Sure, there have been some that did no heart ripping whatsoever.  But that list is the tragically shorter one.

I think that all televangelists are vampires.  Look at the facts.  They are all long-living bloodsuckers with high charisma, and the ability to get others to do their bidding.  Just watch your back is all i'm saying.

I find myself at an odd crossroads.  I haven't vented in some time now.  I have so many other venues now.  I have just started a LIVE JOURNAL .  You should really go check it out, you know.  Anyway, my crossroads.   I may be a madman.  I have realized that i possess the intellegence, the will, and the persecution neccessary to make the leap to Insane Genius.  But i have none of the delusions of grandeur.  I have delusions. but thay are of searing mediocrity.  Maybe i don't have what it takes to be the next Hitler, or Genghis Khan.  The world should probably count itself lucky.