VI. The Wraith

The pain was not all consuming, but it never faded completely. I wandered the halls in a daze my first few days on campus, a shell of a person with little content or personality behind my eyes. I ate when my body required nourishment. I slept when it required sleep. And when I wanted aesthetic stimulation, I sat by one of the great, arching window of the hallway that led to my room and watched the city as it bustled far from me.

But one day, I realized that I was not alone in my solitude.

I’d glimpsed him for the first time when I wandered the city-like footpaths that snaked all across the campus. He was a strange creature, but infinitely more beautiful than any human I had ever seen before in my entire life. Where Ulrich was enrapturing and lustful, this being was purely exotic.

I passed him on my way to the Biology department in search of Bessera, hoping to sort out my class schedule sometime soon. Perhaps it would give me some way to distract myself from my longing for Ulrich’s companionship. He was hiding away from the other students, wandering with his head bowed and his arms folded tightly across his chest, and as we passed each other, he opened a set of luminous, topaz yellow eyes and stared at me.

It was the complacent indifference of a cat that I saw in that stare, and my shock was furthered when I glimpsed the feline ears flattened against his glossy black hair.

He was a Kakarah. A telepath.

I kept walking, despite my awe of him. I’d never seen a Kakarah before in my entire life, but I had heard plenty of nasty rumors about them. They were a secretive race that did not mingle with other races, and if you were not careful they would pry into your mind and tear from it every piece of information they desired. They hated humans, I’d heard, and the wilder aquatic ones that dwelt in the Kelp Sea often attacked sailors on sinking vessels, devouring them alive.

My initial emotion upon seeing this Kakarah was an innate fear that he would harm me. But as the days passed after our initial meeting, I realized that the rumors I heard just couldn’t be true.

After all, Dr. Irwin Faushe was a Kakarah, was he not? And he hadn’t devoured anyone live yet, had he?

Dr. Irwin Faushe was the head of the Astrology department, and I sought him out after my brief glimpse of the anonymous Kakarah on my way to visit with Bessera.

I arrived in Bessera’s office, surrounded by terrariums and aquariums filled with all sorts of plant and animal life, and softly cleared my throat.

She was in the middle of filling out some paper work, but she smiled and set her quill down as I approached. "Rocielle!" she exclaimed happily and stood up, welcoming me into a quick hug. "Sit down, sit down," she said warmly and gestured me to the chair in front of her desk. "I expected to see you here sometime soon. Now, about your schedule…"

"Yes?"

"What were you considering taking?" she asked pleasantly. Her smile was impeccable.

I balked and suddenly felt incredibly and insurmountable stupid. I had not thought once about what class I intended to take, or where I wanted to direct myself in life. I think she noticed this, because she sighed and gave her head a slight, fond shake.

"Let me give you some suggestions," she said. "We’ve got the Biology department, which I highly suggest. Here you can learn about the various types of creatures that inhabit not only Kalaweinvyrismere, but Avainmesisvyre, Myrisvermyn, Cavenwry, and Torakiba. We even go as far west as the Illusion Isles, though our scout there has not sent us word of his studies for some time… Ah well. There is also the Chemistry and Alchemy departments which go hand in hand, and my sister, Dr. Belinda Caul is the head of that department. I don’t know much about the goings-on of that wing, so you’d have to seek her out for yourself. We’ve also got a Literature course which I found quite interesting during my stay here—"

I noted that class and considered it.

"—as well as many others. There is an Astronomy department as well, headed by Dr. Damien Creusse. Do you find the stars interesting? Of course, you’d have to take the accompanying Mathematics course as well, which is also taught by Dr. Creusse… I was never interested in that sort of thing." She thought for another few moments, then brightened. "There is also the Astrology department, headed by our resident Kakarah professor, Dr. Irwin Faushe. Fascinating man, that Irwin—"

"Kakarah, you say?" I interrupted, suddenly intrigued. Thoughts ran rampant through my mind and I struggled to organize them. "Where is the Astrology tower?"

"Why, it’s on the other side of the campus!" she said, followed by a mirthful laugh at my crestfallen expression. "I would suggest riding your horse out there, or you’ll be walking all day."

"Yes, I suppose I had better," I agreed sullenly, but this time attempted a smile of thanks. I rose and bowed to her politely. "Thank you, Dr. Caul—"

"Bessera, please," she said with a wave of one hand. "Dr. Caul is my father’s name."

"All… all right," I conceded, and quickly excused myself.

Though I might have missed the du Monte Manor, Kio was more than happy to settle in with the complete strangers of Kalaven City. The college took amazing care of the horses that stabled there; every time I took him for a ride, his coat was immaculately glossy and well groomed, his energy never ceased to amaze me, and his spirit seemed to grow. I found happiness in his good health. Leading him out of the stables, I clamored onto his back and had him trotting towards the eastern half of the campus. A quick glance at the sun assured me that it would be dinner time soon, and that if I did not catch the professor in time I would probably not catch him at all.

But luck, for the first time since my unfortunate parting of ways with Ulrich Stein, was on my side. I arrived outside the ominous looking tower with half an hour or so before the dinner bells would ring. A servant ran out to grab Kio’s reins from me, and I climbed up the staircase leading to the lobby of the Astrology tower.

It’s grandeur was far different from the vibrant, lush climate of the Biology department. Instead of finding myself surrounded by plants and animals, a wave of calm washed over me, rendering me momentarily weightless and light on my feet. The fragrance of incense was heavy on the air, and all sorts of herbs and teas seemed to be brewing at the same time. Cautiously, I stepped into the empty hall.

If there were any Astrology students anywhere near me, I did not see or hear them. In fact, I did not doubt that they had the ability to cloak their presence from me. It caused a tremor of unease to ripple through me, and I shot a paranoid glance backward over my shoulder, just to make sure I was alone in the hall.

I wandered; aimlessly, I wandered, for I had no idea of which way to go. There was a staircase ahead of me, which I ascended, and in a daze I strolled the narrow corridor, searching for some indication that life was present. I found none. I followed another winding staircase through the interior of the tower, until I met with an open doorway. I walked through that as well, and was promptly shooed out of a library by a dusty old woman who barked at me in a language I had no comprehension of. Nervously, I climbed another staircase…

…and found a ladder.

I judged by now that it had to have been longer than merely half an hour, for the bells were ringing and I could hear the distant hum of conversation as students filed into the corridor, hurrying to join each other in an evening meal. I also judged that I was rather high up in the tower, for when I chanced a glance out of one of the many windows, I could see my own tower across the campus from me. If I squinted hard enough, I could even see the small black dot that was my window.

But I turned back to the ladder and looked up to where it disappeared behind a trapdoor in the ceiling. The door was easily discernible, for it was old, dry wood and the ceiling was stone.

Something compelled me to climb the ladder. With a giddy excitement fueling me and pumping adrenaline through my veins, I gripped the spokes and hurried up.

Pushing the trapdoor open, another wave of fragrance threatened to send me falling back down to the floor below, but I gripped the ladder tightly. I could hear the distant crackling of a hearth fire and the scribble of a quill against parchment. Hesitantly, I pulled myself up into the attic-like room and sat with my legs dangling into the hallway.

The room was dark and musty and filled with all sorts of oddities that I had never seen before in my life. There was a portrait of someone of importance, a king or something, lying atop a pile of other useless contraptions that seemed to have no purpose. A wall separated me from the person whom I assumed wrote with the quill. I could see the vague outline of his shadow on the floor.

"Come in, then," a quiet voice beckoned me, and so sudden did it come that, startled, I nearly fell through the trapdoor. "No need for you to go sneaking around where you’re welcome."

I rose with some difficulty and tip-toed through the myriad number of useless items in the room, until I could peer around the wall.

Garbed eloquently in bottle green robes, a yellow sash binding them closed at his waist, I found myself looking at the back of a man I assumed to be Dr. Irwin Faushe. I stared, awed. His hair was a deep and flowing chestnut brown, as were the feline ears which sat erect atop his head. Even more surprising, a feline tail evinced itself beneath his green robes, twitching idly as he wrote.

After a moment of silence, in which he kept me standing, he turned to face me. Again, I was overcome with awe for the Kakarah’s amazing beauty. His jaw was slender, the spectacles on his nose accenting his large, luminous green eyes. Everything about him was feline in nature, even his idle gesticulation that I should take a seat. At my hesitation, he smiled wryly.

"I don’t bite, Rocielle."

I sat down without realizing it, still captivated by him. He turned his back on me again and arranged the papers on his desk, cleaned up his ink and quill, and put the rest of his works to right, before he turned to face me again. "I’ll assume I need no introduction?" he asked with a cryptic smile. "Or shall I introduce myself anyway?"

"You’re Irwin Faushe, aren’t you?" I asked nervously, then quickly went on, "D-doctor, I mean. You are a doctor, right?"

"I could be termed one," he said with a warm smile. He rose quietly from where he sat and crossed the room to a tiny stove against the far wall. I noticed that a pot of water there had begun to boil. He poured the steaming water into two mugs, and more of the fragrant scent flowed onto the air. "Have some tea with me. Artemis won’t be returning for quite some time."

"Artemis?" I asked, but accepted the mug of tea that Irwin offered me without hesitation. The scent of the herbs in the drink soothed me and even caused the aching loss of Ulrich in my heart to subside, at least temporarily.

Irwin resumed his seat across from me and sipped his tea quietly. "Artemis Jezera," he said softly but kindly, "often joins me for tea when his classmates gather in the main hall for dinner. The noise and bustle of the humans gets to him just as it gets to me." He tipped me a patient wink. "But you already knew this, didn’t you?"

"Why do you ask me these questions when you can just as easily reach into my mind and find out yourself?" I asked. I didn’t intend for it to sound as accusatory as it did, and I quickly lowered my eyes after I spoke. "What I mean to say is… don’t you know the answer to that question?"

"I could, very easily," he conceded, "but I prefer not to steal a man’s thoughts out of his mind. It is a cruel practice, and it would condone the rumors that humans spread about the viciousness of Kakarah.

"But you asked about Artemis," he said with a smile. He took another sip of his tea. "He is like me in that neither of us are social creatures. It is in our nature to be solitary, but Kakarah are often solitary in pairs, or small groups. We value our peace and quiet over other, more exuberant things."

"I think I saw him," I said suddenly.

"Did you," he said.

"Just now, when I was going to see Bessera to have my schedule completed…" I sighed despite myself and closed my eyes; I pictured him in my mind and decided that I would draw him in his reclusive glory when I returned to my dorm room. "He is very lovely."

"Yes, he is," Irwin agreed with a soft, understanding smile. "And his also very sad. But I am sure you gauged that as well, when you saw him."

"Sad?" I repeated, puzzled. I felt guilty, suddenly. My mind had not been focused on his emotions, but rather on the aura of loveliness that surrounded him. Thinking back on it, he had looked somber and melancholy. And lonely, so very lonely…

Irwin nodded with a soft, thoughtful frown. "Yes. Very sad, and with due cause, you see. He is the last of his clan; an entire branch of our small tree was decimated in a radical raid on the Kakarah of Avainmesisvyre about fourteen years ago. Artemis’ entire family was slaughtered brutally, and he was carried here by an associate of mine. He had no close kin, and he loathed humans and Fellahin both. I was the closest Kakarah that anyone could get in touch with, but I had been hearing his mournful, telepathic sobs for weeks before I ever laid eyes upon him. I took him in and gave him sanctum in this room…" He smiled again, a serene and knowing expression that I could not look away from. "He is like a son to me, you see. I care for him very much."

"Not all humans are like that," I said to him, as if I was trying to reason with Artemis and not Irwin. Irwin laughed quietly.

"I know that, and he knows that now," he told me. "I’ve coexisted with your sort for many, many years, Rocielle, more than you have probably lived."

I stared at him in disbelief. Not a wrinkle marred his beautiful face! How could he be as old as he claimed?

"I am seventy-two, Rocielle," he told me gently, plucking my thoughts out of thin air. "Kakarah age at a much slower rate than humans, and our deaths do not come as they come for your sort. We are like Fellahin in that respect."

"How old is Artemis?"

"Oh, not much older than you, I’d say," he said thoughtfully, pondering it. "I’d say he is, perhaps, twenty? Maybe twenty one? I couldn’t tell you for sure, because not even he knows."

"I want to talk with him," I said earnestly. At Irwin’s surprised expression, I went on. "Before I came to Kalaven College, I fell in love with someone who was… ineligible, you could say. My misery threatens to consume me when I am alone, and I wonder if perhaps I had someone to speak of my pain to, it would lessen some."

Irwin gave his head a tilt. "Could you not find a human companion to share this with?"

"I could… But I would rather know Artemis."

"Then I will make him aware of your curiosity," he told me gently. "If he wishes to know you as well, he will contact you. Now." He checked a clock hanging on his wall. "I suspect he will be returning from wherever it is he goes sometime soon. It would be best if you were not here when he returned."

"I understand." I rose, then and took my leave, but before I left his attic dwelling I remembered abruptly one of the reasons for my coming. "Dr. Faushe?"

"Yes, Rocielle?" he asked patiently. The gentle scratch of the quill against the parchment had resumed its whisper on the air.

"I would like to enroll in your Astrology course, if that’s all right."

"Most certainly. Good evening, Rocielle."

I returned to my room and quietly latched the door behind me. The weather was mild, an indication of the coming spring, and so I propped my window open to allow the fresh air to blow away the dust. I took a seat at my desk, lit the kerosene lamp perched there, and proceeded to write my first letter to Ulrich.

Ulrich,

I stopped and reread what I had written, then haphazardly scribbled down the words "I love you" at the bottom of the parchment, before signing it. What more was there to write? I did not trust myself to mention Artemis’ name just yet; there was something otherworldly about my fascination with him, poetic and beautiful. I decided to keep his name away from any parchment that might end up in Ulrich’s hands. I folded the paper neatly, stuck it in an envelope, and addressed it to August’s estate in Haven, then set it in the little box by the door where my mail would be delivered. I resumed my seat at my desk and pondered over writing a letter to Michael as well. I decided against it.

Artemis. Images of him clouded my mind, possible musical notes that might resemble the sound of his voice, a sound I had never heard, hobbies he might enjoy—painting, poetry, lyrical ballads that I might be able to learn—classes he would take, religions he might be part of… He consumed me as Ulrich had consumed me in Crystal City, but the enigmatic curtain that enshrouded him kept me from simply seeking him out. And Irwin had told me that if Artemis wished to speak with me, he would seek me out.

So I would be patient. I would wait.

…It wouldn’t be that bad, would it?

A week passed and I received no word from the secretive Kakarah I had momentarily glimpsed on my way to the Biology department. I tried not to let it dishearten me, and in the meantime I attended my first few classes on Astrology. Lo and behold, I discovered that not only did I have an affinity for the subject, but I was gifted with the Sight as well. I could decipher hidden meanings from seemingly haphazardly strewn tea leaves, discover the fate of some unlucky mortal by reading the lines on the palms of their hands, and even by staring into a crystal ball for hours on end.

Irwin was delighted by my progress, and I discovered that only a select few were actually given the bottle green robes that signified them as learners of Astrology. Many wore the rose robes from the Biology department, and many more who were still interested in the significance of the stars soon wore the crimson robes of the Astronomy department. But it was a rare thing to see a student clad in green. I considered it my badge of honor.

Of course, Astrology wasn’t the only course I took, although it was where my attention was focused primarily. I also took a minor course in Biology to appease Bessera, as well as in Chemistry and Alchemy. I found Bessera’s younger sister Belinda to be quite the snake in comparison. She was sly and cunning, much like the albino cobra who was her Nemawyre partner. If she was fond of any of her students, it didn’t show in her demeanor. I discovered I disliked her class more than any other.

So the majority of my time was spent in the Astrology Attic, as I referred to it, puzzling over tea leaves and sifting through old Astrology scriptures with Irwin. Occasionally, another young man joined us, a rather shy and gauche Fellahin named Tobias Ferrin. His accent was distinctly Cavic in origin, and he carried about him a farm boy sort of charm that managed to make me smile. Irwin and Tobias both became valuable friends to me. I confessed to both of them after only a few meetings the nature of my relationship with Ulrich back in Crystal City, and how it pained me to be separated from him. They were surprised, but supported me and promised not to reveal my secret to anyone who might use it to shame my family.

Tobias and I often studied in my chamber after dinner, or sat up and debated current world politics until late in the night. Despite his rustic appearance, he was a worldly youth just as I was, but our perspectives clashed and our debates sometimes became heated. But we always calmed ourselves long enough to share a cup or two of tea and watch the sun set.

On one of these occasions, there was a tap at my bedroom door. We were in the middle of discussing the significance of the recent peace treaty between Avainmesisvyre and Western Myrisvermyn, and I merely reached over and opened the door. Normally, I received letters from Aunt Jill in bundles, which I barely ever read, but this time, the courier handed me only one letter. I thanked him, then looked at the letter in confusion.

My heartbeat quickened in my chest.

"Rocielle?" Tobias asked curiously. "Who is that from? Your aunt again?"

"No," I answered softly and sank down into my chair, carefully opening the envelope with my nails. "It’s from Ulrich."

He was silent, and suddenly found the stars outside my window very interesting. I pulled the letter out of the envelope and began to read. By the end of the first sentence, my heart began to sink.

Dear Rocielle,

I thrust the letter aside, almost into the flame of the kerosene lamp that warmly illuminated my bed chamber. Tobias watched me expectantly, his lips pursed into a thin and grim line. "Rocielle…?"

"Read it," I told him, my voice tight and taut as a drum, "and tell me that you don’t agree with me when I say that there will be no other man in my life so loved by me as he is now."

Delicately, Tobias picked up the letter and perused it slowly, coal-black eyes committing the words to memory. Occasionally, he would look up at me questioningly, but if he was puzzled by anything he read, he didn’t voice it. When at last he finished the letter, he set it down on the table beside his tea cup.

"Well?" I demanded impatiently; my misery made me short with someone I would otherwise have been patient with.

He took a deep breath before he spoke. "I’m not in the position to tell you if you’ll ever love again, Rocielle, or even if that love will be as strong as what you feel now. But you’re young, yet. Ulrich is your first, not your last." He smiled sadly.

"I don’t want to love anyone else," I said feebly, my voice quivering. I felt like a whipped child, cowering at the threat of another beating. "It isn’t fair that they should force us apart this way. How can they realize what it does to us?"

"Politics rips families apart," he told me with the infinite patience that Fellahin and Kakarah alike seemed to possess. "Sometimes it’s for selfish reasons unbeknownst to the poor third parties involved. But sometimes, and I think this is the case here, sometimes it is to keep the family together.

"Tell me, Rocielle. Who would have taken over the Stein estate had Ulrich been allowed to love you?"

This discussion made my temper flare. I had pointed this out to Ulrich that night in The Tom Cat, and it seemed that now, I was arguing against my own point as Ulrich Stein himself. "Daniel," I said bitterly. "Daniel Stein, son of Rowan Stein, the Traitor—"

"And he would have manipulated his son to get what he wanted," Tobias told me. "From what I’ve inferred, Daniel is a weak-willed person. He doesn’t have the moral integrity to turn his back on his father."

"But surely, someone would have… done something…"

"But why let it come to that?" Tobias went on reasonably. "Why search for a way out when you’re not even boxed in? Rocielle, Ulrich’s discontent placates the entire family, as well as the other families in Crystal City. His sacrifice will keep greedy hands from stealing the Stein fortune and using it illicitly."

It made perfect sense. I hated that it did, but to deny it would have been my last desperate attempt to hope that Ulrich and I could be together. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and wished that I was a child again, playing in the gutters outside my mother’s shack. I wished Michael was with me.

Tobias excused himself and promised me that he would walk with me to breakfast in the morning. I closed the door behind him and listened to his footsteps echoing off of the stone walls of the corridor. When at last I could hear nothing more, I turned and went to my window again.

I sat on the edge of the brick window and watched the sun set on the horizon. I wanted more than anything to take Kio out for a ride to clear my mind, but by the time I arrived at the stables and got his tack ready, it would be too dark for riding. I sighed sadly and closed my eyes.

"Will this ever end?" I whispered to the air.

And a voice inside my head whispered, One day.