Weird Quotes

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool

Robin: Holy Kleenex Batman! It was right under our nose and we blew it!

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.

What a nice night for an evening.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps

There's no such thing as nonexistance.

"Bother", said Pooh as the brakes went out.

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.

In case of emergency, break glass. Scream. Bleed to death.

Alone: In bad company

If ever you should need my life, come and take it.

Razors pain you. Rivers are damp. Acids stain you and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give. Gas smells awfull; you might as well live.

When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like all the passengers in his car.

If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I love cats. They taste like chicken.

Out of my mind... be back in five minutes.

If you can't convince them, confuse them

In just two days, tommorrow will be yesterday.

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.

The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Better to be mad with the rest of the world than wise alone.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it.

Be alert - the world needs more lerts.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they-re going to be when you kill them.

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.

If you can't beat em', arrange to have them beaten.

-e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm"

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

I have a horrible short term memory... I have a horrible short term memory... I have a horrible short term memory

I have my doubts about disbelief.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.