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Nicole's BD, BPD, PTSD & Self Injury Hi, my name is Nicole. I am 21 and have been in the psychiatric hospital 5 times in the past 4 years. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I am on medication, although the new therapist I have feels I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality. I just started a webpage that I'm working on to try and help others with the same problems, the address is: http://www.angelfire.com/ny4/poeticnic/ Who I Am - I am one of God's children. A wise person once told me that "God don't make no junk". I am also a writer and a student. I HAVE Manic Depression, but that is not who I am. It is a piece of me, but it does not define me. Who I Am Not - I am not insane. I am not lazy or crazy. I am not a doormat. It's really hard for me to say no to people, especially my friends, so I have to depend on other people not to take advantage of me and also to tell me when I am giving too much. What I Want More Than Anything - (besides a computer and a good's night sleep!) I want to be a mother. I want to know what it is like to bring life into this world, and I also want to know what it is like to adopt a needy child. I want to be needed and loved unconditionally. I want to be able to just be. Most of life is spent either in a crisis or helping someone else through a crisis. I want to know what it is like to just simply ... be. Where I Am Going - I have no idea, I just hope it's warm! Who I Hope to Become - I hope to be able to become a beautiful person inside and out. I hope to become a healer. I want to be able to trust people. I love and respect many people, but there are hardly any that I trust. It has nothing to do with them. I have been hurt too often; my heart has been taken out and stomped on more often than I care to remember. I thought I had learned to trust the right people, but I guess I didn't. Mental illness is a real disease, just like diabetes or cancer, and just as deadly if not treated properly. Clinical depression is a chemical imbalance which can be helped with both medication and psychotherapy. There is a great stigma attached to depressive disorders, which really needs to be stopped. This is a very important cause for me since I am still struggling to cope with my Bipolar Disorder. The bad new is that there is no cure yet, but the good news is that it can be treated and you can lead a normal life. I am not a doctor or a therapist, so I recommend that you consult a professional if you feel you are suffering from a mental illness. I am going to include some basic information from The National Instute of Mental Health, and also some websites that I found to be helpful. Please know that you are not alone, and there is help out there: Information About Mental Illness Self injury, self mutilation, cutting, whatever you want to call it, is very common among young people. When I finally confessed to my therapist that I had been cutting myself, I was surprised when she told me that it was so common. I haven't done it in a while, and I hope it stays that way. I know the feeling of being overwhelmed and grabbing for that knife or pen or anything that will leave a mark. When I first started cutting myself, it felt good, it was a release, I didn't feel any physical pain. But after awhile the cuts had to get deeper and the knives sharper before the release came. Not many people understand cutting, it seem so bizarre to them. I still have scars on my arms and stomach and I am dreading the summer because I will have to walk around in short sleeves. I am definitely not a professional, but I can tell you that I have been there, and I know what it feels like. The last time I was in the hospital, a nurse gave me a handout with some crisis survival strategies. Not all of them work for me, but some may work for others, so I am going to copy all of the suggestions here. I hope they help: About Self Injury What I learned about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder
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