When No One Is Watching

A/N: hey hey! This is a joint effort between Chunkymunky241 and Zippydragon*43, so it will show up in both of our profile thingiemawhatsits. Review on BOTH, if you have the time. THANKIES!!!! We don't know if this will have the same story id or whatever, but if you like, bookmark one or the other and we will be HAPPIE!!!! ^_^ Anyways, this story is gonna be Cartoon Network Justice League, not direct comic book kind. And no "Superfriends" funkiness.

What the hell is up with the Wonder Twins? Nevermind, don't wanna know. Kay, none of the characters know anyone else's secret identities. J'Onn J'Onzz is the same person as Martian Manhunter, Diana is the same person as Wonder Woman. In their space station, they have beds and stuff, but they don't live there all the time. Like firestations..READ ON, And ZIPPY LOVES YOU!!! ( oh. Chunks loves you too. Or so she says)

In a shady corner of Metropolis, bad crap was goin' down. In a run down looking bar with a surprising amount of business and a thick atmosphere of cigarette smoke and hormones, we find our heroes.

"Hey baby! Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cuz you look like an angel to me!" said an enthusiastic drunk to a certain Thanagarian.

"AAAHHH!!!" Hawkgirl gave her battle cry and swung her mace. It connected directly with the poor drunk's head and he went flying off into a corner (where no one found him until the next morning).

"Dammit, Hawkgirl, can't we take you anywhere?" complained a tall brunette, walking over in what seemed to be very patriotic underwear.

"Yeah well. He asked if I was an angel. Why do they always say that?"

"I'm gonna go with the 'you have wings' idea."

"Guys are so uncreative. And stupid," moaned Hawkgirl.

"They disgust me sometimes," agreed Wonder Woman.

"What about Batman?"

*Smack* (upside Hawkgirl's head)

Diana lunged for Hawkgirl, screeching, "YOU LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!! HE IS DIFFERENT!!!"

As a catfight began between the two super-females, A gleeful looking guy in tight red spandex sat spinning on a barstool. He muttered to himself, "What? Does the guy have *special needs* or something?"

Three pairs of eyes swiveled over to his direction. Two from the catfight, one emanating from the shadows. All had anger in the glance.

"What? It was just a question."

Hawkgirl stopped fighting with Diana to give the speaker, Flash, a sharp whack on the head. "YOU ASS!! IT WASN'T YOUR CONVERSATION!!!"

As she started to swing again, he threw up his hands in a surrendering gesture and quickly said, "Hey! Hey! Sorry! My bad. I take it all back." Flash then signaled to the waiter. "Hey, can I get a Bud and a Screwdriver down here?" He then turned to Hawkgirl, "Yeah, a Screwdriver is also known as 'Happy Juice'. I'm thinking that you need some." She turned away, but she looked a bit more calmed down.

Sitting at another part of the bar table, The Man of Steel nursed his Shirley Temple. He had long ago decided to abstain from alcohol, knowing that a drunken Kryptonian was a VERY BAD THING. A tap on the shoulder turned him around to face the solemn green face of J'Onn J'Onzz. Superman politely offered to buy him a drink.

"No thank you. Alcoholic beverages do abnormal things to my digestive system."

"Fair enough. I won't go into it." Superman commented as the more 'ethnic' member of the Justice League walked down to the end of the bar, his stainless black spandex squeaking as he went.

The man otherwise known as Green Lantern continued to stride until he stood next to the Flash. Pausing, he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, "I don't think it's a good idea to get Birdbrain drunk."

A slurred "I heard that" came from the slumped figure on the bar table.

"We'll see, GL," Flash smiled impishly.

Green Lantern raised an eyebrow and wisely said nothing. Instead, he continued walking down the length of the bar. He finally stopped next to Diana and The Dark Knight. "So, Batman, been fighting any crime over in Gotham?"

"Right then. I'm just gonna go sit over there . . . by myself . . . alone . . . not . . . by . . . you . . . yeah . . ." GL's voice trailed off as he headed for a small booth. Batman, unmoved by the other man's unease, began to speak to Wonder Woman in a hushed tone. Superman looked over at the pair, grimacing when Diana giggled.

Martian Manhunter turned to the Man of Steel and said sagely, "Jealousy is a perfectly natural human emotion."

"How did you know about that?!?!" Superman tried to stifle a yell of surprise. He sat gaping at J'onn.

"Hmm . . . forgot about that. Hey, could you use that trick to tell me what Diana is thinking?"

"I would, but I fear that the shock would kill you. Her thoughts are . . . quite graphic . . ."

Just at that moment, the bartender walked out, clapped his hands, and announced, "Okay peepo . . . Tonigh isa Karaoke Nigh . . . Gitta pah-nah . . . and go tu a mica-rapho. Yoo picka song. Yoo tell me wha you wann!"

(A/N: no, that is not just bad spelling. Think "fresh-off-the-boat" Asian voice. No offence to fresh-off-the-boat Asians.)

Green Lantern grimaced at the sound of "karaoke." It just brought back bad memories of fish sticks and even worse ones involving a microphone and a can of whipped cream. But he really didn't want to think about that. Feeling like a loner, he slunk out of a back exit, but not before giving a longing glance at Hawkgirl, and a bit of a glower at Flash. He headed toward a McDonald's. He needed McNuggets. Badly. He needed them the way a crack addict needs . . . crack. Once he had his CrackNuggets, he headed back to The Watchtower, the Justice League space station.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Flash poked the limp form of Hawkgirl. "Hey, you wanna-"

"Okay . . . So, about those wings of yours . . . Do you have them when you are born, or do they come later on, like puberty?"

"So, how do you . . . you know . . . I mean, doesn't that get in the way? Or are you just always on top?"

And Flash went down and out courtesy of The Big Mace From Hell owned by Hawkgirl.

Meanwhile, Superman was up on the Karaoke stand. Martian Manhunter was next to him, looking irritated. They were singing the ever popular song, "Who let the dogs out." Superman was really into it, singing all of the lyrics like he wrote the song, but J'onn never broke a monotone.

The shout did not bother Superman and his 'hot' backup singer. They kept going. It was bad. The sound was frightful enough to wake up Flash. He sat up with a bolt. From his place on the floor (by Hawkgirl's feet . . . tee hee . . .) he could see the Thanagarian beauty taking shots of Everclear. (A/N: that shit will knock you on your ass faster than a rude comment to an Amazon) He was alert to know that too much alcohol could kill her, and he quickly stood up and prevented her from taking any more.

"Hey!" she protested as he swiped the shot glass from her hand, "That's mine!!"

"Not anymore it isn't," he replied calmly. Hawkgirl tried to get the glass back, but Flash's already unbeatable reflexes were too much for the drunken bird-woman. She made another futile swipe and nearly fell out off the barstool onto Flash's lap. He caught her before she fell.

J'Onn J'Onzz, who had given up on karaoke and was leaving the bar, gave him a questioning glance and said, "Why are you touching her breasts?"

"Uh, she fell, and I caught her, and, she just, landed, and they just, I didn't do it on purpose I swear I mean they just jumped out at me and stuff and yeah . . ." Flash's voice trailed off. He tried to shake Hawkgirl, but she had passed out in his arms (which he moved around her . . .) and wasn't exactly responsive. Over came Superman, who, having lost his singing homie, also gave up the karaoke.

"Goodness, Flash, I didn't know you and Hawkgirl were that close," he commented dryly.

"Uh, yeah . . . Did you see where J'onn went?"

"Yes, I believe he just flew back to The Watchtower. Oh no. We forgot to leave someone up there . . ." Superman started to swear, and Flash's jaw dropped . . . (I mean, come on, who hears Superman cuss . . .?) Superman then said he had to leave, ran outside, and vaulted into the air.

Flash raised an eyebrow and said sarcastically, "Up, up and away . . ." He picked Hawkgirl up in both his arms hero style, as all superheroes do (and firemen, I guess . . .) and looked around for any sign of the other JLA members. He couldn't see Green Lantern, and guessed that he had left the bar as well. Flash sighed. He didn't blame him. Here he was, a superhero, in a run-down bar, holding a passed out supermodel-ish superwoman, with no way of getting her home. And it was three in the morning, meaning that the bar was, in fact, closing.

"Dammit. Where are Batman and Princess Amazon? Typical of them to walk out and leave me alone. This is so bogus." He looked around again and spied the two strolling towards the exit. "Hey, you guys, can you take me to the space station with you?"

"Oh go cry about it in your Invisible Jet Princess star-spangled-undies-in- a-bunch." Flash replied, more than a little bit irritated. He then proceeded to stick out his tongue.

Wonder Woman stared at the ground a bit self-consciously and muttered, "I would, but I can't find it. I don't remember where I parked it . . ." The Dark Knight and his consort sped towards the exit and the awaiting Batplane.

Leaving Flash alone with the unconscious Hawkgirl. Dammit. For him. I guess. Whatever. He nudged the sleeping form in a vain attempt to awake her.

"Hey, come on babe, wake up. You have to fly us to The Watchtower . . . come on . . ." He shook her again.

She snuggled close into his chest, making him feel *just a tad* uncomfortable and muttered, "Operation . . . minty . . . hippo . . ."

" . . . right. I guess that's a no on the flying thing." He sighed again, "Well, I guess I could take her to Central City. Call for help or something. Well, let's get going then." He exited the bar and went as fast as he dared. He decided that he really didn't want to wake up Hawkgirl, as she would probably be cranky, and her mace still swung ominously from her hip. He was at a good pace, when, as he was leaving the parking lot, he saw moonlight glinting on something directly in front of him. He tried to spin around to avoid it, but instead he just ran his side onto it. He was careful enough that Hawkgirl was not hurt. Falling to the ground with the unconscious body on top of him, he let out a muffled "My hip . . ." He looked up onto the slightly gleaming surface above him, and saw the faint outline of a ship. " Holy concealed aircraft, Batman" he muttered to no one in particular, especially since the Bat was long gone.

A spark of intelligence flickered from the depths of his mind as he realized that he had, indeed, found Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet.

"SWEET!!!" he yelled. Hawkgirl groaned as she made a weak attempt of slapping his head. Flash laid her gently on the ground as he felt the hull for a door hatch. Feeling around with his fingers, he opened up the door. It was a bit dark, but he couldn't see through to the outside, so he figured that the invisibility only pertained to the outside. Flash quickly, but delicately, brought Hawkgirl inside and secured her to a chair. Checking out the controls, which were NOT invisible or even transparent (thankfully), he prepared for liftoff.

"Damn. No keys," he complained, and proceeded to hot-wire Diana's plane. After a few minutes and sparked fingers, he got it started. The craft hovered effortlessly and then slowly towards the Justice League space station.

"Lucky that I kinda know how to pilot the Javelin," he commented, again, to no one in particular. As he neared the station, he noticed that there was, thankfully, room for more than one plane in the docking bay. He glanced around and noticed that the Batplane was parked near the Javelin. He parked his borrowed ship, albeit a bit roughly. Then, taking the inebriated Hawkgirl into his arms again, he strode out into the docking bay. He managed to find his way to the bridge, where a couple other JLAers were resting. Hawkgirl seemed to regain at least a semblance of consciousness. Flash helped her to her feet, and Green Lantern went over to help.

The wing�d one stumbled over and wrapped her arms around GL. Flash's eyes started to take on a bit of a jealous appearance, while GL's were just shocked. He managed to peel her off, but not before she planted a kiss on his cheek. He turned an interesting shade of maroon. Flash quickly stepped over and wrapped a possessive arm around her.

"Dude, GL, I did *not* drag her all this way just for you to get jiggy with her." He then stalked off to Hawkgirl's bedroom and locked her inside. He made sure to take away the mace, because she was gonna have one HELL of a hangover, and he really didn't think she should be handling weapons then.

Back on the bridge, poor Green Lantern was feeling overwhelmed by his conflicting emotions. On the one hand, he had his duty, and on the other, his feelings for Hawkgirl. He decided to go sleep off the confusion, and he headed to his room.

Flash was also feeling conflicted. His flirt-with-every-girl-he-sees tactic had always worked in the past, but for some reason, it never worked on HER. The one that he REALLY wanted it to work on. Well, it never worked on Diana either, or on her Amazons, but, they were Amazons. Completely different from Thanagarians. Dammit. And he had been SO tempted tonight, when she was vulnerable. But he just couldn't. Not with HER. It wouldn't be right. Dammit.

A/N: tee hee . . . Flash and Green Lantern have some conflicts, eh? I sense an ass whooping coming on . . . NEXT EPISODE: Where did Batman and Diana go, who left the fish sticks in the freezer, and WHO THE HELL SLEPT WITH HAWKGIRL?? 'Til next time, DC beats Marvel anyday!! (get asses kicked by random Amanda and her Spiderman) . . . we're sorry, okay?! We didn't mean it, really!!