Chapter 3: DBZ With A Side Of Tartar Sauce



A/N: EIN!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!! NO MORE MUSHROOMS!!!!!! ED, WILL YOU HELP US PLEASE?!?!?! Blast. Why do we even bother? >squeak< >squeak< Dammit. He got into the 'shrooms. We would try to take them away, but Ein is too fast for us. Ed has decided that she wants melons, Faye is swimming in the bathroom, Spike is retardedly climbing a stair (just one), and Jet is talking to his trees. Damn this ship. CHUNKS!!!!!! Where did all the food go?

Chunks: um, Faye ate it all. But it was kind of nasty . . . why do you think she is spending so much time in the bathroom . . .?

Zippy: umm . . . right . . . So, about this story, Batman just got his freak on with Wonder Woman, Pokémon is popular, and Hawkgirl was REALLY drunk last night. (Dude, where's my car: Jesse: "Dude, How drunk were we last night?" Chester: "Shibby.") So . . . yes.

Chunks: You know, we forgot a disclaimer . . .

Zippy: Oops.

Chunks: Do we own Justice League or any of the random crap we've plagiarized in this story?

Zippy: No.

Chunks: not even-

Zippy: No.

Chunks: So we don't-

Zippy: No. But we have now disclaimed. Sweet.



After FINALLY putting on clothes, Green Lantern headed back to the living room. He slumped down on one of the sofas and closed his eyes. He could still hear Flash and Superman playing video games, but he tried to block that out. His thoughts drifted back to the previous evening. What on earth was Flash thinking, being so possessive of Hawkgirl? He wasn't dating her, but then, neither was he . . . but . . . GL wanted to . . . badly. He viewed her as nearly perfect. Beautiful, confident, strong . . . but, at times, a bit stubborn and temperamental. Oh well. Maybe she would change . . .

"Superman, I did advise you to not pick the 'Vegeta' character," commented J'Onn.

Superman wrinkled his forehead in concentration as he played the DBZ game on their Gamecube. He replied, "But the hair! It was so cool."

Flash frantically pushed buttons, and gave out a gleeful, "Kamehameha!! I am SO beating your ass! I am Son Goku. Hear me roar!"

Martian Manhunter wondered how humans had lasted this long.

"BIG BANG ATTACK!!! . . . <a pause> . . . aww Dammit!! Why does that never work?!?!"

J'Onn just sighed.

Meanwhile . . . in Batman's room (tee hee)

Wonder Woman looking in the mirror, making a final adjustment as she put her tiara back on. She looked over at the still-sleeping form of Batm-no, she knew his name. Bruce. Bruce Wayne. She smiled to herself. He trusted her. No one had really ever done that before. Her sisters on Themyscira were trusting, but then, there had never been any reason to not be. For a moment, she wondered what her mother would think of it all. Her, and Bruce, and their relationship. But she shrugged the thought away with the knowledge of her own independence. Besides, her own mother HAD been in an odd relationship with the God of Hell..so, she figured she was okay. Honestly, Batman isn't *that* bad. She broke out of her reverie when he turned over in bed and rustled the sheets. One eye opened, then the other when he saw her. She went over to the side of the bed and knelt down.

"Morning," he murmured, and smiled up at her.

She returned the smile and said, "How did you sleep?"

"Well, there was a beautiful woman that kept distracting me. Other than that, it was great." He chuckled.

She gave him a playful shove.

"Just kidding. What time is it?"

"Around nine thirty."

He groaned. "Crap," he said, "I need to get home." He rolled to the other side of the bed and proceeded to pull on his usual all-black uniform. As he slipped on his boots, he turned to look at her. There was a catch in his breath as he saw the way the light shone through the window behind her, framing her face. The two stood up and walked towards the door. He drew the cowl over his head as he stepped through the exit. The mask was back, the walls were up, and she said goodbye.



MEANWHILE: (again.we know, we know.)

Hawkgirl was now very pissed. She was tearing apart her room, inch by inch. The contents of her closet were on the floor, and all the drawers in her room had been overturned. Most of the breakable items in her room had been, well, broken, and the surviving things probably wouldn't last long. Her bed had been overturned, and the sheets hung ragged off a chair. She started to fume, and one could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears. Her mace was missing, and she would do anything short of murder to get it back. Scratch that. Murder really didn't sound that bad at this point. Also, her hangover was now raging, and she had a pounding headache that felt like it was gouging out her eyes from behind. She stomped towards her door.

The door opened with a >whoosh< and she stormed down the corridor towards the kitchen. Once there, she banged open the fridge door, pulled out a beer, and clanged it on the table. She then nearly ripped off a cabinet door as she grabbed the aspirin. Taking two out, she nearly chucked them in her mouth, popped open the beer can, and chugged the whole thing.

"Rough morning?" asked Martian Manhunter dryly, as he flipped an omelet.

Her only response was a glare as she then stalked off to the living room. Superman had left shortly before, as he needed to return to guarding Metropolis. Flash, smirking into a mirror while arranging the stylish lightning doo-hickies on his head, was preparing to return to Central City to resume his own duties, but stopped when he saw Hawkgirl sitting in the living room. He sat down next to her on the sofa and attempted to strike up some friendly conversation.

"So, how did you sleep?"

"I have no idea."

" . . ." he blinked. "Riiight. Well, my night was good. This morning I beat Superman."

"You beat up Superman?" questioned Hawkgirl, not really believing him.

"No! No, I beat him at video games."

"Wow, what a talent," she drawled, looking oh-so-impressed.

"I like to think so," he said. Flash was obviously one of those a-legend-in- his-own-mind types.

"Well, I'm sure someone else will too." She had to give a smile. Flash was just someone that made you feel better just by being around. His energetic, happy-go-lucky personality just seemed to rub off on almost anyone he was near, if they stuck around long enough. She would never admit that, though. She would rather be boiled in hot oil while her feathers were plucked one by one by a fingerless midget. (no offence to fingerless midgets.)

Flash noticed the smile, and the thought dawned on him that she really looked beautiful when she smiled. Not wanting to ruin her moment, he decided to leave before he said something stupid, which he was fairly sure would be coming up soon. "So, I'll just be going then, Hawkgirl. I'll see you in a couple days . . . yeah . . . a city to protect and everything . . . so . . ."

Hawkgirl was about to say goodbye when she remembered one of the reasons for her discomfort. "Have you seen my mace? It's gone missing, and I feel naked without it."

Flash looked decidedly uncomfortable. He then played it off by saying, "Oh, yeah! When I took you too your bedroom last night, I forgot to bring up your mace. Sorry 'bout that! It's on the table over there. Well, I'm off. See ya, Babe!" And off went Flash..

Hawkgirl frowned a little bit at the name, but brightened up when she saw her mace, right where Flash said it would be. She bounded over to it, feeling reassured by its strength. She could feel the faint rumble of Flash taking off from the docking bay. Hold on, taking off? She flew down to the bay (all corridors being just wide enough to accommodate her wingspan, haha) to see. She couldn't see a ship other than the Javelin, but she heard it. She saw the typical red glow of a jet engine, and there were some glints and shimmers in front of it. "An invisible jet?" She wondered to herself, as the jet shot out into space and off to earth. Hawkgirl made her way back to the living quarters, suddenly feeling a little lonely. She stopped abruptly.

"Wait, he carried me to my room?"

J'Onn was serving up omelets to Diana and Green Lantern. They all looked up when Hawkgirl entered the room. J'Onn politely offered her an omelet.

"Um, no. I'm not really into cannibalism. But thanks." She sat down in front of the television and began flipping through. The other three people in the room resumed eating.

<Chunks Final Flashes Zippy out of the chair and assumes control of the keyboard>

A COUPLE HOURS LATER: still in the living room

"Got any queens, J'Onn?" Green Lantern asked.

"Go fish. Do you have any twos in your hand, Hawkgirl?"

"Dammit!" she growled as she chucked three cards in his direction, each of which he caught deftly. (A/N: they're playing where you have to get all four cards for a match, not just two, okay?)

"Lantern," J'Onn continued on his winning streak, "do you perchance have any nines?"

"You're using one of your freaky powers to see through the cards, aren't you?" GL scowled.

The Martian Manhunter said nothing, but calmly awaited the two cards Green Lantern would be handing him. After a small, old western-like stare down, Lantern pushed the nines across the table. J'Onn proceeded to stack them neatly in his ever-growing pile.

Wonder Woman walked in, rearranged a picture frame, looked around for a second, and quickly walked back out. The three at the table chose to ignore it.

"Back to you, Hawkgirl," J'Onn continued. "Do you have any sevens?"

"This is pissing me off," she handed another card to the Martian.

Before J'Onn could take another card from him, Green Lantern slapped his cards on the table and stood up. "I'm sick of this. I want fishsticks," he said, and exited the room.

Both the Martian and the Thanagarian blinked, confused. "I'll play you Crazy Eights, J'Onn," Hawkgirl challenged, recovering quickly.

"Bring it."

Wonder Woman walked in, picked up a glass, looked around for a second, and quickly walked back out. Hawkgirl and Manhunter followed her with their eyes, but still said nothing.

IN THE KITCHEN

GL leaned down and opened the icebox, pulling out a pack of frozen fishsticks, a little annoyed that the light inside kept blinking on and off. Placing them in the microwave, he pondered as the bright numbers on the timing screen blipped from one to the next.

What was Flash thinking? He had seen him talking to Hawkgirl earlier, and though feeling a little guilty for spying, could not help the feeling of jealousy that was creeping up his spine. He had always had his eye on Hawkgirl, ever since he had met her. Her poise, her confidence, her strength . . . they all seemed to complement his own. Sure they fought, but it was almost routine by now. Not to mention that every time they went into their little arguments, GL could not help but stare at the inner fire that burned in her eyes, the tight frown that would grace her lips, and the way her wings would bristle every time she countered. Each of these actions was sharp, angry, commanding, and just waiting to be tamed.

He wanted to be the tamer.

Not Flash.

The telltale ring of the microwave signaled that his fishsticks were done and he picked up the plate, sitting down and munching on the flaky snack food. Still contemplating, he wondered if Hawkgirl would ever reciprocate these feelings for him. They had fought crime together for a while now, but their relationship had never been more that strictly business. Sure, they had come close to being friends on many occasions, but those were few and in-between. He set down his fifth fishstick; his bitter thoughts were making him lose his appetite.

<Zippy beats Chunks into unconsciousness with her Harry Potter broomstick and assumes control of the keyboard>

"HEY!!! GL!!!! I NEED YOU OUT HERE!!!" called an angry Hawkgirl.

Lantern broke from his reverie and wandered out to the living room. Hawkgirl was batting furiously at J'Onn, though he had phased out enough that her mace blows simply passed through him. GL raised and eyebrow and said, "He won again, didn't he?"

"YOU STUPID DUMB SHIT GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER!!!" screeched the Thanagarian. (p.s.: thank you Offspring)

J'Onn phased back briefly to say, "That was impressive. I didn't know words could be used like that."

Another screech and swing by Hawkgirl.

Lantern used his ring to stop her mace mid-swipe. "Hawkgirl, it IS just a game."

"Fuck. I know. But he keeps using the telepathy thing to find out what my cards are. DAMN HIM!! DAMMIT!!!" she cried out once more before storming off to her bedroom.

"Ah, females. I find mating practices amongst your kind most invigorating."

"You think card games are mating practices? Freaky. Well, I take it she was in a bad mood," remarked Green Lantern.

"So it would seem. But there-" The Martian broke off as Wonder Woman walked in, put down a glass, walked to a window and scraped some dirt off with her thumbnail. She then looked around for a second and quickly walked back out.

"Okay, WHAT is up with her?" questioned Lantern.

"I have no idea."

HAWKGIRL'S ROOM (Zippy: but we don't even know what Hawkgirl's room looks like . . . Chunks: that's never stopped us before . . .)

Hawkgirl lay in bed, her wings providing extra cushioning as she stared at the ceiling, picking out the fine lines in her Invader Zim poster. He was standing proudly on a conquered Earth, with the ever-faithful Gir robot by his side. She sighed, pondering the previous night's events. Zim at least was trying to bring honor to his planet. What honor had she brought to Thanagar? Yes, her people would be VERY pleased that she could get drunk, pass out, and sleep with someone whose face she didn't remember. She vaguely remembered the act, which actually had been pretty good, but what really bothered her was that no one had said anything about it all day. Hawkgirl found that she didn't regret sleeping with the person, but the memory brought back other, more painful ones that she did not wish to remember at this period in time.

Her thoughts were brought back to the dilemma at hand. Who had she been around; who on the station might have done that with her? She felt a shock as she remembered a few minutes from the night before. She had kissed Green Lantern! She groaned as she tried to remember what she might have done next.

**Okay, Okay, don't panic, Hawkgirl! Don't panic!** she panicked in her mind. **Maybe it wasn't GL. There were others on the ship, right? Right. Okay, I think Batman was here . . . and J'Onn, Superman, and Flash . . . Oh yeah, like that's any better!** she snorted. **Every fucking person in the League was here! For all I know, I could have slept with Diana! Eww . . .**

She raked a hand through her unmasked hair in an irritated manner. Despite her exceptional detective and observational skills, she was completely stumped on this case. She ran through the possible *suspects* in her mind again (excluding Diana, for obvious reasons). Green Lantern, J'Onn, Superman, Batman, Flash . . .

"What a minute, he carried me to my room?"



<end chapter three>



Chunks: (singing) To resist is to piss in the wind! Any one who does will end up smelling! Knowing this, why do I defy?! 'Cause my inner voice is yelling!

Zippy: er . . . riiiiight . . .

Chunks: (still singing) So when I make me, I won't be papier-mâché! And if I fuck me, I'll fuck me in my own way!!

Zippy: Dude, that's not even the same song . . . you'll have to excuse Chunks. She's been a bit off since the 'shrooms incident.

Chunks: Resist and multiply!!

Zippy: see what I mean? Anywho . . . the question still remains: Who the hell slept with Hawkgirl?!! Will we find out next time? Maybe . . . but we're not telling!

Chunks: we aren't?

Zippy: No. Go chase Ein or something.

Chunks: 'kay!

Zippy: Anyways . . . NEXT EPISODE: we delve into the inner mysteries of the Watchtower, finding out just what makes these relationships tick . . . and it's all told from the point of view of . . . well, you'll see. Until next time, ZIPPY LOVES YOU!

Chunks: ammph thi luft oo thuu!

Zippy: DAMMIT CHUNKS!! STOP EATING THE 'SHROOMS!

Ein: >squeak< >squeak<

DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!!!!!!