Title: JLA Romances

Author: Cat Price

Pairing: Lots

Summary: Oh, just read it. Pathetic attempt at humor, and my answer to all of the 'Kiss" arguments. DC's not mine, yadda yadda, Archive freely, have fun, don't smoke, and never, EVER give Plastic Man a noogie.

JLA Watchtower, the Moon-

 

It was a normal day in space, overlooking the earth as the sun peeked over the edge of the blue-green planet, casting lovely rivulets of light into the void. If one happened to glance over at the moon, they would see (before the vacuum of space crushed them into a Barbie doll) the tall, metallic structure that served as the watchtower for the JLA.

 

If they managed to penetrate the boundaries of the structure, they would hear the faraway sounds of an argument, as the being called Superman was hearing as he beamed into the 'Tower, slightly late for the JLA meeting. The "S"-shielded hero cocked his head, curiously, wondering what was going on in the meeting room.

 

Suddenly, a shout of, "OH, YEAH? WELL SHE LIKES ME BETTER THAN SHE LIKES YOU, YOU OVERZEALOUS WATER-BREATHING FREAK!!!" followed closely by an angry cry of, "SHE DOES NOT, YOU STUBBORN, POINTY-EARED IDIOT!!!" reverberated through the halls of the Watchtower.

 

Superman was at the meeting room where the two charter members were arguing with the haste of a speeding bullet. The scene that lay before him caused his jaw to drop in shock.

 

Aquaman and Batman were engaged in what was apparently a rather violent slugfest.

 

Plastic man, Green Lantern, and The Flash were taking bets; J'onn was in the corner, eating Oreo and shaking his head as he watched the scene unfold; and Wonder Woman had not arrived yet.

 

Thank God for that, Superman thought. He had a vague idea of what the two were arguing over.

 

"You KNOW!" He said, raising his voice to be certain that the two grappling so-called "heroes" could hear what he was saying. "IF A CERTAIN SOLE FEMALE CHARTER MEMBER OF THE JLA WALKED IN AT THIS VERY MOMENT I DON'T THINK SHE'D BE AT ALL IMPRESSED! IN FACT, SHE'D PROBABLY DRAG OUT A SOAPBOX RIGHT THEN AND THERE AND GIVE AN 'I BELONG TO NO MAN' SPEECH! AND I, FOR ONE, WOULDN'T BLAME THIS SAID FEMALE CHARTER MEMBER!"

 

"Wouldn't blame me for what?" a voice asked from the door. Superman turned guiltily as Diana walked in. The Amazon looked confused at first, then saw the recently arrived Aquaman, a bruise spreading across his cheek, and blood dripping from a split lip that was already beginning to swell. Guessing what was going on, she turned to Batman, the majority of obvious injuries hidden by his cowl, but she could see blood welling up from under his mask where his nose had been bleeding. She shook her head. "Great Hera, not this again."

 

"Tell him," Batman jabbed a finger in Acumen's direction. "To back off! And please add that WE are romantically involved now!"

 

"Well WE were romantically involved FIRST!" Aquaman growled, livid.

 

Diana pursed her lips. "Okay. First of all, Orin, you and I were never proven to be romantically involved. The only time we ever kissed was when you had to kiss me to wake me up from that enchanted sleep/death. Hey, something might very well have come of it, too, but then you died in the Impirex war, which clearly illustrates the fact that DC relishes in torturing their fans. But I digress. In any case, you weren't really dead; you just got sent back in time by Tempest to ancient Atlantis to the Obsidian Age, where we had to go to rescue you and all died while fighting Atlantis' own misguided group of heroes--"

 

She turned to Batman, "--Which in fact brings me to my next point. Bruce; granted, there have been undertones of flirting throughout the last few months, I fact throughout all of the irredoubtable Joe Kelley's run thus far, but that hardly makes us romantically involved. Although we did kiss ONCE, it remains to be said weather it was a gesture of friendship, of farewell, or of romance. It is true as well that, when we died, we were holding hands. But that, as well, can be construed as farewell, friendship, or romance, depending on one's point of view. "

 

"It also must be taken into consideration that Trevor Barnes and I may, in fact, be definitely romantically involved, Aquaman is married, and Bruce has not one but two possible romantic interests (Besides me, should you choose to include my example) in the forms of Catwoman and Talia." She took a breath.

 

"That said, I think that Joe Kelley would be an absolute IDIOT if he did not give the kiss some sort of explanation. I'm beginning to wonder myself." She began to sit down, then turned to both of the possible romantic interest and gave them one of her most menacing looks. "And, so help me, if either one of you gets it the least possessive or begin acting like utter idiots the way you did just now, I'm going to forget both of you and go out with J'onn." She smiled sweetly over at the somewhat smug Martian. "And that prospect is becoming increasingly more interesting."

 

 

Plastic man gave an exaggerated grin and held out his hand to GL and the Flash. Both of them groaned, sighed and placed fifty-dollar bills in Eel's hand.

Assurances: Don't worry, I'm still a hardcore Wondy/Bats 'shipper. Just thought I'd cover all the possibilities, y'know?

--finis--