Our Story
Ambushed by a contingent of Red Underwear Cultists, Wayne Enterprises office boy NoMattsLand is saved by the intervention of Security Guard and Bitch Slapper First Class, Batwoman.
We now rejoin our hero as he glides upon his skateboard up to the doors of the layout department - only to find them closed and locked!
"What the-"
NoMatts' half-formed words were interrupted by a voice from the shadows of the janitorial closet.
"They've gone forth to kick ass."
"Oh no..."
"But yes. You have been avoiding me, Land, even now in your hour of need."
"I don't have time for this..."
"Your ass is weak. It must grow stronger if you are to survive your upcoming ordeal. You have need of my wisdom."
"He..."
"The ass is a powerful metaphor for the self. When one is struck down, one's ass is kicked; when one totally overrun, one's ass is handed to oneself; a more minor defeat is being 'spanked'; the strong are called the 'hard-asses.' 'Ass-kissing' is submission, and a demand to kiss one's ass is a demand of submission. One who is self-involved is an 'asshole.' Modern parlance refers to seeking a partner for copulation as 'crusing for ass.' In certain Californian subcultures..."
Five hours later...
"... thus you can see that the canine world has a deep understanding of the underlying truths of the ass metaphor that permeates the entire social structure of the wolves. Now, WAKE UP!"
"..zzz.. wha?"
"GET UP!"
"GAH! How long have I been out?"
"About five hours. But you are now prepared. Good luck."
"ACK! I need to get to my tux fitting!"
NoMattsLand scrambled onto his skateboard again and skidded off towards the parking lot. The doors the to the layout department then jiggled and opened from the inside and Lildeath poked his head out.
"Hey, He? Have you seen Matts? Merc said he was coming by."
"Nobody has been here since I have been cleaning this hallway."
"Ah. Oh well, guess he changed his mind. Too bad, I had some great blow-ups of the Banshee's ass to show him. Here are your copies, by the way, for your paper. Quitting time for me. Good night, He."
"Thank you. Good night, Lildeath."
Will five hours of napping while He Who Is expounded his theories of the ass really help prepare NoMattsLand for his date with the Banshee? Or is our hero doomed?