No Matt's Date

Batman, Lucius Fox, Wayne Enterprises, Superman, Silver Banshee and Lacey MacElwen are owned by DC Comics and are being used here for purely satirical purposes. Leonard Nimoy belongs to himself and appears without his permission. The remaining characters and their message board handles belong to themselves and are used mostly with implicit permission. The rest of the story is copyrighted by me, Leighgion. Feel free to drop me a line here.

Epilogue

Batwoman slapped the three Red Underwear Cultists until they all swore never to attack anybody in her building again. All three of them asked her out in chorus, but quickly took it back when she slapped them again. She remains a Wayne Enterprises Security Guard & Bitch Slapper First Class to this day.

He Who Is completed his book, All Your Ass Are Belong To Me, which became an instant cult hit he but didn't quit his day job as the 24 Hour Floor Wax Technician, citing the invaluable amount of field research for his hobby that he was able to do while on the clock.

Leighgion continued seeing Lacey MaCelwin, but the publicity from the Councilman's statements left their mark. When even legal documentation of sex failed to sway people, the couple gave up trying to explain that Leigh really was a man and resigned themselves to being a popular faux lesbian couple. The gay community of Gotham welcomed them and began to invite them to parties and pride marches. Leighgion's employment at Wayne Enterprises, an EOE corporation, was unaffected and he was later promoted to Emergency Astrologer. Lacey, her job opportunites also unaffected due to Wayne Enterprises' EOE policies, was hired as a Security Measure Demo Engineer.

Lildeath received research credits for his contributions to All Your Ass Are Belong To Me and milked the cult fame for all it was worth, with a misunderstanding of his title prompting a short-lived migration of surfers to Alaska. He remains to this day doing exactly the same job he always did in the layout department. His archive of porn remains unmatched in the Western Hemisphere.

Lor* found out about NoMattsLand not only looking naked pictures of a dead girl, but that he was dating the very same dead girl. She punished him by revoking all of his writing impliment access, forcing him to move completely to a paperless work cycle. Her stranglehold on the supply of writing instruments at Wayne Enterprises is still unbroken.

Merc adjusted the blame so that the fabricated story about the Silver Banshee specifically selecting NoMattsLand and threatening to kill him, was actually Lildeath's fault instead of Lucius Fox's. She was promoted to Primary Blame Adjuster.

Leonard Nimoy remains at large, going wherever there is mystery.

NoMattsLand enjoyed the fruits of his promotion and flourishing relationship with Siobahn MacDougal, aka the Silver Banshee. While forced to often defend his choice of mate and her questionable state of animation, NoMatts considered his beauty of sub-normal body temperature worth it. After a controversial, nearly legally barred marriage a year later, Siobahn devoted herself to being an activist for alternative marriage and Necrophile Rights.

SOLARLORD was interred in Gotham. Every year, he is burned in effigy by the Necrophile Rights Society as an opponant to the rights of consenting living and dead adults everywhere even though he expressed no specific opinion upon the topic. As a wedding gift to NoMattsLand, Merc shifted blame of the opposition to the marriage a target conveniently unable to defend himself.

Bruce Wayne continued his decadent playboy lifestyle and donated generously to the Necrophile Rights Society, fueling even more rumors about his personal life. He is now burned several times a year in effigy by various conservative groups. 1

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