deardiary09

***December 19, 2000:
    I haven't been to school all week. Today was the last week and now everyone is on Christmas break. Ashley called today. He said he wanted to know if I was alright, I told him I had the flu. He seems like a nice guy but every other guys did too. All they wanted was sex, and I was dumb enough to give in, thinking that it would make me feel better. It didn't make me feel better though. All I feel now is stupid and used. I don't need another guy that builds my trust and ends up being like all of the other ones. I give him two weeks before he gives up and finds new asshole friends and other trashy girls. He probably just called because he heard from Jared that being nice to me had 'benifts'. Screw everyone.

***December 24, 2000:
    It's Christmas Eve, and by looking at this house you would never know any holidays were going on. We have no tree, lights, or decorations. My Aunt Tanya invited us all over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. But my mom declined for all of us. She rather work on Christmas, leaving Hayden and I alone. My mom used to be such a good mom, now she doesn't care about how we are, or that we aren't doing well. She doesn't even go the grocery shopping any more. She leaves that job to me. Hopefully a new year will start something better, start something that makes everything bad go away and everything good happen. I know, yeah right but there is always that dream.

               ***                         ***                       ***

     Madison walked down the aisle and tossed a box of cereal into the shopping cart, then continued her trip through the store. She dropped her shopping list and as she reached down to get it she bumped into someone.
     "Sorry." Madison spoke in unison when she recognized the person's voice.
     "What are you doing here?" Ashley asked.
     "Picking up some food, how about you?" Madison asked as she picked up her list.
     "My mom forgot the egg nog, she sent me to pick some up. She is making a huge dinner for my whole family, and the relatives. What are you doing today?" He asked her.
     "Oh...just ya know ummm.." Madison mumbled trying to pull away from the conversation.
     "What? Where is your family? Why aren't you doing anything, it's Christmas! And don't tell me that's what your Christmas dinner is going to be!" Ashley yelled excitedly pointing at the lone box of cereal in Madison's almost empty cart.
     "No, of course not. These are for Hayden, I prefer Lucky Charms." Madison said akwardlysmiling and trying to push her cart down the aisle again. Ashley grabbed the side of her cart and stopped her from leaving.
     "Look I know that we've only talked like twice, but please come over to my house. At least for a while, you can't be alone on Christmas."
     "No, no thanks but..." Madison began.
     "Why do you keep pushing me away? Ever since I met you all you've done is push me away. You won't even give me a chance to gain your trust. I am new here, and I know there are a lot of people I could become friends with, but to me... you're the only one worth getting to know." He cut her off, looking at his feet.
     "It's not that I'm pushing you away, I just don't want to get close." Madison explained. Ashley's face dropped.
     "What did I do?" He asked a hurt looking appearing on his face.
     "It's not you, I... I just rather not be close to anyone right now."
     "All I want is your friendship right now, I could use a friend and it looks like you need one too. Look, I... I like you." Ashley said moving closer to her.
     "You don't even know me!" Madison shouted angrily, abandoning her cart and marching toward the exit.