| Apply Today for a FuNChome SCHOLARSHIP!!! |
| Ah, early winter. The time of year when a young man's thoughts turn from love, towards serious matters. Serious matters such as "Why are we here?" "Will mankind ever achieve light speed?" and, perhaps most importantly, "How in the FUCK am I going to pay for college?!?!?" |
| It's true people: In this modern day and age, you need a college education to survive. Moreover, if you expect anyone to ever take you seriously, you'd better be going for more than 2 years. Let's face it: there is nothing more sickening than having two intellectual nerds laugh you out of the office because you're still a Bachelor at the age of 40. See what I mean? If you want to avoid such humiliations, you better start collecting funds for college. Now, finding money is usually easy. Surely you have some friends that can be goaded into giving you a pretty penny (or at least a penny) or hooking you up with a few of their rich relatives. Money is laying everywhere if you ever have a need for it. Family will loan you money, and so will the government. In fact, the government is pretty damn eager to loan you money to finance your education. The only problem with all of this money is that YOU HAVE TO PAY IT BACK someday. That's why Scholorships were invented: to give successful, accomplished people a chance to become even more successful and accomplished, while making the rest of us look like idiots for being dumb. Fortunately for you, FuNChome has your back! On February 1, 2004, we will give away ONE $5.00 scholorship for the college of your choice. All that is required to win is that you e-mail BIG CHIEF CURRENCE at [email protected] with an original, creative submission for the site, to be added under the "gallery" section. This creative submission can be of any type, including scanned artwork, creative essays, stories, etc. Submissions had better be original (I'm gonna run a search of the web looking for similar stuff, and if I find out you cheated, your ass is grass) and had better be funny. The winner will be the one I think is the best. (subjective judging: your worst nightmare!) Of course, you will retain sole property rights to all of your works, excepting that I will henceforth be allowed to allow public access to your submission throughout the internet. |
| Co-worker:"Ha ha! Look at the 'Bachelor'! Couldn't find anyone to love him!" 2nd Co-worker: "Oh, that is a good one, that took wit, Doctor Johnson." Co-Worker: " No, no, you are the wise one, Master Smith! Ha Ha ha ha!" *snorts milk out nose* |
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| TO LEARN TO READ (you dumb bastard) |
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| Thank you so much for all the scholarship money. Bless you! |
| Duhh... No Money? |
| GOOD LUCK! WIN THAT MONEY!!! |