Lucy loves to drive alone. She loves the freedom and privacy it gives her: no one to sing along with her radio, no one to request certain songs, no one to have to keep company, and most of all, no one to interrupt her thoughts, or to provoke them. Lucy especially loves to drive at night in summer. She rolls the windows down, turns the heat on low if she gets too cold, and cherishes the feeling of her hair blowing in the wind. It gives her a sense of freedom that she cannot find elsewhere. She feels like she is completely in control of her destiny. Everything is in her hands, and the world is a beautiful place.
It is precisely this kind of night when she drives up to her family�s cottage. At half past midnight on this balmy, calm evening, Lucy drives up to the cottage door. Before she even unlocks the old, somewhat run-down building, she walks straight to the water. The cottage is on private property, and there is no one around. She strips off her clothes and wades into the water. It is warmer than the air, and it feels like a soft blanket caressing her naked flesh. Dipping under the water, Lucy surfaces and turns her face upward to the stars. Being in the water, naked, staring at the moon, somehow makes her feel whole. Knowing the cycle of life, of time, of her very womanhood, flows from the moon above and the water below, both surrounding her, fills her with a completeness. Lucy feels the way she imagines people who have just discovered God feel: one with the universe. She knows she has a purpose, even if she doesn�t know what it is. In the car she felt like she had the freedom to do anything in the world, and here in the water, under the watchful eye of the mother moon, she feels like she will be protected if her freedom leads her astray.
Lucy sighs a contented sigh. This place transforms her. She is never the same here as she is in the outside world. Her cares and stress stop. Her headaches stop. She is at peace. This place gives her the strength to face the rest of the world.
A cool breeze gently sweeps by and chills her face. It is time to get out. Lucy exits the water slowly and reluctantly, keeping as much of her body under water as possible, so that she is almost on her knees when she reaches the shore. She forgot to bring a towel, but instead of putting on her dry clothes, she basks in the glow of the moon and walks leisurely to her car. After drying off and putting some pajamas on, Lucy stares at the cottage. She thinks about going inside, but she dreads leaving the moonlight and its comfort. Thinking quickly about the food she has, and deciding it will survive the night outside, she pulls her tent from the trunk of her car. She deftly sets it up, and throws a sleeping bag inside. Despite the slight chill in the air, Lucy leaves the top screen unzipped so the moon shines down upon her. She drifts off to sleep feeling fulfilled.
Even though it is 5 a.m., Lucy wakes feeling unbelievably rested. She remembers another reason why she loves this place so much: the sound of the waves. So rhythmic, so soothing, last night they lulled her into the deepest sleep she�s ever known. Lucy wonders if the sounds a child hears in the womb resemble the waves softly crashing to shore. Not really crashing though. Crashing implies destruction. Instead, the waves soften things. They make jagged glass smooth, and turn rocks into pebbles. She wonders if they sound like a mother�s heartbeat, so steady, comforting her unborn child. She is the moon�s unborn child, and the moon is her mother, the waves its heartbeat, comforting her.
The sun is slowly making its entrance into Lucy�s world. She�s sad to see the moon go, but the sun too comforts her. She grabs her journal, throws a sweatshirt on over her shorts and tee-shirt pajamas, and walks down to the water�s edge. She knows the sight she is about to encounter will be truly breathtaking. The waves continue their never-ending quest for land, breaking on the shoreline one after another, as the sun peaks over the horizon. Timid at first, it slowly begins to color the water. First orange, then a burning red. Lucy watches this bloody birth, exhales in awe. Every morning the moon gives birth to the sun, revealing the beauty of the world. The moon disappears quietly, humbly, as the sun, her son, fights its way into the world. It is a peaceful fight, harming none, simply bleeding on the world. Slowly as the day goes on, the sun will recover, heal, and shines brightly on the world, until it dies, bleeding once again, and the mother returns to give birth through the night to another sun.
The sun finally rises and washes over Lucy�s face, bleeding a plethora of colors onto her. This light too, she basks in. It also comforts her; it gives her hope. She is reminded of the struggles and triumphs that occur every day. She is reminded of the tragedies, the deaths, that occur, but then there is life once more. Once again, she knows life will protect her from her failures. Every tiny death she faces will eventually be followed by a birth.
It�s getting warmer now, and Lucy takes off her sweatshirt. A warm breeze blows by and tickles her face. She smiles. Today she will lay by the water and soak up the sun all. She will not be responsible; she will not make any important decisions; she will not think about leaving in two days. She will be content with her life, for once in her life, and relish the comfort and peace the water, the sun, and the moon give her in this place.
neb 3/11/03