Well, today makes 5 months, one week, and 4 days since my divorce was finalized. That makes it just over a year since Brad, that�s my ex-husband, told me he was gay, and was filing for divorce. Turns out he had been cheating on me with his gay lover, now fianc�e, for almost two years. I just thought I was a bad lover, so he didn�t want to have sex with me. I know he pleasured himself when he thought I wasn�t looking (I saw him a few times, but never said anything) so it�s not like he just doesn�t like sex. Oh well, that�s all over now, and I�m in a new phase of my life. I�ve experienced great love. Despite our lack of physical intimacy, Brad was a wonderful husband. I really believe that he loved me, just not in the way either one of us needed. But now I�m searching for what I never had. In our seven years of marriage, I probably had 75 orgasms. That may sound like a lot, but over seven years, it�s really not. Believe me. And out of those 75, I think Brad may have given me a whopping total of one. All the rest I owe to our showerhead, Old Faithful as I like to call it. But I digress. I�m on a hunt. A man hunt. And what better place than a wedding? I�m in town for my younger sister�s wedding, and I�m sure there will be plenty of eligible bachelors there. (Hopefully most of them will be straight.) Maybe they�ll feel bad for me since I�m the maid of honor, and I have no date. I used to be the matron of honor. Not anymore. ThankYouVeryMuchMr.GayExHusband.

I�m getting married tomorrow. I am getting married tomorrow to an incredible man, and I am impure. How can I wear a white wedding dress and swear myself to Hank with this sin, this stain on my hands? I can still smell it on my fingers. I don�t know what�s wrong with me. God is testing me. I laid in bed last night trying to sleep, and slowly drifted off. I woke up and my hand was between my legs. It had slipped there while I was asleep, and I could feel my wetness. I didn�t move it away. Even in my sleep I am unclean. In my half sleep state, I left my hand there. No, I did worse than that. I began to rub myself. My fingers moved faster working into a frenzy, until I felt a great release. Only then did I fully wake. I was immediately horrified. I took a shower right away, but the smell did not come off. I washed my hands again and again, but I can still smell it. My fingers reek of my shame. Everyone will know. Tomorrow they will laugh at me as I walk down the aisle. They will know I am a Jezebel. Why is God testing me?

Lily and I had the best sex of my life this morning. We�ve been married for 10 years, and that woman still manages to amaze me. I love her more and more every day. She grows more beautiful and graceful with age. And somehow, by some miracle, our sex life has not dwindled, it has improved. We�re in town for her childhood friend�s wedding, and I stopped by a bookstore yesterday while she was having her gown fitted. As usual when the store is pretty empty, I snuck over to the adult book section. They had one called Improve your sex life in 30 days: A new position for every day of the month. It wasn�t too expensive, so I bought it. I got back to our hotel early, and I ordered room service for the two of us. I lit candles and everything. She came back exhausted, and was so happy to see dinner. Afterwards I showed her the book. She was so excited. We spent an hour just looking through it. To be completely frank, I was so horny I wanted to fuck her right then and there. But sometimes it�s worth it to wait. And let me tell you, it was worth it this morning. We went to bed full of a delicious dinner, excited about the new book, and even more excited about trying out some new things. This is why I love Lily so much. Little tiny things she does astound me. Like looking through that book, and being excited. How many other women do that? And then this morning, I woke up and watched her sleep for a good five minutes. She was so beautiful and peaceful, I didn�t want to wake her. I went to give her a little kiss, and her eyes popped open and she tackled me, laughing. That little wench, she was waiting for me to make the first move. Well I did make the first move, and let me tell you position number 15 is fantastic. She screamed so loud when she came I think the entire hotel heard her. Afterwards we cuddled for a little while, and then we both got up. It was a really nice morning. We should travel more often.

I am getting married tomorrow, and I am so excited. I�ll admit, I�m a little nervous, being tied down for the rest of my life. But I love Sylvia so much. She�s such a beautiful person. She really cares about other people, and she does her best to show it. She�s a tad bit on the religious side, but I can deal with that. I believe in God. When she asked for a very traditional ceremony I didn�t mind. When she told me she was saving herself for our wedding night, I minded a little. But I understand� mostly. Man, that�s something I�m looking forward to though. Tomorrow we�re going to say vows, promising our love and ourselves to each other for all time, and tomorrow night we�ll make those vows come true. I will give my body to her just as she�ll give hers to me. She�s been so chaste with me this whole time, I haven�t even seen her naked. I can�t wait to undress her and just stare at her body. I want to breathe in her flesh. I can�t wait.

I love George beyond belief, but sometimes I just want to strangle him. I get so frustrated, and I don�t know what to do about it. The last night I came home late and he had dinner all set, which was wonderful. Then he showed me a new book he got, and we looked it over for a while. I was really excited, but we decided to head to bed and try some new positions later on. Later on turned out to be this morning, and it was unbelievable. Everything was perfect. I was so happy from the night before, and the sex was just amazing. I could feel my love for him coursing through my body as we joined together. He even stayed in bed and cuddled with me, without falling asleep. A rare occurrence indeed. Then he had to go and ruin everything. Not on purpose; he can�t help himself, or so he says. Not even 2 hours after our lovemaking session, I walk into the hotel bathroom and find George jerking off. Now, I have no problem with masturbation. In fact, I�m a big proponent of it. But why does he have to do it all the damn time? And so soon after we made love? It makes me feel like I don�t satisfy him. I�m not good enough, so he has to finish himself off. He says he just has a high sex drive. Ok, fine, but does he have to do it when and where I�m going to see? Can�t he do it while I�m gone? Or after I go to bed? I wouldn�t mind so much if I wasn�t actually confronted with it. I didn�t say anything to him right away, because I didn�t really want him to know I was mad. I didn�t want to fight before the wedding tomorrow. Unfortunately, I walked in on him again. We already made love, and he relieved himself. But no, two orgasms in one day were not enough. He�s fucking greedy! The second time I came back from the rehearsal dinner, and had to see him sprawled out naked on the bed, watching porn (which we�ll have to pay for), with his hand pumping away. Then I said something. (After he finished himself off. Couldn�t bother to stop and talk to the wife for a few minutes. He was close. I understand. NOT.) And of course we got into a huge fight. He just doesn�t understand.

It�s the night before my baby sister�s wedding, and I just had my first one night stand. It was thrilling. At the rehearsal dinner there was a man who kept staring at me. I know I�m not a particularly beautiful woman, so at first I was worried something was wrong. I thought I had food on my face. After wiping my mouth several times, I realized he was flirting with me! I blushed, but boldly made eyes back at him. He smiled. Throughout the entire rehearsal I never got a chance to talk to him. Turns out, he�s just the musician, and I was always busy doing something else. When I was getting ready to leave, I felt like I was back in high school. Here I am a 34-year-old woman, and I felt like I had a crush a boy. I was fully expecting to walk away, slightly flirt with this man for the rest of the wedding, and then never see him again, just like I did in high school. Thank God one of us has some balls. (Thank God he�s the one who has the balls.) He came up to me and introduced himself. We talked for a few minutes and walked out together. I invited him back to my hotel for drinks. Drinks turned into me getting a little tipsy, just a little, and confessing to him all about Brad and wanting to experience great sexual pleasure. What can I say, he looked like the type who could give those pleasures to me. And boy was I right. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was his exotic, charming looks, maybe it was his exotic accent (which I couldn�t quite place. Spanish? Italian?), or maybe it was all three, but whatever it was, I was putty in his sexy hands. Whatever he told me to do, I did. I stripped in front of him. I let him stare at my womanhood. I don�t think I�ve ever stared at it the way he did. It was like he was studying it, to learn its ways, like it is an entirely separate entity from me. Well whatever he learned, he learned well, because when he put his tongue on me it was the most exquisite feeling I have ever known. I was shocked at first. (Brad tried once, but I think the whole incident was as horrifying to him as it was to me, and he never put his head below my waist again.) I was shocked it could feel like it did. So gentle one second, so fierce the next, and all of it made my heart beat faster and faster. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I could feel myself getting closer, and this man was working wonders. Then he stopped. It literally hurt. I almost cried. I looked at him with pleading eyes, and he just smiled. He told me that he wanted to watch me play with myself. Again, I was shocked. No one has ever seen that. I�ve never even watched myself. There I was opening myself up to this man, and he was demanding more. And I was vulnerable. A woman on the verge of orgasm will do just about anything if she knows she will be granted that release. So I sucked in a breath, stared into his eyes, and reached down and touched myself. I gasped. It felt so good. I have never felt that good before in my life. I slowly moved my fingers in small circles, and his sensual voice urged me on. When my hand moved faster, and my hips began to lift off the bed, he stopped me. Again, I almost cried. But once again, he pushed his face into my moistness. This time he was not gentle. His tongue flicked back and forth, urging me on, urging my orgasm on. The pressure built within me, and my heart beat wildly. I was so close. Finally, with his tongue pressed against me, his very lips pressed tightly to mine, I lost all control. My body shook for what seemed like 5 minutes. I was out of breath. When I opened my eyes he was grinning at me. Then I started to cry. I have no idea why I cried, but I was so embarrassed. He had just done this wonderful thing for me, to me, and I was crying. I put my hands over my face so he wouldn�t have to look at me. But he slid up next to me on the bed and played with my hair. When I stopped crying, I peeked at him and whispered an apology. He just smiled and said, �Don�t worry, I�ll get my turn tomorrow.�

I told you before how much I love my wife. I think it�s clear that I have a dying devotion to Lily. But sometimes that woman drives me crazy. We got into a big fight today, because I was horny and decided to relieve my pain. I was trying to be a nice husband. I know Lily�s been working a lot lately, because they�ve had cutbacks at the hospital. I didn�t want to annoy her by begging for sex when she�s too tired. It�s a lose-lose situation though. If I wait for her, she�s too tired, too sore, too something, too anything. And if I take care of things on my own, she gets hurt because she doesn�t �satisfy� me. And if I ask her to help me masturbate, talk dirty, just let me look at her, she gets mad too. Then she thinks I�m just using her for sex. The woman is impossible! She does not understand that I have a higher sex drive than she does, and I need it more often. I don�t know what to do. My sex drive isn�t magically going to go down, and she doesn�t seem to be understanding my situation any better�

This dress is making a mockery of me. It doesn�t look as white as it used to. It knows what I have done, just as everyone else will know. I took another two showers this morning, but the smell is still there. It�s getting stronger, I know it is. It�s not just on my fingers anymore. I can smell it when I walk, seeping out from between my legs. My scent is staining my dress, like sweat stains an armpit. My female sweat is staining my dress. I can see a little spot forming where my legs meet. I keep checking the back of my dress. I sat down, and I felt my juices flow from me. My body is betraying me. I cannot control it. I asked Lily if she saw the spot on my dress, and she just looked at me strangely. Then she smiled and said �No, there�s nothing there. You worry too much.� She laughed. She feels sorry for me, I can see the pity in her eyes. Her words try to hide it, but I know it�s there, just like my own sin. I sniff my fingers again, to see if the smell is still there, praying it�s not, and she catches me. �Are you okay Sylvia? You�re acting strange.� I ask her if my hands smell, and she sniffs them. �Not at all,� she lies. Such a kind friend I have. She lies to me to protect me. Who will protect me from my husband? Surely he will hate me when he knows, and he will know right away. I would not be surprised if he refuses to marry me. If he objects, because I am dirty. If he says �I don�t.�

It�s 45 minutes before the wedding, and Sylvia has the worst case of wedding jitters I have ever seen. The poor girl, she�s so nervous. I know she wants to be married, and I know how much she loves Hank, so I don�t know what�s gotten into her. She asked me at least five times if I could see the spot on her dress, and just as many, if not more times, if I could smell something in the air. I was only helping her get ready for an hour. Her nervousness must just be putting her senses out of whack. Despite all the craziness, when I left her room a few minutes ago she looked truly breathtaking. Her dress is as white as newly fallen snow, and the flowers pinned in her long hair match the dress perfectly. Not too revealing, not revealing at all in fact, the simple dress fit her perfectly, both physically and in terms of her personality. I could not imagine a more perfect dress. The only thing that ruined the image was the worried look in her eyes. Hopefully that will be gone by the time she gets to the aisle and sees her future husband smiling, waiting at the end for her. All this makes me think back on my wedding. I was so young, only 22, but I knew I was doing the right thing. And I have never regretted marrying George. We�ve certainly had our ups and downs, like yesterday and much worse, but I love him no matter what.

After the fight we had yesterday, I decided that I was not going to touch myself in any sort of sexual manner, or watch any pornography, until Lily wanted to join in. Unfortunately, I failed. But I can�t help it. Lily turns me on so much, I have to do something. Just being around her, looking at her, makes me hard. This morning I stayed in bed and watched her dress in her bridesmaid�s dress. Seeing her naked body, watching her dry off, rub lotion on, and finally slip into something ugly that looked nothing less than stunning on her gorgeous body, I almost gave up and rubbed one off right then and there. I managed to withhold until she left the room. Then I started thinking about our own wedding, how beautiful she was, and our wedding night. Reliving that in my mind, I subconsciously began stroking myself. Before I knew it, I was too far gone to stop. I quickly finished up and cleaned up. For the first time I actually felt bad for masturbating. Not because the act itself is shameful, but because I wanted to wait. I understood a little bit of Lily�s side. I promised myself I would wait until she came to me, and I came less than 12 hours later. Maybe I have a problem.

Wow. She looks magnificent. I never knew she was this beautiful. Seeing her right now makes the wait completely worth it. She�s walking kind of funny though, like there�s something wrong with her legs. I hope she�s feeling okay. Man, my wife, well practically wife, is standing right next to me. Her face looks strange though, like she�s in pain. I really hope she�s feeling all right. I smile at her and mouth �are you okay?� She nods and tries to smile back.

She looks so pretty standing up there next to her sister. It�s true, her sister has more physical beauty. But a woman�s true beauty shines in the freedom of the bedroom, and Vanessa�s shone last night. Given a safe trusting environment, many women open themselves, and their inner woman surfaces. The one they keep hidden all the time, almost like the child inside. This inner woman is the one who wants to run around without a bra in the summer, and sing silly songs with the top down in the car. She wants to let go of everything and just experience life. This is who I was with last night, and then Vanessa could not even compare with how her sister looks now. True, it was her first time out in a long time, her inner woman that is. Eventually she�ll come out on her own. She�ll seduce men, instead of needing to be seduced out of Vanessa. We�ll work on that more tonight.

I�m married. He actually said it. �I do.� I heard it from his very lips. The preacher just announced us as husband and wife. Why is everyone staring at me? Hank is grinning, dragging me down the aisle. This must be a dream. People are laughing at me. They�re throwing flowers at me. They want the thorns to scratch me. They know what I�ve done. People are shaking our hands. I hide mine. Nobody should have to touch them. I see the pity in their eyes when they look at Hank. He didn�t notice the smell in time to say no, now he�s stuck with me. Hank is pulling me again. Now we�re getting into a car, and we�re driving away. Maybe he will save me from everyone who wants to hurt me. He doesn�t understand what�s wrong with me. He will have to save me from myself. Vanessa Throughout the whole wedding he was staring at me. Every time he wasn�t playing music, he was staring at me. Ironically, it didn�t make me uncomfortable. I felt sexy. I wanted him to stare at me. I liked it. One night of great sex, not even real sex, and I�m already a changed woman. I wish I didn�t have to leave tomorrow afternoon. Oh, here he is. He�s whispering something in my ear. I blush, grab his hand, and we head back to my hotel room.

The wedding was beautiful. It reminded me of how much I really love George, and now I feel bad about our fight. But I know how to make it up to him. When we get back to our hotel room, I will totally ravage him. I will make love to him- no, I will fuck him, like never before. He won�t know what hit him. He won�t be able to touch himself when I�m done because he�ll be too spent.

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