In my teen-age years, I remember spending hours reading my best friend's astrology books and playing Super Mario Brothers on Nintendo. I am an only child and I remember staying up late by myself watching cable television and eating microwave popcorn and sleeping most of the days of summer vacation. (Maybe a typical generation-Xer?) I had only one or two close friends at a time and we had creative, strange yet urgent ways of having fun...such as spending 5 weekends in a row egging the entire neighborhood's cars and houses again and again and coming up with interesting lies when my mother would wonder where all her eggs had gone. I also remember getting caught digging through the neighbor's trash for empty cans and bottles which me and my friends would cash in for change to play video games and eat ice cream at the local mall. As a teenager, I felt invincible, yet very insecure. I was only somewhat popular (although not well liked) at school for acting like a freak and I struggled with feeling over-exposed yet invisible at the same time. At one point, I was pretty suicidal.
I am the product of a three time "broken home" and appropriately fear marriage and real commitment. I have never dated anyone (for long) who I thought would be able to commit to a relationship with me yet I have always wanted "true love".
I am now 25 years old. My transition to adulthood was rough. It lasted a long time- like 6 years. I moved to Abraham Lincoln's home state when I was 18 and went to college in The Windy City. There, I drove a horse and carriage for over five years...which basically became my vampirish, unstructured, uniquely unconventional lifestyle. In the "Carriage Industry", I met lots of interesting, possibly mentally ill people and worried that I, too, could be mentally ill. I spent two years in therapy.
Most recently, I moved back to my state of birth and am living miles away from any major city. I spend most of my spare time taking care of my horse and trying to find creative outlets for my fear that thinking too much will lead to insanity. This web page was created to be such an outlet.
