I sent you roses
I warned you I would
Do all that I could
To show you the way that I feel
Remus Lupin sighed, frustrated,
as he stared at the white rose on
his pillow. There was no note, but he knew who it was from. Sirius Black,
his best friend, had been trying to get in his pants for weeks now, and although
he swore up and down that he didn't just want sex, Remus wasn't buying it.
Sirius was definitely not the commitment type, and wolves mated for life.
Remus hadn't taken it all seriously when Sirius had warned him that he wouldn’t
give up, but apparently he should have.
"Sirius," he sighed, stroking the petals lightly with one finger.
"Why won't you give up?"
"I told you once before, Remus," Sirius said from behind him. "This
time I mean it."
Somehow, Remus wasn't surprised. He turned around, fixing his friend with an
intense stare. "Sirius," he said. "I've told you before --"
Sirius cut him off with a brief kiss, a soft, almost chaste brush of lips.
Please don't say I'm
wasting my time
I've got nothing but time
So I'll do all that I can
To catch that ghost of a chance
"Don't try to tell
me it's hopeless, Remus," he whispered when they parted. Remus couldn't
speak; the kiss had left him decidedly wobbly and it was taking all his strength
not to collapse into Sirius' arms. "I told you, I'm not giving up on you."
"Sirius, you don't understand. Werewolves--"
"Mate for life. I know." Sirius smiled slightly. "I've read all
the books, Remus, every one. And I don't deserve you, that's for certain. But
I do love you. I do! And until you believe that…" He shrugged. "I'm
willing to wait."
Remus sighed. "Sirius…it's not that…I mean…if all you
want is sex, it could be…that." Dangerous, offering even that much,
but if it would get Sirius off his case…but Sirius was shaking his head.
"Remus, don't. Don't offer that. Because as much as I want you, I don't
want your body unless I have your heart too."
If good things come
to those who will wait
Well, I guess I can wait
If that's what I have to do
Oh, it's worth it for you
Remus stared into Sirius'
pale eyes, feeling as though he couldn't breathe. There was something, something
in the way Sirius was looking at him, the intensity of that bright blue stare,
that made him think maybe. Maybe Sirius was, well, serious. Maybe they could
be together. Maybe they could at least try.
"I can wait," Sirius said softly, misinterpreting Remus' silence as
continued
rejection. "I'm more patient than you think. I could wait forever for you,
Remus. I will, if I have to. I'd rather not, but…you're worth it."
He smiled. "You're very much worth it."
Remus swallowed convulsively and swayed slightly where he stood, drawn by a
force more powerful than he could ever hope to be. "I…oh. Sirius,"
he whispered softly. "Please…" He wanted what was being offered,
with more than all of himself, but he was so afraid. Afraid Sirius didn't mean
it. Afraid he did. Afraid that they would hurt each other. Afraid that falling
in love would change them both forever. Afraid it might be too late.
"Remus," Sirius murmured softly, touching the other boy's face. "Do
you know how beautiful you are?"
Remus blushed and shook his head, averting his eyes. "Sirius…"
"No. Really." Sirius' fingertips ghosted down his friend's cheek,
soft and
worshipful. "I have dreams about you, you know. About kissing you, about
making love to you…but mostly just about touching you. Like this. And
holding
you, and telling you that I love you. And hearing you say the same."
The sunlight and the moonlight
Are beyond my control
And there are stars in the heavens
That I'll never hold
But if dreams give you power
Oh, then I'm strong enough
To offer my heart
And never give up till you love me
Sirius reached out to take
Remus' hand in his. "I can't fix you, Remus. I can't control the phases
of the moon, I can't make the sun shine forever, I can't tear the stars from
the sky for you. I would if I could, but I can't. All I can do is what I have
been doing for so long. I can change into Padfoot and try to ease your pain.
And I can love you. I'm very good at that."
Remus swallowed. "Sirius, I know you. You've never had a relationship that
lasted for over a week."
"I've never kissed another boy before either." Sirius pressed their
lips together gently, flicking Remus' lips with his tongue before withdrawing.
"Things change."
Remus licked his lips and looked up at Sirius, trembling slightly. "Sirius…I
dream about you too," he confessed softly. "About…about being
with you. About loving you. And I won't lie to you, I want…I want you.
You're…I want you. I think…I could love you. But…I don't know
if…we're seventeen, Sirius."
"So are James and Lily. And can you picture either of them without the
other?" He brushed the pads of his fingers across Remus' lip, and Remus
shivered. "Can you imagine them not lasting forever?"
"No," Remus admitted softly. "I can't…"
"Then why is it so hard to imagine that we could have what they do?"
"Because I want it," Remus whispered. "More than anything."
"Then take it," Sirius whispered. "Take me. Let me love you.
Please, Remus."
He kissed Remus' mouth again, stroking his cheek with one hand. Remus hesitated
for a moment, then melted into the kiss, winding his arms around Sirius' neck
and tilting his head back, opening his mouth for Sirius to take. Sirius wrapped
one arm around his waist, the other burying itself in his hair, pulling him
close and kissing him ardently, their lips and tongues tangling together. Remus
leaned heavily against Sirius' strong body, not trusting his own legs to hold
him, and Sirius lifted him off the ground, holding him close as they disappeared
together into the velvet hangings around his bed.
Till you love me…
~Fin