For Whom The Wolf Howls

The moon…so beautiful, and yet, it is the most terrible bane of my existence. It’s the full moon, although only the stars are visible through the cloud cover. Thankfully, the moon’s iridescent light is hidden from casting upon me, and I am able to look upon the stars with more time to reflect. I am only grateful that the lunar month is in its last night…

I dread these nights now more so than I have in a long time. Nothing keeps me from running the few miles to the nearest town and killing innocents, nothing can keep me at bay…perhaps I really am just a veritable monster. But then I remember everything all of you did for me; the friendships that you wouldn’t let die because of my being a werewolf…how can a monster harbor such feelings? It’s the only thing that allowed me to keep my sanity. Now I wonder how long I can truly remain sane; with James dead, Peter…a traitor, and you, Sirius, vanished without a trace…what is there for me to keep hoping for? The transformations were intolerable before, but after the Wolfsbane potion, they are almost enough to make me want to kill myself after I become myself again. I never wanted to feel the burning agony of those damned transformations again…but the one thing that keeps me from dying is the knowledge that you are alive…and innocent, Sirius. But once, I didn’t think that way.

I remember your touch like it was merely yesterday; I remember your wonderful fire…it was the most mind-boggling thing to me; how you could love me when I was what I was, with such intensity. And I loved every minute of it. But…how is this pain supposed to go? When I heard that you, Sirius Black, had given away James and Lily’s location, then went and killed Peter, I believed it; every single bit. And I was so sure that I was next. It was devastating to hear; to think that the one who had known me better than anyone, who I had loved for so long, and had loved me in return, was coming to kill me. But then I saw it; you were captured and taken to Azkaban; and I thought for sure that you were a goner. It made me wonder what you thought when you threw away everything that was good in your life and left it to the toss of the dice. Did you even care that you were murdering friends and destroying lives? I thought that you didn’t; you knew the pain that you had left behind and relished in it… I was bitterly heartbroken. Did any of those late night promises that we made mean a thing to you?

It was twelve years later, twelve long years later, when the Daily Prophet spoke of you again. You had escaped. And all those memories that I had blocked out of my mind; that I had banished for my own sanity, came rushing back in a flood. I told myself several times that I could not love you, that my feelings for you were gone and buried. But I was wrong…terribly wrong. As I read the article in the Prophet, I instantly knew that you had escaped due to the fact that you were an Animagus; although I could never have known the whole story. Then, when I heard from Albus Dumbledore that you were allegedly heading for Hogwarts and that James Potter’s son Harry was there; I was shocked. He thought that you were after Harry, and then he offered me the Defense Against The Dark Arts job. I was reluctant, but accepted. That entire year was incredible; one of the most rewarding and frightening of my life. Then…when I saw Peter’s name on the Marauder’s Map beside Ron’s…everything made sense. I remember the thoughts that were racing through my mind as I ran through the dilapidated Shrieking Shack, but most of all, I wondered how Peter could be alive; how he could still be alive when you were thrown in Azkaban for his murder. You were innocent. When I laid eyes upon you in that shack that held so many memories and understood…it was a wonderful, dreadful feeling. I can’t believe that I was so narrow-minded as to forget to take that potion…when I transformed there in front of you, my last thought before I became the monster that I am was of the Dementor’s Kiss and how you were a goner. It was more than I could bear; and I could do nothing about it. I was so sure that you were dead after that, and so afraid of killing any of the students that I resigned from my teaching and went back into trying to save any innocents from myself. It was soon after that I discovered that you were not dead…I was near Hogsmeade; my home is now only a mile from there, which I feel is riskily close; and as I was walking, I saw Harry, Ron, and Hermione following a large black dog, which they were calling Snuffles. I inwardly smiled at you being called Snuffles, but I smiled ever greater at the prospect that you were alive; I knew that black dog so well…

That was about a year ago, and I haven’t seen you since. I know that you are in hiding, so I do not risk sending you an owl. The knowledge of you being alive is comforting…but also it is heart wrenching to know that you are unable to be with me again. Maybe after seeing my transformation outside of Hogwarts into that creature, you had second thoughts about being with me…or maybe the dementors broke you…I still blame my own monstrosity for it, however. My own aberration that drove you away from me…

The moon…I can see her now as she finally peeks her silvery face out from behind her hiding place. Or maybe it’s me who’s been hiding, and she was seeking. She mocks me as her light shines upon me…I can feel it, the hair raising upon my neck, the curling of my spine. The pain; oh how it absorbs and devours my very being; God, how I wish it would stop! Not again; I am too close to the village; please not now! Please take the pain away! Damn you for this that I have bec-

~*~*~*~*~*~

The night was silent, save for the long, mournful howl that cut the cold night air. He knew that howl all too well; it was the same howl he had heard that night on the grounds of Hogwarts; it was colder than this very night.

The large black dog crept from the bushes, his keen ears perked up as he followed the sound. There was a bare forest not to far away, and in the dim light, he could see a swiftly skulking form rushing through the trees, shards of shredded cloth trailing from its wolfish shape.

“Moony,” Padfoot thought to himself, the chill night air cutting through his fur. His trek had come to an end. With that last thought in mind, he took off, his powerful legs propelling him towards the bare forest.

~*~*~*~

Blood…all I lust for is the blood. Warmth, love, companionship…this means nothing to me, all I desire is to quench my thirst for human blood; to hear the sounds of their agonized screams and taste their warm flesh in my teeth! This madness that consumes me only makes me hunger more for the bloodlust, the sacrifices! The murderous emotions that overwhelm my senses thrill me and intoxicate me like wine; they devour and consume me and drive me insane!

The moonlight flashed overhead, the catalyst in my transformation; the freeing of my mind; casting eerie light upon my silvery back. Those that I deem my prey will not escape my maw! My feet tread swiftly upon the cold ground, stray branches raking across my back and drawing blood. This only heightened my thirst, and I continued, red flashing before my eyes. I can hear the far-off sound of human voices, unsuspecting of their oncoming death…I can smell them as well; long has it been since I have fed upon the fragrant flesh of man…But something was different about this night…I sense it…something ahead. Ah, no matter; I will kill them as well. Nothing will stand in my way…and yet…I find myself slowing down, something compelling me to stop. It was then that I saw it…

The Grim, symbol of death. Perhaps he wishes to join me on my ravage…no…what has happened? My thirst for death has seemed to ebb…not the Grim…a pale eyed, bear-like black dog…Padfoot! A long howl escaped my maw and I fixed my eyes upon his form. I will kill you if you try to stop me, Padfoot…I’ve tried it before, but was stopped…I can do it again!!

Padfoot barked and edged closer, dangerously close. I could sense the warning in his slow gait; he was not afraid of me…he never was…

I stopped, completely and utterly, as the familiar dog compelled me by his mere presence to halt in my hatred. I felt my mind clearing a bit; I knew that when they were near that the effects of the lycanthropy were less severe…nevertheless, I must kill him; my very hunt depended upon it. He will pay dearly for his foolery!

We sat there at a stalemate for hours, watching each other. Several times I nearly leapt forward onto the dog in a blind rage to kill and shed his brave blood upon the forest floor; give the vultures something to feed on when I was gone. But no…I never did. Finally, I could resist the deadly urge no longer! He would suffer for his foolishness! With a snarl, I charged forward. It had been hours since the appearance of this large canine; the night was almost wasted. I must hurry if I am to satisfy my hunger! But as I stepped forward, Padfoot cast his gray eyes upon the dark, lightless sky, then back to me. It was then that I noticed…the moonlight had vanished from the sky…

No! My night, wasted! Damn you, Padfoot! I was going to rob Hogsmeade of its bountiful life supply! How I hate you; just as I despise the advent of the sun! I will not stop; you can’t prevent me from killing you the next time! The fur recedes, my back; how the pain controls! How I hate this reversion back to my true form! You haven’t won, Padfoot! I will be back with the next full moon; and your days are numbered! I’ve been robbed of my victory now, but not next tim-

~*~*~*~

Darkness…the pain consumes me, as does the weakening ill feeling…lasting effects of the lycanthrope transformations…I’m asleep, I know this much…Padfoot though…was that truly him? I can only hope…I remember the first time he found me in this state…weakened and ill…

~*Flashback*~

“Good night, Remus,” came Albus Dumbledore’s calm, caring voice from the door of the Infirmary. I heard him yes, but my mind was whirling with several thoughts. I was different…how many second years are victim to the dread lycanthropy? This last transformation was the worst by far; the several gashes upon my arms and legs bear witness to the ordeal. Sighing, I looked up at the stone ceiling as the room went pitch black, plunging me into darkness. How long must I continue to keep this from James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily? I can’t continue to make up stories to tell them; they’ll notice the deep gashes and bruises soon…they’ve already began to ask why I leave for almost a week every month…how long will I be able to make up lies to them? I hate lying to them; but what else am I to do?

Sighing, I laid my head back against the large fluffy pillows, letting my eyes cast up to the ceiling. I could feel the dull ache in my spine and legs as they continued to change from the wolfish form. My arms were still bleeding lightly; they were more discomforting than my legs and back, for they were not merely aching but throbbing with pain. It was the footsteps that echoed from the doorway to the infirmary that startled me from my reverie.

I sat up quickly, but regretted it and sank back into my bed, the wounds on my arms screaming at me. There was no one there, but the sounds of footfalls were unmistakable. Someone was in there…

“Remus?” came a curious, concerned voice from across the room, just loud enough so that I could hear. I sat up again, slower this time. I could feel a cold sweat forming on my brow from the advent of suppressed fear…I was caught. “Remus, are you alright? Are you even awake?”

“Y-yes, Sirius…I’m awake…”

From across the room, I heard the rustle of cloth, and suddenly, the dim light of a candlelit lamp gave the room a bit of light. I saw Sirius emerge from the shadows, and I suddenly remembered James’ Invisibility Cloak. His face was grim but kind as he laid the cloak on a nearby bed and stepped up to me. I felt trapped. However, Sirius merely smiled a bit and sat on the edge of my bed, laying a warm hand upon mine, which I found strange. I looked at him curiously, and found that his glittering grey eyes were looking directly at me.

“So…your mother’s ill, Remus? Seems like you’ve gotten ill yourself…” His eyes cast down to my hands, and he saw the edges of the red gashes on my arms, then looked back up at me in quiet fear. “Remus…” He raised a hand to my light brown hair, flecked with silver strands due to the lycanthropy, and I could see the marvel in his eyes. The hairs appeared grey to anyone else; but Sirius never missed a detail. “Silver hair…like a wolf…”

Suddenly, I felt as though everything I had ever strove to keep hidden was lying open like a well-read book. I looked up at him, my blue eyes wide with gleaming uncertainty, but found that his gaze was fixed upon my tired face. I took a shaky breath, exhaled, and tried to compose myself.

“Who…who all knows…who told you that I was…a werewolf?” My voice was quiet and regretful.

“Just James, Peter, Lily, and myself. We found out ourselves; we watched your symptoms carefully and looked them up…we didn’t expect to come up with lycanthropy though…”

“So you know…you know that I’m a full-fledged monster that could kill you all on a whim…” I locked eyes with him. “Doesn’t that bother you at all? That this entire time you’ve been friends to a werewolf? You don’t know how hard it was for me to lie to you all…”

To my surprise, Sirius shook his head negatively and gave me a charming, crooked smile. “Nope…none of us mind, Remus.” It was then that he pulled a thick book from underneath the nearby cloak and sat it upon my lap, letting the lamplight cast over it enough so that I could read the title. It was from the Restricted Section; probably in his hands by James’ hand.

“Animagi…you’re all going to become an Animangus for me?”

“Yep, we’re going to join you…Moony.”

I smiled; it was the first time I would hear that nickname…the beginning of the best times of my life.

~*End Flashback*~

I kept my eyes closed, hanging on to that warm memory. I longed for that past; the wonderful times I had at Hogwarts before the Dark Days…when the only cares we had were what the Marauders were up to next and on what Severus Snape’s weekly torments were going to be. Now it seemed like those days weren’t even real…simply a hopeful dream. I didn’t want to open my eyes to the chilly morning air; the sun beating down upon me but not offering warmth. Strangely though, I felt no freezing November wind whipping across my body; I was warm and safe, and I could hear the wind howling outside. But over the wind, I heard the familiar creak of my own home’s floor. My eyes flashed open and I sat up quickly, just like I had all those years ago.

“Remus? Are you awake?” came a soft voice from another room. The footsteps were coming closer, and I couldn’t help but recall that memory vividly, especially when he came striding quietly into the room.

I hadn’t seem him in nearly two and a half years; and when I had last seen him in human form, he was pale and gaunt, a shadow of his former self. But now…he stood before me as an older version of the Sirius Black I remembered from school, although a great deal thinner. He leaned against the doorframe, a concerned expression in his gleaming grey eyes. His ebony hair was mussed and unkempt, falling all about his forehead and shading his eyes gently.

“It was you…” I managed to say, the pain of my transfiguring body grating at my nerves. “You stopped me last night. How ironic…” I managed a smile and settled back into my makeshift bed; I found that I was laying upon my own ragged couch in my own small sitting room, before the dusty fireplace, where a magical fire had been conjured and was now dancing cheerfully. Sirius must’ve brought me here after my retransformation, and cared for me while I was in the depths of the receding lycanthrope rage.

“Ironic? What’s ironic about it?” he asked, stepping closer and taking a seat in a tattered chair. His eyes never left mine, which was exactly like Sirius, concise and to the point. He looked more curious than worried now, although there was a light of concern in his face. He looked exhausted from lack of sleep, but I knew that he wouldn’t let it go until I told him.

So I did, unabashedly telling him about my brief reverie last night, and how it was so ironic that here he was when I thought him long separated. Sirius merely smiled and shook his head, then slumped back tiredly into the chair. But I didn’t tell him one small bit of my thoughts…I didn’t tell him that I still loved him; I wasn’t sure what that might cause, especially right now. I would let it wait; it seemed as though he would be here for a while. And for that, I was thankful, and I let that thought follow me back into sleep.

~*~*~*~

The snow sparkled magnificently under the morning sun, the bare, white-laden trees heavy and waving lazily with the cold winds. Remus sighed listlessly, having a peaceful sleep for the first time in several years; nearly fourteen, in fact. He welcomed it though; it had been a long while since his bed had been this warm. Sirius had been here for two weeks, and it proved to be a very comforting presence. Remus kept his eyes closed this morning, but he quietly opened one eye to look about, and found the charming face of one Sirius Black leaning against the dusty nightstand, obviously watching him as he slept and not noticing the solitary blue eye that was on him.

“Good morning,” Remus said softly, his voice still haggard from the dregs of sleep. Sirius looked surprised and smiled away the reddish tint upon his face, then edged over to the side of the bed, still on his knees. Lupin chuckled a bit and sat up slightly, but Sirius beat him to getting up, and sat upon the bed next to him, drawing a perplexed expression from Remus. “Sirius?”

“Remus…I have to go today…I have to be back by the next full moon, after all…and that’s Christmas Day. That gives me two weeks.”

“What?” Lupin interjected, sitting straight up and running a hand through his messy brown hair. “Leaving? Why?”

“Well, I have to go get something important…if I can find it. I can’t tell you what it is now; you will have to find out for yourself when I get back.” He had that knowing and hopeful smile upon his face, and Remus nodded, shaking his head at how secretive he was being.

“I won’t press the matter. Just…don’t get yourself caught, alright?” Remus sighed and sat up, pulling his legs over the side of the bed. He sat next to Sirius, whose hopeful smile had faded to one more serious and threadbare. “The dementors are still looking for you, after all. They won’t stop until you are killed, found, proclaimed innocent, or…Kissed. You know that as well as I do. Most likely even better.”

“Getting Kissed by a dementor is not what I plan on…” Sirius paused, catching Remus’ azure gaze with his own. A few silent moments passed by between the two former lovers, questions whirling in their minds. Sirius let his eyes take in his expression, the calm yet wary expression that suited Remus so well. The gleam in his icy blue eyes as his short, unkempt silver-flecked brown hair fell over the top of his ears and graced his eyelashes. How could someone be so young and yet appear so aged…Remus Lupin had seen much more than he should’ve in the short time he had lived; at the age of twelve he had lived with more pain than he should’ve. Sirius vowed to put a stop to that very agony with which Remus had lived with for so long. He reached out and ran a hand through the light brown and silvery mess, and smiled. “Not a kiss from a dementor…but from you.”

Remus said nothing at first; he simply let those words hang in the air and regarded the devoted expression that fell upon Sirius Black’s countenance. There was simply no denying it now; it was the very same expression he wore on the day he admitted his love, all those many distant years ago. Remus couldn’t forget that, not if Hell’s demons themselves tried to wrench the very memory from him. He smiled, a tired smile, yes, but it was accompanied with a soft and honest chuckle as he laid a hand upon Sirius’.

“Be wary…trust no one…”

“No one but you, Remus,” Sirius answered sincerely, and before either one could get another word out, he leaned in and gently pressed his lips against Remus’. It was almost like a memory long forgotten; suddenly revived. For a brief moment, the old flame rekindled itself as their lips danced against each other. There was no surprise in the caress, but there was a sense of reluctant joy that accompanied the kiss, for both knew that this could honestly be the last time that they might see each other again. When Sirius finally pulled back and opened his eyes slowly, he let himself mentally remember this moment. The dementors had taken away every joyous memory he had; he wouldn’t let that happen again.

“You know…” Sirius said softly, grasping Remus’ hands and suddenly seeming quite vulnerable, “Azkaban may take away memories…but it can’t take away the emotions that accompany that memory, no matter how far away it seems. Even in Azkaban…even now…I’ve never stopped loving you, Remus. Never.”

Remus looked at him gently and leaned his forehead against his lover’s, watching the exposed expression in Sirius’ eyes. “I know…I tried to tell myself that I bore no love for you after you were captured…I almost convinced myself…” he paused, looking strangely calm. But then, he smiled. “I was wrong. Terribly wrong. I love you too…”

There was a brief moment of silence between the two, but then, Sirius stood, knowing the gravity of his self-appointed mission. “I’ll be back soon…don’t go anywhere; it was hard enough trying to find you as it is!” Sirius smiled genuinely, and didn’t loosen his grasp on Remus’ hand. “I’ll be home for Christmas, I promise.”

After he had transformed into the large black dog and bounded purposely out of the door, Remus sat down on the tattered couch and conjured a fire with a flick of his wand. Home…so Sirius Black had found his home…home with the very same person all those many years before.

~*~*~*~

“Happy Christmas,” Remus said lightly, leaning upon the dusty hearth of his fireplace and taking a framed picture up into his hands. The old photo, although the frame was beaten and cracked, was still full of life. The four in the picture were all standing about a pond, laughing like no tomorrow. It was one of the few remaining memories of the times before Azkaban, before the death and sadness. James stood up on the bank with Peter beside him; both were laughing and looking out towards the pond. In the pond sat Sirius, looking amused, wet, bedraggled, and mischevious. It was obvious he had something up his sleeve. Remus was levitating a few inches above, also laughing, but not for long, because Sirius took that preceise moment to reach up, yank at his ankle, and drag him down underwater with him with a splash. Lily had taken the photo, and had given a copy to each of them. This was the only one that remained.

Remus didn't really know what compelled him to keep this photo; perhaps it was the thought of things that had been, and the knowledge of the friendships he had forged with those who had seen past the condition that he could not help. Either way, seeing them in any form was of some comfort. He needed comfort, especially on this night, Christmas Eve. He had a feeling that Sirius might return too late, or not at all...and this did not sit very well with him.

He stared at the quiet fireplace for a while, thinking about how to spend this day. It was cloudy and overcast; Hogsmeade would be getting another few inches of snow tonight to replace the few inches it had lost. It was about then that he decided that it was too quiet at his home. He had another day of safety before the dread end of the lunar month; and he knew people in Hogsmeade; had friends there.

So he grabbed his thick winter robes and cloak, opened the door, and began to trudge through the deep snow, fighting the frigid wind as he travelled.

The town was full of life this morning, with families doing last minute shopping and children playing in the falling snow. The wind ceased to blow here due to a charm that had been cast by the most powerful wizarding family in the town.

Remus couldn't help but notice, however, how some mothers would run outside and take their children inside hurridly if they saw him walk past. It was well-known in the village that a werewolf lived about a mile from there, and almost the entire town shunned him because of it. He knew that he was ostracized for something that he couldn't help, and yes, it did sting a bit, but he knew it was just bred in their minds; he could do nothing about it. He watched as the children played in the snow, throwing snowballs playfully at each other, and felt envious. He hadn't been able to enjoy his childhood like this; he and his parents were too busy searching for a cure for lycanthropy in vain...there was no cure, and he knew it.

As he walked into the Three Broomsticks and pulled the hood of his cloak from his face, many in the bar withdrew discreetly in disgust; most seasoned wizards and witches knew the symptoms of lycanthropy. Unabashed, he folded his cloak into his hands and stepped up to the bar, where he was was met, surprisingly, with warmth.

"Remus J. Lupin, I haven't seen you in ages! Here's a Happy Christmas to you! Now, what will it be?" came a cheery woman's voice. He looked up to the bar, and smiled at Madame Rosmerta, a pretty witch whom he and his friends had known since their days at Hogwarts. It was true, their paths hadn't crossed in a long time, and she only realized that he was a werewolf when the rumor swept about Hogsmeade.

"A Happy Christmas to you too, Rosmerta," he said contentedly, still standing. "I think I'll just have a butterbeer; walking a mile in the snow gets very cold after a while." He accented this with a smile, and she agreed.

"A point you have there! Go find yourself a seat; I'll bring it out as soon as it's ready!"

Remus smiled and nodded, then turned, looking on with as much diginity as he could keep; as the witches, wizards, and even the hags and warlocks, parted a bit for him to walk past. He had to admit, it was quite derogatory for them to do such things, but he knew that getting angry would only worsen the rumors about him. So he walked past, thanking them as he past for letting him by. He could feel eyes upon him, but he disregarded it and let himself sink into his thoughts. He heard the door swing open a few times, but he never bothered to look up past the Christmas tree to see who it was. That is, until-

"Harry! Harry, look! Isn't that Professor Lupin?"

Lupin looked up quickly just in time to see Ron Weasley, looking much older than he did when Remus had seen him four years before, towing one Harry Potter behind him. Both looked surprised and covered in snow, and their comical appearance caused Remus to chuckle in amusement. So they were seventh years now...

After they came to a stop, Harry straightened his crooked glasses and smiled breathlessly. "Professor Lupin! What are you doing here? We thought you were-"

"You kids watch out!" A voice cut off Harry's query, and all three turned to see a tall, imposing wizard standing across the bar. He had dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard; a long forest green cloak fell down over his muscular arms. His nicely polished wand was now in his hand, and when he was compared with Lupin, the latter looked much more worse for the wear. "He's a werewolf! You can't go around trustin' them! Tear you apart, they will! You two would be a might safer if you came over here and sat with me!"

Remus remained silent; he was an even-tempered person. He would've let the whole thing fly over; it was better than causing a pointless fight. But...Harry Potter and Ron Weasley didn't think that way.

"What do you know about werewolves!? Who gives you the right to say those things? I bet anything that Gilderoy Lockheart knows more about werewolves than you!" Ron cried after whirling around. Remus stood up quickly and put a hand on both boys' shoulders, stepping forward before either of them got another word out.

"Please excuse my young friends here; they have quick tempers." Remus looked over his shoulder at the two seventeen year olds with a mischevious gleam in his own eyes. Both caught it though, and went quiet, wondering what he had in mind.

"So you decide to fight your own battles, beast? I'm not afraid of you; I'll kill you myself and rid this peaceful town of its bane!"

Remus finally looked mentally wounded; through all the years he had been among strangers, never had one resorted to calling him a beast. But, determined to keep his dignity, he drew himself up to his full height and pulled out his own wand. The whole bar had gone silent, watcing the brewing fight carefully. Most there had their bets on the strong looking wizard when compared to the lean Lupin and two seventh year Hogwarts students.

"I beleive that the honorable way to sove this would be a wizard's duel." Lupin said determindly, rolling up the ends of his robes' sleves carefully. "So let's settle this right here and now, quick and painless. Well...painless for me, perhaps." Then, Harry and Ron noted that mischevious smile that played on his young face; remincent of one that had been on his face when he had been dubbed Moony; one like that of he who had helped create the Marauder's Map.

The imposing wizard regarded Lupin with amusement, then laughed. He thought Lupin quite inferior and undereducated in the wizarding ways due to his lycanthropy. How wrong he was; Harry and Ron snickered at his side, knowing that Remus J. Lupin was no novice; he was a quite capable wizard.

"Alright then, monster, a wizard's duel it is!" he said, and took his place a few steps before Remus, looking arrogant and self-assured. He raised his wand as Remus did, and took a breath to cast his spell.

"Gelo Ingressus!" came the surprisingly loud voice of Remus as he waved his wand expertly. Almost in the blink of an eye, a silver line of light flew from the tip of his wand and encased the man, freezing him on the spot. Needless to say, the taller wizard was struck silent with shock as he felt his body go rigid. Remus grinned a bit and hid his wand back within the folds of his cloak. "Quite a handy Freezing Spell. Should wear off in about eight hours."

Everyone in the tavern was surprised by the sudden and painless end to the duel. No one had expeceted Lupin to win, but it was no matter, for it was back to being filled with noise once again, this time accompanied by the sound of money being exchanged.

"Wow! That was over fast!" Ron said, sliding down into a chair as Remus sat down, Harry following suit.

Remus smiled and sighed, shaking his head. "It was the only easy way to prevent an all out brawl; it silenced him...and the two of you. you shouldn't try and pick a fight with a wizard who's had more experience REGARDLESS if you have defeated Lord Voldemort before. That was very foolish, you know."

"Sorry about that. It's just that they shouldn't criticize you when they don't even know you," Harry said seriously, putting his hands on the table.

"I understand your anger, but what good will it do any of our reputations if you two got in a bar brawl on Christmas Eve with a much stronger wizard due to me, then come back beaten and bruised? But, thank you for the thought."

"Here's your drink, Remus! That was quite the show; although I will be quite glad to be rid of our new...statue. Not much of a Christmas decoration! And what will you two have?" Rosmerta said with a charming chuckle.

After Harry and Ron ordered and Rosmerta left, Remus looked at them over the rim of his flask and smiled a bit. "And what brings you two here to Hogsmeade on Christmas Eve? And what about Hermione?"

"Well, she went home for the hoildays, and Harry and I opted to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas." Ron said, casting a wayward glance over to the young man beside him. Remus raised an amused eyebrow at them; he had a few guesses as to why they might be staying behind, but he said nothing. Thier personal life was none of his affair. "And we just decided to come here for a few hours!"

Remus nodded and took another drink of his butterbeer, looking contemplative. "Have you heard from Sirius lately?" he asked, looking at them closely, mainly Harry.

"No, not since mid-November. Why?"

Remus shook his head and sat back, running a hand through his silvery brown hair after sitting his flask down. "I was just curious, that's all."

Harry and Ron accepted this, and the trio sat there for several hours, talking and passing several bits of informatin back and forth, often accompained by the strings of laughter and the like. Every customer who walked into the bar got a curious eyeful at the strange statue, and it was quite amusing to watch the varying reactions. But, like all good things, it had to come to an end. After a few hours, Harry looked at his watch, a Muggle watch, and sighed, standing.

"We should be getting back to Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall will have our hides if we're not back by dusk," Harry said, looking at Ron. The redhead nodded and stood, putting a few Sickles down for payment of his butterbeer, then both turned back to face their former professor.

"See you later, Professor," Ron said, smiling crookedly. Remus waved his hand at him and Harry gently.

"I'm not your professor anymore; Remus will suit me just fine. Now go along, I don't want you to risk getting House points taken away on my account!"

Remus watched as they went and shook his head. Just like James and his friends had been so many years ago...

After paying for his drink, Remus stood and wrapped his thick wool cloak around his shoulders and stepped out int othe darkening sky. It would be pitch black by the time he returned to his home, but it suited his just the same. Nothing except a cold bed was awaiting him at home. He sighed and glanced up at the nearly full moon, his mind wandering, then began to trudge half-heartedly through the thick snow, some of it melting through his boots and stinging his feet with its icyness. Soon, the trees aurrounded him, casting gentle shadows upon the white blanketed forest. It had ceased snowing, but the short snowstorm had done its magnificent work, replacing slightly melted snow with a vibrant new powder.

One by one, the twinkling stars joined the silvery moon in the ebony sky, giving him more light to walk by. The snow glittered magnificently, and he truely wished that he could enjoy this beautiful night as much as he could. But so heavy was his mental burden that he could not.

Behind him, he heard the slight sounds of slow footsteps; and he became wary of his surroundings. It might be some friends of the wizard he had dueled with following him in an attempt to get revenge or even kill him. Remus discreetly pulled his wand from the folds of his robe and continued walking, looking around his surroundings. The footsteps continued; they were getting closer, but Remus did not turn around; his instincts told him to wait until the last possible moment. Let whoever or whatever it is that is following him think that it has the element of surprise.

Remus stepped carefully up onto his doorstep and glanced at the cracked, darkened window, and saw a figure, his face shaded by the moonlight, reaching out for him. Suddenly, Remus turned on his heel and pointed his wand directly into his follower's face, his mouth open and ready to cast a spell.

"Well, a fine way to wish me a Happy Christmas, Moony," said the surprised voice of Sirius Black, who had taken a step back and was now standing in the snow, regarding the wand that was pointed dangerously at his face. He held a small grey coloered cloth sack that was closed by a drawstring in his hand, then put his free hand up, moving the wand away from his face. "Be careful, you're going to put someone's eye out, most likely mine."

Sirius smiled at Remus' expression; the anger now melting away into astonishment. The dim light cast into his surprised icy blue eyes and glinted off of the silver strands of hair that wasn't covered by his cloak. As Sirius moved the ready wand from its target, he took Remus' hand in his own, closing his eyes briefly at the inviting warmth.

"Where...how...what did you-" Remus paused and began to chuckle at his apparent and sudden speech impediment and let out a long held breath, a genuine smile breaking upon his face. "We can talk after we get inside; we'll freeze if we stay out here any longer."

Remus opened the door haphazardly and threw it open, removing his hand from Sirius' grip so he could conjure a fire with his wand. As soon as Sirius was inside, Remus shut the door and pulled the tattered curtains together. But Sirius couldn't help but notice the way Remus' motions were dragged and tired.

"I might have been followed from Hogsmeade; I defeated a wizard in a duel today at the bar and if some of his friends were to track me down and find you here, then the both of us might be headed for Azkaban."

Sirius watched as Remus went about the small house closing curtains and took a seat, clutching the bag gently in his hand. When Remus finally was done taking precautions, he stepped in, and Sirius could see the weariness in his eyes; weariness from the upcoming advent of his lycanthropic transformations. His face looked tired and drawn, and it was almost sudden when he staggared and leaned roughly against the doorframe. The nights before the first full moon were always taxing on him, but Sirius had never seen him look so defeated. It must have been the walk to and from the village that hurt him more than anything else, and Sirius was on his feet and at his side in an instant.

"Shouldn't have walked...I should've gotten a room at the Three Broomsticks..."

"You know you couldn't have done that; that would start an uproar, and what would've happened had you stayed and been attacked in this state?" Sirius scolded gently, letting Remus lean on his shoulder as he walked him over to the couch that sat before the fire. Lupin's breathing was a bit labored, and as Sirius laid him out upon the couch and sat next to him, the worn look on Remus' face told Sirius enough. Quickly, he reached for the small bag that he had brought and opened it, removing the small bottle that was inside of it. The liquid inside was an opaque silvery color, thin and chilled.

"Remus," Sirius said, pulling the exhausted man up into a sitting position gently, "I was saving this for tomorrow morning, but I think it's the appropriate time for this."

"What is it? It's not Wolfsbane..."

"No, but it will help, possibly more than the Wolfsbane Potion. This is what I went looking for..."

Remus looked up into Sirius' grey eyes with a firm gaze. "What is it?"

Sirius paused for a moment, meeting his gaze with one of equal firmity and smiled hopefully.

"A cure for lycanthropy."

Silence reigned for a few long moments as Remus digested this information. It was almost too much to beleive; there was no cure; how could Sirius have found one in such a short time?

"But...how? Where?"

"An old Scottish warlock in the moors not too far from the sea had a cure...I heard about it from one of the new prisoners in Azkaban before the dementors broke him...he was a werewolf as well, but from what I saw, he had none of the symptoms. And trust me, after knowing you for twenty years, I know what the symptoms are. So...I remembered what he told me, and when I escaped from that place; after Dumbledore told me to find you at the end of Harry's fourth year, I had two goals. Find you...and find that cure. Happy Christmas..."

"I don't beleive it...after all these years; after all the pain my family had to edure to find a cure when we thought our search in vain...here it is..." Remus looked at the potion with an expression of gentle awe and more than a little regret. "A shame that my family can't witness this moment..." He took the bottle from Sirius' hand slowly, the coldness of the potion within stinging his hands lightly, but this was no matter. He knew that this might be his key to freedom from his life-long battle...and he had Sirius to thank for it. He looked up at him with grateful eyes and a disbelieving smile, taking a breath. "Thank you..."

"Think nothing of it, Moony...you deserve a bit of rest and peace..." Sirius smiled as he watched Remus uncork the bottle; the stench of the potion was vile, but it was faint enough to stand. He sustained a chuckle as Remus made a disgruntled face, but went silent with hope as he put the bottle to his lips and tilted it back, swallowing it little by little, although it must've tasted terrible. After Remus had finished the potion and sat the bottle upon a rickety end table, he suddenly put a hand to his forehead and groaned softly.

"That tasted terrible...gave me a splitting headache too..." he muttered, sitting up and leaning against the back of the couch. But he could feel the potion working inside of his veins; he could feel the relentless tug of the disease that he was so accustomed to fading, giving way to a strength that he had never felt in his muscles before...it was as though he was being reborn. He could feel the exhaustion leave him along with the chill that accompanied the nights before the full moon.

Sirius said nothing; he was captured by the transformation taking place. Slowly, the signs of the lycanthropy were fading; his tired, grey features were fading, and it looked as though he was regaining a bit of his lost youthfulness. The silver hair that dotted his tawny brown hair was slowly giving way to a solid brown, and even his eyes looked brighter.

"Sirius..." Remus said, looking up with a furrowed brow, regarding the expression on his face with confusion. "Did it work? I mean...it feels as though it worked..." He stretched out his arms to look at them and cocked his head to the side lightly, looking at the condition his body was in from his current vantage point. It was as though he had never been bitten had it not been from the scars here and there.

"We can only wait and see if it really worked and this isn't just to cover up the symptoms...but if this indeed did not work, don't fear. I'm going to be there with you through the whole ordeal...from now on if I can help it." Sirius accented this with a smile and put a warm hand against Remus' face, drawing him closer. Strands of fully brown hair ran through his fingers, no longer acompanied by the silver, and his face was alight with a renewed sense of strength. "But as far as I can see right now...you look...perfect, just as you always have to me. I'm just thankful that..." Sirius paused, tears forming in his gleaming grey eyes. "That you no longer have to bear such a painful burden..."

He then stood, pulling Remus up with him, and embraced him deeply, never breaking his gaze from those blue eyes that seemed light with renewed vigor. It was as though he were walking in a dream; for the first time in what seemed like forever, he finally felt the burden of the past and his years in Azkaban lift from his shoulders; he felt young and innocent again, a shade of former days.

"We've come such a long way..." Remus said softly, giving Sirius a long, calming gaze. He said no more, however, words failed him, and he was content to stand there in his lover's grasp, relishing in his touch; which was like a memory, long forgotten and revived. Never had he felt such love as this; so many had failed to see past his condition and know him for who he really was...and then here was someone whom he had decieved for fear of losing his friendship, showing him such a love that he thought never possible..."I just can't understand...how you can love me the way you do...even after all that we've been through, all those years...and what I am...or was..."

Sirius chuckled. "It's easy, Remus...the easiest thing I've ever done was love you...the hardest thing was stepping from our doorstep the night Lily and James died...I knew I might not return..." Sirius said nothing more and gently leaned forward, capturing Remus' lips in a needy caress. It was almost surprising, how much want was in that kiss; that embrace...like a soldier returning to his wife from the battlefield was the relief and love.

Not even the years of toil and torment had faded the colors of their love.

~*~*~*~

~*Flashback*~

"So...this is the end...where I once had friends, now I have none...I knew that, although they said it didn't matter to them...once they saw the true terror of what I was, they would abandon me for fear. Who could blame them? What they said when they were twelve is much different than what they think now when we're fifteen..."

Remus laid in the all-too-familiar bed, his eyes closed tightly as he thought. He knew that he was in the Infirmary under the watchful eye of Madam Pomfrey; there was no need to open his eyes. He knew that it was daylight, and any other time, he would hear the familiar and welcome voices of his friends nearby, making their way in to see him. But not today...not again. All of them would ostracize him now...James, Lily, Peter...and most painfully, Sirius. He would give anything to have the trust of those he cared for most returned...

He took a deep sigh and felt the advent of hot tears filling beneath his eyelids. How he wished he could take it all back...

"Oh, come on, Madam Pomfrey! Let us go in and see him! It's not gonna kill him if we just go in and give him a few well wishes, now is it?" came a familiar voice, a male voice. It sounded urgent, and the voice that accompanied it was enough to send Remus' eyes opening wide as he shot up in his seat, grimacing away the pain.

"He's gotta be lonely in there all by himself, Madam! And we're not going to try anything; you know us better than that!" came the next voice, a smooth tenor. Remus looked surprised, his mouth hung slightly ajar from his surprise, and his still-moist eyes were glimmering with hope.

"Oh...fine then, boys. but make it quick or I'll make sure the Headmaster hears about it! Now go on in there, quickly!" came the irritated but amused voice of the nurse. Almost instantly, a tall boy with dark messy hair ran in, his glasses askew upon his face and casting light into his eyes. Followed closely on his heels was another boy, taller, with ebony hair and a sudden, worried gleam in his warm grey eyes.

"James...Sirius..." Remus said quietly, a smile spreading across his tired face. James reached the bedside first and pulled up a nearby chair, but Sirius disregarded the chair that James had offered him and opted to sit beside Remus on the bed, putting a warm hand on the ill boy's own.

"How are you, Moony?" James asked quietly, looking concerned.

"Relieved..."

"What do you mean, Remus? Did you think that we would abandon you after the past few nights? Never...seeing you suffer like that is all the more reason for us to stick by you. You don't think that we'd leave you all alone to combat that, would you?" Sirius interjected, squeezing his hand lightly. Remus leaned back against his pillows, regarding the expressions on his friends' faces. The warmth of Sirius' devoted hand told him so much more than those mere words...

"I honestly thought that you would shun me after that transformation...it was the worst that I've ever been through...and you three had to be there..."

"Don't worry about it, Remus. Your friendship is more important to us than that cursed lycanthropy. You should know by now that we'd do anything for each other," James said, his eyes intent. He then stood and smiled. "I'll let you to have a few moments alone before Madam Pomfrey kicks us out. See you later, Moony." And he was gone.

"Remus...I told you that I would stand next to you, no matter what...and I haven't changed, not one bit." Sirius paused, as though searching for the words. Remus saw in that moment a flicker of nervousness in his grey eyes. "I love you, Remus...I know that we've been together for amost a year...but I finally realize that I love you..."

~*End Flashback*~

Warmth...that was the first thing Remus thought when he awoke the next morning. Not the full moon, not why he has to live another day with himself...he felt warm and content; a feeling that he relished greatly as he lay there with his eyes closed. Sighing, he tried to fall back asleep, but a voice stopped him.

"I know you're awake, Moony..." came the soft, sleep-dulled voice of Sirius in his ear.

"And what if I'm not?" Remus smiled and opened his eyes blearily, blinking away the last dregs of sleep. He couldn't think of a more welcome sight to wake up to than Sirius' face smiling at him, especially on Christmas morning. It was the single most wonderful Christmas gift Remus had recieved; even greater than the possible cure.

"Happy Christmas..."

"Never a happier one, Padfoot."

Due to the fact that it was already about 11:00 am when they awoke, after they had breakfast finished and they had gotten themselves cleaned up and dressed, it was well past noon, almost 5:30 that evening. Sirius who suggested a quiet, private walk through the smooth Christmas snow. Remus, after observing that the wind was no longer blowing and he felt up to the task regardless of the night's oncoming full moon, agreed.

The snow crunched lightly under their feet as the two reunited lovers walked through the snow laden trees, the sun glinting beautifully through the bare branches against the white ground. Remus' hand felt warm and wonderful in Sirius' grasp as they talked, thankful for the secluded area that they were in. None would go looking for them; especially with the rumors of a werewolf remaining very much alive in the surrounding towns. So they were safe from all prying eyes and curious onlookers, besides the very few werewolf hunters that were in Scotland. But that was of little importance to the two at the moment. All that they were concerned with was each other.

As they come across a snow-covered meadow at the opposite edge of the forest from Hogsmeade, Remus removed his hand from Sirius' grasp to wipe the stray snow from his honey brown hair and smiled, struck by a sudden thought.

"You know, Sirius, I came across your godson yesterday at the Three Broomsticks; he was in the company of one Ron Weasley. I'm not quite certain, but the way they were acting reminded me of how we were when we were that age and trying to cover up our relationship from James and Lily. What do you think, Sirius?"

There was no answer. Remus stopped and glanced to his side, noticing with some alarm that Sirius was no longer at his side; his footprints had ceased several yards back at the treeline. There was no trace of him whatsoever, and Remus began to seem a bit frantic. He turned around and looked back and forth for any sign of dementors, his wand raised and ready. But oddly, he felt none of the effects that a dementor had on people.

"Sirius?" he called, turning around to face the trees again. This time, he was answered, quite obviously.

*SMACK!*

Remus recoiled quickly and almost fell backwards as the freezing snowball splatted against the side of his face, sending cold bits of snow all over his face and into the folds of his cloak. There was a great shout of laughter, and Remus recovered just in time to see another one coming at him. He dived out of the way with a smile upon his features, skidding across the slick snow on his chest. His blue eyes twinkled with laughter as he saw Sirius standing beside a large oak, laughing and holding another ball in his hand. Not this time...

Sirius watched with amusement as his lover leapt out of the way and slid across the snow, tumbling a bit and coming up into a sitting position, covered with more snow than he had started out with. He began to laugh at Remus' disgruntled but humoured expression, and didn't even notice the oncoming projectile until it hit him square in the face, splattering cold, wet, melting snow all over him.

"OH you didn't just do that, Moony!" he cried, running out from his forest shelter.

"OH I sure did, Padfoot!" was the boyish reply.

The fight was on.

Snowballs flew from combatant to combantant furiously for over an hour, along with some of the most outrageous insults imaginable. It was as though they were boys again, sheltered on the safe grounds of Hogwarts.

"You throw like my grandmother!"

"Oh yeah, Padfoot? Well, your grandmother throws like Severus Snape!"

"Your grandmother IS Severus Snape!!"

This was accompanied by the most laughter, and Sirius was up and running, preparing for a tackle. Remus stood quickly and started to take off running, but Sirius proved to be the swifter, and pounced on him, causing them to tumble head-over-heels through the snow. As they came to a stop, both men were laughing uncontrollably. Sirius looked down at Remus' youthful face, shadowed in the setting sun, and smiled, suddenly growing silent as he brushed a few damp strands of hair from his face.

"I love you," he said gently, a smile still playing on his lips. Remus smiled as well and pulled him down in a gentle kiss, but stopped as his eyes took in the state of the orange sun, almost only a sliver on the smooth horizon.

"Oh God...now it comes..."

Sirius looked over his shoulder at the slowly rising full moon and quickly stood, helping Remus up from the snow. Here comes the trial; how would Remus fare under this moon? Sirius stood next to him, prepared to transform as soon as the moon finished it's heavenly ascent. He glanced over at Remus, he had his head bowed and his eyes shut tightly. Sirius knew that he feared the moonlight above anything else; and this would be the worst moment of his entire life other than when he was first bitten...the knowledge that what has been done cannot be undone. They could only pray.

Remus took a breath and clenched his fists; he had learned from many past experiences never to trust in a supposed cure; usually the cures only made the pain more persistent and difficult to bear. He stood there and opened his eyes, fixing his eyes on his feet, then slowly racing his head to the heavens, a stern grimace upon his features. He looked up though the silvery moonbeams into the face of the full moon, and as the light cast down upon him, a soft wisp of laughter escaped his lips. He felt no curl of pain, no rigidness in his limbs...he smiled mockingly up at the moon and lowered his arms, a feeling of ecstasy overcoming him as he turned to face Sirius with a genuine smile that Sirius had admittingly never seen before.

"You're free, Moony..."

"Free...never has the word had such weight than now..."

Sirius regarded that expression as Remus stood under the gleam of the full moon, no longer harassed by his long time fear and foe, and suddenly he let out a great laugh of joy and pulled Remus into his arms, embracing him victoriously under the dim light of the majestic and defeated moon. He no longer had to worry...for he was was no longer under the toils and snares of his past...

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