| Eliminators is a cheap and cheerful blend of Indiana Jones, The Terminator, and of course Robocop. It begins in Mexico, where an evil megalomaniac mad scientist by the name of Abbott Reeves is up to no good. Like all evil megalomaniac mad scientists, Reeves wants to rule the world. But he�s nuttier than most, because his plans involve going back in time to use his scientific knowledge to rule ancient Rome. I suppose if you have plans to rule the world and the ability of travel in time, it�s probably the way to go. Kicking back in the Coliseum drinking wine and eating grapes would have to be better than the stresses and complications of being a modern day tyrant. Reeves has built a time machine, and has been exploring the past with the aid of another of his creations. The creation in question is called Mandroid. I don�t know who ripped off who, because both films were made in 1986. But either Mandroid is very Robocop inspired, or Robocop is very Eliminators inspired. Mandroid began life as John Doe, a pilot who crashed his plane in a swamp near Reeves� fortress. Reeves was kind enough to have his Japanese assistant rescue the downed pilot� and then turn him into something that was part man, part machine, and all wooden acting. But I won�t hold that against actor Patrick Reynolds. After all, he is playing a robot. Reeves has been sending Mandroid back in time to ancient Rome to cause carnage, and to bring down souveniers. The scientist is like the evil doppelganger of Doc from Back to the Future. He wants to upset the space-time continuum. Now that Reeve�s has ironed out all of the glitches in his time travel machine, he has no further use for John the Mandroid, and orders his Japanese assistant to disassemble him. I would have thought that being a mad scientist he could make a heap of moolah selling him to terrorists as a weapon of mass destruction. But he must need the scrap metal for another evil project. The assistant has become attached to John, and tells him he�s going to help him escape. Mandroid straps himself onto his specially customised tank chassis, and they head for the hills under the cover of darkness. Reeves� goons are onto them though. They mortally wound the assistant, who tells John the Mandroid to find a Colonel Hunter at an air force base in the U.S. Mandroid leaves his dying friend, and is wounded himself by a couple of armour piercing bullets from the lead goon�s gun. Realising that his seriously messed up cyborg appearance will probably only get him fired upon by air force security, he sneaks into the base and meets Colonel Hunter. He finds that Colonel Hunter is actually Colonel Nora Hunter (played by easy on the eye Star Trek regular Denise Crosby). Like Reeves, she also seems to be a megalomaniac scientist. She may not be evil, but has an ego nonetheless. When she learns what Reeves is doing down in Mexico, she�s more concerned with the fact that he�s stealing and taking the credit for technology that she developed than the fact that he wants to rule the world. The two make a pact to stop Abbott Reeves. Nora brings along S.P.O.T, a tiny flying robot that looks suspiciously like those cheap looking ones that were readily available in electronics stores around the globe in the mid-eighties. Things get off to a rocky start at the Mexican border when a couple of the locals try to steal Nora�s purse. The Mandroid blows up their car with his special missile launcher arm ( he has a number of detachable special purpose arms that mysteriously appear from nowhere when required). With that troublesome episode out of the way, they head for the river that leads to Reeves fortress. John the Mandroid, Nora, and S.P.O.T will never make it alone, so they head to a seedy riverside watering hole. They need to find a guide. Someone who knows the river. Someone who is unshaven, with a stetson hat, a six shooter, and a whip. Unfortunately Indiana Jones isn�t available� just the sorriest bunch of drunken river guides this side of the border. Nora stirs the pot by announcing to the crowded bar that she wants to hire the toughest guide in the place. This kicks off the obligatory all in brawl. At the end of it, only one guide is left standing. He survived the brawl by staying out of the way, and then smashing a whisky bottle over his arch nemesis Bayou Betty�s melon head. He may not have a stetson or a whip, but Harry Fontaine has a six shooter, is unshaven, and has a heroic name to boot. Harry Fontaine is a pretty funny character, because he acts as a spokesman for the audience everytime something ridiculous happens in Eliminators. Every second line he utters is something along the lines of �you�ve gotta be kidding me� or �what the hell is that? Never mind� I don�t wanna know�. But Fontaine still manages to do some ridiculous things himself. When Bayou Betty and some other river rats pursue our heroes, he hurls a forty four gallon drum into the water, and announces that he �saw this in a movie once�. He then shoots the drum with his revolver as Bayou Betty passes by, blowing her out of the water. Just when it seems that the plot can�t get any more ridiculous, this Charles Band production throws some cavemen and a Japanese Ninja into the mix. The ninja is abiding by the old kung fu plotline of avenging his father�s death. His father was Reeves� Japanese assistant that was killed earlier in the piece. The cavemen were brought through time by Reeves for some reason. Once again Fontaine speaks for the audience by shouting �Ninjas? Cavemen? What, are we in a comic book here?�. In answer to his question, I think that Charles Band wasn�t taking any chances with Eliminators. He wanted to cash in on as many different genres as possible. Together they head for Abbot Reeves� lair. There are some memorable scenes amidst the action. In one sequence, Kuji the ninja leaps through a large moving fan to access the fortress. It�s a pity this film wasn�t more of a financial success upon its release. It could have been an entertaining and lucrative franchise for Band along the lines of the Puppetmaster or Future Cop aka. Trancers series. But unfortunately it died an undeserved box office death. It was only rated PG, so cult film fans avoided it like the plague. And the poster art definitely looked too violent to appeal to families. Like Future Cop and many of his Full Moon releases, Eliminators is a surprisingly entertaining Charles Band release. While it wasn�t successful back in 1986, it has steadily grown into a cult favourite over the years, albeit a minor one. Charles Band can�t be faulted as a producer. Whether successful in his celluloid endeavours or not, he has always at least tried to provide quality entertainment for film fans on a shoestring budget. This film is a perfect example of his work: enough enthusiasm and energy to overcome any shortcomings in the plot, premise, or delivery. |
| Eliminators (1986) |