What Is Wrong With Society Today?
By: Marvin Lee

     In our society, it is most definitely not the parents who are to blame for all the shootings and violence. It must be the media. Those damn TV shows that depict people getting beaten up and shot. It is not the parent's fault that they have no open dialogue with their kids. They have to work and that is a very good reason. If we banned all violent TV shows and video games, we would have a Utopian society where all races get along and there would be no crime. All the kids would grow up to have normal lives, heterosexual relationships and 2.5 kids. The fact that humans are still animals would not matter. Our innate instincts to be violent would disappear and we will all live in harmony. Remember, mom and dad are never the bad guys. It is the evil TV programs that brainwash Johnny into a psychopathic murdering son of a bitch. I mean, how can anyone expect to watch their kids 24/7? Kids can be very sneaky, it is hard to see when kids are dragging propane tanks into their rooms. And even harder to see when they are in the garage with guns and drawings of dead people. Don't blame yourself, lets ban all TV, the invention of TV so that your kids won't be violent. I know that it is all because of those damn video games and TV shows that turn kids into killers. I mean, I used to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Transformers. They had fighting, shooting, heck, Optimus Prime even died. Anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I am one of the most violent, hateful people on Earth. All of the students  at school know that I kill cats and am constantly bitter. It is because of those TV shows, they made me crazy. I am unbalanced. I can barely have a thought without hating anything associated with that thought. I only take AP classes because I hate myself and want to surround myself with people superior to me so that I may soak in my own self loathing. Ask anyone in school, I am exactly like that. (Someone show this to  Mrs.Murphy, I hope I get an A on Satire) All of the kids who grew up in the 80's who watched the same shows as I did are like this. I blame the evil TV box too. So parents, don't bother talking to your kids. TV has already corrupted them. All you can hope to do is try to ban violent video games and violent TV shows. When you do that, your kids will magically revert into decent human beings who love all and want nothing more than to better society. Parents have done no wrong, dialogue is worthless. 5 minutes of talking to your kids is better spent screwing your secretary  or drinking that beer. Keep setting your wonderful examples, you great parents out there.

      While we are censoring TV, why not literature as well? I mean a child's imagination is pretty strong, what if he gets caught in the world of Hannibal Lector from reading the book? He might be compelled to eat your face off! How about Edgar Allen Poe? Black Cat talks about killing his wife and storing her body in the wall. Cask of Amontillado talks about killing his friend. That is unsuitable for children under the age of 18 to learn, they might get ideas and become violent. We can also black out words in the dictionary that might give kids the wrong idea. The words gun, sex, intercourse, death, violent, hate, penis, vagina, kill, abuse, beat, batter, hit, hurt, maim, cut, shoot, fire, terrorist, stab, chop, slice, break, kick, gore, and decapitate must be erased from the English language. They might promote violence. That is bad.  How about radio? There is some pretty explicit stuff on there, like taking your clothes off, sexing someone all night long, smoking a blunt, and not being innocent. A good solution is to suspend children in a liquid with the same temperature as their blood, hooking them up to VR glasses and streaming wholesome education material directly into their brains. They would be fed intravenously and exercised by allowing them one hour per day in a pitch black room, leading them by a leash in a circle. To teach them to speak, use electrical impulses to stimulate the vocal cords. Creating a truly Utopian society.