DISCLAIMER: I not encourage doing any of the things that are listed below. Sure, it'd be funny as hell if you actually did them, but I don't want some stupid pussy bitching at me about how their "normal" child went off and threw their cat in a wood chipper because I "told them" to do it.
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- Smother the victim's head in honey. Then, using duct tape and/or glue, attach a jar full of rats to the victims's head. The rats will then be forced to gnaw through the victim's head. This will either kill them or leave a gaping, unsightly hole in their head. Either way, they won't give you trouble anymore.
- Knock someone unconscious by beating them with a large trout. Then, walk to Taco Bell (leave the victim where you knocked them out). Yell, "FREE TACOS!". This will most likely make several children (hopefully hispanic) run to you. Hijack the nearest Book Mobile or bus full of nuns and get the little kids to pile in there. Drive to the location where the victim was beaten unconscious with the fish. Hang the unfortunate bastard by his feet and tell the children that he's your new friend, Pi�ata Paul or Kickmyass Karl (depending on which name you prefer). Hand the kids several boards with nails in them and tell them to beat your "friend" until candy/innards come out. Then leave the room and hopefully you'll come back to a bunch of children in blood-soaked clothing holding bloody pieces of lumber while a severely mangled corpse hangs from the ceiling, just like a chandelier hanging in the Manson household.
- Make someone sit through "The Omega Code". They'll most likely kill themselves. Problem solved.
- Shoot them.
- Fill a pool with lighter fluid and tell the victim to go swimming. Or just throw them in. When they get out, throw a lit match on 'em. While they're burning alive, feel free to point and say "Ha ha, Flamer" while they writhe in pain.
- Have the victim tell Lorraine Diaz she's a whore. That chihuahua-sized bitch will gnaw them apart, starting at the ankles. Or she'll cry herself into oblivion and SHE'LL be the one who dies. Either way, everyone has a good time. Except for Taco Bell, they might shed a tear when they discover that she's dead. That's one less Taco Bell employee.
- Push the person in line for the Millenium Force. Because the ride BREAKS DOWN EVERY TWO SECONDS, they'll probably be waiting there until they die. During that time, feel free to tell the victim's loved ones that the victim "no longer loves them and has moved to San Francisco to pursue their career as a gay porn star". This method of homocide is extremely effective because Cedar Point gets rid of the bodies of all the people who die in line by mixing the dead bodies in with the cotton candy mix OR covering them in cement and making them into low-budget fountains. Damn creepy-ass Ohio people....
- Reenact Columbine while the victim is in school (or at work, depending on how old the victim is). Only this time, dress up as a clown (for comic effect, of course) and instead of using bombs and guns use tennis balls and nerf bats. Sure, nobody will get hurt that badly, but enough blows to the gonads with a nerf bat and your victim will probably WISH they were dead. Or if they're a girl, throw numerous tennis balls at their face. Just to piss them off. This plan should work just fine. That is if the police don't bust in the school and beat down the "retarded clown kid with a nerf bat" first.
- Get the victim drunk enough to have sex with Dr. McGuire. All the STDs will rip apart the victim's genetalia and they'll be dead in a matter of weeks.
- Tell Mrs. Frost that she's fat. She'll not only kill you, but she'll devour you whole. Or eat you alive. She's evil. Pure evil. She and my brother should hook up.
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