THE STORY
Jen was a girl in my world history class freshmen year. She was quiet, short, and butch. If she was any more butch I'd have to refer to her as a "he". Anyway, me and Brian (one of my best friends) sat behind her. One day, Brian was hyper. So hyper that he decided to start singing "Jen fucks monkeys" to the tune of "la cucaracha" or however the fuck you spell it. It started off as nothing, but me and Brian, being the immature bastards we are, would say things like, "Ha ha, Jen, you fuck monkeys" and then laugh uncontrollably. She got PISSED. At first, she would start hitting us and shit. Keep in mind, she's butch. Most women don't hit men. They know their roles. Cook and clean. Anyway, Jen first got angry. Then after we didn't stop, she just put her head down and shut the fuck up. The concept of harassing a midget manly woman didn't get old. Hell, it was hilarious. We'd say such things are "Geez, calm down, you monkey........rapist." Her small beady eyes would open up really big and she'd usually end up hitting me or putting her head down on the desk again. She never hit Brian. Later on we found out that she had a crush on Brian. Ha ha, Jen. Anyway, that's the story of how Jen started mercilessly raping monkeys.
How she does it
Jen usually finds her primate victims at the zoo. The first step in her quest at the zoo is getting there. It's a commonly known fact that Jen is not necessarily the most beautiful creature in the world, so getting a ride is difficult for her because most public buses have banned her. So when it's late at night, she'll run up to random cars and hijack them using her looks. She pulls this off by applying lipstick to her horrid face and threatening to kiss the driver. If the driver hasn't died of a heart attack yet, she throws them out of the car and drives straight to the zoo. With a heated intensity, she breaks all speed limits on her journey to the monkey cages. Once there, she doesn't bother to park her newly stolen car. She'll just drive through the welcome gate at the zoo. By now, she's alerted security. They usually run toward her waving billy clubs and even tranquilizers. Jen's a crafty bitch, though. She flashes the unfortunate guards and while they're vomiting in horror she runs by them and runs to the monkey cages. With security out of her way she's basically unstoppable. The monkeys have her scent permanently memorized. The smell of rancid shit and year-old urine strikes fear into the hearts of all simians in the zoo. By the time she's reached the monkey cages the chimps have a pile of shit ready to defend themselves. That's their only defense. Throwing shit. Bending the bars with the strength of ten lesbians, Jen breaks into the
cage and runs toward the monkeys while being pelted with large wads of excrement. After a couple minutes of chasing, Jen'll usually grab ahold of a monkey, and well.......you know the rest.
A quick poem about Jen
Jen, master of monkeys and sodomy
Dumb fucker of primates with a lobotomy
Jen the bug-eyed psycho is the enforcer of rape
Doin' monkeys, chimps and the occasional ape
Jen ain't a picky monkey fucker, no she'll never reject 'em
So if you're a gorilla be sure to hide your rectum
Cuz the bleeding won't ever stop and your sphincter will chafe
Don't bother even hiding, cuz no orangatan is safe
All the monkeys throw shit at her and she fills with rage
Her eyes grow red and she rips open the cage
And grabs her poor victim and gets to sodomizing
Before the little bastard has even begun realizing
That he or she was just raped by a human being
And that's the reason why it hurts so bad when peeing
So be sure to lock the zoo up or soon you will find
All your monkeys will be bleeding from their swollen behind
DOWNLOAD THE JEN RAP! AVAILABLE IN THE AMATEUR MUSIC SECTION
Any people mentioned on this page are fictional. Please don't sue me.
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