Part One: The Gathering..Half of it..

 

Tifa and Vincent were illegally in a dressing room together. Wahaha!...uh..Tifa was trying to talk Vincent into doing..something he’d never thought of before..

“...”

“Now Vinnie..I see we’re having a difficult time going through this..but it’s all right honey. Just..try it again. I won’t laugh, I promise! Just put your legs and hips into it..you sexy thang!” Tifa stated seducively.

“..no,” he replied simply.

Her eyes twitched but she relaxed her face, once again. “Come on Vincent! Just try it! A lot of guys have done this before and I want to be the first to see you do it!”

“I have no intention to,” he replied softly.

He looked at her and flinched. Fire was rising behind her and her left brow was twitching up furiously. “Mr. Valentine...you will put this pair of leather pants on, or I swear to the deceased Aeris above that I..will..force..you..into..humping...YUFFIE!!!!” she screamed. The planet seemed to shake. A little boy who passed by fell on his knees and barfed. A squirrel choked on an acorn. Yuffie accidentally crushed the stolen materia in her hand. Vincent stared blankly at her and  meekly...grunted. “RAAHHH!!!” Tifa roared grabbing her hair and shaking his covered shoulders manically.

“Excuse me Tifa, could you please stop shaking me?” he asked flatly. She stopped and breathed loudly, counting to 2.

“All right Valentine, you’re off the hook this time...but THAT doesn’t mean you’re NOT joining the band!!!” she hissed and walked out the dressing room. Other customers looked at her and she looked back. “Sorry for the noise, my friend seems to have...a little problem..” she walked out of the store without paying for the pants.

“Miss!! You didn’t pay for that pair of pants! Come back!” the cashier yelled after her.

“Oh bite my ass you mofo, I’m having a bad day!!” Tifa yelled back waving her hand. Yuffie smiled at them all embarrassed and threw a few gil and pulled Vincent out. “Bad case of the PMS..heh...” and they ran out.

 

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Back in Tifa's bar, AVALANCHE were rounded up. Someone cleared their throat. The silence was unbearable! Cloud was taking a drink from his cup when all of a sudden, Tifa loudly kicked her door open. He spewed out what little fluid was in his mouth and she looked at him, wrinkling her nose and smirked, “Jebus Cloud, learn how to drink water properly.” He glared at her and she glared back and he narrowed his eyes and she narrowed it lower than his and someone farted.

 

“Ahhh sick shit!!” Cid yelled fanning his nose.

 

“I piiiddy da foo closes’ to da flabbeh arse!” Barret huffed. Yuffie held her breath and stuck a material in each nostril. Cait Sith malfunctioned and Vincent ran out the room. Tifa and Cloud looked at each other and looked at Red. He shook his head.

 

“Who laid it?” Tifa demanded pinching her nose together.

“Seembs like Vambpy diduh cuz he rand out,” Yuffie accused. 

 

“Vincent? He wouldn’t do such ‘sinful’ things around people, especially us, and women,” Cloud pointed out poking at Tifa’s cheek. She bit his finger.

 

“I don’t blame him for running out since it freaking reeks!” Cid exclaimed running out the door.

 

“I’m sorry. It was me. That burrito Uncle Reno made was sure good!” Marlene chirped.

 

“Uuuugghhh Marleennee!!” everyone cried running out the door.

 

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Out on their lawn, they were gasping for breath.

 

“Nngggggeehhh!! Helpuh! Nthe mbateeria is stuhck ind mby ndose!” Yuffie screetched and flapping her arms wildly. Tifa ran to her and pulled out a pair of tweezers from her pants.

 

“Tilt your head up and stop moving! I’ll pluck it out!” she said concentrating on digging the tweezers up Yuffie’s nostrils. The guys made a face and looked away.

 

“Owww!!!!” Yuffie screamed. “Ewww!!! My tweezers!” Tifa screetched and flung them away. “Ack! Boogers and nostril hair all over my back up tweezers! But are you all right?” she asked all concerned for the first time today.

 

“I guess..even though you plucked some sensitive fur from my nose,” Yuffie replied with watery eyes.

 

“They’re called nostril hair kid,” a familiar voice called at them.

 

The gang looked across from them and slumped. The 3 team in navy blue were casually walking directly at them. Elena flicked her flawless hair aside. Reno dramatically twirled his rod in one hand. Rude…pathetically tripped in a gopher hole and fell on his face. Reno hoisted him up and Rude hugged him. “Aw dude, get off of me!” he said pushing his friend away. “…sorry…” Rude replied. Cloud stood up in front of them and posed ‘superiorly’ while sniffing the breezy air.

 

“What do you three want from us?” he growled in a low voice. Reno narrowed his eyes and so did Cloud. Cloud spat on the floor and so did Reno. Reno separately raised his eyebrows like Ace Ventura. Cloud raised his brow like the Rock. Reno began doing the robot and Cloud countered it by break dancing…but Tifa came between them and broke it up.

 

“No Cloud, that’s not cool. But nice robot Reno!” she complimented.

 

“Well babe, if you wanna see my full talent, how about you, me, private hotel room, 8 p.m.?” Reno asked smugly making her blush.

 

“You’re so silly Reno! Why not 7 p.m.?” she grinned.

“Meow! Fiesty!” he purred and clawed at her. Cloud rolled his eyes and pushed Reno away.

“Jeez Strife, she was the one who invited us over,” Elena said playing with her hair.

 

“Why? Dey ain’t got beeswax wit us,” Barret growled.

 

“Just let me explain okie? Sheesh!” Tifa shrugged and everyone sat on the grass and tuned in.