Biscuits – The Truth

 

WARNING! This site is not for the faint-hearted. It may also be triggering if you wish to become a biscuit (which you probably will after reading this, MWA HA HA HA HA!)

 

We have uncovered a deep and very probably life-threatening secret, held by the mists of time for millennia. It was uncovered by chance while we were having lunch on the sixteenth day of the fourth month in the two thousand and third year of our Lord.

The revelation came when absent-mindedly browsing through the small text found on the reverse side of a packet containing a product known to the populace as “Mini Cheddars”. Alongside the childish jokes referring to everyday words, and list of ingredients used to create said product, was a message in tiny writing – which, as we shall now discover, holds a terrible and frightening secret.

 

REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF UNITED BISCUITS (UK) LIMITED.

 

Although the pack displayed logos from both KP Snacks and McVitie’s, this message clearly states that it is the sole property of a mysterious (and possibly evil) conglomerate known as UNITED BISCUITS.

 

Who they are, we do not know.

Where they hail from, we do not know.

What their plan is, we do not know.

 

However, after further research, we have discovered that said UNITED BISCUITS do not only display their mark on “Mini Cheddars”, but on numerous other biscuit-related products – even the seemingly innocent chocolate digestives.

 

(Fig. 1 – A seemingly innocent chocolate digestive biscuit.)

 

There would appear to be no clue as to the evilness of UNITED BISCUITS if it were not for the (UK) after their name, contained in the secret message. But we both agree that this can only mean one thing.

 

THE UNITED KINGDOM IS SECRETLY UNDER CONTROL OF THE UNITED BISCUITS.

 

To the normal population, Tony Blair of the Labour Party is Prime Minister and makes the executive decisions as to which actions the country should take.

But now we know better.

In fact, this whole government is a façade, created by UNITED BISCUITS. Its purpose is to cover up the fact that the United Kingdom is no more than a slave state governed by BISCUITS!

 

(Fig. 2 – A biscuit.)*

 

So – Mini Cheddars, Jaffa Cakes, BN biscuits, even all digestives – the armies of biscuits that we appear to consume every day – are all agents for this satanic company which would surely destroy us all if it were not for the fact that we are necessary for their wicked machinations to come to fruition.

 

For example, compare the websites of UNITED BISCUITS and the UK government. See any similarities between these sites? Our point is proven.

 

Their eventual plan is simple but terrible.

 

Conquer the World.

 

If we do not alert the human population NOW then this will happen.

 

So we bring to you this message: do not be fooled. Biscuits of the world are UNITED. If you succumb to their plans you may be DESTROYED. This is not good (even though the world would be a much better place if it was ruled by biscuits).

 

Eat them, before they eat you.

 

~ Pooka and Becki

(who are not biscuits, honest.)

 

Add this to your homepage – link it to http://biscuits.batcave.net (or don’t, whatever.)

*(Well, you try writing a better caption for a picture depicting a biscuit.)

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NEW! “Biscuits’ Revenge” game starring Superfrog – help Superfrog rescue us from the biscuits! Download here.