Things that people may or may not have said

" "

"Every generation laughs at the old fashions but religiously follows the new."
-Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

"The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his."
-General George Patton (1885-1945)

"I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it"
-Steven Wright

"I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
-Jerome K. Jerome (1859-1927)

"When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is to believe the one in which people are at their worst."
-H. Allen Smith (1906-1976)

"Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough"
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"I thouroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him."
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)

"There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result."
-Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"Jesus, I must be crazy to be in a nut-house like this"
-R.P. MacMurphy, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

"But I tried, didn't I? God damn it, at least I did that."
-R.P. MacMurphy, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

"This picture, this picture- I don't give a fuck what anybody says... if it doesn't give you an answer, fuck you. I didn't make it for you anyways."
-John Cassavetes

"Spent fifteen years getting loaded, fifteen years 'til his liver exploded. Now what's Bob gonna do, now that he can't drink?"
-"Bob" by NOFX

"You must always remember that Jesus is with you always and he's watching you. (Note to Erik: It sounds like Jesus is stalking me...) That sounds like he's stalking us, doesn't it? Well... BE A GOOD CHRISTIAN AND LET JESUS STALK YOU! You wouldn't want to do anything Jesus wouldn't do. Although I wouldn't encourage ransacking a church rummage sale and chasing people away with a whip. But for everything else, follow Jesus"
-Sara Anderson

"Handsome is that handsome does"
-My fortune cookie

"GIMME YOUR MONEY!"
-Zorak

"Strong opinions come from the uneducated"
-Nate

"Am I right? Fuck off. I don't care what you think anyway. I AM right. I know everything and you don't"
-Steve

"NO! NO! SHUT UP!"
-Nate

"Do you have an idea for your story yet?"
"No, I'm waiting for inspiration. You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."
"What mood is that?"
"Last-Minute Panic"
-Calvin and Hobbes

"The end has not been written, and the title of the strongest has not yet been bestowed."
-Aoshi Shinomori, Rurouni Kenshin

"I AM ACID!"
-Salvador Dali, when asked if he was on acid

"For my demonstration speech, I will need a volunteer from the audience..."
"I'll do it!"
"Okay, thank you. My presentation is on 'How to Properly Kill and Dispose of a Body..."
"WHAT? WAI..."
-Josh and Erik

"Show me a poet and I'll show you a shit."
-A.J. Liebling (1904-1963)

"Wit is educated insolence."
-Aristotle (384 BC-322BC)

"Don't be humble. You're not that great."
-Golda Meir (1898-1978)

"The heaviest thing in the world is the body of the woman you have ceased to love"
-Marquis de Luc de Clapiers Vauvenargues (1715-1747)

"My work is done, why wait?"
-Suicide note left by Kodak founder George Eastman (1854-1932)

"I don't feel good"
-Last words of Luther Burbank (1849-1926)

The reverse side also has a reverse side.
-Japanese Proverb

If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
-Jewish Proverb

Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river.
-Haitian Proverb

"Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them"
-Samuel Palmer (c. 1710)

"It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money"
-"Canada Bill" Jones

"You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward"
James Thurber (1894-1949)

"And that's the world in a nutshell - and appropriate receptacle."
-Stan Dunn

"It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations"
-Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"If you don't shut up, I'll 'Shake and Bake' your ASS!"
-Sara Anderson

"The guy who drew that must've looked at his ass in the mirror and said 'Hey... I've got an idea!'"
-Sara Anderson

"Is that your final answer, Slashy McSlash?"
-Steve

"Josh IS smart, he just gets all the hard questions... like 'The Big Cat' and 8+6"
-Steve on Josh and Trivial Pursuit

"Hello friend, can I offer you a complimentary drawing of yourself as a carrot?"
-Brak

"Josh is going to be a teacher? I thought he was going to be a karate-guy"
-Tina

Conversation between myself (E), Penny (P) and Zephren (Z):

Z: When I bought the Eggo's she said "Eeew, those are disgusting", So, I got home and made some and she asked for a bite, she was like "Wow, those are GREAT, did you cook those in the toaster oven?"

P: The only time I've ever had them, they were cooked in a microwave!

E: And you assumed that that was the only way to make them?

P: How was I supposed to know?

E: You've never seen an Eggo commercial?

P: I thought that that was a dramatization.

E: ....... WTF?!!!!! ::Brain explodes::