| He-Man and the Masters of the Universe |
| We liked what we saw. |
| When I think of great classic cartoons, I think of big buff men, great tans and fuzzy underwear. You guessed it, I think of �He-Man and the Masters of the Universe�, or just �He-Man� as we all called it, because everyone else was useless. What was it you ask? Well, long ago, a movie called "Conan the Barbarian" came out. Why is this important? Because a certain toy company named Mattel made a muscle bound action figure to sell to the kiddy fans of this movie. Unfortunately, this movie held an �R� rating for a reason, so they needed to find a new excuse for the figure. They cut his hair, gave him a new outfit and labeled him with the homo-erotic name of �He-Man� Had some equally sexy friends (Notice the first ones all had the same body molds? Who says last minute thinking is sloppy) Throw a female figure in to catch the girl audience, and Voila! Toy sales heaven. Well, not yet. First, they�d need a commercial to sell the product� and a cartoon classic was born. Many people remember the classic He-Man with happy fluffy feelings. It was a major part of the 80s boy�s life. You had to go to school, you had to eat your vegetables, and Skeletor�s rock monsters could all be beaten in one punch. It was law. Every week we would gather in front of the TV screen to watch Skeletor call Beast-Man a nincompoop, then explain how he would defeat He-Man with sunglasses and finally attain the secrets of Greyskull (whatever those were, I like to think it had something to do with the Sorceress� diary.) When Skeletor was questioned, his response was insane laughter followed by more verbal abuse to everyone�s favorite orange hairball. Prince Adam would wow the court with his sassy light purple tights and pink vest, until Skeletor attacks. Man-at-Arms would utterly fail at defending his king within two seconds, leaving it up to Adam to secretly turn into He-Man behind the hydrangea bush. (He had to do it in secret; otherwise the citizens of Eternia might find out he stole George Hamilton�s tan) He-Man would come onto the screen and defeat the minions of evil by conveniently throwing them off screen. The day is saved, Skeletor runs off, laughing wildly to hide his true inner pain, and Orko would make a punch line that would send John Ashcroft into a laughing riot. The End. |
| Doesn�t sound that great? Put it in context people. This was the 80�s. Compared to "Lone Starr", "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" was "Citizen Kane". Denying you wouldn�t have loved that, at least when you were five, is like denying you have a belly button. And if you do deny He-Man, you probably don�t have a belly button, because you are some freak reptile person that hatched from another planet. We�ll find you. Beyond entertainment purposes, He-Man also carried a lesson at the end of the episode. These varied from �Read books� and �Don�t judge people by appearances� to �Ram-Man is a name, not an activity� and �Chicks dig big green tigers�. A show kids can love, and parents can appreciate. With He-Man teaching the truths of life, who needs parenting? Watch away, kids!!! Unfortunately, some parents couldn�t tolerate this. Towards the end of the He-Man, Transformers, and G.I. Joe era, parents started to get touchy about their kids watching violent cartoons. Anytime a good cartoon would start, it was ruined by whiney hippie parents who beat their kids if they caught them watching violence on television. Need proof? Remember the last few years of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Sorry I had to do that to you, let�s move on. Cartoons would soon flourish with creativity again. After the amazingly written and designed Batman: The Animated Series hit the airwaves, more intelligent choices were made. Story structures were put together better, characters started developing, the face of animation changed. Did makers realize they under estimated their audience�s intelligence? Did Japanese Animation prove the success of story driven cartoons? Could be any of those things. But I know one thing for sure; the kids who watched and loved He-Man were now the adults making the cartoons. That brings us to 2002, and the remake that made this fan believe in heroes again. |
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| Erik reviews He-Man, from the classic to the new series (and yes, I left out "The New Adventures of He-Man" on purpose) |
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| The new He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (From here-on referred to as MOTU, cause I�m sick of typing) left me curious has to how they could possibly revive a story about a muscle bound hero that could defeat the forces of evil easier than passing a week�s diet of applesauce. I admit that I started watching as a skeptic, but came out a true believer. The story starts approximately 15-20 years prior, showing the then Captain Randor and his army of loyal troops defending the elders of Eternia from an attack by the evil Keldor. During the awesome opening fight scene, Keldor throws a vial of acid at Randor. The Captain made some shit happen when (in one of my favorite features about their weapons) a shield expanded from his wristband and rebounded it back for the assist. Keldor ran away, clutching his face in pain. After the attack, the elder�s left Randor to rule Eternia as King, before changing themselves to pure energy and seemingly vanish. A time of peace would come, but Keldor would return. When that happened, a hero would emerge to defend all of Eternia. OK, holy crap, a fricken plot. I mean a real one, too. Not Teela being kidnapped by an alien, as to add her chest set to his chess set, I mean a story is about to happen. |
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| Fast forward, Eternia is enjoying utopian bliss, as it has never seen. Growing up in this time of peace is Prince Adam, son of King Randor. Since Adam has never known desperation or despair, he finds battle practice boring and useless. His dad�s forces conquered evil long ago and set up an impenetrable gate, why should he worry? Man-At-Arms disagrees and sends his daughter to kick his lily-ass. Meanwhile, a familiar evildoer has called together his favorite goons for a topic discussion of mayhem. It seems this hooded evil has conjured up a way to break the walls down, so to speak, and is ready to take revenge on those who banished him and tap the infinite power of Eternia. More power to him, I love a determined mind. While Eternians live it up, drinking and dancing the night away, the newly christened Skeletor and his henchmen are preparing to crash, and take revenge for not being invited. With the wall-wrecking-device at ready, Whiplash and Clawful turn it on, and make the hearty observation: �Uhhh, maybe we shouldn�t be standing so clo�� BLAM! Massive explosions ensue, and the fabled wall is cracked. Each of the bad guys get to take a crack at blasting the crack, no doubt remembering all the times they were made fun of in Eternia High School. Skeletor gets the last shot in with his Havoc Staff, and the wall comes a tumblin�. Back at the palace, Man-at-Arms receives a telepathic signal from everyone�s favorite eagle/sorceress, The Sorceress. He grabs Prince Adam and the two high tail it to the coolest castle ever created, Castle Greyskull. The Sorceress tells Adam of the banishment of the Evil Forces to Snake Mountain in the dark hemisphere, and how they�ve now broken through the mystical wall. Adam won�t hear any of it, because as far as he�s concerned that wall is indestructible. He tells the Sorceress if she wants a hero, here�s Man-At-Arms (evidently, he never saw the original series) He runs off, denying his destiny and hiding in his curtain of childish ideals and laziness. He�ll soon realize how wrong he is. |
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| While Adam was gone, Skeletor was busy at work, roughing up the locals and trampling flower gardens. Evil. He also managed to Attack the palace and left it a smoking wreck. Adam returned to find the castle deserted and his mother helping a victim chug down some Evian water. The Queen tells Adam that his father and the others are trying to drive the attackers back. Filled with a new desire to fight, Adam mounts up, ready to regulate. Him and Man-At-Arms speed to the battlefield and join in the mayhem. Lots of cool fight scenes later, it appears that the Masters of the Universe are not strong enough, and the title-character would indeed be needed. Adam runs off back to Castle Greyskull while Teela calls him a pussy. Following close behind Adam is his tiger Cringer and court magician Orko. These two, Man-At-Arms and the Sorceress are the only ones to learn the secrets of Greyskull. If Skeletor found this out, he�d no doubt throw the biggest tantrum in all of Eternia. The Sorceress meets with Adam as he arrives and takes him to the inner most chambers to reveal all the secrets that Skeletor seeks. Stacker 2. With this new weapon in hand, Adam turns into He-Man, the STRONGEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE! The power of Greyskull endows Adam with nice muscles and a really big... sword. With well-tanned pecks and fuzzy red undies in place, He-Man turns Cringer into Battle Cat, and the duo head off to save the day. |
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| While Skeletor�s minions are making sport of the fallen heroes, He-Man arrives just in time to save Teela and kick some ass. He makes short work of the underlings, gives a pep talk to the troops then runs off to crack some skull. By the time He-Man arrives, Skeletor has already worked over Randor pretty rough. He-Man�s not the type to let anybody put the smack down on his dad unless it�s himself, so challenges Skull-Face to a duel. The two mighty forces clash swords, however Skeletor is out-classed at every turn. What choice does he have other than to turn to treachery? I love villains. Just when He-man believes to have won, Skeletor pulls the old finger-cross and attacks our hero from behind with his magic. He-Man�s not just muscle though, and manages to out smart the bone headed super-villain. Having exhausted all his trump cards but one, Skeletor uses He-Man�s own goody-two-shoes against him, hurling Randor over a cliff. He can either rescue the king, or capture Skeletor. The Prince, realizing he likes being lazy, decides not to let the King die just yet, and Skeletor escapes to fight another day. The End. After all was said and done, I could not help but to love the new interpretation of this classic cartoon. Everything that made the show great had been preserved, and in most cases, improved upon. The backgrounds remain filled with rich color and outlandish design. Huge planets and moons hung in the sky. The original characters were revamped and made even cooler looking (I think Mer-Man is my favorite of the new designs). The producers even added new original flairs to the weapons. The selection remains the same: Swords, Battle-staffs, Maces, Sewing Kits, but now they can morph, grow and become completely different tools with a simple twist. The animation has gone up tremendously. The old series depended upon a LOT of re-used footage, (but the way they ran looked so cool!) In the new show, everyone is unique. They even seem to have their own fighting styles. No more just swinging back and forth, these bastards can twirl a broadsword on their finger as if it were a pencil. I don�t know if you�ve ever held a genuine steel broadsword before, but that�s no easy task. The only downside is that Cringer/Battlecat no longer speaks. Eternia�s a magic place, and having his tiger speak made them more companions instead of Master/Beast of burden. Well, maybe the fan-based petition will go through and he�ll start talking one day. I know I�ll be watching it every week till he does. Shows like this make me excited for the way animation is turning. Disney movies have been growing and adapting over the years, Anime continues to push the fold of technique, and now this trend has finally made it to American television animation. But for every "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe", there are going to be four "Transformers Armadas". Don�t count animation out yet, though. It continues to build upon itself and become a story-telling medium to be enjoyed by all, not just the kids. I give He-Man and the Masters of the Universe the coveted prize of �Mr. T�s Sombrero of Happiness� for it�s dedicated efforts and creative approach that make the show so great. |
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| On behalf of the MOTU crew, Skeletor accepts this great prize. He'd like to thank He-Man for changing his life and sexual identity. If he had tear-ducts, he would cry. CONGRATULATIONS! |