1) Open a new Microsoft Word document
2) Type your name
3) Hold Ctrl, and type the word "abcvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv"
There we go. Happy? You can leave now. Hmm... what was I babbling about again? Oh yeah, shout-outs.
So, due to my ranting rantyness, the lovely new shout-outs section turns into one big sarcastic piss-take. Well, ladies and gentlemen, on with the piss-take.
A big shout out to... uhh... Hannah and Paul and Anthony and Tannahill and Mhairi and Fiona and the other five Pauls and Steph and Aislinn and Laura-Anne and Emma and Michelin Man and - all right, I'm bored. Is anyone else bored? No? Shame. By the way, there was no particular order or selection in the above names, just whoever popped into my head to make the point. Don't take it personally if you're not there, you probably just slipped my mind. Unless of course, I really hate you.
Anyhoos, as we have all now realised how annoying a boring list of names is, let's liven things up a bit. Let's have some decent shout-outs.
A big shout out to my dog.
Oh wait, I don't have a dog. Crap.
A big shout out to my sister.
Oh wait, I don't have a sister.
Oh wait, I do. Crap.
A big shout out to the pope, cause he's cool. Anybody got a problem with that?
A big shout out to a lump of cheese in my fridge, since it may be the last shout-out the cheese ever gets.
[[HMMPH. SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR.]]
A big shout out to the universe's lightbulbs, cause without them I'd walk into stuff a lot.
A big shout out to some trees, just to say thanks for making all that oxygen so that I don't choke and die. Thanks, guys.
A big shout out to my TV remote control, for all the times it saved me from having to get up from wherever I happened to be at the time.
A big shout out to the guy who invented the TV remote control, for coming up with the thing that saved me from having to get up from wherever I happened to be at the time.
A big shout out to all the walls in my house, cause if they all buggered off somewhere, the roof would fall in and crush my head. Which isn't fun, apparently.
A big shout out to the kerb which I tripped over one lunch time, making an arse of myself in front of most of my year. Just to let you know, my kerby little friend, that I hate you.
A big shout out to Introversion Software, the makers of Uplink. Despite the fact that they stole about two hundred hours of my life.
A big shout out to my keyboard. Without my keyboard, this website would be distinctly lacking in anything whatsoever. But then, maybe that would be a good thing.
A big shout out to the guy who invented analogies. He's like a big blue whale, beached on the shores of stationery-abuse, with an open wound and no recollection of his past life as a government assasin.
A big shout out to the person who will, several hundred years into the future, come up with an analogy even less connected to its original topic than the above.
A big shout out to people who know when to stop, and to people who know when to use the fact that they know when to stop as an excuse for the fact that they're not feeling particularly inspired at the moment. And to people with over-complex sentence struture.