Brian:

 

            I circled around the living room of my new house, listening to the phone ring and ring in my ear. I hadn’t gone to either Lexington or Orlando like I had originally thought I would. I actually ended up in Montana of all places, buying a huge ranch that had once belonged to Ted Turner. I liked Montana a lot. I enjoyed the quietness of the open plains to the east and the awesomeness of the high Rocky Mountains to the west. The sky spread across for miles, an endless sea of pale blue. But most of all, I appreciated the people that lived around me. Reserved, helpful, and friendly. Perhaps that’s why so many celebrities had homes in the Big Sky State.

            “Hi. This is Shea and Tristan. Leave a message and we’ll call you back,” the machine said once the phone stopped ringing. I could hear Tristan cooing and blabbering in the background and wondered how much things had changed in the month I’d been gone. How much he’d changed. I felt like such and ass for not calling Shea sooner, but I knew she would understand.

            “Hey, darlin’. Do you still remember me? I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year. I know it’s almost February and for that I apologize for not calling earlier. I just got settled. Finally! Kiss Tristan for me. Love you and call me.” I left the number at the end of the message and hung up the phone to return to unpacking the boxes that still cluttered my living room. I didn’t realize how much shit I owned, but after making a trip to Florida to get the rest of my things and to tie up loose ends, I could barely see the eggshell-colored carpet beneath my feet.

            I hefted a large, heavy box marked Office up the stairs to the back bedroom. I opened the duct-taped lid and immediately the tears began to fall. I pulled out my first gold record and touched the glass with a trembling finger. I gazed down into the box. Awards. Records. Everything the Backstreet Boys had achieved during our career. I missed it. The performing. The stage. Being a Backstreet Boy. But what I missed most were my brothers and the closeness that we once had. I missed Nick. My best friend. How had everything become so weird?

            I wiped away the tears as I unpacked the box, deciding where to hang the memories and mementos of days long passed.

 

Shea:

 

            I punched in the digits of Brian’s new number, my heart thumping in excitement. Just hearing his voice made me happy. Even 7 month Tristan recognized his “daddy’s” voice, laughing at the familiar sound of Brian’s slight southern accent.

            “ ‘ello,” Brian answered.

            “Hey, B,” I said with a smile.

            “Hey, girl. How are you?” he asked.

            “I’m good, Brian. I’m doing good,” I replied. “So where you at these days?” I inquired.

            “Montana actually. I own Ted Turner’s old ranch in the western part of the state. It’s incredible, Shea. I have rolling grasslands on one side and high mountains on the other,” Brian gushed with obvious happiness. “Although, right now everything is covered in snow.”

            “I’d really like to see it,” I sighed, picturing how beautiful it had to be. I’d never been to Montana. But I’d seen books and pictures of the endless skies and prairies, the impressive mountains and beautiful rivers.

            “Why don’t you?” Brian questioned. “Bring Tristan and spend a week or so with me?”

            “I can’t right now, Brian. Randolph called yesterday. Production begins Monday,” I explained. “But,” I added, “as soon as it wraps, Tristan and I will take the first plane out west.”

            “You’d better,” Brian warned good-naturedly.

            We talked for a while longer about scattered subjects. Tristan even talked to the only father he had ever known, flailing his arms and giggling loudly at the sounds Brian made through the phone. “I miss him, Shea. I never thought I’d want to be a father at this age. But now, I can’t see myself without him,” he whispered, a slight wavier in his voice.

            “I know you miss him, Brian. He misses you too,” I stated. “You have been the best father I’ve seen and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for the both of us.”

            I could hear Brian sniffling on the other end, trying to hold back his lonesome, homesick sobs. “I love you, Shea,” he croaked.

            “I love you too, Brian. Believe me when I say that.” I paused. “Brian, I’ll make you a deal.”

            I waited for his response. “Go on,” he finally said.

            “You meet me in Michigan. I’ll fly there and you can take Tristan for a while since I’ll be busy with the film. I know he’d be happier with you than at some day care,” I suggested.

            Brian erupted with a deafening shout of joy and I couldn’t help but laugh at his exuberance and enthusiasm. “Just say when and where and I’ll be there,” he said.

            When the call ended, we agreed to meet in two days at the airport in Lansing. Tristan would spend the next couple months with Brian on his ranch in Montana. My brain tried to talk me out of sending Tristan with Brian. Could I really be without my son for two or three months? But my heart knew it was the right thing to do.  I couldn’t deny Tristan a father just because of my own selfishness and harbored hope that Nick would show up at my door to be with his son.

 

Nick:

 

            “Did you get everything, Nicky?” Reagan asked, walking into the bedroom where my suitcases laid open on the bed, half-filled with the things I’d need for the three month shoot in New York.

            “I’m sorry. What?” I asked, snapping myself from my thoughts.

            “Did you get everything?” she asked again, wrapping her thin arm around my waist.

            I nodded slowly. “I think so.” I pulled her around and held her against my body. “I wish you had the part of Rachel. Then I wouldn’t feel so alone,” I sighed, my lips brushing her pale skin.

            “You won’t be alone. Aren’t Kevin and AJ in New York?”

            I stared at her. “Yeah right, Reagan. Everyone in the group hates me. Including Brian with whom I shared a friendship that I believed to be unbreakable,” I muttered.

            “Well, Lauryn is there. She doesn’t hate you,” she stated.

            “But she lives with Kevin. Who does,” I snapped, plopping on the bed with my suitcases.

            She knelt before me and caressed my cheek lovingly. “All I’m asking is that you try. They’ve been your friends too long to despise you so deeply that it can’t be rebuilt. It takes effort and while it looks like they’ve at least made an attempt, you’ve done nothing but brush them aside.” The truth echoed from her piercing crystalline eyes and I knew she was right. I had pushed them aside. But I had made an effort, hadn’t I? I went to Lauryn’s play. And she was happy to see me. That I couldn’t forget. She wanted the friendship we had again. Would the others?

            I gazed up at Reagan as she placed the cold, black handset into my palm. “Call her,” she demanded gently before leaving me alone with my luggage.

            For the longest time, I just stared at the phone. I wanted to call Lauryn. Ask her if I could crash at her place for a few days until I found a sublet to rent for a few months. But I feared Kevin’s wrath should I ever face him again. I knew everyone believed that Shea’s son was mine. She had convinced everyone of that fact. But I knew he wasn’t. Wouldn’t be now. Wouldn’t be ever.

            “Call her,” the demand came again from the doorway. I jumped in my seat and stared back at Reagan who stood in the doorframe.  “Don’t just sit there like a statue staring at the phone. Use it and call her.”

            With shaking fingers I dialed the number that had been scrawled on the inside of my Christmas card. It rang once. Twice. Three times. No answer. I sighed a sigh of relief. I wouldn’t have to talk to her. But at least I’d tried. But just as I went to click the “Off” button, a gentle, familiar, beautiful voice answered.

            “Hello?” I couldn’t say anything. I just sat there and listened to her placid breathing. “Hello?” she asked again. Still nothing escaped my lips. “This is getting really old. This is the third time today and I am getting sick of listening to only breathing on the other end. Now fuck off!” she snapped sharply into the receiver.

            “Lauryn,” I whispered.

            “Nick? Is that you?” she questioned. I could almost see the look of surprise on her angelic features.

            “Yeah. It’s me,” I replied with a small chuckle.

            I heard her sigh on the other end. “This is a surprise,” she murmured.

            “I know. I can’t believe I called myself,” I laughed.

            She giggled on the other end. “I’m glad you did.”

            “Is Kevin there?” I asked, hoping he wasn’t.

            “No. He went out of town for the week. He and Howie are scouting out a new girl down in Indiana for their label,” she answered. I felt myself exhale a breath I didn’t even realize I’d been holding. “Why do you ask? Did you want to talk to him?” she inquired. “I can give you his cell number if you’d like.”

            “No!” I responded perhaps a little too quickly. “Actually, I’m going to be in town for the next couple months shooting a film. You probably already heard about that though,” I began. “And I was wondering if I could crash at your place until I can find a sublet?” I finished.

            There was silence on the other end. “Or...I could just get a hotel room. Yeah. Maybe that would be better,” I added.

            “That’s ludicrous, Nick! Of course you can stay. I was just shocked,” she snapped tenderly.

            “I’ll be in town tomorrow. Can you pick me up?” I inquired.

            “I’d love to.”

            From there the conversation turned to topics of an easier nature. I told her horror stories from shooting Deep Deception and she in turn told me about her budding career as a musician. I smiled, knowing she’d go far on that path of her life. We talked for a couple hours without either of us realizing so much time had passed. We laughed. The most I’d laughed easily in a long time. I laid between two of my open suitcases and held my stomach, the muscles burning from intense laughter. And her laughter echoed in my ears. A beautiful, melodic strain of giggles. But the one subject we both avoided was Shea. Shea and Tristan.

 

Reagan Adams:

 

            I leaned against the doorjamb, a steaming cup of tea in one hand and my arm wrapped across my slender waist. I had my doubts that he’d call her, but when I went to tell him to again, I found him sitting on the bed. Joy and merriment radiating off his face, shining through his baby blue eyes. We’d had our share of happy moments together, but I’d never seen him so at peace. The glee seemed so natural. Something I’d never witnessed before.

            I watched as he tossed himself back between his bags, boisterous chuckles erupting from his pouty lips, and I tried to stifle a giggle of my own. She was what he needed. Or at least a start. As much as he denied it or tried to tell me otherwise, I knew he was miserable on the inside. He didn’t have the people he’d shared so much with him in his life any longer and it was slowly tearing him apart. Maybe Lauryn could help ease the pain I knew he felt. He was stubborn. Everyone knew that. But sometimes the bullheadedness needs to be shoved aside for the sake of one’s health.

            I turned and walked away. Leaving him to the solitude of his private conversation. I’d have to thank her. Thank her for unleashing just a little of the Nick that I knew as a Backstreet Boy. The Nick that I saw as a fan living in Montana.

            Just then I felt strong arms wrap themselves around my body as I sat at the kitchen table. “Thank you,” he breathed, kissing my neck. “You know me too well.”

            “I know,” I replied with a wink. I pressed my lips to his and kissed him deeply. I loved him so much that I’d do anything in my power to make him happy