AJ:

 

            Fourteen months, two weeks, and three days since I’d last seen the people I considered family. After Lauryn woke up, I left the hospital without looking back. I had caused so much turmoil and anguish that I knew Nick especially would never forgive me for what had caused him to leave. I busied myself with Johnny No Name, touring the country and the world for charity. I had more than enough money from the Backstreet Boys to keep myself in high-class living. Charity seemed to be the best thing to do.

            For the first couple months, I thought about nothing except what I once had and what I had just destroyed. But after time, I let it go. Johnny No Name consumed me and everything I did. I became him. I was no longer AJ McLean the Backstreet Boy. I was a British man from Nashville. I had been involved in six different relationships in the last year. None of them lasting for reasons I didn’t understand at the time. Now I do.

            I missed my Boys. I missed Shea and Lauryn. So when I arrived in New York to do my Christmas Eve show, I called Brian and Howie. The only two people who didn’t seem mad at me. I was relieved when both of them said they would be at my show. It made some of the pain I had been carrying around with me for the last year evaporate with the prospect of a renewed friendship.

            After the show, the three of us went out for a couple drinks. It was there when I found out about Shea’s son and the controversy he was causing. Nick was so mad at us he didn’t want a thing to do with the child that might be mine. But everything Brian said indicated that Nick was the father. “AJ, you should go see Shea. Tell her you’ll take a paternity test. Maybe that will change Nick’s mind about the situation. He won’t even talk to her. To anyone actually,” Brian suggested.

            I stirred my Jack and Coke with the straw considering the request. It was the least I could do to help Shea move on with her life. “Alright, Brian. Let’s go,” I agreed, standing up and putting my coat on.

            Now I stood outside the door to the beautiful walk-up of Kevin and Lauryn. My hands perspired and shook at my sides as the brief thought of dashing away and pretending I was never there raced through my mind. Slowly, I raised my hand up and knocked gently. I saw a shadow cover the peephole, but no one answered the door. I turned to walk away when the door opened hesitantly and the beautiful Lauryn stood in front of me.

            “AJ?” Lauryn asked in wonderment.

            “Hey, Lauryn,” I answered, running a hand through my hair sheepishly. “How’s it going?”

            “Good,” she replied. “Would you like to come in?” she offered, opening the door wider. I walked into Lauryn’s walk-up and scanned the area I could see, spying Shea and Kevin standing by the Christmas tree, a small, bubbly child in Kevin’s arms.

            I carefully approached the two, uncertain of how they, especially Shea, would react to my presence. “Hey, Kevin,” I said meekly.

            “Hey, J,” Kevin answered, patting me on the back. “It’s good to see you,” he added.

            “Shea,” I said, nodding at her, still wary of what Shea was thinking.

            A warm smile spread across her lips. “Merry Christmas, AJ,” Shea replied, embracing me in a warm, friendly hug. My stomach flip-flopped as the tension evaporated and a sense of ease filled my body. “What are you doing here?” Shea asked.

            “Brian told me about Tristan. I had to come see him. And offer to take a paternity test to prove to Nick that he is the father. It’s the least I can do after what I’ve put you through,” I confessed, rubbing Shea’s back lovingly. I didn’t realize how much I really did miss her.

            Shea pulled back and stared into my face with piercing blue eyes. “That would mean a lot to me, AJ Thank you,” she said, kissing my cheek lightly.

            Kevin handed me a glass of champagne. “Merry Christmas, AJ,” he said with a smile, placing Tristan in my arms. I gazed down into his little face and noticed how much he really did look like Nick. There was no doubt in my mind that Tristan wasn’t my son.

            “Merry Christmas, everyone!” I toasted, raising my glass to the friends I had regained.

 

Nick:

 

            I laid next to Reagan and watched her breathing, slow and methodical. I crawled out of bed and pulled my robe around my half-naked frame. I crept down the center spiral staircase of our new California home to my office and pulled the red envelope from the back of my desk drawer. I had received it earlier that day, but decided to wait until Reagan was asleep to open it up. I tore the seal, pulled out a folded piece of paper, and began to read. Familiar handwriting on plain white paper.

 

Merry Christmas, Nick!

I wanted to make sure you got this for Christmas. Overnight delivery is a wonderful thing! I got your new address from Howie. I hope you don’t mind.

So, how’s everything going? How’s the new place? From what I hear, your movie is going to be a huge success. I’m anxiously anticipating seeing it in May. If the premiere is going to be in New York, please let me know. I would so love to go.

I know things have been tough for you, for all of us really, but I miss you, Nick. I realize that things may never be the same between all of us again, but someone has got to make the effort to try. I guess that someone is me.

Kevin and I are back together. We have a walk-up in Upper Manhattan. It’s so wonderful to have him back in my life. Brian and I reconciled. He moved in with Shea when I moved out. Nothing romantic. Just friends. I haven’t seen or spoken to AJ since the hospital fourteen months ago and the last time I saw you was at Howie’s movie premiere. Do you know how much that breaks my heart? You guys became family to me. You were my brothers. Brothers I always wanted, but never had. Please write back or call. It would me the world to me.

You may or may not want to hear this next part, so stop reading if that is what you wish. Shea is doing well. I know she still misses you, but that to be expected. No one touched her as deeply as you did and I don’t know if anyone will ever compare to you in her heart.

Tristan is adorable. Growing up so fast as children tend to do. He’s six months old now and he looks so much like you it sometimes hurts Shea to look at him.

Please, Nick. Talk to us.

 

Love,

Lauryn

 

            I pulled what looked like another piece of paper from inside the envelope. It was a ticket. To it stuck a Post-it. “I got the lead! Come see!” I crumpled the paper and tossed it across the room. It bounced off the sliding glass door and hit the floor with a soft clatter. I then took the ticket into my hands and tore it in two, letting the two halves fall from my fingertips to the polished mahogany desktop. I buried my face in my hands as a few tears fell from my eyes. I wiped a tear from my cheek before stuffing the ticket halves back into the envelope and shoving it into my desk drawer. I rose from my chair and picked up the crumpled ball of paper as I opened the sliding glass door that led to my deck. I leaned against the door jam and sighed deeply, inhaling the cool, night air saturated with salt from the nearby ocean. The air was chilled and my breath hung in faint clouds in the blackened sky. I unwadded the tight ball Lauryn’s letter had become and reread the perfect penmanship. But mostly, I read the part about Shea again and again. Everything was all messed up and it would never be like it was before. I still had feelings for her, I couldn’t deny that, but she had betrayed me, broken my heart, with an act beyond my forgiveness. I knew we could never be together again. It would be impossible for me to look into her face without the searing pain the memory of her and AJ’s tangled bodies brought me. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, go to New York to see Phantom of the Opera, no matter how much it hurt Lauryn.

 

Shea:

 

            I yawned as I opened the heavy oak door of the guest bedroom of Kevin and Lauryn’s walk-up. I pushed the mess of bed-head curls out of my face and rubbed my face with my palm. I opened the fridge and poured myself a tall glass of cold water. I chugged the water quickly, the cool liquid soothing and refreshing my parched throat. All of a sudden, I heard a chuckle from across the room. I glanced to my side and spied a half-naked AJ standing in the doorway, a smile on his lips. “Thirsty?” he questioned, stepping into the mellow light of the kitchen.

            “Guess so,” I replied with a faint laugh, looking at my empty glass. I set the glass in the sink and turned back to AJ “What are you doing up, Bone?” I asked.

            “I heard someone walking around.” His eyes dropped to the floor, but quickly returned to my face. “It always seems to be your footsteps I wake up to,” he whispered with a gentle smile.

            I looked away quickly, remembering the last time AJ had woken up to the sound of my feet. The night I lost everything. The night that changed my life. I turned my gaze back toward AJ when I felt the warm touch of his hand on my cheek. A tear I didn’t know existed brimmed over the edge of my bottom lid and dripped down my cheek. AJ stroked it away with his fingertips. “Don’t cry, Shea. I don’t regret being with you,” he said in a quiet voice.

            I pulled away from AJ’s hand as a few more tears fell. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. “I do,” I sniffled. “I do, AJ!” I cried. “I lost everything because of you. I lost my friend, the father of my son, the only man who ever meant anything to me. Those three people were only one man, but that one man was my world!” I sobbed, sinking to my knees on the cool, wooden floor. I buried my face in my hands, my hot tears dripping down my cheeks.

            “That’s great, Shea,” AJ muttered. “I thought we had something, a connection. I know you felt it too. I didn’t realize that I was just a comfort lay!” AJ shouted.

            I jumped to my feet and put my hand over his mouth. “AJ, quiet!” I hissed.

            He ripped my hand away from his mouth and stared me in the eye. “I’ll help you. I will prove to that asshole that I am not Tristan’s father. Then I’ll be gone. Out of your life for the last time,” he snarled. He whipped around, leaving me alone in the kitchen to be bewildered, but soon returned fully dressed. He glared at me one more time before jerking the front door open and storming away from the walk-up. I sat down at the kitchen table and covered my face as the tears started pouring like rain from my eyes. What had I just done?

 

Lauryn:

 

            My cheek rested on Kevin’s chest as we laid in bed listening to the argument occurring in the kitchen. Kevin stroked my hair lovingly, but neither of us said a word. I winced when Shea said those cruel words to AJ I knew it must have hurt him deeply, but I also knew how much Nick had meant to Shea. When I heard the door slam, I flinched and Kevin rubbed my arm to comfort me. Then everything went silent.

            “I didn’t realize AJ had feelings for Shea,” I whispered. “I thought Shea was just a lay for him, not the other way around.”

            “That’s the way J is. He doesn’t express his emotions openly very often,” Kevin replied.

            I sat up in bed and stared into Kevin’s face. “We can’t let him leave,” I stated.

            “Why not?” Kevin asked, searching my face for answers.

            “Shea needs him. I know she cares for him more than she’ll ever admit to. She has to face the fact that Nick isn’t coming back even if AJ does take the paternity test,” I explained.

            “Lauryn, honey, it’s out of our hands. It something she’ll have to take control of, not you,” Kevin said, pulling me back down to him. I kissed him lips lightly before resting my cheek on his chest once again.

            I felt Kevin fall back asleep, but my mind whirled with thoughts. I knew Shea would never take the initiative to bring AJ into her life romantically. I would have to push her in the right direction.

 

AJ:

 

            I walked along the sidewalks of Upper Manhattan. The city seemed dead with only a handful of cabs taxing people to their destinations. I lit up a cigarette with the butt of the one I had just finished and inhaled deeply. So much was on my mind. Shea didn’t know that I had scheduled a show in New York City just so I could see her. She didn’t know that I loved her. That I had for a long time. Since the night in her hotel room in Barcelona a year and a half ago. She didn’t understand the pain and agony I’d been going through since that night, agonizing over the fact that she was with my best friend and there was nothing I could do about it. And after the night at the dance studio, I thought it best to leave. Shea would be sure to hate me. But after fourteen months, I figured she’d learn to forgive. After all, they say time heals all wounds.

            I sat down on a bench at the edge of the curb and tossed my cigarette to the ground, watching the smoke swirl upward in tiny spirals. “I’m not going to lose you again, Shea. I won’t let you push me out of your life,” I muttered into the cold night air.

            I entered a convenience store and purchased some paper and a pen. Then resuming my position on the bench, I began to write. The words just flowed from my pen and as I finished, a small smile formed on my lips. I folded the piece of paper and walked back to Kevin and Lauryn’s.

 

Shea:

 

            Tristan was up with the sun, but I didn’t even hear him. I was so physically and emotionally drained from everything that had happened last night, I slept right through his cries. When I woke up and entered the kitchen, I saw Tristan sitting on Lauryn’s lap as she drank a cup of tea and read the Christmas paper. “Merry Christmas, Lauryn,” I said as I poured myself a cup of coffee and took a seat next to her.

            “Merry Christmas, Shea,” she replied. Tristan stared at me with bright eyes as he sucked the nipple of his bottle.

            “Thanks for getting him this morning. I didn’t hear him,” I said.

            “No problem. After last night, I can understand,” she stated. I stared at her, but she didn’t look up from her paper. “I heard everything last night. Sorry,” she finally said.

            “I’m sorry that we woke you up. I tried to keep it quiet,” I apologized.

            She didn’t respond. Just sat in silence as if she were deep in thought. “Shea, have you thought about letting AJ into your life? He said he felt a connection with you. That has to be significant.”

            “Lauryn, it’s impossible. You know that,” I stated.

            “Nothing is impossible. It’s only impossible if you don’t even try,” she replied. “Shea, you have to face the fact that Nick isn’t coming back. It’s been over a year and he’s only talked to you once. He’s with Reagan now. He’s not coming back to be with you. You have to move on like he did. Get on with your life. Start a new chapter,” Lauryn explained. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you that. You’re my best friend and I would never want to hurt you, but since you are my best friend, I thought it was my place to urge you forward and leave the past behind you,” she continued.

            “Lauryn, AJ doesn’t love me. He’s incapable of love. He is too wild and foot loose to want to be with a woman who has a son,” I said.

            She pulled an envelope out of her bathrobe pocket and slid it across the table toward me. “Maybe this will say something different,” she whispered with a smile.

            I broke the seal and pulled out a folded piece of paper. With trembling fingers, I unfolded the paper and began to read.

 

Shea,

The last year has been hell for me. I’ve thought about nothing and nobody except you. You may find this difficult to believe, but I am capable of love with one woman. I am capable of loving you. And I know that I do love you. I love you with every breath that I take, every note that I sing, every beat of my heart. Every time the wind blows, it whispers your name. All I feel is you. And all I want to feel is you. There is no one else that comes close. Please give me an honest chance to be a part of your life. I will prove that no one did, does, or ever will love you the way that I do.

With a love that will echo through the ages,

AJ

 

            I saw a few tears drop onto the letter, smearing the ink just a bit. I looked over at Lauryn who smiled warmly. “I think he loves you, Shea. Let him in.”

            “I’ll try, Lauryn. I’ll try,” I replied.

 

            Early the next morning, I found myself looking upward into the face of a monstrous mirror-plated building. My heart thumped in my chest. My breath caught in my throat. What was I doing here? I straightened my skirt and readjusted my blouse as I walked toward the main entrance. “Good morning,” the cheerful doorman said, opening the heavy glass door for me. I smiled and nodded, my nervousness making me unable to speak. I gasped as I stepped into the elegant lobby. A dazzling chandelier hung overhead. Thick oriental rugs carpeted the floor. Timidly, I approached the front desk.

            “Hi! Can I help you?” the receptionist chirped, a pseudo-smile smeared across her lips.

            “Yes. I have an appointment with Randolph Moyer,” I stated. “Can you point me in the right direction?” I inquired.

            “Take the elevator to the 42nd floor. When you get off, turn left down the hall until you reach a corridor on your right. Turn down that way. It’s the third door on your right,” the receptionist replied, pointing toward the elevators and gesturing the directions with her hands.

            “Thank you,” I said, smiling graciously and walking toward the wall of elevators across the room. The door pinged open and cautiously, I stepped inside. Every floor that I passed just increased the trepidation and fear reverberating in my chest. Suddenly, my cell phone rang from the depths of my purse, startling me. “Hello?” I answered.

            “Shea, sorry to call you. I know you’re nervous about this meeting, but I just wanted to wish you luck. You’ll get the part. Randolph must have seen in you what I see,” Brian’s voice said.

            “Thank you, Brian,” I replied.

            “Also,” he continued, “AJ and I are taking Tristan down to the hospital for the paternity test. We should be home before you are though,” he finished.

            “Okay. I’ll see you when I get home,” I stated.

            “Break a leg, Sweetie,” he added quickly.

            I could visualize the smile on his sweet mouth as he said that. We still cared for each other even after all the bullshit we’d done to one another. The phone went dead in my hand just as the doors opened on the 42nd floor.

            I progressed to the secretary’s desk to tell her of my arrival. “Hello,” I whispered.

            “Hi!” she squealed.

            “Shea Walker for Randolph Moyer,” I said.

            “Yes, Miss Walker. Randolph will be right with you. Please have a seat,” she replied, gesturing to the leather sofa and stack of magazines. I took a seat and began to thumb through an Entertainment Weekly. I kept glancing at my watch, knowing that I’d been there forever. But every time I looked, only a couple of minutes had passed.

            Finally, after twenty minutes of waiting, Randolph opened his office doors. “Please, come in,” he said, holding the mahogany door open for me. I slid past him and stopped dead in my tracks. Blue eyes met with blue eyes and I was speechless.