| A New Chapter in Life Dearest Nickolas, I know it was illogical for me to even think that you would give everything up for a life in the ocean, but I love you. Always have. Always will. I will keep the memory of you forever in my heart and cherish the little time we had together. You were my first, my only, my all. Wear the pendant and never forget your mermaid loves you. With my undying love, Seraphina |
| I folded the slip of paper I'd read over again for the thousandth time. The Ocetal language still a part of my life. Still familiar to me after all the time that's passed. With a heavt sigh, I buried my face in the palms of my shaking hands. Today was the big day. Was I ready to devote my life and my love to one woman and one woman alone? I ran my hand through the messy mass of blond hair atop my head before rubbing it down the length of my face. The idea of fleeing out the side door intrigued me. But where would I go? What would I do? Could I live the rest of my life without the companionship she provided me? "Nick, it's almost time," a gentle voice said as a hand pulled back the curtain to my waiting room. I looked up and into the face of Brian. My best friend. My best man. "Yeah," I sighed. I rose to my feet, a smooth motion up to my 6'1" frame, and stuffed the worn, tattered paper into my tux pocket. I stopped at Brian's side at the entrance to the church corridor and he patted my back reassuringly. "Don't worry, Nick. She looks beautiful. Happy. You are definitely making the right decision," he stated with confidence. "I know," I replied. But deep down my confidence was lacking. It had been years and I still thought about my vision from the sea. Would she ever leave my thoughts and dreams? As Ave Maria began resounding through the immense organ pipes and the bridal part began its journey toward the alter, the beginning of a new chapter in my life, I thought back on all that had happened in the last four years. The four years since I'd left the Bahamas and my mermaid. We released the album that fall as planned, but my heart wasn't in it this time. And people noticed. Noticed that I wasn't the same Nick that I had been before our two-week stint in the Bahamas. It didn't take people long for them to realize that perhaps I would never be the same Nick. But the reason behind the change was out of their grasp. They didn't know why I would do a 180 in two weeks. They didn't know what could have changed me so drastically. It felt as though part of me had died when I let Seraphina slip out of my life. I did meet someone while touring. But as quickly as it had started, it ended. With neither of us knowing really why. Well, I did. But how could I explain that to her? Relationship after failed relationship. Breaking the intimacy barrier and then closing the door to my heart. Would I ever be happy again? Could I find love with a woman and leave the thoughts and images of my mermaid behind? Kevin and Brian did marry. And I couldn't have been happier for them. Leighanne and Kristin were both wonderful, beautiful women and Kevin and Brian were lucky to have them as their wives. But I wondered if I would ever find a wonderful, beautiful woman to be my bride when the one I truly wanted was completely out of reach. The summer of 2002 we released what would be our final album. And we wouldn't have doe that at all if it hadn't been for the contract that bound us to Jive for five studio albums. I had no desire for music anymore. The love for music, for the fans, for making others around me feel as lucky and as happy as I did was no longer there. But of course I didn't let the fans in on these feelings of mine. Without them we wouldn't have had the success that we did. I couldn't make them feel as if I didn't care for them anymore. Upon the release of Everything is Nothing, the Backstreet Boys dove into a short, six-month tour. It was on this tour where I felt as if I finally found the one who could smash the unrequited feelings of love and passion for the mermaid who had stolen my heart. To the rest of the guys it seemed as though I was turning myself around. Becoming the Nick they had once known and loved. But I wasn't sure. While this girl had the power to unleash feelings and desires for new love, I still harbored feelings and desires of the past. Brynne. The soon-to-be Mrs. Nickolas G. Carter. She reminded me of my mermaid, my Seraphina, which could be the cause for my initial attraction to her. Her rich, amber hair and sparkling azure eyes. Two of many reasons I proposed to her. With everyday that passed, everyday I spent with her, she began to suppress my feelings for the mermaid I'd loved, lost, and yearned for. I stopped thinking about her on a daily basis. Stopped reading the notes she'd left behind a hundred times a day. But I never took off the obsidian pendant that hung around my neck. Even as I stood waiting for my parents to escort me down the alter, I fingered the smooth stone on the silver chain. Suddenly, my reminiscing was cut short by a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Ready, son?" my father asked me. I nodded slowly, the perspiration already beading up on my forehead. I could feel the eyes boring to in me as I padded down the carpeted aisle. If I hadn't had a parent on each arm, I would have bolted from the church as fast as my long legs could take me. I panted short, nervous breaths as I stood next to Brian and waited for my bride to enter the church. My breath caught in my throat when I saw her. A picture of gorgeous perfection. Simple, yet elegant. Radiant with undeniable beauty. Her father and mother kissed her cheeks and placed her petite hand in mine. A huge smile creased her flawless face and tears glistened in her sparkling eyes. "This couple today has written their own vows which they will now recite to each other for the first time," the preacher announced. Brynne stared into my eyes and stated the words that poured forth from her heart and sould. "You mean the world to me. You are my best friend, my confidant, my love. The person that I have waited for my whole life to meet. And by some stroke of luck, I have. I will stay by your side through the bad times and the good. The times when I hate you and the times that I love you. Together we can conquer anything," she said quietly, clear tears dripping silently down her rosy cheeks. I stroked a tear away with my thumb and kissed the back of her hand before I started my own vows. "Some people think they will never meet the one they are supposed to be with. I used to be one of them. But since I met you, all that has changed. I know I will be loved for the rest of my life. I will have you by my side until death takes me away from you, my angel. In the words of my brother," I paused, winking at Aaron who stood at Brian's side, " 'I am all about you. I am all about us. You never have to question my love.' " With the exchange of the rings, I pulled her into my arms and kissed her pink lips lightly. "Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me tremendous pleasure to present to you Nick and Brynne Carter!" the preacher cheered. Everyone rose to their feet and applauded as Brynne and I made our way to the awaiting car. I'd done it. I was now a married man. The reception was everything I could have expected and more. Not once did the smile leave my face. Not once did I question why I married the stunning woman at my side. And not once did thoughts of Seraphina cross my mind. The clink of a fork tapping the side of a crystal champagne flute drew the attention of everyone celebrating that special day with us to the tall, dark-haired man in the center of the room. "Nick, I've watched you grow. Watched you grow up from the toe-headed 13 year old boy who once annoyed the shit out of me to the toe-headed 24 year old man whom I respect and love with all my heart. For a while there, I thought we'd lost you. But it appears as though you have found the one woman on land that could reach out to you and pull you back to where you once resigned," Kevin began. Everyone chuckled and I felt my cheeks blush slightly. For as long as I live, I will never live down the fact that I once said I resigned in Florida. "I know it goes without saying, and I'm sure the other guys will agree with me, that I am blessed to have you in my life. The pleasure of knowing you is all mine. It is truly an honor. And I feel proud to call you a brother," he finished with a raise of his glass. I rose to my feet and crossed the eerily silent room to where Kevin stood. I stared into his emerald eyes that twinkled with unshed tears under the dim lights of the reception hall. Tears of my own brimmed over my lids as I fell into Kevin's arms and embraced him tightly. He patted my back and the room errupted in thunderous applause. Brynne joined me at my side and kissed Kevin's cheek tenderly. "Thank you," she whispered, droplets of happy moisture cascading down her silky cheeks. Upon celebration's end, Brynne and I boarded a plane to the Bahamas. Our honeymoon. Where she wanted to go, but I didn't. I didn't tell her that though. This is her wedding. Something she would remember until her dying day. I didn't want to keep her from the one place she had a strong desire to visit. It wasn't until we sat in our respected seats, Brynne cuddled against my arm in quiet slumber, that I thought about Seraphina. Could I handle being there again? Could I handle the risk involved with the possibility of seeing my first love? |