F A N F I C T I O N R E V I E W
S
Got team spirit? Good. After a lot of thought, rereading,
and consideration—from matters of craftiness to raw power to questions about
the importance of PSI—here is EFR’s stance on the eight most powerful
groups in "EarthBound"
mythology…at the moment, anyway. See, some of the storytelling on this list isn’t
done yet (including, hopefully, that of the official series), so if there was
ever such a thing as an "unstable" article, this one could qualify.
This is hopefully a very reasonable, rational conclusion, but anytime a
periodical posts a list like this, there will almost always be someone who
disagrees at some point. Can’t please all of the people all of the time, and
that’s just "T-O-O bad." Therefore, as of this writing, here are the
butt-kickers EFR wishes to honor.
8. The Pig King Heroes
From: Fall of the Pig King, Against the Pigs, Death of the
Pig King, Wrath of the War Pigs
Characters: Ricky, Krause, Flint, Boney, Brandon,
and Espeon
Why they’re
#8
Ricky is a young man gifted with great PSI
power; his fiercely loyal brother, Krause, has the most heart of anyone in the
group. Their uncle Flint has strength and fighting ability that defies the
limits of age, and Boney…Boney’s a dog, but a very, very smart one.
Memorable
Combat Moment: During the
big chase at the end of Fall of the Pig King, Flint, in a most
impressive display, fights off pig after pig for the sake of his comrades, then
heads off into the titular battle (or so it would seem).
7. The Third Band
From: The End
Characters: Rob, Sunil, Enrico, Candace, Ivy, and
Josh
Why they’re
#7
Sunil is the most potent of the bunch—a
telepath capable of controlling opponents and using someone else’s power with a
touch, giving her access to virtually any PSI ability there is. She’s also got
an especially powerful and rare attack of her own, as does Rob, who can execute long or
short-range teleports and is well skilled in physical combat situations. The
others have mostly basic PSI powers, with Ivy’s Triple Thunder being an
exception.
Memorable
Combat Moment: The pivotal
struggle to get Buzz Buzz safely to the past.
6. SANCTUARY
From: E. Revolution
Characters: Ness, Poo, Paula, and Jeff
Why they’re
#6
The "special" agents in SANCTUARY
have those crazy psychokinetic powers on their side, allowing them to exert
physical force on an enemy or object without making physical contact. They’ve
got a few normal PSI powers as well, such as Poo’s (charmingly) star-shaped
shots of energy, and Ness’s mysteriously effective (for a rookie) abilities.
Memorable
Combat Moment: The classic
just-when-you-thought-it-was-over surprise making an appearance during a fight
around the middle.
5. The Mother Alternate Heroes
From: Mother Alternate
Characters: Julian (Gleyd Aswer level), Peel,
Joshua, and Vee
Why they’re
#5
Peel is a mechanical wiz who can often be
spotted using an assortment of offensive gadgets in combat, including her
trusty plasma cannon. The young woman called Vee is a skilled practitioner of
martial arts. Julian and Joshua are the especially gifted duo of the bunch,
with a lot of useful abilities between them, such as using PSI to levitate,
call up shields, and fire a strikingly powerful beam or a series of consecutive
pellets. Note that since this is an account of the characters as they were in
team form, the Julian observed here is the one who possesses the Gleyd Aswer
(the standard Julian used throughout the majority of the story).
Memorable
Combat Moment: Julian and
Peel’s gambit during the battle with Lisa in "Finality" Part Two.
4. The Resurrection E Heroes
From: Resurrection E
Characters: Peter, Nyne, Rich, and Yumi
Why they’re
#4
Nyne’s got the especially dangerous
Signatures—green energy in the form of letters that can end a fight very
quickly, depending on the strength charged into them, by exploding on direct
contact with a target. Peter and Yumi have shields that block both PSI and
physicals, the former possessing an attack that passes through PSI shielding
and the latter being able to direct multiple bolts of Thunder. Rich fires mystical
orbs that make groups of enemies feel like they’re in a pinball game.
Memorable
Combat Moment: Nyne
sending Signatures at Peter, who ducks in fright before realizing she’s aiming
at the Starmen behind him.
3. The Chosen Four
From: "EarthBound"
Characters: Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo
Why they’re
#3
There’s just never any substitute for the
original, is there? Jeff is a tech expert who can not only fix things, but make
them a lot more useful than they ever were before. He’s also the wielder of the
mighty Multi Bottle Rockets. Poo is a highly skilled warrior who’s not only
mastered the Starstorm, but possesses the mysterious Brain Shock, which can
turn enemies against their comrades. Paula is a powerful PSI-user who’s also a
telepath, and Ness has got all sorts of helpful abilities, while possessing
just one offensive power—which is all he needs since the variants of it do some
incredible damage.
Is it any wonder that this game doesn’t
actually make you fight those battles in which you far outclass the enemy? No,
because it doesn’t take an Andonuts to figure out that the heroes would win.
Whether the opponents come strong or weak, big or small, serious or goofy, they
all tend to leave the same way—beaten by the members of the Chosen Four.
Memorable Combat
Moment: The first time one
sees what Paula can do in battle. The stunning amount of damage, the multiple
level-ups…no matter how many times one plays through "EarthBound" all
over again, this moment remains impressive.
2. The Chosen Eight
From: EarthBound 202X: The Chosen
Eight
Characters: Zain, Sasha,
Guy, Karen, Deckard, Kato, Kyla, and Mila
Why they’re #2
Strength in numbers. Mila is a
remarkably tough fighter hardened by turf battles. Guy and his companion Kyla are
mechanical enthusiasts who cover the useful-weaponry-and-technology category.
Deckard is a Dalaam-trained warrior, while Kato is a Dalaam native who rivals
Poo in his heyday—right down to the Starstorm. Karen’s got the highest known
number of abilities, possessing Fire, Flash, energy beams, telepathy, etc.
Sasha can use Freeze and has a shield that protects its wearer from both
mystical and physical attack. One of the most intriguing developments lately
has been the confirmation of Zain’s "empathic PSI" ability, which lets him use his power,
including the stunning Hyperion attack, without concentrating—without that
brief moment in "EarthBound" between the player pressing the button
and the character actually displaying their PSI. Simply put, they’re #2 because
tomorrow’s heroes have got a good deal of what yesterday’s had…and more.
Memorable
Combat Moment: Kaatz
throwing a Pseal at Zain…and Zain catching it and throwing it back.
1. The Destined Ones
From: EarthBound: The Horsemen Saga
Characters: Michael, Tom, Casie, Nolan, and Ryan
Why they’re
#1
Forget about it. Who else could be #1 right now? There are
a lot of reasons why the Destined Ones have got it going on when it comes to
combat, but the most important one has to do with their namesakes: the
ultra-potent Fate variants—enhanced PSI abilities that give them so much power
they can drop armies with ease. Even without the Fates, some of these
characters pack a slew of helpful tricks, such as absorbing and returning
multiple shots of almost anything below Starstorm, coating themselves in
PSI-powered armor, being protected by their power while sleeping, and
channeling unlimited ammo into weaponry. This story is highly ambitious
whenever things move to the battlefield, and the Destined Ones are a tribute,
intentional or not, to the extreme kind of "EarthBound" author
characters that once gained fame in the realm of Interactive Fiction—the kind
so over-the-top you might as well suspend disbelief going in. And once you’ve
gathered it up again, you realize it was more fun that way.
Memorable
Combat Moment: Casie
decapitating an enemy from behind. The days of the honorable heroine are long
gone, aren’t they?