episode4

Episode 4: The Cure

Clean and efficient, the Bridge of the Rentacar was shining after the crew had cleaned it up the best they could. Everyone was at their stations and Jeremy was making small talk with Mat to his left.

"You know what?" said Anita. "I think I'm getting better at this whole 'pilot' stuff."
"Considering you still only have your learner's permit..." said Jeremy, breaking his conversation with Mat.
"What??" interrupted Ben. "Your letting an apprentice driver drive our ship????" he grabbed his head in frustration. "Are you nuts? Common, I have my full permit! I can drive better! Let me drive! Let me drive!" by this time he was pouncing up and down.
"Hey, quit whining, nipple-boy." Said Britt after turning around to face him.
"The whining is a side-affect to the multiple nipples." Said Jennifer, observing a medical chart.
"Now that's just horrible." Jeremy rubbed his chin. "And then there's the risk of the disease spreading?" he threw his hand in the air. "Alex, throw him in the dungeon!"
"With pleasure!" grinned Alex.
"We have a dungeon?" asked Mat. "How big is this ship?"

Nobody seemed to pay any attention to Alex grabbing Ben's collar and dragging him into the elevator. Ben was screaming and kicking like a child having a tantrum the entire time.

"I really couldn't tell you, Schnubb." Jeremy answered Mat's question.
"Captain, there are diagrams of this vessel in it's main memory banks." Said Dan from the back of the room.
"Aren't you supposed to be in the engine room?" asked Mat.
"Indeed, but Jennifer is supposed to be in the medical bay, and she's is not."
"Children!" Shouted Brittany. "I am working with children!"
"We are approaching our destination, captain." Reported Anita in a deep voice. "Was that good?" she asked.
"That was very good Anita, you really are getting better!" said Jeremy. "Standard orbit around the planet please. It's the big blue button that says, 'orbit'."
"Eum?Ah. I see. Standard orbit, aye captain."
"Dan," started Jeremy. "since you're on the bridge, take Ben's station."
Dan walked over to Ben's empty station and tapped the buttons there. "We are receiving a transmission from the planet surface, sir." He said.
"Put it on screen."

An alien face appeared on screen. The alien was blue with tubes coming out of his forehead. There were little balls at the end of the tubes that made them look like antennae. The alien had random patches of hair on his face, in random colours, too. When he spoke, his lips moved up and down only.

"Greetings, earthlings. I am Xartog." Said the alien.
"Greetings, Xartog." Said Jeremy, standing up. "I am captain Jeremy of the Rentacar. One of our crewmembers has been taken ill by the disease called Jumbloitus. I have been informed that your planet holds the only cure."
"Yes, that is true. But the cure is sacred and only the privileged may have it."
"Oh, I see. Well, one moment, please." Said Jeremy.

Jeremy moved his hand in the air in front of his neck towards Anita symbolizing 'mute'. Anita looked back at Jeremy, confused and curious. She didn't know what to make of his growing movements.

"What...?" she asked.
"You know...shhhh..." Jeremy put a finger in front of his mouth. "You know, no sound? Shhhh? No? Dammit Anita!"

Jeremy slammed his fist into his armrest and reached down with the other arm. He reached in back of his chair and felt around before pulling out a remote control. He pointed it at the viewscreen and pressed the mute button.

"When I do the mute sign it means mute, Anita!" he shouted tossing the remote control aside.
"Well where's that button?" she asked.
"Anita, look in front of you." Jeremy was about to give up. "On every button, it's written what that button does." He rested his forehead on his hand.
"Oooooooooohhh! I get it now!" Anita raised her hands in success.

The elevator doors slid open and Alex walked back onto the bridge. The crewman that had taken his place moved aside and let Alex take his console back.

"Ok. We need a plan to retrieve the cure." Said Jeremy, ignoring the alien on the screen.
"Sir," said Brittany. "I think the alien wants to talk."

There was no sound, but Xartog was clearly knocking on the viewscreen. He exhaled on it and wiped it with his sleeve.

"Ok Anita. Now, un-mute." Ordered Jeremy.
"Captain?" Xartog looked disappointed. "We have telepathic abilities. We know you would plan something to acquire the cure."

There was a general silence on the bridge. Even the buttons stopped bleeping, something that rarely happened. Some crewmembers looked at each other to then return their gaze to what they were staring blindly at before.

"Okay did anyone see that coming?" asked Jennifer, breaking the silence.
"Do not trouble yourselves, crew of the Rentacar." Assured Xartog. "We know that your motives are sincere, so we will give you a chance to acquire the cure. Here are the conditions. We will give you seven challenges, and seven of your crewmembers will accept them. Only One crewmember is allowed per challenge. In each challenge, you will be against the greatest warriors of our planet. Here are the challenges!" his voice suddenly had an echo, which nobody knew was a computer error or his natural voice. "First challenge: You must win three games of chess at once! Second challenge: You must shoot as many things as you possibly can in thirty seconds with a slingshot! Third challenge: You must make as many clones of yourself as you can! Fourth challenge: You must stink the most! Fifth challenge: You must win a staring contest! Sixth challenge: You must make a plant grow the fastest! Seventh challenge: You must defeat the great and powerful Monkey X!"
"Wait a minute!" said Alex. "Captain, didnt you kill Monkey X?"
"Monkey X will never die!" Xartog's voice had returned to normal. "He is a great being that has enslaved us and controls the cure! You must defeat him in the final challenge. Good luck, and may the Gods of Omacron-Zeta-5839 grant you a safe journey!" The screen shut off when he was done talking.

There was more silence on the bridge, including the buttons. Twice in one day was extremely rare and Jeremy was getting angry at the crewmen for staring where they weren't suppose to, so he broke the silence again.

"All right." He started. "Dan, you play the 3 games of chess. With your three arms, you're sure to beat them." Dan nodded. "Alex, you'll take the shooting challenge. Jen, I know you have no experience in the field, but you've got to make as many clones of yourself as you can. Schnubb, well, I think you'll win the stinking contest hands down. Anita, you take the staring contest." He reached under his chair and pulled out a pair of glasses. "Use these fake glasses to make them think your not blinking. Britt, you take the plant contest." He once again reached under his chair and pulled out a bottle of liquid. "Use this super-grow stuff." He then stood up. "And I, I shall defeat Monkey X." he paused. "Again."
"That was great," said Brittany. "I'm impressed that you remembered all the challenges."
"I didn't remember them, they're on the screen, see?" they all look at the screen, where the challenges are displayed championship-style, with the challenger's names next to them. "Now, off you go!" said Jeremy. "We'll meet back here in one hour!"

The crew disappeared from the bridge. Some random crewmen were designated in charge of the ship, but there was really nothing for them to do except stare at things, since the ship was; and was going to stay, in orbit for the next hour.

Dan sat down on his side of the long table where three chessboards were set up. He cracked his fifteen knuckles and studied his opponent. The alien opponent was short and skinny and had a limp when he walked. His voice was very high and his face was covered in bright pink boils. His head, however, seemed to pulsate with his thoughts. He sat down on his side of the table and punched the chess clock.

"I've never lost one game!" said the alien.
"Interesting. Your cranial capacity seems to inhibit me from intimidating you, despite your fragile size and structure." Said Dan.

Dan kept talking this way throughout the entire game(s) and eventually distracted the alien enough to win all three. After the game(s) were over, instead of cheering out in victory, Dan simply stood up, rubbed his chin and began calculating warp factors out loud while walking back to the shuttle he came in.

Alex stood in the forest where the challenge was taking place, with a blaster rifle, and looked around wearily. He squinted his eyes for effect as he revised the plan in his head.

Out of the blue, he started shooting his rifle in any and every direction he could. Trees and bushes were exploding, along with animals and the occasional caterpillar. Houses in the distance were exploding as well, the people inside running out in terror, some of them with burning antennae.

Jennifer's challenge wasn't hard at all; she had secretly put a mini-matterizer in her pocket and brought it with her. She hid behind all the lab equipment and every opportunity she had, she matterized a copy of herself.

As for Mat, the second he showed up at his challenge, the judges started writing on their judging pads. His competition, a huge, fat, stubby alien presented himself. He waddled when he walked and had trouble speaking because his lips couldn't move up and down all the way. He wasn't exactly blue like the others; he was more of an awful dark green. His antennae were short and stubby as well.

Mat, seeing that he could be in trouble, had a bright idea. He raised his arms as if to yawn, unleashing a dreadful stench. When he brought them back down, he nodded in triumph, a sly smile on his face.

Anita had successfully convinced the judges of her challenge that she was visually impaired, so they let her wear the glasses. The eyes that were painted on the lenses were Asian, small and squinted. She positioned herself in front of her adversary and the challenge began. She fell asleep, and before long, the opponent started tearing, and eventually blinked. When he did, he yelled out in anger, waking Anita up.

Brittany looked around to make sure she wasn't being watched while she dropped a few ounces of the super-grow liquid into the plant's soil. While her opponent was cheering his plant on to grow, her's shot out of its pot and grew to be eight miles high. She crossed her arms and leaned back in victory.

Jeremy looked down to the challenge arena. He was clad in battle armour, and this time, he was the one wearing a cape that was flapping in the wind. He jumped into the arena and battle music started playing. He shifted positions a few times before Monkey X jumped on top of him, trying to gain the combat advantage. Jeremy quickly blinded the monkey with his cape and kicked his ass.

Everyone returned to the Rentacar on their various shuttles. They had succeeded and were all happy. They reunited on the bridge.

"Well, that felt good." Said Jeremy, rubbing his knuckles. "Hey Britt, where's your plant?" he asked.
"I left it on the planet, they seemed to think it lead to the heavens or something?it was weird to see them try to climb it, it was only a dandelion." Said Brittany.
"Oh yeah, captain, I wanted to ask you, what do you want me to do with my copies?" asked Jennifer.
"I'll take a few?" said Mat, looking around nervously.
"Perhaps we should relish our victories later, the cure is of utmost importance." Said Dan.
"Oh yeah, hey man, three thumbs up on yours!" said Anita, lifting her two thumbs in the air. She thought about it, and realizing she didn't have a third thumb, lifted her big toe in the air next to her hands.
"Anita, you can take your glasses off now." Said Jeremy, scratching his head.
"In any case guys, I'm full for a good month or two, I shot more birds and furry animals than I can count." Said Alex, leaning back into his chair.
"Okay guys, we've waited long enough." Jeremy reached under his chair and pulled out a box. He opened it, and inside was a bottle of glittery fluid. "Here's the cure. Bring out the nipple-boy!"

As if on queue, the elevator doors open and Ben jumps out. The people on the bridge all gasp in disgust as his nipples had multiplied even more than before.

"You summoned me?" he said.
"Yes. Here is the cure. It's a suppository, I'm afraid." He handed it to Jennifer. "You're the doctor, Jen. You're the best candidate to administer it."
"Wait, there has to be another way! That thing's huge!" Ben shouted out.
"No way, Jeremy." Jennifer handed the bottle to one of her copies. "Here, you do it."
"Okay." Said the copy. "Come with me, please." She grabbed Ben's wrist and dragged him back into the elevator.
"Yapazz!!" Jeremy slammed his fist into his armrest and pointed forward.

What have we discovered here? Have our heroes made an enemy of unknown or even known proportions? Who is this Monkey X? For now, Ben's ass is sore and our heroes continue they're journeying into the great void that is space! Don't forget to tune in next time for Adventures In Space!!! (echo effect)