| Episode 20: Waves of Sadness |
| The tranquillity and stillness of space led the crew of the Rentacar to relax a little bit before their next adventure. The only problem was they never knew when their next adventure would take place. What, when and where will this one take place? Read on� ***Mat is bathing in his tub full of potato juice*** Mat: Aahhh�what a beautiful evening. I wonder what could make this more relaxing�I know! Computer, music! Computer: Specify type of music. Mat: Schnubb�s Hardcore Punk Jam Session, track 1. ***�My heart will go on� by Celine Dion starts playing*** Mat: Much better�now if I could just reach my Reader�s Digest� ***Mat suddenly starts freaking out and then stops with his ear on the wall*** Mat: I sense something�something is near�my kind is in trouble! Must go to the bridge! ***On the bridge*** Anita: There�s some sort of cloud ahead, captain. Jer: What is it, Ben? Ben: I dunno, my guess would be a nebula, since this part of space hasn�t been explored yet. Jer: Well how big is it then? Ben: It�s like, a hundred thousand kilometres in diameter. The source is 5 light years away. Brit: I�ve got a bad feeling about this�maybe we should be careful. Jer: Right. Careful it is. Anita, ahead full engines. ***The Rentacar starts flying through the cloud and things start to hit the hull*** Jer: Report! Ben: Things are hitting us! Al: There are billions of them! Anita: Trillions even! Al: Billions upon trillions of millions! Anita: Or trillions upon millions of billion millions! Brit: We got it, okay? We got the picture. Jer: Shields up! Ben: Shields aren�t working! ***The ship keeps shaking, panels explode*** Jer: Anita, full stop! Anita: Engines aren�t responding! We can�t slow down! Jer (intercom): Dan, fix the engines! Get the shields up! Get me a triple-mocha! Dan (intercom): Aye captain, someone will be up with that mocha asap. Jer: Alex, could you destroy the objects before they hit us? Al (eye twitching): I thought you�d never ask. Jer: Open fire! ***The Rentacar starts shooting some of the objects before they hit, but there are too many of them*** ***Mat enters the bridge*** Mat: Stop! Stop shooting! They�re my brethren! Anita: We�re almost out of the cloud! Jer: You�re brethren? Al: As in your family? Brit: As in more Schnubbs? Mat: Yes! We must exit this place immediately! Anita: Now exiting the nebula. Mat: It isn�t a nebula! It�s just a whole bunch of Schnubbs! Jer: Okay. First things first. Ben, damage report. Ben: Coming in, captain. Hull integrity is at 7%; we have hull breaches on all decks except the bridge. Jennifer reports one fatal injury, it�s Crewman #33, 10th degree burns to the face due to a triple mocha. Jer: Damn. All right Schnubb; you had better explain what�s going on here. Mat: I can�t! I just know they�re all Schnubbs because we have a secret brain bond between each other. Maybe Ben should run a scan. Yeah, Ben, run a scan! Ben (doing nothing): Sure, pick me like I have nothing better to do. Fine, here�s your scan. There are exactly 649 trillion 84 billion 451 million 721,993 Schnubbs spanning a distance of 5 light years. Brit: Now that�s what I call effective. Jer: Me too. But onto bigger matters, what are Schnubbs doing in space? Mat: I don�t know, but they aren�t dead, they�re just in hibernation. Al: What about the ones we rammed and shot? Mat: They aren�t dead either; we�re invincible when we hibernate. Anita: That�s so unfair! ***Dan and Jen enter the bridge*** Dan: Captain, I�ve restored the shields and control to the engines. Jen: Here�s your mocha, Jer. Jer: This is double! I said triple! A crewman didn�t die so I could get a double mocha when I wanted a triple, got it? Ben: Hey, guys, the cloud is getting bigger. Dan: By my calculations, the cloud should reach across 50 light years in a matter of hours. Perhaps half-hours. Brit: See? I told you we should be careful. Listen to Brit? Nooo� Jer: Anita, set course for the source of the cloud, maximum superhyperduperspaceflight, engage! ***At the source of the cloud, space is flooded with Schnubbs*** Mat: IIIIIIHHH!! This is Schnubbland! Anita: There are Schnubbs everywhere! Jer: Shields up, we wouldn�t want to be rammed again. ***Schnubbs start bouncing off the shields in every direction*** Brit: Woah, I�m starting a huge headache. Jer: The Schnubbs aren�t waking up, are they? Ben: No, not yet. Jer: Emergency staff meeting! ***In the conference room*** Al: We were all on the bridge, why didn�t we stay there? Jer: Because we haven�t done this in a while. All right, order of the day, Mat, I want you to remove your socks from the air filters as soon as possible. Mat: But they come out smelling so fresh! Jer: No arguments. Next topic, Alex, I want you to inspect the next batch of potatoes we receive. The last ones went missing and I suspect foul play. Brit: What about the Schnubbs?? Jer: Oh yeah�Schnubbs�Schnubbs�ah, here we are. I guess we could skip to the bottom of the order of the day. Jen, what is your opinion on the Schnubb issue? Jen: I think it�s a serious health threat. Any amount of Schnubb in concentration could seriously damage a person�s brain. Alex: I think it�s a security threat. If any of those Schnubbs realized that they outnumbered us, they could overpower all humans. Mat: Over�what? Overpow�power? Jer: Umm�never mind that, Mat. What is the cause of this Schnubb outbreak? Last time we saw them, they didn�t have so much population. Mat: I can answer that. ***Mat rolls down a white screen and dims the lights for a slideshow*** Mat: You see here, a normal Schnubb mating ritual. ***Everyone is disgusted*** Mat: On this slide, you see the orbit of Schnubbland around the sun. Every 10 thousand years, Schnubbland is so close to the sun that the entire planet becomes superheated, in which time, which we call �superheated period of closeness to the sun�, Schnubbs start mating at an incredible rate, and, on average, a new Schnubb is born every 3 milliseconds. Because of the overwhelming heat, the new Schnubbs grow very fast and attain adulthood in a matter of days, at which time they mate, making more Schnubbs. ***Mat switches slides*** Mat: Here we see a normal mating ritual compared to a superheated mating ritual. ***On the bridge, 20 minutes later*** Brit: I will never sleep again. Jen: I need a shower! I need�I need�I don�t know what I need! Ew! Jer: Okay people. Options? Dan: There is the possibility of time travel, captain. Anita: Time travel? Ben: We don�t have a time machine, Dan. Dan�s so dumb. Dumb Dan. Dan: I have theorized that if the superhyperduperspaceflight engines were employed in the reverse mode, the ship would travel backwards in space. Jen: But why would we time travel? Dan: To reduce the past population of Schnubbs, therefore avoiding a future conflict with the period of superheating. Al: I agree! Let�s go whack some Schnubbs! Jer: Wait, Mat, are you okay with this? ***Mat is asleep in his chair*** Jer: Dan, prepare your computations�for time travel! Dan: Computations prepared, captain. Jer: No, no no no! When I say it with the suspense, your all suppose to protest! Brit: Dan, what exactly do we have to do to go back in time? Dan: Simple, we engage reverse superhyperduperspaceflight. Anita: But that�s never been tried before! Al: What could go wrong? Dan: Well, there is the possibility of every one of our atoms simultaneously imploding. There is also the possibility of losing all trace of clothing. Ben: Cool! Let�s go for the clothing one! Dan: My calculations indicate that we have a 0.81% chance of succeeding time travel, and a 0.00000938% chance that we would travel to the exact point in time that we specify. Jer: Good enough for me! Everyone to their stations! ***On the bridge*** Anita: Helm is ready, captain. Ben: Operations standing bye. Al: Tactical ready, sir. Brit: Counsellor ready. Jen: Medical system standing bye, captain. Mat (playing with his feet): Stupid toe fungus�hang on, almost ready. Dan: Superhyperduperspaceflight engines ready. Coordinates imputed. Ready for time travel, captain. Jer: All right. Anita, set speed, triple reverse superhyperduperspaceflight, engage! Time travel? Some have theorized it is possible, others haven�t theorized at all! The difference is, none of them have ever seen a superhyperduperspaceflight engine! Will our heroes make it to the past with such a slim percentage of success? Find out on the 3rd season opener of Adventures In Space!!! |