| Episode 19: Wound healing for dummies |
| On a less boring and shorter episode of Adventures In Space, nothing more boring or could possibly ever happen than the extreme boredom that the crew of the Rentacar was currently suffering in the present episode. Why? Read on� ***On the bridge, everyone at their stations*** Jer: Anything on sensors? Ben: Nope. ***Silence*** Jer: Anything on sensors? Ben: Nope. ***Silence*** Mat: Soooo�Hey Alex, how�s that gut wound of yours? Al: It�s still bleeding. I think I�m going to pass out soon. Jen: You'r injured?! How come you didn�t tell me?? Brit: How long has he been like that? Anita: Since last week. He broke his rib cage I think. Ben: No, it�s a punctured lung! Mat: No way, hosay, it�s a fractured tibia and an ingrown vertebrae! Brit: Eww! Jer: Let�s let the expert diagnose the patient. Jen? ***Jen examines Alex*** Jen: Hmmm�if you asked me, which you did, I�d say he�s got a bruise on his cheek. Dan: But you can see the massive internal hemorrhaging with these spectral goggles! Ben: Yeah, he looks pretty beat up. I don�t think a bruise does him justice. Anita: Which�cheek are we talking about here? Jer: Jennifer, are you sure it�s just his cheek? Jen: Sure I�m sure. Look, move this sleeve aside and you can clearly see the bruised cheek. Brit: Jen, that�s am elbow, and that�s jelly from a doughnut. A banana doughnut. Jen: Really? Then this must be the shoulder. Dan: That�s�an eyebrow. Al: Hello?? Bleeding here! Jer: Jen�no offense or anything, but shouldn�t you go to med-school? Jen: You�d think so, eh? Mat: Excellent idea, captain! That way, nurse Sally can be the acting Chief Medical Officer! Anita: Nurse Sally? Isn�t she the big, ugly, raunchy one? Mat: Don�t even think about making a move on her! She�s mine! ***2 hours later, in the shuttlebay*** Jer: Alright Jen, have a good trip! Jen: I�ll try. Crewman #19 here will pilot all the way, so I�ll be somewhat safe. Brit: Bye bye now! Mat: Wait! Crewmen #19, when you back up, make sure to hit me with the shuttle! Crewman #19: Ummm�okay sir, if you say so. ***The shuttle backs up and hits Mat, then leaves the ship*** Mat (in pain): Quick! Somebody bring me to the hospital room! Jer (picking Mat up): Dude, what�d you do that for?? Mat: This way, Nurse Sally will treat me. I got it aaaall planned, man. ***On the bridge, Ben is in charge*** Al: That�s it. There is no way in hell that nurse Sally is treating me. I�m passing out now. ***Al passes out, a crewman takes his place*** Anita: Woah, Ben, there�s something on sensors. Ben: What is it? Another blip? Damn I hate those blips� Crewman #65: I can�t tell what it is sir, wait a minute, it�s gone! Anita: Yep, all gone. Bye bye, blip. Ben: Okay, let�s keep an eye out just in case. It might be a super-blip, so let�s be careful. ***One hour later, in Jen�s shuttle*** Crewman #19: Basically, if you want to get to the basics of it, the trans-dimensional gate I went through when I was 8 severely affected my nervous system, so that�s why I barely talk. Jen (annoyed): Hey, buddy, you�re talking now, and I�m trying to read, so, do you mind? Crewman #19: No, not at all. I actually enjoy the silence. The silence which is my life�*sigh* ***Suddenly, the shuttle came under attack and panels started exploding for no particular reason*** Crewman #19: We�re under attack! Shields are down and thrusters are offline! Jen: Ah! What do I do, what do I do? Crewman #19: You can start by not jamming your knee in my back! ***A panel explodes and Crewman #19 dies instantly. Jennifer is then teleported to the attacking ship*** ***In a hallway on the Rentacar*** Mat: Ben! Ben! Quick, break my legs with this baseball bat! Ben (shrugs): Okay. Mat: No wait! Don�t you want to know why? Ben: Not really. Mat: Well, if you really want to know, it�s so that the hot nurse Sally can treat me! Ben: Whatever turns you on, dude. ***One week later, in the shuttlebay, a visibly fake Jen is returning from her trip*** Jer: Jennifer! How nice to see you again! Brit: Wait�something�s�different about you. New hair cut? Fake Jen (with a Russian accent): Um�yes. Yes that is it. I am sorry, but I have forgotten your names. Anita: You silly goose! Don�t be such a silly goose, you silly goose, you. Fake Jen: Ha�HaHa�Ha. Ahem. Excuse me; I must get going to the engine room. Jer: Well I�m glad she�s back. Mat: Jen! Wait, before you take over again, could you hit me on the head with this golf club? Fake Jen: I cannot believe that Jennifer would associate with these types of people. Mat: Aaah, the old third person talking eh? I used to do that myself. Now, about that golf club� ***In the engine room*** Fake Jen: Ah, engineer, I require the specifications for your shield modulations. Dan: That makes little sense. Do you require them for medical purposes? Fake Jen: Yes, that�s it. Medical purposes� Dan: Perhaps I should advise the captain of this. Fake Jen: No! Perhaps you shouldn�t! For you see, he is the one that requested them! He�s�dying and it�s his last wish. Dan: Ah, I see. Then perhaps I should advise the first officer of this. Fake Jen: No! Perhaps you shouldn�t! For you see, he is also dying, and also requested the specs. Dan: Ah, I see. Then perhaps I should advise the other bridge officers of this. Fake Jen: No! Perhaps you shouldn�t! For you see, they are also dying, all of them, and if they don�t see the specs, they�ll�die�quicker. Dan: Ah, I see. Then perhaps I should advise a random crewman of this. ***In the shuttlebay, the real Jennifer comes back in an alien shuttle*** Jer: Jennifer! How nice to see you again! Brit: Wait�something�s�different about you. New hair cut? Jen: There�s no time for that now! But yes, do you like it? It�s a Brazilian motif mixed with a French braid. But there�s no time for that! My shuttle was attacked! I was taken aboard an alien ship, fortunately I escaped with my life, I stole this shuttle and made it back here before the spy did! Brit: Hey, what happened to your Russian accent? Jen: What? I never had a Russian accent! Jer: The spy is already here! Argh! All hands, there is a fake Jennifer running around! Find and capture her! I repeat, find and capture Jennifer! ***Mat grabs the real Jennifer*** Mat: I got her! Haha! ***In the engine room*** Dan: Ah, I see. Then perhaps I should advise the inhabitants of system K-87. Fake Jen: Okay. Fine. Advise the inhabitants of system K-87. ***Jeremy bursts in with the rest of the crew. They all have laser blasters*** Jer: Surrender! Dan: I have informed the inhabitants of system-wait, what�s going on here? Aren�t you all dying? Anita: That�s a fake Jen! She was posing as the real one! Al: Your coming with me, missy. ***Al takes the fake Jen to the holding cells, everyone puts away their guns*** Ben: I think the best part of my day was breaking Schnubb�s legs. Mat (smiling and nodding): Tell me about it. Jer: I�m glad your okay, Jen. Brit: Me too. Anita: We all are. Dan: Considering none of you have ever been to engineering before, I�ll cover today�s moral. The man that can only count to 8 has a low IQ, but the man that can only count to 7 has a lower IQ. My morals are as true as day and night! Why can�t there be a fountain of them to steal away in the eternal abyss? How could I know, I don�t even understand what I�m saying! Stay tuned, stay bracketed, stay focused in and most importantly of all, stay addicted to the exiting, the marvelous and the entertaining episodes of Adventures In Space!!! (echo effect) |