| Last time on Adventures In Space, Jeremy and his crew discovered captain Stumpy�s malicious intent only too late to do anything about it. Now, they are all trapped on an uncharted planet with Stumpy in command of the Rentacar! How will our heroes survive on this most alien of planets? Read on� Jer: Well, it�s a good thing I went to Earth Fleet academy, they taught me how to handle a situation like this. Jen: Well why don�t you enlighten us, Jer? Jer: All right then, I will. Mat, Alex, Ben, you will carry me to shade. Ben: What?? Why us? Anita: Well you see Ben, shade is important. It helps you cool down. Al: We know what it does, but we need it too! Dan: And shouldn�t we collect water? Brit: What about food? We�ll all starve! ***A mystical cloud appears in front of them*** Cloud figure: Children, stop your bickering! Mat: Who the hell are you? Cloud figure: Can�t you tell? I am God! Ben: Whoa. Al: Ok, I was not expecting that. Jer: If you were really God, wouldn�t you have wings and horns and fairy dust and stuff? God: No, foolish one! Now silence, before I turn you all into microbes! Mat: Well, somebody�s feeling a little wrathy today� God: *sigh* Why aren�t you all trembling in fear? Anita (trembling in fear): I am! I�m trembling! Did I win something?? Dan: Captain, I deem that this may essentially be a misapprehension of some nature. I am reading life forms ahead that would be capable of utilizing some variety of nerve toxins that may very well induce hallucinations. God: But I am God! Brit: Jeremy, those life forms are primitive at best. Jer: Can you use a comparison? Brit: Well, they�re intelligence is best compared to an apple or�a small rodent, or even Schnubb. Mat (sucking on God�s mystical cloud): Huh? Did somebody say my name? Jen: It�s fine Mat. Mat: Ok. You want in on this? Mighty fine prune juice if I do say so myself. God: Quit that! Don�t you inferior beings fear me at all? Jer: Wait a minute�we should, shouldn�t we? That gives me an idea� ***After 40 days and 40 nights of walking, and led by Jeremy himself, the entire crew of the Rentacar arrives at a large village, indeed populated by primitive human-like beings*** Jer: Primitive human-like beings! I speak to you now through the universal translator! Tribesman: What be you? Speak! Jer: Observe, inferior one! ***Jeremy takes out his laser sidearm and incinerates a rock*** Tribesman: It is he! It is God! Tribeswoman: Finally! We must pay homage to him! Get them all food and shelter! Jer: See? Piece of cake. Brit: Praying on a primitive culture� Jen: You should be ashamed of yourself, Jer. Mat: Don�t talk to God that way! ***Later, in a cavern-conference lounge*** Jer: Conference is now in session. Disciples, have you anything to report? Dan: Technology here is significantly less inferior to our own, sir. I doubt we could construct anything of value here. Al: Maybe if we taught them metallurgy, they could start building a rocket ship. Ben: Doubtful. We�d still have to teach them computer sciences. Anita: And then the rocket ship could only go in one direction. It�s too complicated. Jen: Haven�t we forgotten that we aren�t really gods? Jer: *ahem* Correction, I am the only God here, and I have forgotten, thank you. Brit: This is nuts! You�re not God! That other dude with the mist and wrath-talk is! Mat: Oh, this insolence! Anita: Dare you address God in that tone? Brit: Argh! You�re all crazy! Jer: Enough! You are removed from my list of disciples! You will be replaced by crewman #10! Now be gone! Brit: Fine! Bye! ***Brit leaves, Crewman #10 enters*** Crewman #10: I shall serve you more efficiently, sire. Jer: Very well. Now, let�s resolve this crisis. Al: Yes. Now we must work with the materials available to us. Mat: Idea! Idea! Back on Schnubbland, we used everyday garbage to build our first spaceships! Jer: Excellent indeed. Disciples, you will collect the list of garbage materials provided by Mat. Dan, you will construct 6 combat fighters. Use as much resources and manpower as you require. Dismissed! ***The next day, at the launch site, 6 �combat fighters� are assembled on the ground. They are made our of garbage cans, saran wrap, broom sticks and tin foil*** Jer: Here are the teams. Ben and Anita, Dan and Mat, Al and Jen, Crewmen #58 and #47, Crewmen #26 and #88, and finally myself and Crewman #10. We will leave orbit, find the nearest black hole that will bring us into range of the Rentacar. Once there, we will engage it, board it, and take control of it, and then return here to pick up the others. Any questions? Dan: Do you even know what a black hole does? Jer: Of course I do! I�m God! Don�t question me! Question time is over! Man your ships! ***They all get into their �ships� and somehow manage to break orbit and float in space*** ***In Jeremy�s fighter*** Jer: Crewman #10, row harder! Common, row, row, row! Let�s go! Crewman #10: I�m�urgh�rowing sir�urgh� Jer (looking out the view port): Black hole a-starboard! Crewman, row port propulsion broom! Crewman #10: Aye aye, sir! Jer: Commencing directional signaling procedures! ***Jer sticks a flag out the view port that says �Turn right� on it. All the fighters go right, and, by some miracle, they all reach the black hole*** ***On the other side of the black hole in Dan and Mat�s fighter*** Mat: We�ve made it, Dan! Rowing direction: forward! Wait�the lead fighter is signaling�it reads �Ha ha, told you, Dan�. Dan (rowing the brooms): Urgh�why don�t you�urgh�signal him back for me�urgh� ***Mat sticks a flag out of the view port that reads �I found a smartie�*** ***Jer sticks a flag out of his view port that reads �Cool, but the Rentacar is on our left, all units, engage!�*** ***All of the fighters start rowing towards the Rentacar. One of them, the one occupied by Crewmen #58 and #47, gets blown up by the Rentacar�s guns*** Jer: Crewman #10, signal everyone to deploy they�re sensor-shields while I deploy ours! ***Jeremy and the others stick sticks out of they�re fighters and wrap tin foil around them*** ***Most of the fighters get in range of the Rentacar and start attacking it*** ***In Ben and Anita�s fighter*** Anita: Ok Ben, stop rowing! We�re in range! Taking attack posture! ***Anita sticks her finger out the view port and pokes the Rentacar�s hull*** Ben: No no no, your fingers aren�t strong enough! Here, you take the helm. I�ll poke! Anita: Wait�Jeremy managed to poke open a hole in the hull! Row us in that direction! ***Onboard the Rentacar, in the poked-open hull section*** Jer: Everybody here? Al: Looks like it. Jen: Everybody but Crewmen 58 and 47. Anybody hurt? Ben: Nope, we�re all good. Phil: There they are! Open fire! ***Jer�s crew ducks behind a wall and exchange fire with Phil�s troops. The fight goes very bad for Jeremy*** ***Crewman #10 gets shot*** Jer: No! Nooooo! Not Crewman #10! Jen: There�s nothing I can do Jeremy�he�s dead. Al: Aaaargh!! I will avenge crewman #10! ***Al runs out and gets shot*** Ben: No! Alex!! Roooaaaaaah! Mat: Iiiiiiiiiihh! Dan: Bloooooooooaaah! Anita: Guuuuuuuuu! ***They all run out and get shot one by one. All that are left are Jen, Jer and crewmen #26 and 88*** Jer: What have I done? In my gluttony for escapade and righteousness, I have lost sight of that which is most important, my friends, my crew, my beloved family�I have chosen egocentricity over what I deemed less significant, the lives of others�Oh, how I�d weep if I could find the tears to bring them back, bring them back from what once was, bring them back from what once began as an effortless dream! T�were a drop of malevolent character, a day of frightful venture and valor that they went and sacrificed that which can be given only once; their lives, their very essences, all for a mere glimpse of what I could have been! God: So you have learned, child. Jen: Look! It�s God! And Brittany! Brit: Yeah. So like, now that you know your not God, the real God can bring everyone back to life and get you your ship back and stuff. God: Indeed. ***In a flash of light, Stumpy and his crew are on the uncharted alien planet, and Al, Ben, Mat, Dan and Anita are back to life*** ***On the bridge*** Brit: Well Jeremy, I hope you learned your lesson. Jer: Sure did. I�m never drinking prune juice again, that�s for sure. Jen: Say, why couldn�t God bring back the crewmen that died? Anita: I suppose some things are just meant to be. Mat: Like how chickens are meant to date roosters? Dan: There must be a moral to all this. Ben: And there is my friend, there is. Anita: Never underestimate the power of a single smartie. Back to the regular routine, Anita has set a course for some uncharted world, and our adventurers are off exploring the galaxy again. Onwards, but not forward, askew, but not sideways, transverse but not in diagonal, the Rentacar continues it�s voyage into the next episode of Adventures In Space!!! (echo effect) |
| Episode 17: Broomsticks of Fortune |